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Most of his life Seungmin saw himself as a rational person. Especially compared to his members; he loves them but they can be a bit irrational whenever one of their members is involved. It’s part of being a family he guesses; being protective. But still, whatever situation arose during their time as a group he kept a cool head. Knowing someone has to.
He is headstrong. Has his own opinions and values. Seungmin isn’t a follower, unless it makes sense. He makes his own decisions and even if there are disagreements between them he follows his heart. But that was the past and this is now.
There’s not an exact moment he can pinpoint down that it happened, it crept upon him, unexpected and surprising. But at the same time it felt natural, as if it’s meant to be. It comes with ease but is incredibly scary at the same time.
Seungmin has never been high, god forbid his company would throw a fit, most likely kick him out as well, and every gossip magazine would have a field day. Kim Seungmin from Stray Kids found guilty of smoking weed. It’s not like he wants to try it, he drinks from time to time mostly with the members when they have a small break. Being tipsy can be fun, it helps him loosen up, be irrational for a bit under watchful eyes of his Hyungs of course.
When he gets drunk it gets a bit harder to stay rational and maybe it comes closest to that feeling. The feeling he has these days; not being able to think straight even if he is sober.
It’s getting incredibly hard to fall asleep these days no matter how full his schedule is and how tired he feels as soon as his body hits the bed he is wide awake, his whole mind racing.
God, he’s being pathetic. All of his thoughts circling around that one topic. Which, he definitely should be asleep and not thinking of his Hyung. Not that he hates it. He doesn’t mind that Minho keeps him up. The thought of him at least.
Minho is beautiful, objectively. But to Seungmin he is even more beautiful. His deep brown eyes that catch his attention every single time, it’s hard to not get lost in them. Especially when they are directed towards him, when he is the one on the receiving end of Minho’s attention.
The pink, plush lips that every now and then form a pout. His teeth are still visible, something that Seungmin loves a lot more than he should. Minho’s bunny teeth. Too many times did he stay up fantasising how Minho’s lips would feel against his, would they mould perfectly against each other? Would they taste like Hyung’s favourite chapstick? He’s not sure if he will ever find out. A part of him thinks he wouldn’t fare very well if he ever finds out.
Minho’s nose, the beauty spot that he would love to kiss. The elder has a perfectly sculpted nose if you ask Seungmin, it’s just one of the many things that make Minho beautiful. Followed by his hands that on occasion he gets lucky enough to hold.
Not a lot, most of the time Minho only lets Felix cling onto him and Jisung. Jeongin if he wants, and Changbin is somehow Minho’s assigned hand holding buddy. Seungmin is not sure where he fits into all of it, but he doesn’t feel jealous not when he gets early mornings with his Hyung.
Their shared early mornings are his favourite even if he doesn’t get as much sleep as he should. Seungmin still wakes up early and gets started on coffee. Something that started when they moved into their separate dorms. Before the feeling sneaked upon him.
It was a regular morning and he made coffee without thinking much of it, at least until Minho appeared ready to prepare breakfast for them taking one sip of his coffee, his eyes almost comically lightning up. Followed by praise of Minho, something they don’t get to hear often. And since then it stuck with him, making coffee for Minho, knowing how much the elder appreciates it.
They don’t talk much during that time, both of them are still too tired to really function. But they don’t need words, or at least Seungmin doesn’t need them, not when their bodies are pressed close together as they both work and start to prepare for their day ahead. It’s not much time, maybe thirty minutes before Felix and Jeongin appear from their own rooms, still half asleep but it’s enough for him. Especially when Minho lets him cling onto him, not shaking him off. A teasing smile on Hyung's lips, it’s small but it’s there and Seungmin tries to soak it all in.
Before the rush of the day begins and sweeps Minho away. Even though most of their schedules are the same, Seungmin is aware that the soft morning he gets with Minho is something that he will only get on said mornings. When Minho is too tired to put up a facade.
Which call him selfish. He doesn't mind it, not when he knows those mornings belong just to him. Especially now with their split dorms, there’s no one to intrude, no one to make fun of him when his eyes linger a bit longer on Minho as they should.
Watching Minho dance has to be one of his favourite things and he understands why their fans are so in love with how Minho moves his body. His movements are fluid and swift and he makes it look so easy, which it’s not. The choreos have him panting like a dog, but still somehow it looks easy when Minho does it.
Maybe it’s the passion that seems to burn in him no matter how tired he is. Or the genuine love Minho holds for dancing, something that has seemed to push the elder to strive for better all these years.
Seungmin has always admired Minho for how hardworking and diligent he is. Being an idol isn’t easy, he loves being able to share music with the world but that doesn’t cancel out every hardship they encounter but still somehow Minho has made it all these years to stay just as passionate as he was when he first auditioned.
They’ve all grown over the years physically but also with their music and idol duties there’s no denying it and maybe Seungmin is biased but he feels like he watched Minho grow the most into his role as an idol. Not only with his dance but the hard work he has put into making his vocals sound as perfect as he could astonishes him.
Seungmin has been aware that he himself is a hard worker, making sure to write in his journal every day, visiting all his vocal lessons and practising at home until some of his flatmates tell him to shut up. But still there’s something heartwarming with seeing how Minho works so hard and doesn’t take his talent for granted.
Maybe it’s just the fact that he gets to see Minho grow, that he is a part of his journey and that they have a journey together that leaves him from time to time baffled. Which again a part of him thinks that even if they wouldn’t have debuted, if they would have stuck to normal jobs they still would have met. Because Seungmin couldn’t imagine a life without the other’s, without Minho.
Minho has become such a constant presence in his life, someone he relies on and someone he wants to protect, shield from the world. Seungmin is more than aware that Minho doesn’t need to be protected but there’s still this nagging feeling that makes him want to hold the elder close and tell him how loved he is. How much Seungmin loves him.
So yeah, Seungmin is royally fucked. He is head over heels in love with his group member. Which again, not completely his fault. Not when Minho makes it so effortless to be in love with him. He wouldn’t blame the other members if they are also a little bit in love with him.