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Before he tucked her into bed, Denji watched as Nayuta pressed a dry, red leaf she picked up earlier at the park into a book. He didn't understand it at the time. He saw much prettier ones anyways, and he was pretty sure it would crumble up between the books pages, but whatever made her happy.
"Do you think it will last?" Nayuta asked him once she was done, looking up at him.
It was already dead and maybe in pieces, but he smiled at her. "Sure. Why wouldn't it?"
Now, as he laid in bed, looking up at the ceiling, he couldn't help but think of their conversation. Nayuta slept peacefully beside him, and Nyako for once decided not to treat their bed as a playground. His pet dogs were resting after a long walk, and so, he was alone with his thoughts.
It's not like he wanted not to sleep. But he just couldn’t. It was like this sometimes, where he just missed her.
Reze.
He doesn't know why a stupid, almost crumbled red leaf is enough to make him remember her, to make his thoughts wander, but he's noticed he's taken back in time with other things too. Flowers, coffee and cafes to name a few. Hell, he spotted a small mouse scurrying across the city sidewalk a few weeks ago, and suddenly he's standing right next to Reze, a city mouse to a country mouse.
People too. Right when he was going to cross the street the other day, he swore he saw her, standing next to a red light. He smiled briefly, only to blink and realize it was just a random girl with a similar hairstyle to Reze’s.
Sometimes it didn’t really have to do with what he saw, but with what he heard. Maybe he’s back to thinking, because of his reply to Nayuta. Would they have lasted?
Denji liked to think they would have lasted. Reze was his first love after all. Well, he liked to think of her that way. Honor her in a way too. Maybe she was even his soulmate, a concept he heard briefly from Aki.
Sure, she tried to kill him. But maybe deep down she really did care for him and maybe she did want to run away with him. Denji still didnt know how she ended up by Makima’s side when it should've been his, but he liked to think that Makima must have done something. Reze would never have left his side voluntarily.
Denji sighed as he turned on his back, taking a glance at the digital clock on the wall. It was 2 am.
'Fuck.' He's been unable to sleep for 6 hours. Whatever, it’s not like he hasn’t done this before, deciding to let his mind wander. Denji knows it's probably bad for him, but whatever.
Would they have gotten married? He raised one of his arms to the ceiling, fingers spread out. He could imagine it- a silver band on the fourth finger.
He quickly lowers his arm. Was it even the fourth finger? Whatever.
Would they have started a family? Denji couldn't see himself as a father, but he's technically already one. He liked to think that Reze would've liked Nayuta and vice versa. They could have taken turns babysitting her. They could've gone to the park together, Reze carrying her on her back, laughing and smiling. Reze could have picked her up from school if Denji was busy, and he would gladly do the same for her. Maybe Nayuta would slip up and call her 'mama' sometimes, like she does with Denji. Maybe the three of them could have gone to the aquarium, and seen the penguins. Maybe Reze would hold him close, comforting him on the nights he thought about Aki and Power.
She would've loved them. She would've loved Denji. Oh what he would do to have her hold his hand again. To hug him again, kiss him properly. To tell her he loved her.
Denji turned once again, embracing Nayuta. He already knew what was coming next. She snuggled into him, comfortably, as his cheeks began to get wet, sniffling as quietly as he could.
Of course Denji still wanted a girlfriend.
But he missed Reze a lot too. Even if she made things complicated, he still really wished he got to give her those flowers.
He counts the tears that begin to fall first- one, two, three, until he begins to lose count and holds Nayuta tighter, trying to find some comfort. ‘It’s not fair’, he thinks to himself, nose turning runny. ‘She loved me. She really did,’ He thought, trying his best to control his light sobbing.
It's only when his eyelids begin to feel heavy that the tears begin to lessen. He’s glad that he didn't wake up Nayuta, and that he will finally get to sleep.
Denji takes in a deep sigh, before wishing one thing- he knows it never has happened before, but maybe this night will be different.
‘Please,’ Denji thinks, slowly dozing off, ‘Let me dream of you.’
‘Reze.’