Chapter Text
Kaeya was tired.
Like any other late night, Kaeya was at the tavern. The Angel’s Share, to be exact. He sat at the bar in front of his ex-brother, drinking his fourth Death After Noon. Diluc glared at him any time nobody else was looking. His eyes shone with hatred.
“We’re closing up. I think it’s time you leave, Sir Kaeya.” Diluc muttered, the hate spilling off him in waves. Kaeya could almost taste his anger through the drink Diluc had made him.
“On the contrary, Master Diluc, I think I should stay a little while longer. Why wouldn’t a tavern owner such as yourself want to give his most loyal and beloved patron some extra drinks in exchange for a little extra mora?” Kaeya sneered, the alcohol slurring his deceitful words.
Diluc sighed, gritting his teeth. “I don’t care how much you pay. We. Are. Closing.” He reiterated.
Kaeya shook his head. “Awww, but Master Diluc, all I want is just one more drink.” He cooed mischievously, pushing his glass forward towards Diluc.
Diluc grabbed the glass, but started to clean it instead of refilling it. Was it so hard to just give him another drink? Terrible customer service on Diluc’s part. “Get out, Sir Kaeya.” Diluc spat. Kaeya swore he could almost see venom spilling from his teeth.
Kaeya pouted. “Come on now, Diluc, I can’t just leave! I paid for my drinks, so I deserve a place here.” He begged half-heartedly, his drunken mind drawing pleasure from seeing Diluc’s anger grow.
Diluc slammed the glass he had been cleaning down on the bar, cracking the intricately decorated glass. “I SAID GET. OUT. WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? I NEVER WANTED YOU HERE TO BEGIN WITH, WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT LEAVING AND STAYING AWAY?” Diluc screamed, likely waking up those housed around the tavern.
Kaeya flinched. His carefully crafted mask of indifference slipping for a moment before he chuckled—a hollow, empty sound—and stood up from the bar. He couldn’t look Diluc in the eye, but he could tell Diluc was similarly caught off guard by his outburst. “I suppose you do have a point. I’ll be on my way now, Master Diluc.” He murmured, turning and slipping out of the tavern before Diluc could blink.
Kaeya didn’t return to the Angel’s Share tavern again after that.
He was tired of working for hours and hours on end.
He was tired of only making friends because of work. Not because people came to him first, not because he was interesting to someone, but because they had to for work. Sure, they became friends later, but it always felt artificial, no matter how much said ‘friends’ reassured him.
“Sure I like you, Captain Kaeya! You’re my coworker, after all, it’d be pretty awkward if I didn’t at least tolerate you.”
Amber.
Kaeya smiled and acted as if that was enough to make him happy.
Kaeya was tired of being alone.
He was tired of spending the few nights he went home at all alone.
Kaeya walked into his messy, disorganized apartment late at night. He rarely comes in here anymore. He spent most nights in his office, working and working until his body couldn’t keep up anymore.
Not that anybody noticed. He wasn’t important enough for that.
He was tired of nobody caring for him while he was sick whilst they fretted over Jean having a simple cough or cold.
“Stop complaining, Kaeya! Jean has a cold, can’t you just step up for once and be useful?”
Lisa.
Kaeya shut his mouth and worked through his fever. Through the chills and the aches and the coughing. He deserves it.
He was tired of watching Bennett, Razor, and Fischl hang out when it reminded him of Diluc, Jean, and him when they were younger.
“Come on, Razor, I’ll race to the other side!”
“Come on, Kaeya, father’s calling! I’ll race you inside!”
He was tired of being the only one not taking breaks to be with friends.
He was tired of sitting alone during parties with the Knights.
“Happy birthday, Jean!” Said Amber. They all clinked glasses with a cheer. Jean looked to Diluc.
“Thank you so much for lending us your tavern, Diluc. This wouldn’t have been possible without you.” Jean said with a happy, peaceful sort of look.
Diluc smiled. “It was no trouble, Jean. I’m always happy to help.” He said, taking another sip from his glass.
Kaeya sat in the corner, staring at his drink. Even if he organized the party, he didn’t deserve the appreciation anyways. He deserved to sit alone. He didn’t deserve to celebrate with everyone else.
Kaeya was tired of missing people.
He was tired of missing the friendship Jean and him used to share, that now turned into coworkers first, friends rarely.
“That paperwork was supposed to be turned in last week, Kaeya! Archons, I can’t believe you! Why do I trust you with anything?!” Jean yelled, hands tugging at her hair in frustration.
Kaeya just nodded. He knew he was lazy and unreliable. He deserves this.
He was tired of missing Master Crepus, the only true father figure he ever had. He didn’t deserve to mourn after what he did to him and Diluc.
“I do not care who you were or where you came from, son, all I care about is who you are now.” Master Crepus told a much younger Kaeya, only recently officially adopted into the Ragnvindr family.
Kaeya didn’t believe him. He doesn’t deserve this.
He was tired of missing Diluc. Tired of missing the warmth his estranged older brother always held. Tired of missing their banter and smiles and hugs.
