Archive of Our Own

The music was the first clue that something was different. Olivia could hear the faint, slow melody through the door as she pulled her keys out of her purse. She had moved in with Alex about three months ago, and while the baby grand was always cleaned and tuned, she had never seen the younger woman actually play it, or even talk about having played before. Truth be told, Olivia had assumed it was an heirloom of some sort and mainly for decoration.

But, unless they were being visited by some very musically inclined burglars, it sounded as though Alex did play the piano. And very well, too. Olivia unlocked the door and stepped inside, closing it quietly behind her. Normally this would be enough for Alex to notice her presence, but she just kept playing quietly on.

Her outfit was the second clue something was different. It was only 7:30, and usually Alex would still be poring over her work and only half out of her court clothes. While Olivia was glad to see her taking a much deserved break, she was also rather surprised to find her girlfriend already dressed in flannel pajamas. Her hair was tied back with a pretty blue ribbon. Liv had never seen her hair styled like that. It was cute. She leaned against the doorway and listened for a moment more, trying to figure out away to alert Alex to her presence without startling her.

“Hey, love,” Olivia said quietly.

This did not work, as Alex nearly leapt out of her skin, jumping up and whirling to face Olivia with wide eyes. Something that had been sitting in her lap was quickly held behind her back, too fast for Olivia to see what it was. They stared at each other for a moment, and Liv realized how odd it felt to make direct eye contact with her. During work and in court Alex was an intimidating force, staring down anything or anyone in her way. At home, though, she was so much more likely to just bundle into Olivia’s side or focus on whatever book or plate or movie was in front of them. She hadn’t noticed this until just now, as Alex stared right in her eyes like a deer in headlights. It was the look of pure terror on her face that should have been most distressing, but for some reason the eye contact was what really set off Liv’s alarm bells.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you,” Olivia kept her soft tone and took a step closer to Alex, who stayed completely frozen. “Are you okay?”

Alex blinked and suddenly looked a bit confused, even dazed. It seemed as though she couldn’t process what Olivia was asking her, or even that it was her girlfriend in front of her.

Olivia was equally confused. She knew after tough cases or long workdays (both of which Alex had been dealing with this week), too much sensory input could send her girlfriend into shut downs or, in more extreme cases, panic attacks; but this felt different. She couldn’t see or hear anything off in the apartment itself, and during episodes Alex was more likely to turn off lights and get under blankets, not sit in a brightly lit room and play the piano. She would also never directly look right at her during an episode, either clinging onto her like a lifeline or avoiding contact like the plague. So, overall, Liv was thrown for a loop. She considered her options.

“That was a really pretty song,” she said quietly, her only intention to show Alex she wasn’t a threat. “What’s it called?” She knew what it was called. They had a Satie record that Alex would often listen to while working.

This seemed to relieve Alex a little, something she could answer. “Gymnopedie,” she mumbled, breaking eye contact to look down at her feet.

Olivia took a step closer. “When’d you learn to play that?” it seemed like surface level questions would garner some interaction.

But the question made Alex tense back up and her look of confusion return, this time with her brow furrowed and her eyes darting to the side. “I- I’m not sure. A while ago. I was very little. I don’t remember, I’m sorry.”

Her voice was softer than usual, and it almost seemed lighter. Not exactly higher pitched, just- Liv couldn’t find a word to describe it other than “lighter”. Her phrasing was also more disjointed than she was used to, and at this point Liv was trying to take note of anything that would help her figure out what was wrong.

“You don’t need to apologize. You play very well.”

Alex offered a small smile at that, but it seemed forced. “Thank you.”

“What are you holding?” Olivia ventured, taking another step forward.

This was a misstep. Alex immediately took a step backwards, almost stumbling over the piano bench. “Nothing!” she answered quickly, and much more intensely than her other responses.

Olivia took a quick step backwards of her own, putting up her hands in what she hoped was a gesture of meaning no harm. “That’s okay. That’s alright.”

