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Chuuya had never been much of a 'cat person'. Not for lack of trying, of course. He loved cats to death, but for some reason, they really didn't like him. He'd tried every trick in the book. Luring them in with food, toys, hell, even catnip. It was always a futile effort. They rarely even let him get near enough to show them his treats, let alone close enough to actually pet them. That was why when he saw a sweet looking cat minding its own business in an alleyway, he completely forgot what he was doing, and followed behind it.
It turned back to face Chuuya, sitting down. Chuuya stared at the cat. It stared back. One step closer. It didn't move. Another. It stood still. Finally, he could just reach out and touch it-
"What are you doing, chibi?" Dazai appeared behind him, startling him and the cat both. It hissed and scratched at Chuuya's hand, before scampering away.
"I hate you. I hate you, you know that?" Chuuya nursed his hand close to his chest, whirling around and glaring at Dazai.
"I was just saving a poor street cat from bring harassed! How am I the villain here?" Dazai asked, though he had an air surrounding him that implied that he knew exactly what he was doing.
"You're the worst," Chuuya huffed, squatting down in defeat. "I was so close."
"Gross, was chibi doing unspeakable things in alleyways?" Dazai walked past him, further into the alley.
"You're disgusting." Chuuya scowled, following Dazai wigh his eyes. "I just wanted to pet him. I was real close too, and you scared the poor thing away."
"You wouldn't have gotten to pet it anyways. Remember last time you got close enough to pet one?" Dazai was hunched over now, digging through a few trashbags and empty boxes.
Chuuya did. Last time he'd managed to get close enough to pet one, it had scratched his face so hard that it left a scar on his cheek. He touched it fondly.
"It didn't mean to, I came up behind it. This one knew I was coming," Chuuya pointed out.
"I think you just have a cat repellent. Maybe it's those ugly hats you wear. They scare the poor creatures," Dazai teased. "Aha!" He said triumphantly, standing up with a cat- the same one that had run away before- lifted up in his arms. "Here you are!"
The cat seemed more or less unbothered by Dazai, chewing on whatever disgusting food it had managed to find in the trash.
"You caught him!" Chuuya said, eagerly standing up all the way. "Let me have him," he held his arms out. Dazai pretended to think on this, lowering the cat from where he'd held it in the air, and instead holding it closer to himself.
"No." Dazai said. Chuuya wasn't a genius like Dazai was, but he had definitely seen this coming.
"I'll kick your ass," he threatened.
"If you kick my ass, you'll scare the cat," Dazai pointed out. Chuuya hated Dazai as things were, but he especially hated the bastard when he was right.
"As soon as that cats out of your hands, you're dead," Chuuya decided.
"Maybe I'll never let him go then!" Dazai hugged the cat against himself. It gave an annoyed hiss, but otherwise ignored the motion, pressing it's head up against Dazai.
That should totally be Chuuya. Holding the cat, that is. He would die before he allowed Dazai to touch him in such a way.
"You have to eventually. You can't kill yourself holding a cat," Chuuya pointed out.
"Maybe I won't! I'll get straight just for Neko-Chan," Dazai kissed the cats head, immediately scrunching his nose in disgust. The thing 'had' just been rummaging through the trash, after all.
"I'm not letting you name that cat Neko-Chan, that's lazy! He deserves a real name!" Chuuya stepped closer. The cat hissed, reaching out to scratch him, but he was too far away. "Don't be like that, kitty, he's a bastard! Don't defend him!"
"Neko-Chan is a better name than 'Kitty'." Dazai made a face.
"I wouldn't name him kitty, I would name him," Chuuya paused and looked at the cat- Neko-Chan. He looked old. A brown tabby with green eyes, and very scruffy fur. He'd probably been a street cat for a while. "Kenzo," he decided.
"Kenzo?" Dazai echoed, turning the cat around, and holding him so that they were face to face to get a better look.
"Yeah! He looks wise, doesn't he? I'm sure he knows all kinds of things about living on the streets. He's like a wise elder to kittens," Chuuya stepped closer. Dazai looked at him, and promptly burst out laughing.
"Chibi puts so much thought into it, it's almost sweet," he taunted. The cat- Neko-Chan- Kenzo- whatever he's called, looked up at the laughing Dazai, then over to Chuuya, who'd gone red in the face from being laughed at.
"Shut up! You asked, and I provided! It isn't sweet, and of course he deserves a good name," Chuuya stepped closer, holding his hand out. The cat swiped at him once again, scratching up his arm. "Why won't you let me pet you, damnit!"
Dazai stepped back, holding the cat closer as he laughed. Kenzo rubbed his head against Dazai's shoulder, purring loud enough to make Chuuya rethink his life choices.
What had he done to deserve this? What God had he pissed off in a past life to make cats hate him, but love his arch nemesis?? Would they ever rescind this curse? He turned on his heel, arms crossed in front of him.
"I'm going home," he grumbled.
"Awee, don't take it so personal, chibi! It's not my fault I'm lovable and you aren't." He could hear Dazai following behind him, but he refused to turn around, walking quickly.
"Cats are the only thing that could ever love you," he retorted as he stepped out of the alleyway and back onto the sidewalk.
"I'll let you pet Kenzo-chan," Dazai offered. Chuuya did not have as strong a will as he'd thought. He turned around.
"You're going to use this for extortion somehow," Chuuya said skeptically.
"I'd never! So long as you agree you owe me a favor for capturing this cat for you," Dazai replied.
"No, see, that actually is extortion." Chuuya furrowed his eyebrows.
"I guess I'll let Kenzo-chan go back home," he crouched down.
"No, no, fine, I'll owe you a favor! Whatever," Chuuya crouched right with him, holding his hand out the pet the cat. Dazai shifted his fingers slightly so that he was holding the cats paws down, so it at least couldn't scratch at Chuuya. With his paws held, there wasn't much that Kenzo could do as the ginger pet him. Except sink his teeth directly into his forearm.
"Shit- Kenzo-chan, let go," Chuuya shook his arm. The cat relented, letting go with a little huff of it's nose, and leaning back into Dazai's embrace.
"Man, sucks to be Chuuya," Dazai held the cat for a moment, before releasing him to run back wherever he'd come from. Chuuya watched mournfully as what could have been his best friend disappeared down the street. The world was cruel, and Dazai was even crueler.
(Despite not even getting to pet the cat, Chuuya was still forced to honor his end of the deal, and found himself doing all of Dazai's dry cleaning. Chuuya decided then and there that he was a dog person.)