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Pierre doesn’t like the look on Pyry’s face when he meets his trainer after the race. He knows his trainer is trying to tell him that Charles is not in a good shape right now. Pierre can feel the dread increasing in him.
Both he and Charles have tasked Pyry and Andrea with checking in with each other when one of them DNF. Then they are supposed to inform their driver about the other after the race ends. After all, the two of them are the people Pierre and Charles trust the most in the paddock after each other.
“That bad?” he questions, feeling dejected. He has been on edge since he saw Charles’s wrecked car during the race and he knew immediately that Charles would take it badly. This just confirms his worst fears.
“Charles’s radio was broadcasted after the crash. It was bad. The photographers also clicked pictures of him while he was trying to not cry while waiting for the marshals to bring him back. He even refused to do interviews and locked himself in his motorhome. It took a lot of effort from Andrea to bring him out,” Pyry tells him.
Pierre feels himself getting angry and sad on Charles's behalf. Why can’t they be left alone? Why is their show of emotions taken as a commodity to get more views, more likes, more anything? They are humans for god sake. They should be able to show their emotions during and after races without the FIA and media making money out of it. This exploitation needs to stop. What's worse is he knows Charles hates being invaded by his emotions like this.
He would fight the world alone to get Charles his privacy. But first, he needs to see Charles. He knows how badly Charles takes his own mistakes. All he wants to do is take Charles in a tight hug and assure him that everything is going to be okay.
Pyry must have noticed his change in demeanor because he feels a sharp nudge on his abdomen from him. “Snap out of it Pierre. I know you are angry with Charles and want to see him as soon as possible but you need to control yourself. How about you go do your media interviews and then go find Charles? Fabiana and I will let the team know you aren’t doing the debrief today.” Fabiana nods from beside him.
Pierre gives Pyry and Fabiana a grateful look. He knows he can’t bail out of media interviews. He had no reason to in the public opinion. All he can do is make them quick and go find Charles. And that’s exactly what he does. He rushes through the media pen before doing a sit-in interview with Daniel quickly and then he is rushing towards the end of the paddock where the drivers have their motorhomes located.
He finds Andrea waiting for him inside. “He has locked himself in the bedroom. See if you can get him to come out. He needs to hydrate himself,” Andrea tells him.
Pierre nods, already looking at the master bedroom with a frown. “Take care of him and yourself. I will see Charles on Wednesday in Budapest,” Andrea gives his shoulder a squeeze before leaving them alone.
Pierre grabs a chilled bottle of water, just the way Charles likes it on his way to the bedroom. He decides to sit outside the bedroom door. He is not going to invite himself into the room without Charles’s permission. He knows on days like this Charles needs his privacy. That doesn’t mean he is going to leave Charles alone. If he can’t be in the room with Charles then he is going to accompany him from outside.
“Calamar? I am here now. You don’t have to let me in. I will stay here and wait for you. I just want you to know you are not alone. Not anymore,” Pierre calls out. He hopes that Charles has heard him and that he isn’t so lost in his head that his voice won't reach him.
Pierre now doesn't know what to do now. He can't do what he desperately wants to do. right now, that is to give a tight hug to Charles. All he wants to do is gather his boyfriend in his arms and take away all his pain. However, that is not an option. Pierre decides to do the next best thing he can think of, which is to talk to Charles through the door.
“I know you want to be alone and probably don’t want me here but I am not going to leave you alone. We are in this together, Charlito. I may not be facing the same thing as you but I am still here to support you in your journey. I am here mon amour. I am here for you,”
Pierre hears a light thud and light breathing coming from behind the door. He realizes that Charles is now copying him and sitting with his back to the door. Charles has been listening to him and responding too. Maybe he can convince him to open the door. “Calamar. I know you are hearing this. Whenever you are ready for it. I am going to be here to give you anything you need. I am here waiting for you as always. Just let me in.”