Alex’s eyes widened as she looked up to meet Olivia’s eyes again. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout. That wasn’t nice,” she rushed out. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey. You didn’t shout, and you don’t have to apologize. It’s alright, I’m not angry at you.”

Alex fidgeted on her feet. “You’re not?”

“No, of course not. I’m just a little worried, honey, you seem anxious.” Alex seemed more than anxious. She seemed fragile, and beneath her porcelain facade Olivia could tell her anxiety was intense. She wasn’t sure how far she should push.

“I’m fine. I’m just sleepy.”

“That’s understandable, it’s been a rough week. I’m going to make some soup for dinner, does that sound good?”

Alex glanced at the kitchen nervously, shifting on her feet again. There was a long pause.

“I’m not that hungry,” she finally whispered, like she was unsure if that was the correct answer.

Olivia slowly nodded. She wasn’t sure if her girlfriend had eaten since the granola bar she had for breakfast, but she knew if Alex was having a sensory overload then pushing her to eat something she didn’t want to eat would only make her feel ill. “Alright. Do you want to go to bed then?”

Alex looked panicked again. Olivia wondered if this was too big of a decision for her to process at the moment. “If you don’t want to go to bed yet, you could sit with me while I cook the soup,” she offered as an alternative, hoping limiting the choices would help.

Alex tentatively nodded.

“You want to sit with me for a bit?”

A stronger nod.

“Alright, let me just get it started then.”

Olivia was mixing up broth and vegetables in the kitchen when a phone started to ring. A cursory glance at where her and Alex’s phones were charging showed that it was Alex’s, lit up with an incoming call from Fin.

“It’s yours, honey, do you want me to-” Olivia turned to ask Alex if she’d like her to answer her phone, but she stopped short at the sight she saw. Alex’s eyes had been firmly trained on her and her back and forth in the kitchen, but what had surprised Olivia was what she was holding in her lap. No longer hidden behind her back was a teddy bear, well worn and seemingly well loved. It had a blue bow around its neck, similar to the one in Alex’s hair. Alex looked at her, waiting for her to finish the question. “Do you want me to get it?” Olivia finally managed, trying to piece together all this new information in her head. It was starting to add up.

“Yes, please,” Alex murmured, never taking her eyes off of the carrot in Olivia’s hand.

Olivia put down the vegetable and wiped her hands on a nearby towel before grabbing the phone. “Benson,” she answered.

“Hey, Liv, is Cabot there? Am I interrupting you two lovebirds?” Fin joked from the other side. Olivia let out an awkward laugh, not really processing his teasing as she was still too busy trying to piece together the piano and the bow and the bear.

“She’s- uh- what do you need her for?”

Fin launched into an explanation about needing her for some reason or another regarding their current case, either Saturday evening or Sunday morning. Olivia was only half paying attention.

Their current case was brutal. A very ill mother had needed increasing amounts of hospital treatment, and she and her husband had left her small daughter, Laurie, in the care of the husband’s parents. The girl’s grandfather was abusive and had ended up kidnapping the child and taking her across state lines. The poor girl was traumatized into near silence, the mother was inconsolable, and the grandfather had gone on the run, only recently being brought in on so many counts of different crimes that he would hopefully never see the light of day again. All of them had worked tirelessly on this case, but most of all Alex who Olivia had very rarely seen be so vicious towards a defense attorney and so adamant in her need for all the evidence possible. She had become almost frenzied this past week.

Laurie. The bear. The bow. Liv didn’t like the picture that was forming as the puzzle pieces connected.

“Wait, wait, what?” Olivia quickly tuned back into Fin’s rant, realizing she had zoned out. “Run that by me one more time?”

“The dirtbag wants a plea. Says he can get us the names and numbers of other men… uh… involved.” Liv could hear the thinly veiled anger brimming in Fin’s voice.

“You mean…” she started, suddenly feeling sick.

“Yeah. He wasn’t the only one who hurt her.”

