Chapter Text
Kaz remembered that day. The water, the fear of drowning, bodies touching him, screaming Jordie’s and his sister’s names, not receiving an answer. Finding Jordie dead, his eyes staring up at the sky without seeing, and Kaz making that disgusting decision of using his brother as a float and probably leaving you among the bodies. He knew he didn’t have time to look for you if he wanted to survive. Someone had to pay for what happened, and that someone was Jakob Hertzoon.
Ten years later, he sat in his office at the Club as the leader of the Dregs, having fought his way to the top, and his revenge on Pekka Rollins was finally within reach. Just a little more.
“Boss?” Doki’s voice was heard behind his door with a quiet knock, and Kaz let out a slight grunt. The door opened, and Doki timidly stepped inside. “I… I was out, uh, returning from a walk - a terrible rain, by the way, and people are-”
“Get to the point, Doki.”
Doki’s eyes immediately shot to his feet, and he started wrangling his hands. “I… of course, boss. Um… you have a visitor. A girl. Says she needs help finding someone.”
Kaz frowned and continued writing. “Does she have enough money for that?”
“Um, actually she wants to join the Dregs and doesn’t need to be paid. She says she’s a quick learner, a great fighter, and has wit, too. We’d just have to help her find out what happened to her brothers in exchange for her skills,” Doki mumbled, glancing at the door every moment in a while.
Kaz sighed - he really didn’t feel like taking some girl in who would most likely need guidance even though she probably thought she was skilled enough, and on top of that, she would need the Dregs to run after her brothers who would most likely be either killed or abandoned her. Ketterdam was a rough city. She probably hadn’t learned that yet.
Usually, Kaz would have told Doki to turn the girl away, but something in him told him that he should talk to her, see if she had potential for anything. So he sighed and gestured for Doki to let her inside, laying his gaze back on his papers as soft footsteps neared his table, stopped, and after a moment, the girl sat down on a chair across from him. Kaz still didn’t raise his eyes to look at her, but he knew she waited for him to speak first.
“I hope you know we aren’t a charity,” Kaz started. He kept a brief break, then continued, “And if you want us to help you find your brothers, you have to pay it off with your skills. And we don’t have time to teach you or coddle you, so if you don’t prove yourself useful, you’ll be thrown out.”
He still didn’t look at her, but saw her shadow cast on his table nod. Then she spoke with determination in her voice. “I will be useful. I promise. I just… I just want to know if there’s any chance that my brothers are alive.”
But there wasn’t just determination he heard - he heard something distinctly familiar in it, too. So he frowned and finally looked up, meeting her eyes. His scowl disappeared, his lips parted, and he was thrown back into the sea momentarily.
It was you. His sister. His sister was sitting there in front of him, staring straight at him.
No. He was dreaming. Another nightmare. Soon, Jordie would stand behind him and drag him under again.
But the rapid beating of his heart and how he felt like he couldn’t breathe reminded him that this was not a nightmare. This was real.
You stared at him, frowning - did you recognize him too, or were you just puzzled by Kaz’s terrified expression?
After a moment, Kaz could gulp air in again, and used it to rasp out, “Out.”
You stared at him, probably even more puzzled about what was happening. Kaz took in another breath, and slammed his fist on his desk as he shouted, “Get out!”
You jumped up at that moment, hurrying away from the office, and Kaz heard your steps echoing in the stairs. Kaz closed his eyes, trying to even out his breathing and eventually succeeded in it.
He sat there in silence, carefully going through that night again - did he see you in the boat, or had he just assumed you were there with him and Jordie? You had been less sick than the two of them, even being able to help them drink. Could there have been a possibility of you surviving the Plague?
He wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out. He didn’t know if he wanted you to know the man he had become - to let you know your brothers actually were dead. He had just been reborn, and the man he was now most likely wasn’t someone you wanted to call your brother anymore.
The sound of soft footsteps from the window made him open his eyes. Inej looked at him with a concerned frown, carefully making her way to him. “Are you okay, Kaz?”
He swallowed, realizing she must have been outside during him driving you out. He nodded, pursing his lips. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“That young woman seemed to make you feel upset. I’ve never seen you like that, Kaz - who was she?”
He shrugged, staring at the wall. “That’s not your concern.”
Inej studied him for a moment, but then sighed. “I guess not, then.”
And with that, she had already gone out, leaving him alone once again with the sound of rain against the windows and the light crackling of fire in his fireplace.