He has no idea how much longer it will take for Charles to let him in so he decides to continue. “Do you want to know how my race went? Not only did they fuck up the balance of the car and under-fueled me in the qualifying which ended up fucking it. But, also for the fourth race in a row, I got told to lift off from the third lap onwards at every lap. I just can’t understand how they haven’t fixed the brakes yet. They were damaged in Canada. Canada, Calamar,”
Pierre shakes his head. He will never understand how his team can be such good people and yet be a bunch of clowns. If he didn’t feel so entitled to repay Red Bull for everything they did for his junior career he would be plotting how to leave right now.
18 months, he has 18 months more with the team, and then he would be a free man. All he can do right now is to help prepare the car for next year so it isn’t a shit box tractor it is now. Then he performs his best and makes a case for himself for different teams.
He can’t blame it all on the team though. He himself has to take some of the blame for things going wrong. His crashes with Lewis and Lance are examples of it. If only he could maybe push the car a little beyond its limit then maybe he would have been starting races up on the grid instead of in the bottom 10. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so frustrated to cause those incidents. He knows his car has issues but he himself needs to take some accountability too.
He must have been getting lost in his head because the next thing he knows he is hearing a low whisper coming from behind the door “You deserve better,”
“So do you, Calamar,” Pierre immediately replies back, turning around to face the door. He can almost feel Charles shaking his head clearly trying to deny it. “No, Don't even try to deny it. You work so hard. You deserve so much Charles, So, so much better."
He hears Charles scrambling to get up from the door. He follows in anticipation that finally, Charles will allow him into the room. Charles does exactly that. He opens the door and flings himself into Pierre’s waiting arms.
Pierre catches Charles safely in his arms. Pierre holds Charles tightly against him. All he wants to do is reassure Charles that everything is going to be alright. He needs Charles to remember he isn’t alone. He doesn't need to deal with everything alone.
Charles pulls Pierre even closer to him. It’s like he is finally letting himself believe he isn’t alone. He doesn’t need to carry all the weight on his shoulder. He can share it with others. Charles brings his hands up to Pierre’s hair and starts stroking it gently. It’s as if he is trying to assure Pierre that he is not alone too. They are in it together.
Pierre can feel the way Charles is taking comfort from his presence and is trying to comfort him back. It makes him feel even more utterly fond of Charles. Even when he is feeling down he still wants to make Pierre feel better.
Neither of them says anything. They just stand there soaking up each other’s presence and being comforted by each other. Eventually, they pull away enough to see each other's faces. Pierre can see that Charles had been crying earlier. He gently rubs off the traces of the tears from under Charles’ eyes and presses a deep kiss on Charles's forehead.
“How are you feeling?” Pierre asks softly, cupping Charles’ cheeks.
“A little better now that you are here. I have to be okay when you are here with me, right?” Charles replies, holding Pierre’s hand on his cheek.
“Cheesy,” Pierre teases, smiling.
“Says you,” Charles shoots back, breaking into a smile of his own.
“Do you want to do something or do you want to go to sleep now?” Pierre asks, offering him the water bottle he was holding.
Charles takes it gratefully and drinks it all while Pierre rubs Charles’ waist gently. He hands the bottle back to Pierre, yawning lightly. Pierre smiles at the sight. It answers Pierre’s question.``I think it's time to go to bed,” Pierre says.
“But, we were supposed to meet your family for dinner,” Charles protests, playing with the helm of Pierre's t-shirt.
“It’s okay Calamar. Mamam and Papa know what happened. They won't mind if we skip. Neither would my brothers. We can go see them tomorrow instead,” Pierre tries to reassure Charles.
“No, let’s go see them today itself. It would be a nice change. We can go back to Monaco tomorrow and spend the whole day in bed instead,” Charles suggests instead.
“Stay in bed all day?” Pierre smirks at Charles, pulling him closer and squeezing his waist purposely.
