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The evening at the Crow Club was dead silent except for Nina’s soft sobs against Matthias’ shoulder. Kaz just sat there, staring at the nothingness, clearly plotting for yet another revenge at Pekka Rollins.
Just that morning, you and Kaz had encountered some Dime Lions at the Dreg territory. Of course, you took most down, but as Kaz was fighting one of the bigger guys, he didn’t notice how you had gotten surprised from behind, knocked out and taken away. It quickly became clear that it had been a trap, and those Dime Lions were supposed to be sentenced to death or badly injured in order to kidnap you. And when Kaz had noticed that you’re gone, he knew it had been a trap.
He had been so stupid. Of course it had been a trap, Dime Lions were too smart to be on the Dreg territory in so small numbers, and they knew that stepping into Dreg territory basically means fire on sight, no questions asked. And Kaz knew where you had been taken to, and Pekka wanted him to come alone.
So he had gone to the Emerald Palace, where you had been tied to a chair in Pekka’s office, and Kaz wanted to kill everyone in the room when he saw you. There was dried blood at the corner of your mouth, multiple bruises were forming around your body and your arm looked dislocated. You couldn’t even move your fingers, as they had all been broken.
“You’ll pay for this,” Kaz hissed, clenching his fists tightly.
“Oh, I know,” Pekka smirked, and gestured to you. “Sweet, sweet child, who has stolen the heart of a boy who has more reputation than most here at the Barrel.”
Kaz’s eyes narrowed dangerously. He could tell that you were barely conscious, but you tried to shake your head anyway.
“I didn’t tell him anything, Kaz,” you choked out through your bloody lips.
Pekka rolled his eyes, and a goon beside you hit you with his gun. “You won’t speak unless you’re spoken to by boss!” he growled.
“So,” Pekka said, turning to Kaz. “Did you really think you could just walk into my territory and take what you want? To try to hurt me?”
Kaz snarled, “I’d do anything to hurt you and your gang.”
Pekka laughed, clapping his hands together mockingly. “Yes, and that’s exactly why I have a proposition for you. Something you won’t like, but that’s why Mx. L/N is here to help you make that decision. You have a mind, will to hurt, to make people suffer. If only you weren’t such an idiot and work for that old Haskell… you could be so much more within my ranks.”
“Shut up!” Kaz yelled, and then his eyes darkened as he growled, “I’d never join you.”
“I don’t know what has Haskell done or promised to you for you stay so loyal to him, but if you don’t start behaving, someone is going to get hurt,” Pekka replied, and then he turned to you. “Speaking of that, let’s talk about your friend here. Or rather, your partner. You love them, is that correct?”
Kaz didn’t answer anything. He just kept glaring at Pekka.
“Yes, yes, you’re very protective,” Pekka said, rolling his eyes. “But we can work with that. In fact, if you help us, you might get to keep them. They’re quite a prize, aren’t they? Strong, loyal, brave…and young. What’s more, they seem to have a knack for getting into trouble. Why, I wonder? I thought you’d teach them better for the rules of the Barrel as you chose to love them… but as you surely know, loyalty and love are weaknesses and can be used against you.”
Kaz remained silent. Pekka grinned again.
“What do you say? Will you join our little group? And what’s more, will you make sure that your precious loved one doesn’t end up in any further danger?”
Again, Kaz remained silent.
“You know what, Brekker?” Pekka said, leaning forward. “You’re not good enough for them. At least, not yet. So, I’ll give you one chance. One last chance. Join the Dime Lions, leave that old Haskell and join my ranks, we could have use for you.”
“Kaz, don’t,” you squeaked out, only to be silenced by the same goon beside you.
Kaz hated himself for actually considering it - Pekka was the reason Jordie was dead, he hated him and working for him was the last thing he’d do. You knew that Pekka had killed Jordie, too.
If he said no, Pekka would likely kill you. If he said yes - he would betray Jordie’s memory. Neither option was good. But the question was, which was worse?
After a while of him just staring at Pekka, he lifted his chin up just a tiniest bit.
“I’ll never join you.”
And the moment those words left his mouth, he felt a sting in his stomach. Regret. But he still couldn’t bring himself to take his decision back.
Pekka sighed, leaning back into his desk and tutted. “I was afraid you would say that. Very well. I have no option than to let your love go, then.”
Pekka nodded at the goon who untied your straps and forced you to stand up and walk up to Kaz. You barely got to make an eye contact with him before a shot was heard, and you fell to the ground, lifeless. They all laughed, but Kaz heard it as distant echoes as he saw a puddle of blood forming around you, and soon he felt himself being dragged out, your body being thrown next to him to the rainy street.
He had brought you to the Slat, vomiting a few times while at it, almost fainting on the street, but despite that he forced himself to keep going, and once he was at the Slat, he told his Crows to help you to be ready to be buried. After that, everything had been black.
So there they were, the six of Crows sitting around the Slat’s main space, Nina still sobbing against Matthias’ shoulder, Inej sitting on the windowsill, just staring blankly at the rain outside, Jesper’s jokes gone for once and instead, deep in his thoughts as Wylan held his hand with tear-stained cheeks, and Kaz - Kaz just staring at the spot on the floor, clenching and unclenching his jaw. Only seeing his expression told everyone that he planned for a cruel, slow, torturous murder for Pekka Rollins for killing you.
You were on the table at the cold store room, as the ground was too frozen to dig right now. After a while of everyone just sitting there, Nina’s sobs faded away, and she lifted her head from Matthias’s shoulder.
“I hear a heartbeat,” she choked out, looking to the direction of the cold store room, where your body laid on the table, waiting for a burial. “It sounds like… their heartbeat.”
Everyone but Kaz turned to look at her. Kaz just took in a deep sigh. “Don’t play games with me, Zenik.”
“No, Kaz, wait…” Kaz heard Nina stand up and slowly making her way towards the cold store room, wiping her eyes and nose in the process. “What if they survived? Sometimes our body goes to shock after injury, and our heartbeats slow down so much that even heartrenders have difficulty hearing it. It’s rare, I’ve never experienced anything like it, but…”
Her tone sounded hopeful now, and Kaz hated it. “Stop it, Zenik.”
“Kaz-” Inej tried to intervene and he snapped to look at her, with eyes that made her shut up.
“They can’t be alive, they can’t be. They were shot, they lost a lot of blood and Nina didn’t detect a heartbeat. They’re dead,” he growled, but Nina was already going to the cold store room.
“Oh Saints!” she exclaimed. “Matthias, come quick, we have to get them back to their bed, and they need lots of blankets!”
Kaz’s eyes widened at her words - you were alive?
They can’t be, a voice inside him said. You’re destined to be alone.
But after a couple of weeks, seeing you open your eyes for the first time after being shot, made all his remaining doubts melt away. You were alive, you were breathing. You wouldn’t be yet another thing that would fuel Kaz’s ruthless reputation - you were home.
“I’d always come home to you - by crawling if not else,” you had croaked out when Kaz had told you that they all thought you’re dead, and you would have been buried alive if ground hadn’t been frozen over.
Pekka would still pay for what he did to you, but he wouldn’t have to pay for your death. You were alive, you were breathing. And that was the greatest thing that mattered.