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Dear Lilith,
As the Avatar of Wrath, I have no shame in saying I loath you. Every single fibre of your being deserves to be ridden from this world. Wherever you are I hope you are happy. You should know what you have left behind.
Another year has passed in your absence and I can not say I long for your presence like my brothers do. For I know that if we were to meet I would hate you just as much as I do now. I ask myself constantly, how could you be so idiotic to love a human in the first place? I assume naivety, considering how protective your loving brothers are and yet the question bites at my conscious; how could you put the brothers you loved and who cared about you and your family so deeply, in such a tragic position? It alludes to me how you could have despised them so much as to put them through so much abuse and torment by your actions.
Your brothers will never admit the pain you caused them aloud. The agony the Celestial war caused them is almost too much to ponder about and yet I relish in the thought of you understanding your brothers’ grief. Every year on the day of your passing I see my brothers die, their eyes shadowed by emptiness. All because a little naive and ignorant angel chose the concept of romance and love of all things over those who truly mattered. I will not mourn for a fool.
You died. How tragic.
Lilith, you never thought to stay long enough to witness the true consequences of your actions. You died in body, yet so did your brothers. I hope you can see them. I hope you can feel the pain radiating off of them just as I can at every breath you lack. Truly, I believe that if anybody should be in purgatory it should be you. Purgatory then would be harboring the greatest tormentor the world has ever known. After all, the greatest evils are those who can make sins fall to their knees.
Would you still choose your concept of love if you saw Beelzebub waking up in the middle of the night gorging on food as tears streamed down his face? Have a guess why he does this. For I believe that when he consumes more and sobs out a plea of your name it has everything to do with your loss. Do you know how hopeless it is to just watch as the fridge light clings to the walls of the kitchen and illuminates my sobbing brother on the cold tiles stuffing a disgusting amount of food down his throat? Watching your brother fill a void that you know will never be fulfilled again and yet the pit of his stomach grows each passing night. Your brother has a fear of touching others, of holding people's hands. I am not an ignorant being like you Lilith. I know he thinks he let you die. He mutters it late at night in passing or worse screams it so gently that I can only hear the wrath he feels towards himself. His gently scream concentrates his fury at himself, at the war. I rarely feel his fury as I did in the past and yet I just know like a cat knows how to climb that he blames himself. Blames himself for a fate and decision that was never his to bear.
And what of the twin brother Belphegor? Do you have any idea of the fear and pain that lies behind his ruthlessness? At least on the day of your death, we know Belphie is alive. He isn’t sleeping like the dead, never to be awakened from his self-inflicted slumber. I wish I could say that he had always blamed humans for your loss. I wish I could say that from the beginning I harnessed his wrath and helped feed his prejudice towards humans. But that wasn’t always the case. Belphie is a being that holds so much fairy wrath, it is hard to ignore, near disturbing actually. I can feel it. From the moment I could retain conscious thought I could comprehend his hatred. For just as much as Beel blames himself, Belphie blamed himself equally. Now Lilith, be sensible and smart in your thought process; Who do you believe was most convenient for the Avatar of Sloth to punish? Who did he take his fury and pain out on? Do his destructive urges still linger beneath his cold exterior? Let’s simply say I never liked the smell of blood since I was young. It lingers on a person far longer than it has been washed off. Eventually, his wrath moved onto humans and I could say with full certainty that if my brother asked me to help him in destroying that putrid race I would. Wholeheartedly. If in the name of healing or a chance to see my bother full of life I would. Just to see light in the empty eyes that I have always known. I would do anything to know that Belphie had every intention to stay awake and alive. Even if I had to resort to wiping out an entire species if I had to, I would not bat an eye.
It is insulting to think that you could not let one human go, couldn’t sacrifice one being and inflicted all this pain onto your beloved brother. I hope you had the privilege of seeing light in his eyes. I am told he was quite an energetic boy when he was an angel, so I hope you can contrast your brother with personal experience. Just to see what you have inflicted on others. So whilst you examine exactly what you did to him. I will fulfil my duty in fuelling and encouraging every grudge and drop of resentment Belphegor might hold. Just to see something alive in his eyes, just for a moment.
I hope you have mercy on Asmodeus Lilith. For I worry about him. I have never seen a being show such fake emotion as effortlessly as Asmodeus. I will never forget the early years of my creation perfecting an invisibility spell for the first time, and slowly sneaking into the room of the most forgiving brother I had at the time. What I expected were pure materialism and vanity items, instead, I was met with the most heart-wrenching sound I have ever heard. What I can attempt to describe to you is a mix between a scream and a sob. A sound that shattered every smile, every laugh and every teasing remark my brother had ever given his audience. That was the day I discovered that the Avatar of Lust is made of lies, deceit and facade.
