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Cullen rushed forward as the Rift surged to life, drawing his sword and bracing himself in case whatever was on the other end turned out to be someone (or something) they did not expect. He uttered a quiet sigh of relief and lowered his weapon as the familiar face of Dorian stumbled through, blinking at the sudden brightness of the courtyard. He was soon followed by a stone-faced Cassandra and a visibly shaking Cole. Cullen’s heart began to beat faster in anticipation as he waited impatiently for his love to appear. They actually made it through. He came back. Soon he will be in my arms again…
Trevelyan staggered through suddenly, collapsing to one knee as he lost his footing. He appeared to be exhausted and in a considerable amount of pain. Dorian hurried to his side, pulling him to his feet and supporting him with an arm around his waist as he spoke urgently into his ear.
Any moment now he will appear with that goofy grin on his face… Hawke burst through next at a dead run, skidding on the loose stones under the Rift. “Close it!” he yelled as he struggled to catch his balance, arms flailing.
That means Alistair is next... Wait, what? “No, you can’t close it!” Cullen cried as he reached Trevelyan’s side.
“It’s now or never,” Trevelyan replied quietly, purposely avoiding Cullen’s gaze. Gritting his teeth, he raised his left hand, the Mark pulsing to life on his palm.
Cullen had to step back and shield his eyes as bright green light surged from the Mark and into the Rift. “No!” he screamed as the Rift began to close. He struggled through his sudden blindness to grasp at Trevelyan, but it was too late. The Rift closed with a thick crackling sound and faded away. A heavy silence fell over those gathered in the courtyard.
For a moment Cullen forgot to breathe, his body rigid as his mind scrambled to comprehend what had just happened. A sudden gasp had the air painfully rushing back into his lungs and he found his fists clenching the front of Trevelyan’s tunic in a death grip. “You left him there!” Cullen shouted into Trevelyan’s face, his amber eyes glinting dangerously.
“Commander!” Dorian bellowed, trying to place himself between them, but Cullen roughly shouldered him aside.
“We were trapped by some sort of monstrous nightmare creature that we had no hope of defeating. He offered to stay behind as a distraction so that we could escape,” Trevelyan tried to explain, but Cullen shook his head vehemently.
“No, that’s not possible! We have to go back for him!“
Trevelyan trembled in his grip, his blue eyes full of sorrow. “I can’t, Cullen,” he replied softly. “Even if I knew how to open Rifts at will, I don’t know what part of the Fade Alistair is in. It’s much too vast to start searching at random. I’m so sorry.”
Cullen suddenly released Trevelyan and stepped back, running his hands through his hair in distress. “I… I have some paperwork I need to attend to,” he said faintly. Before anyone could stop him, he turned away and briskly made his way toward their camp.
Dorian moved to follow, his jaw clenched in anger, but Trevelyan grabbed his arm. “I will go to him,” he murmured. Dorian huffed irritably but nodded and allowed himself to be pulled into an quick embrace before Trevelyan followed after Cullen.
—
Cullen sat motionless at his desk, face buried in his hands as he tried to force himself into some semblance of calm. Calm… how can I be calm when I… when he… this can’t really be happening. He pressed his palms into his closed eyelids until he saw stars. This has to be a dream. I’ll wake up soon to Alistair sneaking into my tent for early morning kisses and… other activities… Everything will be alright, I just need to wake myself up and this will all be over…
He jumped when a voice called his name from just outside the tent. “Cullen, I really must speak with you,” Trevelyan repeated after a moment, just loud enough to be heard through the fabric.
“Come in,” Cullen croaked, his throat tight.
Taking the chair in front of Cullen’s desk, Trevelyan leaned forward intently. “It wasn’t an easy decision for him to make,” he began softly. “He wanted more than anything to come back to you, but he said he also had a duty to fulfill as a Grey Warden that he couldn’t ignore.”
A harsh bark of laughter escaped Cullen’s throat. “I refuse to believe this is nothing more than a nightmare. It’s not possible. He is going to come back. He has to come back. We… I… I…” We are in love. I love him. I need him. He couldn’t even finish the thoughts out loud.
To his surprise, Trevelyan’s eyes filled with tears. He fumbled at one of the pouches in his tunic for a moment before pulling out a small bundle wrapped in white cloth. “He wanted me to give this to you. He said that you would understand. He also wanted me to tell you that he loves you more than anything in the world, and that his only regret was not being able to give you the proper goodbye you deserved.”
Cullen’s heart clenched at Trevelyan’s words, and he stared at the bundle in sudden dread. He already knew what it was. Steeling himself, Cullen took the bundle from Trevelyan’s hands and laid it on the desk in front of him. He carefully unwrapped it with trembling fingers. His breath hitched as his lucky coin was revealed, glinting faintly in the candlelight. He had given the coin to Alistair on the night he had first declared his love. Alistair had been hesitant to accept it at first, deathly afraid that he would lose the precious object. He had only relented when Cullen had shyly proposed it could be made into a necklace, making it easier to keep safe. Once the necklace was finished Alistair had promised to never take it off, tucking it reverently beneath his tunic and next to his heart…
Cullen couldn’t hold back his tears any longer. This wasn’t a dream…