Chapter Text
Izuku isn’t sure why the thought has stuck with him this long. His nightmares of Stain come and go, joining the rotation of nightmares he has about the attack on the USJ and his long-standing nightmare of All Might finding out that he still sometimes wears the I Am Here line of boxers even after meeting the man, but every night since he woke up in the hospital he has heard the same line at the end of his dreams.
“Your admiration and loyalty for All Might have become shackles for you. How can you be a hero if you can’t even think for yourself, hmm?”
What does that even mean? Aside from being the Number One Hero, All Might was the previous user of One for All and Izuku’s mentor! He should be admired! Sure, maybe All Might’s advice boiled down to clenching butt-cheeks and smashing, but All Might was also new to teaching! He was sure he would have better advice eventually… right?
But, maybe Gran was onto something. Full Cowling was developed mostly based on Kacchan and Gran Torino’s movements. He mostly succeeded in breaking his bones when he went for an All Might style smash but he had some control now! Five percent was an underwhelming amount of power but he could still do a lot with it and it is finally starting to feel like Izuku is on the actual starting line and can really begin to compete with his classmates.
But then why were Gran Torino’s words haunting him?
Izuku tried to make heads or tails of the meaning as he headed down the nearly empty hallway of UA. All Might almost exclusively punched and all of his named smashes involved mostly using his arms. He knew All Might had mostly practiced American boxing techniques when he was younger (both from his notes in Hero Analysis 7 and from his training on the beach with the hero himself) and Kacchan also relied almost entirely on his arms due to his quirk. But Gran Torino had often kicked in his spars with Izuku. So maybe Izuku could do more kickboxing or something like that? Did that even count as being distinct enough from regular boxing? Tormented by these thoughts, Izuku failed to notice the door ahead of him opening and crashed into something soft.
“I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention and- “
“Well, Midoriya-kun, if you wanted a personal lesson you could have just asked, hm?” Izuku froze and looked up into the smirking face of R-Rated Hero. Izuku felt his face flush just from the proximity.
“M-M-Midnight-sensei! I’m so sorry!” Izuku stuttered in his apologies and dropped into a low bow. “I wasn’t paying attention and I was so caught up in my own head. Please forgive me.”
“It’s alright, Midoriya.” Midnight waved off his apologies. “No harm no foul, right?” Raising back up, Izuku was a little surprised to see Midnight wasn’t in her hero costume. Rather she was dressed casually in jeans and a soft looking sweater that drooped off of one shoulder. “Must have been some important thoughts, huh? Care to share?”
“Well, I, uh, my mentor over internships, Gran Torino, he said something that’s gotten me thinking about the heroes I admire. And it’s been stuck in my head for a while. I guess I’m just a little unsure of what kind of hero I want to be right now.” Izuku had trailed off into mutters but was jolted out of it with a warm hand on his shoulder.
“Midoriya, it’s okay. You’re a student, you know? You’re not supposed to have everything figured out yet.” Izuku had known of Midnight for a long time, it was hard to be a hero fan and not have heard news of the controversial 18+ hero. His mom had stopped him from watching most of her early interviews and appearances, but he had still seen her in action on the news plenty of times and had a nearly three page spread on her in Hero Analysis 12. But he had never seen such a kind look in her eyes. The teasing lilt had vanished from her voice. “We’ve all seen some pretty incredible growth from you so far. And I’m sure you’re just getting started.” Her hand at his shoulder moved up to tousle his hair. “I think you’re well on your way, Midoriya. But if you want my advice? Be confident. Stop worrying so much about everyone else or their expectations for you and try focusing on just being yourself, yeah?” Just be yourself? “Well, I’ve got to get going. Yagi is inside if you’re looking for him.”
“Huh?” Izuku began to flail his arms in front of himself as if to protect from her implications. “I don’t know what you mean? Who’s Yagi? I was just looking for All Might because, uh, I had a, uh, question about… homework?” Even to Izuku the lie felt weak and his face flushed at his own poor attempt.
“Uh huh sure, kid, whatever you say. If you two insist on keeping whatever this is secret I would at least recommend trying to be subtle about it.” Kayama began to walk off, strutting her hips as her Midnight persona rose once more to the surface. “Don’t have too much fun now, Midoriya. Remember your essay on modern influences in hero costumes is due next week.”