Liv let out a shaky sigh and ran her hand through her hair. She turned to see Alex at the table, eyes huge once again, gripping the bear so hard her knuckles were turning white.

“Look, Fin, I…” her voice died out. She wasn’t exactly sure what to tell him. “Sunday morning, probably. I’ll let her know. If you need anything from either of us, shoot me a message.”

“Hey, is Cabot feeling alright? I know she can get a little- ah- passionate about cases. Tell her to take it easy, if she needs a break we got her back.”

“Thanks, Fin. She’ll appreciate that.”

“Take care of her, Liv, and take care of yourself. G'night.”

Liv clicked off the phone and turned her attention back to Alex. She wasn’t particularly hungry either anymore.

“Was that Fin?” Alex asked, eyeing the phone.

“Yeah.”

“What did he say?”

“It was about the case,” Olivia replied, honestly, and immediately kicked herself mentally when Alex went tense so rapidly she almost popped out of the chair. “But we don’t need to think about that right now,” Liv hurriedly followed. “You don’t need to be there until Sunday.”

Alex picked at the ribbon around her bear’s neck, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “Everything’s okay?”

God, her voice sounded small. Olivia’s heart crumbled a bit. “Everything’s fine, babe. I don’t think I’m that hungry, though, I might just go to bed after all.”

Alex didn’t look convinced, but she nodded and stood, coming into the kitchen with her bear tucked under her arm. She helped Olivia move vegetables back to the fridge and then, in a surprising act of boldness, took hold of Olivia’s hand. Liv thought she might pull her into the bedroom, but after a moment, realized that it seemed like Alex expected the opposite, so she led her into their room.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” Olivia decided. “You’ll be okay?”

Alex nodded, already climbing into bed.

The hot water did nothing to quell Olivia’s racing mind. Laurie. The bear. The bow. The piano. Alex’s voice, soft and light and afraid. The way Lex would always fight so hard and for so long, filling every moment of her time with cases and projects and pro bono work, never taking a break. Never taking a moment. Never letting herself be alone with her thoughts. Liv didn’t know if that was a stretch, but she didn’t like how easily it clicked in with the other evidence.

“Circumstantial at best,” Alex would’ve said. But they both knew that sometimes the circumstantial evidence was just as damning.

Olivia shook her head, trying to rid her mind of all of the pressing thoughts, and quickly finished washing before stepping out to towel off.

When she walked back into the bedroom, Alex was curled up in the bed. Her bear was clutched to her chest, and her eyes were pressed closed, but Olivia could tell she wasn’t asleep. Normally she would lean over and press a kiss to her blonde hair, or snuggle up behind her and hold her, but she had a feeling that would be a bit too much for her girlfriend’s somewhat fragile mindset at the moment.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” she murmured instead, before flicking off the lamp and slipping into her side of the bed. Alex didn’t respond, only staying perfectly still.

Olivia meant to stay awake, in case Alex became agitated or anxious during the night, but a week of chasing and investigating and sleepless nights caught up to her. Within fifteen minutes, Olivia was out like a light.

——————

Olivia jolted awake. She wasn’t sure what had woken her, but she was positive something had. She blinked blearily and saw her bedside clock read 2:14. “Alex?” she mumbled, pawing around the sheets. “You alri-” she stopped as she realized the bed beside her was empty, and the events of earlier that night dawned on her. She quickly rolled out of bed and grabbed a hoodie from a chair, pulling it over her head and making her way towards the living room.

She stopped when she saw lights in the kitchen. “Alex?” she called, still half asleep.

Alex was standing frozen, surrounded by a spilled bag of baby carrots. She looked terrified.

“Honey?” Liv was unsure whether to move any closer.

“I didn’t mean to,” Alex frantically began. “I didn’t know the bag was open, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” and then, to Olivia’s absolute horror, she burst into tears.

Alex did not cry very often, if at all. After tough cases, ones that broke Olivia down to tears, Alex remained stubbornly dry eyed. Liv had tried Up, the Notebook, My Girl— and still Alex did not shed a tear. Liv often wondered where she kept all that emotion bottled up. She was starting to get an idea.