“What’s this one called?” Young Kaeya asked, new to Mondstadt and its greenery.
A young Diluc plucked a Calla Lily from its root in the ground. “This is a calla lily!” He explained, grinning widely. He looked at Kaeya and saw his gaze of admiration. “Do you like it?” He asked.
Kaeya nodded, reaching out to take the flower and place it between his small, thin hands. “It’s.. pretty.”
Diluc gasped. “Is it your favorite?” He whispered, eyes shining with excitement.
Kaeya nodded again. “Yeah.. my favorite.” He murmured, voice almost lost in the wind.
“Then we can call it a Kaeya lily!” Diluc exclaimed, bouncing with unbridled happiness.
“A Kaeya lily..?” Kaeya muttered, looking confused.
“Yeah, a Kaeya lily! You know, since your name’s Kaeya and it's your favorite flower!” Diluc said.
Kaeya smiled. “Okay. Yeah. A Kaeya lily.” He said, hugging the flower close.
Kaeya was happy in that moment, but deep down, he knew he didn’t deserve it.
Kaeya was tired of lying.
Everyday, at all times, he lied.
His confident smile? A lie.
His hatred for his ex-brother? A lie.
His unaffected manner when that same man treated him with hatred? A lie.
His affirmation that he was fine? A lie.
His affirmation that he was happy? A lie.
His affirmation that he was worth something? A lie. A lie that everyone saw the truth of.
“I don’t trust a word out of your mouth. You’re nothing but a liar.”
Diluc.
Kaeya laughed, taking another swig from his drink. Diluc was right.
Kaeya was tired of being worthless.
Kaeya was tired of living.
Kaeya knew that everyone would be better off without him. Jean wouldn’t have to write nearly as many reports or issue nearly as many apologies without Kaeya there to cause trouble. Lisa wouldn’t have to make sure Kaeya gets rest before she leaves work everyday. Amber wouldn’t have to deal with Kaeya bothering her while she was on patrol. Rosaria would get one less annoying drunkard to deal with every night. Aether would have one less person to have to help. Venti would get to annoy the entire tavern himself without Kaeya stealing the show. Barbara would have one less person to heal. Albedo wouldn’t have to deal with Kaeya’s annoying teasing whenever he visited the Knights of Favonius headquarters. Klee would stop learning how to escape solitary confinement without Kaeya there to help influence her. Diluc wouldn’t have to deal with a piece of shit excuse for a brother every night.
Yes —Kaeya thought— Everyone would be so much happier without me.
Life in Mondstadt would be so… peaceful. Life would be carefree, happy, and without any blue-haired idiots with deadly secrets. Everyone would be happier if he was gone.
For these reasons, Kaeya climbed the steps up the upper tower of the Knights of Favonius building. There, he could finally alleviate everyone’s pain. He could no longer cause trouble for anyone else. Most people wouldn’t even notice he was gone, as to most he was insignificant. For the rest, he was a nuisance.
For once in his tiresome existence, Kaeya could do something good. His one good act. His first and his last.
Just as Kaeya was about to take off his eyepatch, there on the edge he saw that someone had gotten there before him. A person with a long, blonde braid and a sword that laid nearby. The traveler. Aether.
He had come to jump too.
Despite himself, Kaeya screamed.
“Wait, Aether, don’t do it!”
What did I just say? Why am I stopping him if I have the same goal?
Perhaps I am destined to be a hypocrite till the end.
In truth, Kaeya was somewhat annoyed. His plans had been interrupted and he’s lost his opportunity now.
Aether turned his head to look back at Kaeya. His eyes showed a longing, a hopelessness that Kaeya understood in ways that words could not explain.
Aether told Kaeya his woes. “I really thought that me and my sister would be together forever, but then we were separated and we’re too far apart to come back together again.”
Kaeya stared at Aether in disbelief. “For Archon’s sake, are you serious?! I can’t believe that you came up here for such a stupid reason!” Kaeya yelled, shaking his head. “You’re upset that you can’t have what you wanted? You’re lucky that you’ve never had to adventure alone!” He exclaimed, gesturing to Aether’s bag, which had multiple keepsakes and gifts from his travels.
Aether smiled. “I guess you’re right. I’m feeling better now, thank you for listening, Kaeya.”
The traveler with braided hair turned and walked back down the tower.
Kaeya could see him come out the front doors of the Favonius Headquarters and be enveloped by a loving crowd of friends who had seen him up at the tower and knew he was going to jump.
He’s lost his chance now. Kaeya will do it tomorrow.
Today is the day. Kaeya thought the day after his last attempt with Aether.
Just as Kaeya was about to take his eyepatch off, there was a short bard with green-tipped hair.
Despite himself, Kaeya once again screamed.
This time, it was Venti who told him his woes. “Everyone adores me, but everyone steals. No one really knows who I am. I don’t fit in with anyone here.”
Kaeya laughed incredulously. “For Archon’s sake, please! You can’t be serious! I can’t believe that you got up here before me!” He declared. “Even so, you’re still loved by your audience and friends! There’s always a drink waiting at the tavern, you know?!”