Izuku watched her go before returning his attention to the door to the teacher’s lounge in front of him. Be confident? I’m sure that’s easy for Midnight-sensei to say. She makes everything seem so casual. Making his way toward the conference room that had become All Might’s go to place for their tea-and-check-in-super-secret-meetings. Maybe I should stop letting All Might name these sorts of things.
“Ah, Young Midoriya! Good, I was starting to worry about you!” All Might’s booming voice never failed to make Izuku feel warm. Even as he deflated in a puff of steam and blood into his skinny form, Izuku was reminded of all the years when the only thing that could make his day better was hearing that bold proclamation I Am Here! “Worry not, my boy! The tea is still warm and I even managed to acquire a few pastries from Lunch Rush. I figured that because you survived your internship with Gran Torino it was reasonable to take a day off of your diet.”
“Ah!” Izuku said intelligently. “Thank you so much All Might!” Both hero and mentor sat in silence as the tea and snacks were shared. It wasn’t often that they could spend time alone together, between All Might teaching and maximizing what little time he had in his hero form and Izuku’s own hectic schedule of training, it was hard to find opportunities to sit down and enjoy being in the presence of his mentor. But Izuku craved these silent moments just as much as he clung to each lesson that he had been given. He would certainly die of embarrassment if he was ever forced to admit it to the man himself, but Izuku could not help but see All Might in a parental, fatherly , light. For so long he had been an unreachable idol, a dream to aspire to. But Izuku could not help but look up to Yagi Toshinori the man just as much as he looked up to All Might the hero.
“You did well in your rescue race training the other day. I’m quite impressed at the progress you’ve made in handling One for All in such a short amount of time. Gran Torino must have had some good advice, huh?”
“Yeah. He gave me a lot to think about.” Izuku gently placed his half-filled tea cup on the low table between them. “All Might? Could I ask you a question?”
“Of course, young man! I will do my best to answer because I Am Here!” All Might briefly puffed back up into his muscular form before deflating again and settling back into the comfortable pillows on the couch. “What’s on your mind, kiddo?”
“Well, it’s about your training, with the seventh user?” Izuku fiddled with his hands, tracing over the crooked and gnarled scars of his fingers. “Gran Torino mentioned that I may be a little, uh, too loyal to you? He thinks that my admiration of you has become a shackle.” Izuku avoids looking at his mentor in favor of peering out the window overlooking the UA grounds. “I guess I was wondering if you had that problem? Did you ever struggle with being your own hero instead of being exactly like him?” Izuku’s words grew quieter until he began to whisper. “Were you ever scared that you wouldn’t be good enough?” Silence reigned in the room. For a brief moment Izuku feared that All Might had left the room while he was speaking, but he still couldn’t bring himself to look at his mentor, unshed tears piling in the corners of his eyes.
“Her.” It was so soft that Izuku almost missed the correction. “My master was a woman.” All Might let loose a broken sigh, his missing lung causing phantom aches at the exhale. “I suppose I never told you about her, did I? Her name was Nana Shimura. She was an amazing woman and a true hero.” “Was, sir?” “Yes, she died in the field just a few months after passing One for All on to me.”
“I’m so sorry, sir.” Izuku gulped. He couldn’t imagine himself in that situation, trying to learn how to handle One for All without All Might’s guidance. The very idea of All Might not being around… it left Izuku with a cold tendril of fear crawling down his spine. “She sounds incredible.”
All Might nodded. “She really was. She was the one who taught me how to smile, you know?” All Might brought his hands to his face and forced his mouth into a wide grin before dropping it and returning to a more somber visage. “I told you this once before, young Midoriya. I smile to let others know that it’s all right and use it to hide my own fear and doubts. If you are smiling and rescuing someone on the worst day of their life, then maybe you’ll remind them that it is going to be okay. You’ll give them hope and inspire their confidence in your own abilities.” Inspire confidence and hope? I guess I always have felt better when looking at All Might smiling. I wonder if I could ever do that too.