I kept a close eye on the Asmodeus from there onward. From the moment of my creation, I have been close to the kindhearted and extravagant brother. Perhaps it was the special care and effort he made in ensuring I fit in with him. Or the fact that he was the first to welcome me into the family first.
One night I followed Asmo on one of his “social outings” just to see how he was faring with others. At first, I predicted that his socializing would benefit the healing process, most books suggested that keeping social would help the mourning period so I followed him with high hopes. I never felt disgusted such as the night my brother came out of some unworthy demon’s den wasted and so disgustingly violated. He was out of his body Lilith, he seemed drugged with something, the devil knows what and a demon slipping out of their den looking the picture of lowliness. He attempted to run his hands all over my brother even as Asmo’s body was unmoving on the ground. I stared in horror as that revolting demon attempted to touch my brother, forcing a body that resembled a corpse into his lust.
I ripped his head clean off his body after he was dealt with by the Avatar of Wrath thoroughly.
My brother was still unconscious when we returned to the house of Lamentation. I cleaned him up, tended to his many injuries and put him to bed. I sat there the entire night until he awoke.
He said it was in the name of punishment that he let it get that bad, that he deserved this treatment for all his faults and ‘imperfections’, that I was never supposed to see him like that as he pulled a hideously fake smile to his face. I saw red.
After many lectures from me and many reassurances that a case that bad will never happen again, I left him alone in his room once more. It was barely two days that I found my brother in a similar “relationship” as he refers to them.
Nausea encroaches on my being if my thoughts linger too long on the type of people Asmo associated with and the actions Asmo allowed them to take.
He was never pleasured. Always punished in the most invasive ways imaginable. Asmo is a perfect gem, who has every right to be nurtured and loved. Yet he only brings comfort and pleasure to others, selling himself in every act of affection.
He has calmed down Lilith since those days but know this; Every year on your anniversary I will look for my brother’s body in the streets or the middle of nowhere. Preparing for his night of ritualistic ‘punishment’. Think of that what you will.
Fortunately, I now know how to read my younger brothers’ grief. They wear it on their sleeve and work in patterns, mourning wholeheartedly. Unfortunately, I have but a clue as to how I could assist my elder brothers in their grief. I resent you wholly for this. Because no matter how long I have lived, I will never know nor understand the extent of your relationship with my brothers in the celestial realm. I can never figure out the extent of their grief. Nor could I understand why you threw a seemingly perfect life and perfect family away. If my younger brothers are easy to read I fear I will never understand my elders. They all act vastly different from one another. My younger brothers blame themselves for their faults. Yet my elder brothers are different. They act as if it was inevitable. As if it was the only way. They mask their grief with such acceptance and affection memories for you that it infuriates me that I cannot understand why.
At first, I believed that you're loss nearly stunted the 3rd born's maturity. Leviathan always hid from the world and I thought it cowardly as he immersed himself in fiction. I believed that losing you brought him to a spiral of insecurity and that like my younger brothers he blames himself for not being able to protect you on the day of your death thus he resorted to heroic fiction. So that he could imagine himself saving you with the strength of his mythological and fantastical heroes. I thought he indulged in literature for pure entertainment and nothing more, collecting useless knowledge on characters and techniques the heroes used to protect loved ones. I expected that your death spiked his hero complex and that he was a weakling you not only lacked the strength but also the insightfulness that could have assisted you.
I did not expect Lucifer to personally assign Leviathan to my training. And I certainly did not expect to respect nor even like Leviathan. Yet he was my teacher and I was going to make the most of it.
He is the reason for my love of literature because not only did he appreciate the story on its surface as I once assumed but for everything that it stood for. He taught me everything I know about literature. He taught me the art of writing, how to discover the hidden meaning behind poems, and how different literary lenses can contort the reader's perspective. He taught me fine art and at the time even a little bit of modern science. It became apparent very quickly that Leviathan has an eye for the smallest of details and remembers them. The shock of knowledge crashed down on me when I realised not only would my brother be able to predict your death, examining the field. But he also could have saved you if he was present at the time.
My perception of what I thought was a weak and pitiful demon was then changed. I was being taught by Leviathan, the celestial realms Grand Admiral of the Aquatic allies, aligning himself with the mythological god of Poseidon as Lucifer explained to me.
An area of study that particularly made Leviathan uncomfortable and particularly upset was the topic of romance. Which was silly because for a multitude of reasons. I am a being of wrath, the idea of being in love is humorous but also because romance at the time had no taboos and was strongly encouraged in everyone. Yet my fantastical brother shivered at the thought. When Shakespeare emerged and gave the world the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet my brother laughed weakly to himself. I asked myself why so many times until I lost count. Then I realized; my brother thought the same way as I do about love.