Venti huffed. “I’m thirsty.” Said Venti as he shed a tear. “I think I’ll go pay a visit to the Angel’s Share.”
The bard with green-tipped hair then disappeared down the tower staircase.
Once more, a crowd enveloped him in concern and relief.
Today was not Kaeya’s day. He’d do it tomorrow.
Just like that, there was someone everyday. Bennett, Rosaria, Mona, Eula. Kaeya listened to their tales and made them turn away. And yet, there was no one who would do the same for him. There was no way for him to let out all his pain. Only a way to end it.
On a dreary, dark Mondstadt afternoon, Kaeya climbed the tower again. For the first time, he spoke to someone just like him.
A girl with blonde pigtails and a church uniform.
Having done this time and time again, Kaeya was surprised when Barbara spoke without Kaeya’s prompting.
“I just want to stop the pain that grows every time that I go home. I’m harassed along the way and feel the emptiness at home without my sister. I just want to end the pain. That's why I came up here instead.”
In that moment, Kaeya just screamed something that he could not believe.
“Don’t do it please.” Kaeya’s voice cracked.
What could he do? He can’t stop this one, and that was new. For once, Kaeya thought he might have bitten off more than he could chew.
Even so.
“Please just get down so I can’t see your pitiful expression, it’s just too much for me!” Kaeya screamed into the hollow wind.
Barbara giggled. It lacked her usual charm. “I guess today is just not me day.” She looked away from the edge and walked down the tower steps, just like all the others.
The crowd of on-lookers embraced one more rescued soul.
There was no one at the tower today. Kaeya is alone. There was no crowd, the streets were quiet and empty. The sun was setting. Kaeya walked to the edge and watched the sun slowly sink into the sea.
Kaeya took off his fur jacket, setting it aside along with his sword. Then, he removed his eyepatch and let it drop and fall off the edge. He would join it soon.
Kaeya had gone to the tavern for the first time since their argument earlier that day. He got a Death After Noon and bid Diluc farewell shortly after.
Kaeya didn’t bother Amber on her patrol at all that day. He simply greeted her that morning and said goodbye shortly after.
Kaeya had worked extra hard and did all of his work plus some of Jean’s that day.
Kaeya had saved up money and gifted Bennett, Razor, and Fischl all some new gear to train with earlier that day.
Kaeya put the money he didn’t spend on their new equipment into a safe with a schedule of when each bag of Mora would be given to someone for their birthday.
Kaeya had finished all his paperwork and turned it in to Jean that day before he wished her a good night and left.
Kaeya visited Master Crepus’s grave right before he came up the tower. He said his final goodbye to him, too. He couldn’t say the words he always wanted to say, because he didn’t deserve to.
Kaeya left a bouquet of Calla Lilies on that grave.
Diluc had asked him that day why Kaeya had come to the tavern earlier than he usually would. Kaeya finished his drink and just laughed.
“No need to worry, I won’t bother you ever again after this, Master Diluc. I promise you that.”
Kaeya said his goodbyes. He didn’t leave a note. There was no reason to. He was not important enough to have someone care to even read it. He doubted that anyone would know that he was gone unless they found his body.
For one, fleeting moment he thought that maybe he would get to see Master Crepus again. Though, that was a foolish idea. Master Crepus was a good, pure man. Kaeya was the opposite. A no-good sinner made from ash and regret.
He could not be Khaenri’ah’s last hope, for he had no hope in himself to begin with.
As Kaeya looked down at the ground far, far below, he wished he had died sooner. He wished he would have died when his biological father abandoned him that night, that way the Ragnvindr family would have been happy. Whole. Kaeya broke their precious balance. Similarly, he wishes he had died instead of Master Crepus. He did almost die that day, and he wished he had. His death would have saved the world so much future trouble.
Kaeya breathed in the flower-scented air and smiled. A truthful, real smile. Not one of his fake masks, but a genuine smile. Maybe now, with his death and the happiness it would bring, he could make everyone proud. Jean. Lisa. Amber. Klee. Venti. Rosaria. Diluc.
Diluc. His ex-brother and the man that had once owned Kaeya’s entire heart and soul. Now, neither were intact. His heart had been shattered and his soul had flickered out long ago. At least now he could make Diluc happy.
All he had to do was jump. What a simple act.
Kaeya gazed at Mondstadt, admiring the city, the nation it had become. He was proud of Mondstadt. He was glad that the last thing he would ever see was the city he adored, basked in the glow of a setting sun.
Kaeya let his eyes slip close and stepped forward so he was right on the edge of the tower.
May the wind carry my soul, my being, far, far away. Away to a happier place, to a place of true worth. Perhaps I don’t deserve to be happy, but I still wish for the wind to take me away to a place where I can do no harm.
May the wind carry my body away and bless the lives of those I harmed and let my life become nothing but whispers in the wind.
Kaeya spread his arms and let the wind lick at his fingertips.
Kaeya Alberich fell forward and let the wind consume him for one last time.