“But to answer your question, I don’t think I ever had the problem of ever idolizing her too much. She had a quirk to enhance her own use of One for All. You and I were both quirkless before becoming holders, so we never needed to worry about incorporating other abilities into our fighting styles. Plus, I only got to be around my master for around six months of training. I learned a lot of what I know from Gran Torino or my own practical experience. In my opinion, true confidence can only come from such experiences. That’s why I was so glad you accepted Gran’s offer. If I took you out on patrol myself it would draw too much attention to you. Plus, now that you have more control, it’s better to test your new limits in a controlled environment.” All Might paused to cough into his handkerchief, red dotting the edges of his lips. “I have always strived to live up to the memory of my master and I like to think that she would have been proud if she had lived to see what I did with our inherited power.” A chirp from All Might’s phone broke the somber air in the room. A Text Message Is Here! A Text Message Is Here! All Might paused at whatever he saw on the screen. “Ah, I’m sorry, my boy. It seems the world needs All Might. Will you be alright to get home on your own?”
“Of course, All Might!” Izuku bowed low in his seat before grabbing his bag and making his way toward the door. “Thank you for spending so much time with me!”
“Please, my boy,” All Might stood walking to the door with him. “You don’t need to thank me for spending time with you. You are my successor and I always enjoy our chats together. Now, I must be off. Justice must be served, Young Midoriya! I am leaving through the door like a normal person!”
That night, as Gran Torino’s words bounced around his head, Izuku thought back to All Might and Midnight. Your admiration is a shackle. Be confident. Smile to give them hope. Focus on yourself. Hide your fears and doubts. When he woke up in the morning, he had a plan.
Kayama Nemuri was used to her students being distracted in class. Art History, admittedly, was not that interesting to everyone, especially young teenagers who would rather be outside and moving instead of in the classroom listening to lectures on the evolution of capes as a symbol of heroics. She could relate. She did her best to make her lessons for the heroics students more closely related to heroes in order to keep their attention better but even she could admit on a sunny afternoon that being outside enjoying the fresh air sounded pretty great. It was her weekend off and she was looking forward to spending it napping with her cat Sushi and maybe some actual sushi if she decided to order some. Her gaze wandered over the students, her lecture never stopping even as her mind moved elsewhere.
The usual suspects had already begun to tune her out, their own heads likely filled with plans for a fun weekend away from training. Kaminari had mostly fallen asleep, Ashido and Jiro beginning to stack pieces of paper on the top of his head. Aoyama seemed to have gotten distracted thinking about his own cape. Mineta appeared to be paying attention, though Nemuri had the distinct feeling that he was really just ogling her. Iida and Yaoyorozu were diligently taking notes, as was Bakugou even as he sneered down at his paper. Everyone else seemed somewhere in the middle caught between daydreaming and paying attention. Nemuri flitted her attention over to where Midoriya Izuku was writing furiously in his notebook.
She had noticed his tendency to obsess over his notebooks and she couldn’t deny her curiosity toward their contents. The one he had on his desk now was not the notebook that he used for her class (that one was a dark purple that matched her costume and she had a suspicion he had purposefully color coded all of his notebooks to match the hero who taught each subject). This notebook looked dirty and in disrepair, water stains and burns littering the outside of it. The state of it made her even more curious. He spent so much time writing in it, and he hadn’t just outright replaced it despite the damage, so he clearly cared about it. Midoriya, from what she had seen, didn’t seem to be one who was careless with things that mattered to him. Well, she thought with a glance toward his monstrous excuse of a tie, with the possible exception of his uniform.
Not even the bell signaling the end of the period and of the school week could break him from his fanatical focus. As his friends filtered out of the class Nemuri watched them look back before shaking their heads and laughing at Midoriya’s antics. Quickly, the students made their escape toward their homes and a restful weekend until all that was left was her and her student, still wholly absorbed in his notes. I think it’s time for a little fun.
“Well, I hope whatever it is your writing is worth paying less attention to yours truly, Midoriya-kun.” His eyes snapped up from his book before widening as Nemuri advanced toward his desk. “Hopefully it’s nothing indecent. ” She licked her lips and watched as Midoriya’s face flushed a deep red leaving him resembling a somewhat embarrassed tomato. Pft, this kid is too easy! “I’m sure you’ll have ample time for your youthful activities after classes end, Midoriya.” Time to go in for the kill. “Or do I need to keep you around and give you some extra lessons? ” She cocked her hip and leaned against Bakugo’s desk in front of him. “If you’re good I won’t even make you beg for them.”