Perceived affections can bring down those who were bound for greatness, dragging them through a doomed fate that could have been avoided if only they could ignore their whims of affection. Romeo and Juliet is the greatest example of how powerful, foolish and dangerous love is. I can only assume Leviathan avoids experiencing such a miserable fate and envies those who are free from love’s grasp. For he lost his darling sister to the most dangerous temptation. You ended just as Shakespeare coneys; “these violent delights have violent ends” too bad you weren't here to heed his warning. Dear Lilith “Love is a smoke made with the fumes of sighs”.
Alas, Leviathan is envious. Perhaps he thinks himself a hero that could have saved you if he were stronger. Of all that he values in heroes of his stories and passions, it is you that influences them. Never have I seen him not get emotional when a sibling dies. He loses his temper quickly if you insult something close to him, a character that holds a strength that could have saved you. For he is not a hero, he thinks of himself as a pathetic hollow echo of any hero.
Even that idiot Mammon who smiles and grins in the face of adversity loses all his play all his nerve when you mention his broken family. He never speaks of war, despite him being a leader alongside Lucifer. I forget that. My brother is strong. Still, he holds the family together. I believe he mourns to this day. I think he saw you as a passionate child. He wanted you to see him as an older brother you could be proud of. He takes harsh risks did you know? It unnerves me that I have no idea how he mourns. Since the beginning, all I have seen Mammon do is laugh. He is quite idiotic but sometimes I wonder if it is all for show. I was first created and was practically abandoned by my creator. My other brothers were mourning your loss. One of my earliest memories was the second born giving me a goofy smile and him teaching me some child’s play mischief. He said I could get back at Lucifer if I so wished. He continued to be an idiot that even I had to take pity on, that's how I befriended Asmodeus, we were laughing at our stupid brother's antics. I truly do not know how he mourns. I see him every day on this day. Looking as normal as ever. I just can not figure him out and it frightens me. He said ‘Lilith would understand’ or ‘I will not mourn for her she should be happy. That makes me even madder. He speaks of you with love and affection that you do not deserve. Why should the avatar of Greed let you go? I can never work out his true desires nor the reason why he is so at peace with your passing. Whatever secret the two of you share is quite infuriating. To think that such a greedy being has the humility to let you run free, to forgive you and continue to do so is beyond my understanding.
For if I was the Avatar of greed you would not be coming near my family again. You abandoned them and broke free of your bonds to them, how dare you do that, how dare you leave this convoluted family of ours?
Then there is Lucifer. It is quite obvious the resentment and pain he holds with my very being walking the earth. I can feel it. Stronger than anyone else. He wrath. His vengeance, his pain, his fury anytime your name is mentioned. I can only assume to whom it is directed. Whilst I resent him greatly I despise you far more. Or perhaps I might thank you. Your death leads to my creation. Of course at the cost of someone else but you were not thinking that far. You must of hated Lucifer too when you put him through that much fury. He lost everything you know. His home, title, prestige, wings, and pride. Everything that made the Morning Star was corrupted and lost by a pathetic excuse of a sister who chose some puny mortal over your family. He was dying anyway, death is so natural but of course you sought to start a war. Created it and did not even see your life through to face the consequences of your actions. Yet he still cares for you. He still cares despite everything you have done. He speaks kindly of you without a hint of resentment. He loved you so much. Why do you deserve such affection? Why does dying cause such respect in the minds and hearts of others? You caused so much misery to Lucifer, far more than I could ever dream of and he still chooses you. He chooses to love you and respect you. You have no idea how much I hate you for that. I will never receive such love even if I died for this family. I will never have the belonging that you had.
The portraits with you in them look so complete in the family and I am just an imposter. I hate my brothers for that. For never seeing me as part of their family. I can assure you I never will be. I will never belong among them, I will never smile as I remember their younger selves, and I will never be able to picture them in heaven. I certainly can’t picture a family that mourns for me the same way they do you.
Yet you left them. You spoilt bitch. You had everything I can only dream of and threw it away like rubbish. Whom is one puny human compared to a loving family? How dare you sacrifice their beliefs and their lives for a fucking romance. A doomed relationship that was only going to drag you down. Who gave you the entitlement? What made you think giving them up would be worth it?
Lilith, you deserve whatever misery you met. I hope you rest with their suffering and wherever you are I hope you feel unimaginable guilt. I hope you hate yourself just as much as my brothers hate themselves. I hope you are enraged at your foolishness.
To another year of you being dead. May they forget you ever sullied their lives.
Sincerely,
The brother you never met, Satan.