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Kenma looks out his window. It’s not the first time it’s snowed this season but it feels special that it’s happening tonight. It probably makes him sentimental but snow on Christmas feels like a gift from the sky. A silver lining on a horrible evening.
He presses his forehead against the window. It’s blessedly cold on his skin, shocks him enough to pull him out of the spiral of thoughts twisting in his mind. Earlier in the day Kuroo had happily pulled Kenma from shop to shop as he picked out a gift for his girlfriend. The first girlfriend he’s ever had on Christmas. And Kenma, the lovesick masochist, couldn’t tell him no. Couldn’t tell him – actually Kuroo seeing your honey-eyes light up while you talk about her really isn’t how I want to spend my day. Because Kenma will always say yes to Kuroo.
He hits his head against the glass with a thunk. He’s an idiot. Outside his window he sees Kuroo walking down the sidewalk to his house. Kenma checks his phone. It’s much too early for Kuroo to be home. Kuroo had a plan. He told Kenma all about it – dinner and movies and a romantic walk through a park nearby that’s been lit up with Christmas lights. He’d been so happy when he said it - and Kenma that’s where I’ll have my first kiss. Kenma kept his eyes on his PSP when Kuroo said it. He didn’t want to see the excitement in Kuroo’s eyes, didn’t want Kuroo to see the disappointment in his.
He pushes his window open, the cold December air blowing his hair into his face. “Kuro?”
Kuroo looks up at him and smiles. “Hey.” His hands are pushed into his pockets, his cheeks and nose a rosy red. “Can I come up?”
Kenma nods. “Yeah. Of course.”
He turns on his desk lamp, boots up his computer so it won’t look like he spent his evening looking forlornly out the window. He pulls on a pair of socks, grabs the closest hoodie to him which unfortunately turns out to be one that Kuroo had recently forgotten there.
He looks down and considers changing when Kuroo opens his bedroom door. “Hey.” Kenma breathes out the greeting.
Kuroo smiles. “Hi.” He stands in the doorway, almost like he can’t decide if he wants to stay. He seems to be weighing something in his mind as he shifts back and forth from foot to foot.
Kenma sits on his bed and Kuroo (reluctantly) follows to sit next to him. Kenma's fingers play with the cuffs of Kuroo’s hoodie, much too big for his form. “Why aren’t you still on your date?”
“Oh, uh.” Kuroo looks away from him. Is he being shy? Kuroo hasn’t been shy with him since they were kids. “We called it an early night. I, uhm, we’re not dating anymore.”
“I’m sorry Kuro.” Kenma squeezes his hands into fists before working up the courage to lay a hand on Kuroo’s forearm. “I know you really liked her.”
Kuroo lets out a laugh. It sounds a bit hysterical. “The thing is I did which is why – ” He stops himself mid-sentence, looks over to Kenma and blushes. He is blushing, right? Or is it left over from his time outside.
Kenma tries to catch his eye. He doesn’t want to comfort Kuroo about a girl but he does want Kuroo to be comforted. “What happened? Are you alright?”
Kuroo shifts in his spot. “The whole night I kept thinking…” He lets out a long exhale. “That I had a better time with you this afternoon.”
Kenma sits up straighter, big eyes blinking in surprise. Kuroo’s words sound too much like hope to him. He stomps at his senseless heart. “Ah, well. You’ll find someone else you’ll like more.”
He pulls his hand back. Is that what Kuroo wants to hear? “I’m sure the next girl will be a better match.”
“I don’t know, Kenma.”
Kenma tsks, rolls his eyes. “You’re not going to be alone forever because you haven’t found your soulmate yet at sixteen.”
The silence that follows twists in Kenma’s stomach. It’s so rare for Kenma to not understand Kuroo at all but right now he has no idea what Kuroo’s feeling.
When Kuroo speaks next, Kenma has to lean forward to hear him. “But what if I did.”
“She wasn't your soulmate, Kuro.”
"I didn't mean her." He squares himself to Kenma. For the first time that night making full eye contact. “I meant you.” He shrugs like he's helpless to his own confession. "What if you're my soulmate?"
“Kuro?” Kenma isn’t prepared to handle this moment.
“It wasn’t just that I kept thinking I had more fun with you this afternoon. It was that I kept thinking – wishing – that it was you that was with me tonight. And when I thought about going for a walk with her, when I thought about...” He swallows, his eyes darting away from Kenma on the next word. “Kissing her…I realised I wanted to be kissing you.” Kuroo gives a scared, shaky laugh. “Then I come here and see you in my sweatshirt and all I can think is that I really like seeing you in my clothes.” His hands twist in his lap. “I don’t think there’s ever going to be a better match for me than you, Kenma.”
“Oh.” Kenma doesn’t feel awake, doesn’t feel anchored to his body. This has to be a dream. Is this what it feels like to be drunk?
Kuroo deflates at Kenma’s response. His head hangs. “I’m sorry, Kenma. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you. I just, I couldn’t…not…tell you.”
When Kenma’s heart beats again it does so in double time. He feels his pulse in his finger tips, in his lips. He puts his hand on Kuroo’s, settles their constant motion. “Did you still want to have your first kiss tonight?” Kenma asks, voice embarrassingly shaky.
“Kenma, you don’t have to – ”
“And if I want to? If I’ve only ever thought of you being my first kiss. Is it okay then?”
There's a moment of surprise and then Kuroo’s smiling, big and bright in that contagious way Kuroo smiles. His eyes sparkle and Kenma’s lost in him all over again. “Hey, Kenma. I know it’s late but do you want to be my boyfriend this Christmas?”
Kenma is sure he’s bright red. He nods his head. “Okay.”
Kuroo takes Kenma’s face in his hands, rubs Kenma’s cheeks with nervous thumbs. Chests heaving, fingers tingling, Kuroo and Kenma share their first kiss. And then their second and their third.
For Christmas that year Kenma and Kuroo get very, very good at kissing. 💕🎄