“Y-Yes.” Nemuri blinked at her student. Ehhh??? “I, uh, I would like to take some extra lessons with you, Midnight-sensei.” Midoriya hugged his notebook close to his chest. The flush that covered his cheeks lessened though he still pointedly stared away from her and toward the door. “I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday, about being confident. And I realized that I, um, I have no idea how to actually, you know, be confident. And then I realized that you were the perfect person to help teach me how to become confident. So, yes! Please teach me how to be more confident, Sensei! I am in your care!” Midoriya punctuated his plea by standing up from his chair and bowing low toward Nemuri who was still processing the speed at which his words came flying. Once she mentally sorted out everything he said, she couldn’t help it.
She laughed.
A deep belly laugh that startled Midoriya enough that he leapt away. She hadn’t laughed quite as hard since she had bet Hizashi that he couldn’t use his quirk with a mouthful of marshmallows and had watched him spew half-chewed sugary stay-puffs all over Aizawa in the teacher’s lounge. Her laughter subsided quickly when she noticed the look of concern on her student’s face.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Midoriya-kun! You just really had me going for a second when you started playing into my flirting, haha! Of course I can help. And, I’m flattered you came to me instead of All Might about this.” Midoriya visibly relaxed. Nemuri made a mental note to teach him when others were laughing with or at him. “How about we start Monday after classes? Sounds good?”
“Yes, Midnight-sensei! That sounds great! Thank you so much! But, um, when were you flirting?” Nemuri felt herself sweat-drop a little at her naive new personal student. Oh this is going to be so much harder than I thought it would be.
Somehow, some way, Izuku made it through classes on Monday. He did his best to ignore the swirling butterflies in his stomach by throwing himself into training but it felt like the day had done its best to slip between his fingers until he found himself walking toward gym epsilon after the final bell had rung. It’s normal to be nervous, right? He fiddled with the knotted mass of his tie doing his best to loosen it and get a little more breathing room. It’s just a meeting. All Might believes in me. Even if Midnight decides that I’m unteachable, I can still be a hero. Izuku stopped in front of the massive doors leading into the gym. Despite being a student at UA for a few months already, he never stopped feeling small and unimportant in the face of the massive entryways that littered the grounds. I hope so at least. Familiar enough with his own spiraling thought patterns, Izuku decided to shove open the door and make his way in before he could really work himself into a frenzy.
He couldn’t say he was surprised to see Kayama Nemuri in the gym, considering he was here to see her, but Izuku was a little surprised to see she had once again forgone her costume in favor of sensible and comfortable looking street clothes. Soft brown leather boots stretched up to her knees where her jeans tucked into them. She had a pastel pink sweatshirt with what appeared to be a photo of Aizawa-sensei and above it scrawling cursive letters that read “Local Cat DILF”. Midnight looked up from her phone and smiled at Izuku.
“Come on in, Midoriya-kun.” She slipped her phone into her pocket and gestured at the space behind her. “I managed to reserve this gym every Monday for the next few weeks. We probably won’t need the space every week, but it’s always nice to have some privacy, don’t you think?” She punctuated her statement with a wink and moved toward the benches lining the sides of the room. “You can put your stuff down, kiddo, we’re just going to be talking for most of the day.”
“Thank you again for agreeing to this, Midnight-sensei.” Izuku dropped his bag and took a seat next to her on the bench. “I really do appreciate it.” Midnight waved off his thanks.
“I’m always happy to help, Midoriya-kun. And while I’m not in costume, it’s just Kayama, okay?”
“R-right. Kayama-sensei.”
“Just Kayama.”
“Kayama-san.” Midnight sighed before shrugging her shoulders.
“Close enough, I guess. So, Midoriya-kun, what are you looking to get out of these confidence lessons? You seem pretty confident whenever I see you in training.”
“Well, I, uh, I guess I need help figuring out who I am as a hero and as a person. I’ve never really been good at speaking up either. And I don’t think I’m particularly reassuring as a hero because I’m always, ahh, mumbling and stuttering? And I find it’s hard to talk to others that I don’t really know well. And I’m really bad at taking photos and I know that will be important one day. And I, uh, well I’m really awkward around my classmates. And I would like to stop muttering so much, maybe? And I-” Izuku stopped as a sudden weight hit the side of his face. Pulling it up into his lap, Izuku found a small stuffed rabbit toy, one of the cheap ones that he could find at any carnival or prize box. “Uh, sensei? What is this?”