Realizing that standing in stunned silence was probably not doing Alex any favors, she quickly came forward to gather her girlfriend in her arms. Alex immediately melted into the embrace, sobbing into Olivia’s shoulder and clinging to her like she was afraid she’d disappear. It was almost silent, Liv suddenly noted. Besides short gasps for air, almost no noise came from Alex as she cried.

“It’s okay, love. It’s okay. You’re safe, I’m right here, I’ve got you.” Liv wasn’t sure exactly what to say to soothe her girlfriend, but she hoped if she kept talking comfortingly enough the sound of her voice could do the job. “C’mon, honey, let’s sit down.” Before moving them out of the room, she noticed the bear sitting on the counter next to a cutting board. She grabbed it.

She didn’t know if Alex heard her but the blonde easily complied, holding tight to Olivia as she led them to the couch.

She let Alex cry a little longer, realizing she probably needed this release, before the sobs turned into gasps and she seemed scarily close to hyperventilating.

“Hey, hey, follow my breathing. That’s it, baby, just breathe with me.” Liv brought Alex’s hand to her chest, hoping a steady heartbeat would help to regulate her breathing a bit. Alex only seemed vaguely aware, but was nodding, trying desperately to match Olivia’s deep breaths. It took a couple minutes before her gasping calmed into deep breathing, shaky, but steady.

“There we go. That’s my girl.” Olivia rubbed Alex’s back. She was trying to figure out a way to gently prompt Alex into telling her what was going on, when Alex interrupted her pondering.

“I got hungry and I- I didn’t know the bag was open when I picked it up.” Her voice was still wavering, so quiet it was almost inaudible. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. It was an accident. And you can wake me up, if you need to.” Olivia had the sudden urge to tell her she should wake her up if she got hungry at night. But Alex was an adult, one perfectly capable of cooking her own meals. It felt condescending to imply that she’d need Olivia’s help. But the thought still crept into the back of her mind. “I don’t mind cooking for you, y’know. Any time of night.”

Alex seemed to consider this, resting her head on Olivia’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t have to.”

“I don’t have to. I want to.”

Alex closed her eyes. “You’re being so good to me. Why aren’t you mad at me?” She sounded like she was still on the verge of tears. Liv realized she was still holding the bear and pressed it into Alex’s arms. Alex hugged it close immediately.

“You’ve done nothing to warrant anger. I have no reason to be angry. I love you, and I don’t want you to be sad, or scared, or hungry.” Liv was trying to make the hunger comment a joke, but realized she was worried about that. Should she have pressed Alex to eat some dinner? She had been in such a delicate state, maybe getting some food in her would’ve prevented this late night breakdown.

Olivia tried to clear her thoughts, chiding herself for hovering. Alex can take care of herself, she tried to remind herself. She’s an adult. She’s a fierce prosecutor who eats defense attorneys for breakfast. She demands justice and she’ll do whatever she can to get it.

But here, teary eyed in Olivia’s arms, clutching her stuffed bear and trying so hard to keep her emotions at bay, Alex just seemed small and delicate. All Liv wanted was to hold her close and never let a case so disturbing and scary near her girl again.

“Olivia?”

“Yeah?”

“Why did Fin call?”

Olivia winced. She knew this discussion would not help.

“Don’t worry about that right now, love.”

“It’s all I’ve been thinking about. It’s why I couldn’t sleep.”

Olivia sighed and brought her fingers to Alex’s hair, combing back strands of blonde from her face.

“On Sunday the defense… the defense wants to discuss a plea.”

Alex was quiet for a moment.

“Do you know what they’re offering?” she finally asked, bravely trying to cover the quiver in her voice.

Olivia’s heart clenched. She wanted to say no. She wanted to tell Alex that they wanted to spare the little girl a trial. She wanted to tell her something that wouldn’t haunt her.

