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I feel everything and nothing
At the same time
I’m weightless
There was so much blood that day. That was the first thing he could recall. There was always so much bloodshed, unnecessary bloodshed. The only difference? It didn’t belong here. Not in this place. It didn’t, it shouldn’t be here. So why, why was it there? He followed the trail, heading into the forest. Somewhere, deep inside of himself, he wished he would stay on the path, the trail everyone knew. That way he could convince himself that the blood didn’t belong to who he thought it did, but all train of thought stopped once he realized the blood took an abrupt left. Into the forest, where no one else dared to venture. No one, besides them. He knew the walk by heart having come here far too often.
“I love this place.” The boy in his lap muttered. His voice was a near whisper as if to not disturb the peace that had surrounded them.
“Really?” He wasn’t really asking the other. With the amount of times the boy spoke about it, the mushrooms growing in circles, home to the fairies of the forest. Flowers blooming in bright colours and the animals running wild. The trees standing tall, holding knowledge and wisdom far beyond their years. He knew why the boy loved this place so much, it was his comforter when he had no one else to turn to. The trees always listened, and they always spoke back, even if you couldn’t hear them.
“Yep, it’s so beautiful here!” His smile was blinding, eyes closed into peaceful crescents as his smile took over his face.
“Yeah, beautiful.” His eyes never left the boy in his lap. The boy sat up, locking eyes with the other.
“San,” his name slipped from the other’s lips as smooth as caramel, he could listen to it all day. “I want to be buried here, when I die.”
“Woo-“
“I know, you don’t like it when I talk about this, but I have to say it at some point. We have to face reality at some point. Our time is running short.”
“Woo-“
“Just, just listen to me. Okay? Just this once. You don’t have to say anything, just let me talk. I’m gonna die Sannie, and when I die, I want to be buried here, right next to this tree.”
“If you would let me-“
“I don’t want to be an immortal, San. I’m sorry if that makes me selfish, but I just don’t want it. I’m perfectly fine with this. This life, I’ve done all I wanted to do, and I found you. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”
“And that happiness doesn’t have to end.”
“San-ah. Death is not something that you can run away from. It’s a part of life San.”
“You think I want to live forever!” He left his anger unchecked. He was upset, the mere thought of losing Wooyoung one day, it just, he couldn’t fathom it, no matter how many times they had this same argument.
“I didn’t say you did,” He placed a hand onto his cheek, gently lifting his head to look at him once more. “Sannie, I’m just trying to say, you need to be prepared to let me go. Let me go.”
All that I love in a moment is gone
I’m breaking
It was winter now. All the flowers had wilted, and the fairies had gone to sleep. The once pure snow was now a tainted red and it all pooled back to one person.
“Wooyoung.” His name fell from San’s lips in a rushed breath as he fell to his knees next to the fallen fox. It looked like he’d been run through with a sword. No witnesses. A coward’s job.
“San.” Even through the pain he managed to crack a smile. “You shouldn’t be here.”
Heaven knows, I need this
“You’re so cold.” He shrugged off his coat and wrapped it around the boy, pulling him into his arms. He held him close, hoping his body heat could help to warm the boy up somehow. It wasn’t working.
“You’re gonna freeze if you don’t put this thing back on.” Wooyoung talks as if he doesn’t have a huge stab wound in his abdomen. San merely ignored him, opting instead to utter as many healing spells as he could think of, as many as his father had been willing to teach him. “It’s not gonna work, San. You’re, you’re just wasting your breath.” He coughed, a wet sound as blood slipped past his lips.
“Shut up.” San resumed his incantations, but just as the wounded boy had said, nothing was working. At least not on him. All around them flowers were blooming, strong and full of life. Why wasn’t it working on the boy in his arms?
“Foxglove, the sword was laced with it.” A clean kill.
Wake me up
I’m dreaming
“No, no you can’t. I, you can’t, you’re not going to,” he couldn’t form any coherent sentences, or he just couldn’t get the word out. Wooyoung couldn’t die. Not like this. It was, it was too cruel.
“San, let me go.” No, he didn’t want to. “Let, let me go.” He refused to. He could still save him, he still had a chance. “San,” his voice was barely a whisper at this point.
“You’re not, you’re not gonna die!”
Losing it all
In the blink of an eye
“Sannie, it’s already spread. I was doomed the moment he pulled out the sword.” Gently, he placed a hand on his cheek. “I’m so tired. San-ah, let me go” No, he refused to. He wouldn’t, he couldn’t, he wasn’t.
Wooyoung’s hand fell from his face.
He wasn’t ready to say goodbye.
I’m not ready to say goodbye…