Work Text:
‘Nerf gun battle, the Great Hall at dinner, pass it on to all the muggleborns.’
‘Bring a nerf gun to dinner tonight, don’t tell anyone who isn’t muggleborn, they’re going to lose their minds!’
‘Hey! Remus said to get your nerf gun for a battle at dinner, do you think he’s serious?’
‘No, that’s his boyfriend.’
‘Oh fuck off.’
‘Are you ready Lils?’ Remus asked whilst they huddled under the invisibility cloak, shuffling towards the Great Hall. It was a tight fit with both of them kitted out with a Nerf blaster in each hand and rounds of foam bullets across their chests.
‘I was born ready.’ She answered, priming her weapons for emphasis as they approached the entrance to the hall. They had waited until everyone had packed into the hall to eat to make their grand entrance, telling their friends that they were studying in the library which they immediately accepted. ‘Sirius is going to freak you know.’
‘I know.’ a small smile played across his lips and Lily rolled her eyes.
‘For goodness sake just fuck him already, we all know you’re mad for each other!’
‘Shut up, we’re almost at the door.’ Remus whisper-shouted back.
‘Fine, but I’m bugging you about this later.’
‘Deal. Now, on the count of three. One!’ He started to lift the cloak.
‘Two!’ They came level with the doors
‘THREE!’ They shouted in unison as the cloak came off and they opened fire into the room. Foam bullets ricocheted everywhere, speed enhanced by magic, knocking over goblets and lodging themselves in stacks of Yorkshire puddings and piles of vegetables. Non-muggleborns looked around in shock. Some climbed under benches. More able students formed shields. At the same time hundreds of muggleborn students pulled out their own nerf guns and joined the chaos.
Rivalries soon became clear as Gryffindor students targeted the Slytherin table, soon to be joined by the Hufflepuffs as allies. The Ravenclaws, thinking they should even the odds to keep the fight going, came to the defence of the Slytherins as they were by far the weakest house in this battle.
The Professors didn’t have a chance of stopping such well planned chaos before it had already got far out of hand. Any attempt made by Dumbledore to halt the fight were wholly ignored by the students. Professor Mcgonagall, most likely the only person who had any chance of getting the students to stop, was watching with a barely visible glint in her eye.
Flashes of light started appearing from the wands of pureblood students casting disarming and deflecting spells. This had exactly no effect on the muggle weapons and just served as attention grabbing flares that drew even more fire. At this point benches had been overturned to create barricades and carrots were being transfigured into more ammunition to fuel the fighting.
Lily and Remus advanced to meet the rest of their friends at the Gryffindor table, dodging through the volleys coming from both the Slytherin-Ravenclaw alliance and their own side. Sirius had somehow acquired his own nerf blaster and was enthusiastically exchanging fire with Barty Crouch Jr. who had not only got his hands on a gun but had flung himself in front of Regulus who was doing his best to look unbothered behind a shield charm whilst surreptitiously enchanting carrots-turned-bullets to target the Gryffindor group. Evan was practically in Barty’s lap, reloading his gun with the bullets from Regulus and completing the unit, ensuring maximum efficiency.
Not to be outdone, James, Sirius, and Peter had stepped up their game, charming their bullets to explode with glitter when striking their target. Upon reaching them Remus crouched down next to Sirius and started loading his weapon with the ammunition handed to him by Peter.
They soon had the advantage of two blasters vs Barty’s lone nerf gun, Remus’ second being lost to Marlene as soon as he was in reach, but not for long as two girls came to the aid of the Slytherin trio, Pandora with her own weapon and Dorcas with enough intimidation factor to slow down the Gryffindor firing, if just for a moment.
‘Merlin…’ someone breathed behind Remus
‘Now is not the time Marlene!’ Called Mary over the sounds of chaotic fighting
‘Sorry!’ Marlene shouted back, and in a quieter voice, ‘she’s just so… wow’
‘Hey Marls, stop drooling over hot girls and come help!’ Sirius turned to look at her and was almost immediately nailed on the back of the head by a bullet. ‘Hey! Who shot that?’
Barty gave a mischievous wave from across the room and levelled his gun to take another shot.
‘Oh no you don’t!’ Sirius gave a nod and James started casting a spell under his breath. Suddenly Sirius’ blaster started firing at triple the speed, bullets started curving to meet their targets from all sides, making it almost impossible to dodge or hide. The glitter now covered the Slytherins, including Regulus, in sparkling red and gold. A flurry of swearing came from the group and the surrounding students, caught in the shimmering fallout.
This seemed to be too far for Dumbledore, who almost immediately vanished all nerf related items from the hall, much to the dismay of everyone else. Angry voices soon filled the room.
‘HEY!’
‘What! Not fair!’
‘I was about to get him!’
‘ENOUGH.’ proclaimed Dumbledore. ‘Fifty points from Gryffindor for starting this debacle, and all students will report to their dormitories immediately.’
‘Remus, I love you!’ Sirius exclaimed, ‘that was so fun! Did you see? We covered my brother and his friends in glitter! That stuff never comes off, not even with magic I swear!’
‘Give Lily some credit, she was half of it’ Remus replied, going noticeably pink around the ears.
‘Come here Lils! Mwah!’ Sirius gave her a loud kiss on the forehead. ‘I love you too!’
‘Doesn’t Remus get a kiss?’ Lily said through suppressed laughter.
‘Of course, if he wants one.’ Sirius carried on none the wiser. ‘How about it Moony?’
‘….’ The pink had rapidly spread across Remus’ face, ‘ok?’
‘Mwah!’ Sirius kissed him on the cheek, stopping for a second as if struck by a sudden revelation, before shaking his head and moving away.
James abruptly burst into the room. ‘Did you see their faces? They’re going to find glitter for weeks!’
‘I know!’ Exclaimed Sirius, immediately forgetting about whatever had dawned on him moments before, and the two started chattering excitedly. Seeing they were distracted Lily turned to Remus.
‘So… about your crush on Sirius…’
‘Lily, I swear to god.’