“Names,” she answered.

“Names of… oh.”

Olivia watched as realization dawned on Alex’s face. She clutched her bear a bit tighter, and then buried her face in the crook of Olivia’s neck and let out a long, shaky sigh. Liv kept her hold around her as firm as possible.

“You okay?” she ventured after a moment.

Alex’s only response was a stifled sob.

“Oh, baby,” Olivia murmured, burying her face in Alex’s hair and pressing a kiss. “I’m sorry.”

“She was so small, Olivia, why didn’t anybody protect her? She was so little,” Alex choked out, between sobs. “She was so scared, why didn’t anybody protect her? Why didn’t anyone help? She was just a baby!”

Olivia tried to calm her, whispering reassurances and sweet nothings, realizing Alex had a lot of pent up emotions that she needed to let out but also that she was becoming increasingly frantic and not wanting her to get sick.

“She’s safe now, Alex. And so are you, alright? I’m right here. I’ve got you, you’re safe.”

“What if I don’t get him, Liv? What if the trial goes wrong, or the plea falls through, and that little girl is in danger again.”

“You’ll get him, Alex. I know you will. And now that her mother knows what happened, Laurie will be safe, okay? I promise you that.”

Olivia knew it was never safe to make promises in her line of work. She also knew she had no other options, at the moment.

“But what if she doesn’t?” Alex sobbed out.

“What if who doesn’t what?”

“What if her mother doesn’t protect her? What if the little girl gets hurt again?”

Olivia knew that Laurie’s mother would do anything to protect her daughter, and that their case against the grandfather was solid enough that he would never be around the girl again. She was trying to figure out what Alex meant when it hit her- Alex wasn’t talking about Laurie any more.

Olivia fought back her own tears. She didn’t want Alex to notice how affected she was. “Then I’ll protect her.”

Alex’s sobs suddenly quieted as she shakily breathed into Liv’s neck.

“You will?”

“Yes.”

“You promise?”

“I swear.”

Alex let out a few more shaky sobs. Olivia rubbed circles into her back, trying to soothe the pain she knew must be growing in her chest. “I’ll protect her forever. She’ll be safe with me, and nobody will hurt her again, okay? I’ll never let anyone hurt her like that again.”

Alex nodded. They were both quiet for a moment as Alex tried to regain her breath.

“I love you, Olivia,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” Olivia responded with a kiss to the top of Alex’s head.

They stayed in silence for a few more moments, Alex still getting her breathing under control and Olivia humming quiet songs under her breath.

“Are you still hungry?” Olivia eventually asked, suddenly remembering the soup and carrots fiasco. Alex shook her head. Her eyelids were drooping, her grip on Olivia’s shirt not as intense anymore.

“Want me to put on a movie?” Liv asked, knowing some background noise might help to relax the chaos in her girlfriend’s mind.

Alex considered for a moment before nodding.

Olivia picked up the remote and surfed a few channels before finding one playing Roman Holiday, one of their comfort films. She selected it and it began right in the middle of Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck’s lighthearted banter.

Alex was asleep fairly quickly, worn out from her rough night. Olivia stayed awake a bit longer, eventually muting the film and putting on subtitles, but she too was exhausted enough to fall fast asleep on the couch, her girlfriend using her as a makeshift mattress.

——————

The first thing Olivia noticed when she woke up was that the movie had restarted at some point in the night, and Gregory Peck was talking animatedly, yet silently, on the screen. The second thing she noticed was that she was awake before Alex, which was rare. She tried to reach for the remote without shifting her partner, clicking home to see the time. About eight in the morning.

Alex shifted on top of her, mumbling something incoherent.

“Good morning,” Olivia whispered, running a hand through blonde hair, still tied back with blue ribbon. She was glad Alex had stayed asleep, but if she stayed on this couch any longer, her back would not survive to tell the tale. Which unfortunately meant waking up her sleepy girlfriend.