“Pervert,” Charles slaps Pierre’s chest lightly, playfully rolling his eyes. “We still have time before we have to meet them. Do you want to watch squid games again then?” Charles asks Pierre.
“Calamar not that series again,” Pierre groans lightly. Pierre is never going to understand the obsession Charles has with that show.
“But, Cheri. I am sad and I love that series so-” Charles smiles at him flying.
Pierre knows what Charles is trying to do. It’s not like he is going to say no to Charles anyways. Today is all about making Charles' day better. He would do anything to make him forget about the race, including watching Squid Games.
“Alright, Alright,” Pierre gives in, pressing a kiss to Charles’s temple. “The things I have to do for you,” Pierre sighs dramatically.
“You love spoiling me Calamar, don’t you deny it,” Charles cheekily smiles at him.
“You know me,” Pierre smiles sheepishly at Charles, unable to pretend to be nonchalant. The emotions he is going through right now won’t allow it.
Pierre can’t even explain how glad he is to see Charles in a playful mood. He had been scared badly for Charles. He had thought that it would be difficult to pull Charles out of the mood he was in. All he wanted to do was cheer him up. What Pierre didn’t realize earlier was that all Charles apparently needed to get over the funk he was in was Pierre and his loving words.
So, they end up in Charles' bed in his motorhome, cuddled together under warm blankets watching Squid Games. Pierre isn’t really paying as much attention to the show as he is paying to Charles. Despite the fact that Charles was in a better mood earlier. He is still a little worried about him.
He keeps glancing over at Charles every minute or so. Charles definitely notices the way Pierre is looking at him every so often. “Calamar. You need to stop worrying. I am okay now,” Charles tells him softly.
Pierre blushes a little after getting caught. “Sorry, I can’t help it,” he apologizes.
“Don’t apologize for caring about me,” Charles chides him, cuddling closer to Pierre. “I know I scared you and others today,” he admits.
“That you did,” Pierre agrees. “I understand though. I would have definitely reacted the same way,” Pierre tries to reassure him.
“No, you would have reacted in anger as well,” Charles laughs a little and corrects him. He quickly sobers up after that.
Pierre knows that Charles wants to say something and explains himself so he decides to let Charles pour his emotion out and not interrupt him.
“You already know how I have already been feeling since Monaco. Yes, Austria was a relief but with the way the season started and the way it is turning out now. I- I lost control of my emotions after the crash today. I could have won today. This DNF is going to make chasing Max so hard. I was just so angry and frustrated with myself. I am not going to become the champion this way-,”
“Don’t think like that,” Pierre breaks his decision and interrupts Charles anyways. He can’t stand the way Charles is talking about his championship fight as if everything that happened had been his own fault. He can’t let him take the blame for everything that happened in the season.
Pierre cups Charles's face with both his hands, forcing him to make eye contact. “Charles, listen to me. I know you made mistakes in Imola and today but the rest of the season? That is not your fault. You didn’t do anything to make the engine explode in Spain or Baku and you certainly didn't make the ridiculous strategy errors in Monaco and Silverstone,” Pierre tells him firmly.
Charles tries to shake his head in a no but Pierre won’t allow it. “You have to believe in me. I have been saying this to you every weekend so far and I will keep repeating it again if I have to. Despite what Ferrari says. You don’t hold the blame for the mistakes they make in strategy. The no-blame culture your team has? That’s bullshit and I hate seeing you blame yourself for things out of your control.” Pierre tells him honestly.
Charles doesn’t try to refute him this time and keeps staring intently at Pierre. It’s as if this is his turn to give Pierre a chance to let his emotions out. Pierre takes him up on the offer.
“You made a costly mistake today. Yes, and you have already blamed yourself for it. We all make mistakes Calamar,” Pierre squeezes Charles’s cheeks gently.