“Well, I needed some way to stop you from spiraling into negative self-talk, didn’t I?” Midnight raised an unimpressed eyebrow and gestured toward a duffel bag that Izuku had missed when entering that was unzipped revealing dozens of the small plush animals. “Don’t worry if it happens again, I came prepared.”
“For now, I think we’ll start with some small tips to make you feel a little more confident in everyday life. After that we can work on putting into practice in heroics, but to be honest, kid, I think you’re closer to figuring it out than you give yourself credit for.” Midnight smiled at the confusion Izuku was sure was evident on his face. “You forget that I was there for your whole fight with Todoroki. All the teachers have access to the recordings from your first exercise with All Might and we have a pretty good idea of what happened at the USJ and Hosu.” Izuku looked away and tried to stutter out an excuse about nothing happening but Midnight carried on. “Once you get into the zone, kid, you’re magnetic. You’ve got this, this presence , that draws people toward you. It inspires them to go beyond; a real Plus Ultra kind of attitude, Midoriya.” She giggled at her own joke before regaining some seriousness.
“Honestly, the only person I can really compare it to is All Might.” Oh, did Izuku gulp at that comparison. It was part of the reason he was here in the first place! “There’s a lot of similarities between you and the big guy,” Kayama continued oblivious to Izuku’s growing internal panic. “Your quirks, obviously, but it’s more than that. You both fight with this ferocity. Like there’s this desperate drive in you that’s forcing you to become a hero.” Her smile turned blinding and Izuku couldn’t help but swallow his fear and smile back at her. “It’s an amazing quality, but it also means that you’re going to take it all the harder when you can’t save everyone.” Izuku’s smile fades as Midnight stared unseeing at her clenched hands. It was a little unsettling to see his carefree teacher with such a somber expression. “I know Eraser has talked to you guys about this before, but this is a dangerous profession, kiddo. People have gotten really hurt. You have gotten really hurt.” Kayama took a steadying breath and let her hands relax. “Hopefully, by the end of this, you’ll be able to see that you’re worth saving too, Midoriya-kun.”
The two of them sat in silence for a moment digesting everything that had been said. It was surprisingly comfortable for Izuku. He didn’t often feel at ease around authority figures. Even All Might still made him nervous at times and all of his experience around teachers had taught him that it was best to avoid being around them too long lest they find something to criticize or blame him for. Sitting with Midnight was different. It didn’t feel like she was searching him for answers or weaknesses like his old teachers and it didn’t have the weight of expectations that All Might or Aizawa pressed on him. It felt nice. Maybe even comfortable.
“Well, the only way to begin is by beginning.” Kayama stood and offered a hand to Izuku. “You ready, kid?” Izuku took her hand and stood from the bench with a nod.
“Yes, ma’am!”
“Good. The first thing you should know is that it’s okay if you don’t feel confident.” Izuku blinked at his teacher who had started pacing in front of him. Her boots made a soft clack on the wooden floor surrounding the mats of the gym. “Have you ever heard that old pre-quirk quote? Bravery is not the absence of fear but persevering despite it? Same thing with confidence, kiddo. Everyone feels insecure, most people feel insecure all the time. But if you look and act confident, then others will think you’re confident, and then soon you’ll feel like it too.”
It’s like All Might’s smile. Izuku thought to himself. “It’s like All Might.” Ehh?! Can Midnight-sensei read minds?! “He smiles to make others around him feel safer, right? But I’m sure it also helps him to feel confident in himself by acting confident too. Today I’m going to give you some quick tips and fixes to make you seem more confident. I want you to try using them throughout the rest of the week and give me an update on Friday about your results, okay?”
“Yes, sensei.” “Louder!” “Yes, sensei!” “Good.” Midnight circled him and Izuku stiffened. He felt oddly like a lamb being inspected by a lion. He noted his sensei’s intense stare and shuddered. I hope that stays a metaphor.
“Lesson one, project your voice more. If you have something to say I can guarantee others want to hear it.” Izuku flushed lightly under the praise before feeling one of her hands settle between his shoulder blades. He let out a slight meep as she pushed, forcing his chest out more. “Second, stand up straight! Slouching makes you seem smaller than you are. Try pushing your scapula together and roll your shoulders back. No, don’t try and touch your elbows together. That’s it! That looks much more natural. Hold that position!” Izuku gulped. Why am I having flashbacks to Gran Torino?