Alex already seemed to be waking up on her own, blinking away the stickiness in her eyes left by tears. She seemed confused, but not as dazed or anxious as the previous night. Thank God for small victories, Olivia thought.

“Hello,” Alex murmured. “Sorry for,” she gestured at her position. “I don’t mean to crush you.”

“It’s okay. You’re a good blanket.”

Alex smiled at that, a much more usual Alex-smile than the forced ones the night before, and Olivia had to stop herself from letting out an audible sigh of relief.

“Why are we on the-” Alex started, before seemingly realizing she was holding something. She looked down, brow furrowed, at the bear in her hand, before reaching her other hand behind her head where she touched the ribbon. A look of panicked understanding dawned on her face. She tossed the teddy onto a nearby chair and pulled the ribbon off, unleashing her blonde hair around her shoulders. She tossed the ribbon over on the bear. “Did I-” Alex cut herself off again, unable to form full sentences as she processed everything that happened the night before, before suddenly standing up and going to the kitchen.

Olivia stretched and got up to follow, still incredibly confused by the previous night but at this point, just happy Alex wasn’t crying or scared.

Alex was standing in the middle of the kitchen, surrounded by the baby carrots Olivia had decided could stay there until morning.

“Shit,” Alex breathed out.

“You wanna talk about it?” Olivia offered from the doorway.


Alex leaned down and started picking up baby carrots, tossing them into a bag to go into the trash. “Olivia, I am so incredibly sorry you had to witness all of that.”

“I don’t know how many times you can apologize to me for no reason in 24 hours, but it really seems like you’re going for some sort of record.”

Alex didn’t laugh at her attempt at humor, picking up the final carrots to toss and rummaging through the things left on the counter.

“Have you seen my glasses?”

Olivia passed them to her. She had taken them the night before and left them on the end table of the couch.

Alex looked touched. “Thanks.” She turned and went back to tidying the counter. She wouldn’t look Olivia in the eye. “Do they need you today?“

“No. They don’t need either of us until tomorrow.”

Alex hummed in acknowledgement. She worked in silence for a few more moments as Olivia watched.

“I suppose you’re going to want an explanation.”

“Only if you wanna talk about it,” Olivia said carefully, noticing how Alex had shifted into her lawyer tone. It was her usual defense mechanism when having emotional conversations. Block it all out and argue like you’re talking to a jury. It usually drove Olivia insane, but this time, she understood why it was happening. There was no easy way to have this conversation.

“If this is gonna be serious, you should probably know,” Alex said quietly.

“We’ve been together for a year, living together for the past few months. I’d like to think we’re already pretty serious.”

Alex winced. “I know we are, I just meant-”

“I know what you meant. I love you, and I’m in this for the long run, is what I’m trying to say.”

Alex turned to face her, not meeting her eyes but looking just above. Olivia was used to this by now. “Can we sit? I’ll put on coffee.”

——————

Olivia was stirring her coffee and Alex sipping her tea, which she only had on her days off. She was staring off into the distance, and Olivia thought she had totally zoned out, until she realized Alex was staring at the teddy bear on a chair in the living room.

“What’s his name?” Olivia eventually asked.

“Hm?”

“The bear. What’s his name?”

Alex smiled, like she was amused by Olivia trying really hard to show she wasn’t judging her.

“Ollie.”

“That’s a good name for a bear.”

“Thanks.”

Back to silence, as Alex tried to figure out how to broach the topic.

“It’s not a sex thing,” she finally blurted out.

Olivia looked dumbfounded. “What?”

“My- behaving like that. It has nothing to do with sex.”

Olivia shook her head. “Alex, I know that. Not a single thing that happened yesterday was sexual in any way.”

Alex blushed, looking down at her tea. “I know, I just… every time people hear about behavior like that they think it’s a sex thing. It’s not.”

Olivia slowly nodded. “I’ve seen it before, y’know. Age regression. I’m familiar.”

Alex nodded silently. She knew why Olivia was familiar. Olivia was familiar because Olivia saw it happen to victims. She didn’t like that Olivia was piecing it all together. Not for the first time, she cursed at herself for falling in love with a detective.