“What I am not okay with, is that you are putting the mistake you made today in the same category as the fuck ups made by Ferrari. You are not to blame for that and I won’t let you blame yourself for it. You deserve better than that Mon Amour,” Pierre tells him emotionally. He has had enough of Charles blaming himself. He hates it. He is tired of it and he hurts for Charles.
Charles is now the one cupping Pierre’s face with one hand and gently rubbing the sole tear coming out of his eyes with another. Pierre leans into the touch.
“You can still win this championship Charles. It’s not over yet. All you need to do is win the remaining races. I know it will be hard but it’s doable and I will be right here next to you. I will support you right through it. So please Calamar, don’t give up just yet, please.” Pierre pleads with him.
Both of them are crying by now. Charles hugs Pierre tightly. Pierre wraps Charles protectively in his arms. He will protect him with everything in him. If he can, he would go back in time and make sure Ferrari doesn’t make the mistakes they made to make sure that Charles is leading the championship comfortably by now.
Pierre is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t hear what Charles says to him. He makes a small noise to show his confusion.
“I said. If you are going to support me through the rest of my championship battle then let me be there for you while you fight with your tractor. We are a team, right?” Charles pulls back a little to look him in the eyes again.
Of course, Pierre thinks. Charles didn’t fail to notice that Pierre has always been there for Charles throughout the season. He has been reluctant to burden Charles with his own problems. He also realizes that Charles has been giving him space until now and he has finally chosen to speak up now.
“We are,” Pierre agrees. “And I am sorry that I forgot that. I just didn’t want to burden you with my problem when your plate is already full,” Pierre apologizes.
“You are never a burden for me, Cheri,” Charles tells him with a slight smile. “You are my biggest support system. You are always there for me when I need it. Not only that but you also make my problems into your problems. You hurt with me in my pain. I feel the same way about you, Calamar.”
Pierre blankly stares at him, trying to process everything Charles is saying. But Charles isn’t done yet. “Look at you. You are here telling me that everything that went wrong this season with me is not always my fault and yet you are still blaming yourself for the way your car is behaving,” Charles tells him.
It’s Pierre’s turn to try and deny it but Charles won’t have it. “No, you are going to listen to me now, as I listened to you,” Charles firmly tells him.
Pierre helplessly stares back at him. “Alpha Tauri messed up with the car. You are doing the best you can and I can see it. Others can see it too. What did you do in Monaco? In Baku? That was amazing, Pierre. Everyone agrees with it. I know you are frustrated that you aren't scoring as many points as last season. But, please don’t keep it inside you. We can vent to each other, can’t we? Mon petit.” Charles is smiling at him tenderly.
Pierre can't help but laugh. He can always trust Charles to extend him the same support that he is giving to Charles. “I was supposed to cheer you up but look at us. We are crying together trying to make each other feel better by being supportive of each other. Why are we like this?”
Charles joined in the laughter and soon their laughter filled the air around them instead of the sounds of their tears.
“I love you. I promise I will share everything with you from now on,” Pierre mumbles into Charles’s neck. They are back to cuddling closely.
“I love you too. I will hold on to your promise,” Charles presses a kiss on Pierre’s head.
They let their heartbeat sing a lullaby to them, luring them to a sleep-like stage. This conversation seems to be heavier than what they had intercepted. Pierre reluctantly pulls away and gets out of bed as Charles lets out a whine at the loss of contact.
“You are the one who wanted to go to dinner with my family, Calamar. We need to get up now or otherwise, we would be late for it,” Pierre reminds him.
“What if I said I changed my mind?” Charles pouted at him.
“No, I won’t let you change your mind. I like the sound of spending all day and night in bed with you tomorrow. I am not going to let you back on it now,” Pierre teases him.
Pierre extends his hands for Charles to grab it. Charles lets Pierre pull him up. Pierre gives Charles another tight hug. “It’s going to be alright. We will get through it together,” Pierre promises Charles.
“Together,” Charles echoes back.
Pierre doesn’t know what the future has in store for them next but he knows that with this new promise to each other they will be alright.