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Alexander knew that the General wouldn’t be happy. Oh no, quite the opposite of it actually. As soon as Alexander saw Washington appear after Lee had been shot, he knew this wouldn’t end well.
But he didn’t expect this to happen.
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“What is the meaning of this?” Washington asks, an outraged expression on his face. He then turns to Burr
“Mr, Burr, get a medic for the general.”
“Yes, sir,” Burr quickly follows Washington’s order.
“Lee, you will never agree with me but believe me, these young men don’t speak for me.”
‘You lie,’ Washington’s thoughts intrude. ‘Even if they don’t speak for you, you care for Alexander.’
Washington groans inwardly
“Thank you for your service.”
Washington hears a small snort from behind him, making him turn around with a glare.
“Hamilton.”
“Sir.”
“Meet me inside.”
Alexander’s face pales, but he shakes his head gently to himself, as if shaking off whatever idea he just got. He grips John’s shoulder with a comforting nod, and then turns to follow Washington inside the camp.
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The room is tense as Alexander walks in, turned away so he doesn’t face the General.
“Son,” Washington begins
“Don’t call me son,” Alexander snaps back.
‘Son,’ Alexander muses to himself. ‘Such a weird word. A comfort to some, yet a nightmare to others. I’m no one’s son. I was my mothers, but she died. My father never considered me his son. If he even ever wanted to see me, he’d know where to find me. My names are all over the papers as Washington’s aide-de-camp. He’d be able to find me. All he ever did was come home drunk, threaten to harm my mother, but then turn to me in his drunken state. My mother would kill him if she found out that I always offered myself up to his abuse to save her. She’d kill him if she knew he had hurt me.’
“This war is hard enough without infighting,” Washington’s voice breaks through Alexander’s thoughts.
“Lee called you out, we called his bluff,” he interrupts, knowing damn well that he shouldn’t be interrupting an angry man who has double his strength.
“You solve nothing, you aggravate our allies to the south,”Washington says, tone getting harsher.
Alexander fuels his fear into anger. “You’re absolutely right. John should’ve shot him in the mouth, that would’ve shut him up.”
Washington’s face somehow darkens even more. “Son.”
“I’m not your son.”
‘I’m no one’s son. No one wants me. No one should want me.’
“Watch your tone.”
Alexander seems to shrink even more into himself as Washington grows angrier and angrier.
“I am not a maiden in need of defending, I am grown-”
Alexander interrupts and cuts in once more.
“Charles Lee, Thomas Conway, these men take your name and they rake it through the mud.”
“My name’s been through a lot, I can take it,” Washington says, advancing towards Alexander.
‘How can he just let his legacy be disparaged to the public?’
“Well I don’t have your name, I don’t have your titles, I don’t have your land. But if you-” Alexander says, finally turning to face Washington.
‘Oh boy, he’s closer to me than I thought he was.’
It seems to occur to Alexander how much the General towers over him, and he cowers into himself even more.
“No.”
“If you gave me command of a battalion, a group of men to lead, I could fly above my station after the war.”
“Or you could die, and we need you alive.”
‘But do you though? Nobody ever cared before whether I die or not.’
“I am more than willing to die.”
“Your wife needs you alive, son, I need you alive!”
‘Nobody else ever seemed to care if I was alive. If you consider me to be a son, you wouldn’t care. My “father” never cared. Why should you?”
Alexander finally explodes. “CALL ME SON ONE MORE TIME-”
‘Shit. What have I done.’
Alexander lets out a small gasp, and steps back. He tenses his body in preparation for the blows that he knows is coming. The punches, the kicks…
Whatever else always comes when he yelled at his ‘father.’ He had learnt not to yell, to control his temper. Why couldn’t he just still remember that?
He’s failed.
Washington steps back too, looking like he’s about to say more. He finally looks down, and notices Alexander, and how much he’s shaking.
“Alexander…” Washington says firmly, but concern laced his voice
Alexander looks down, shakily.
‘He looks like he thinks I’m about to hit him,’ Washington realises.
“Your Excellency, I apologise. I-” Alexander trails off
Washington’s eyebrows are furrowed in confusion and concern.
“Alexander, I won’t hurt you, why…?” Washington trails off
“It’s nothing. I apologise sincerely,” Alexander says in a rushed tone, turning to leave.
“I don’t believe I dismissed you yet, Hamilton.”
Alexander flinches once more at the harsh tone, making Washington’s gaze soften again.
“Of course, sir. I apologise.”
“Alexander you don’t need to continue apologising, it is ok. But I can’t allow you to yell at me like that.”
Another flinch makes its way out of Alexander.
“Alexander, what is it? You know I won’t hurt you, don’t you?”
“He did,” Alexander mumbles in disgust
Washington’s face pales, and it almost feels as if his heart is about to be torn out of his chest, as it does when he loses a battle, and lives are lost unnecessarily. Now, it feels as if it’s being torn out as he realises what his favourite aide-de-camp just said.
“What?” Washington says softly in disbelief. “Alexander, what do you mean by that? Who?”
“I-”
“Alexander,” Washington says, tone frantic
Alexander sighs. “My father.”
Washington looks at Alexander in alarm.
“He- he eventually left. But the ten years I spent with him…” Alexander lets out a breath. “He would threaten to harm my mother. So I’d give myself up to him just to protect her.”
“Alex…”
“It’s fine. I should know better than freak out if I get scared-” Alexander cuts himself off
Washington opens his mouth to speak, before shutting it again.
‘He’s scared. Of me,’ Washington’s heart pangs
“Now, if you’ll forgive me, I need to get back to camp.”
And he walks out the door, ignoring Washington’s quiet calls of his name.
‘Where did I go wrong?’ Washington’s thoughts cut through his silent panic.