“I… it happens, sometimes. Long hours or tough cases just grate on me and I… I come home and I don’t even mean to. I just go back to how I was. Before the world got so loud. When you moved in I decided it was time to stop, it was time for me to grow up. But putting it off for so long… Laurie’s case… it was all too much. I was so exhausted and it just… happened. Again. And then you came home, and I got stuck.”

Olivia, to her credit, seemed to be following along fairly well. “Stuck?” she asked.

“I was regressed, and I didn’t want you to see that, and I was trying to pull myself out but I was just so tired and overwhelmed and… scared, honestly. I think I was subconsciously trying to protect myself and when I tried to snap out of it so suddenly and couldn’t I got super frustrated and just. Broke down, I suppose. It’s usually not like that. I’m usually not so scared.”

Olivia processed this, still stirring her coffee and considering. She stopped and reached across the table to take Alex’s hands into her own. She tried to meet her girlfriend’s eyes but Alex quickly dropped her gaze, the eye contact proving to be a bit too much at the moment.

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to hide this from me, okay? I love you. You have a stressful, scary job and if this is how you cope with it, then I will be there beside you every step of the way. I will hold you, I will take care of you, I will remind you how much I love you every time. Understand?”

Alex took in a shaky breath. Of course Olivia would be so sweetly understanding. Of course she would be so sickeningly gentle and kind. She wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. “You’re so good to me.”

“You deserve that, and more.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to take care of me, y’know. You signed up for a girlfriend, this wasn’t exactly part of the deal.”

“I don’t care. I like taking care of you. Knowing you trust me enough to allow me to look after you when you’re vulnerable is so important to me.”

Alex was on the verge of tears again, trying to hold them back. “So you weren’t kidding when you said you’d make soup for me in the middle of the night,” she joked, trying to deflect with humor.

“Of course I wasn’t kidding. You know I won’t let you within ten feet of that stove,” Olivia caught on. “You burnt down the first one.”

Alex did laugh at that, a watery laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. She squeezed Olivia’s hands before releasing one so she could wipe at her eyes.

“There’s more we should talk about,” she murmured softly. “I just don’t know if I’m ready.”

Olivia watched her carefully. “Alex, when you were a child, did somebody… hurt you?”

Alex closed her eyes, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth again. Now that she wasn’t so anxious Olivia felt okay reaching out and brushing a thumb over her lip, reminding her partner to not draw blood. Alex took a deep, shaky breath.

“Yes. I don’t think I can talk about it yet, though. Maybe one day. But not now. I don’t want to think about it right now.”

Olivia could tell the lawyer walls were still up, and working hard to keep Alex separated from incredibly painful memories. “That’s alright. Thank you for trusting me with that. It’s just… the case with Laurie—”

“—hit too close to home. Yeah. I let myself get too close.”

“Let’s move back to the couch,” Olivia suggested. “I want to hold you.”

Alex smiled at that, a soft, sweet smile reserved only for Olivia, and followed her partner to the couch where Liv plopped backwards and held her arms out for Alex to snuggle in.

“Grab Ollie,” she mumbled into Alex’s shoulder. “So he doesn’t feel left out, or anything.”

Alex laughed and grabbed the bear, snuggling into Olivia’s chest. Olivia stroked her hair. They sat and just enjoyed each other’s company and warmth for a little while.

“Can we put a movie back on?” Alex eventually asked. “I missed all the good parts of Roman Holiday.”

Olivia smiled. “As you wish,” she teased, flicking to their DVD player.

Alex faked a groan. “You can quote that movie by heart. You just like the sword fighting.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t love it, Buttercup.”

Alex smiled and snuggled close. She did love the movie. She loved Olivia. Maybe the world was a little bit rough right now, but she knew she’d be okay in the end. As long as she kept having weekend mornings full of green tea and silly romance movies with the love of her life. She would be okay.