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“And the latest reports are now saying that over a million Canadians were killed in the nuclear blast. The bomb dropped by the U.S. President took out the entire city of Toronto, and fallout is expected to kill thousands more in the coming days.”
Those words sound mostly muffled and on a madness mantra..
The red-headed child was just left to sit there, face buried in the cold comfort of his pillow, and his arms hugging it close.
The pillow as large as his entire body, maybe bigger, and Kyle hugged it firmly, like it would vanish if he even dared loosen his death grip.
It was the only thing he had left right now..
Ike was upset of course, angry even.
The furious glare that he shot in his direction just 3 minutes ago managed to make him freeze up and his mouth dry, and his stomach swirled. He didn’t dare look at him, he felt too ashamed and disgusted with himself.
Even staring at the carpet made him feel nauseous, but if he closed his eyes, he would feel even worse, a coward.
Kyle wanted to shut the world out, that if he took a nap and woke up, things would go back to how they usually were.
Hanging out with Stan, talking to Kenny.. Hell, he’d kill just to get a second of Cartman’s attention again..
That would usually just be a form of expression, but Kyle actually did it..
He killed, or at least caused people to get killed, for Cartman’s attention..
The irony, right?
What a fucking joke…
If that wasn’t pathetic enough, to add insult to injury, Kyle didn’t even get what he secretly wanted..
His head spun so much that it was aching, at the thought that Eric and Heidi were still holding hands, giggling and whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears, blocking the rest of the world out..
Kyle didn’t get to have that privilege..
To have that sweet distraction, that chance to have Cartman’s eyes on him and only him, to have monopoly over his mind.
Heidi has managed to fill that role, that role of being Cartman’s object of obsession..
Kyle shakingly exhaled, letting 2 or 3 tears that begged to escape his eyes finally let free, which unfortunately wetted his pillow.
Anything would be great right now, to have him and Cartman be able to fight and rip on each other like they used to..
To get that thrill of the fight back, the heated passion of their intense matches.. and even those nice moments, the moments that make Kyle’s heart flutter with a mind-numbing but sweet something..
When Cartman was there, Kyle immediately checked out of the real world, and laid all of his focus onto the plump boy.
He knew who to aim all of his feelings at, which target he wanted to hit.
Anger, frustration , happiness or even just tranquility..
But now he felt aimless, and now like a ticking time bomb.. I mean, that’s how he got into this situation, right..?
That if he didn’t release all of this pent-up confusion, hurt and anger, he would lose it and do something that he would regret again.
What he and Cartman had was unique, special, unlabeled.
It was enough for Kyle, so then why..?
Why did Eric run to Heidi instead of him..?
It wasn’t fair, not in the slightest. Kyle was left here alone to deal with the gargantuan mess that he had caused BECAUSE of Cartman. He was left lost and alone, and Cartman was trying to toss him aside and be happy with Heidi.
Kyle was hurt, and confused, and he wanted to vomit.. scream, cry, punch his bedroom mirror.. something..
He saw this as some kind of slap in the face.
A betrayal.
Heidi didn’t deserve the luxury of being able to peer into those soft and humane aspects that Cartman hid away from the public eye, she didn’t deserve to see what kind of sensitive and caring person Cartman could be like when they were alone.
Why did Cartman throw away their chance at a relationship to pursue Heidi..?
Why did Cartman decide that Heidi was more worthy of his mere presence and care, and affection more than Kyle is..?
What did Heidi have that he didn’t..?
Why wasn’t Cartman worried about him, knocking on his door to come see him, or coming in through his bedroom window..?
Kyle, after so much time, didn’t even bother to try closing it anymore?
He weirdly found himself hoping sometimes that the larger fat boy would drop by and just see what Kyle was up to. It pissed him off sure, but a large part of him loved his company.
Kyle hiccuped, tearing his face away from his now tear-soaked pillow to his phone.
He didn’t know what to expect, praying that maybe Stan, Kenny, or hopefully Cartman would call or even send a text, something..
He didn’t know what to hope for anymore..
and that left Kyle the most enraged now, there was nothing left.
Kyle growled, grabbing his phone and throwing it at his TV.
“Damn it!”
The hard impact of his throw made the tv screen crack, his mom would definitely tear him a new one, but he didn’t give a shit.
“Damn it All!”
He screamed, exasperated, gripping and pulling at his red unruly locks, and more tears cascading down his freckled cheeks.
His heart and his TV were now shattered, along with his ego and pride.
He felt so stupid, and abandoned.
Honestly, he couldn’t even label what he was feeling anymore. Kyle couldn’t even think straight, let alone identify what emotion was taking over him.
Cartman was such an asshole, for leaving him so alone and disheartened.. For making Kyle fall so hard and so deeply in some form of fucked-up love for him, only to walk away and just let Kyle hit the ice-cold pavement.
And walk away with Heidi, no less…
He hated him, but it was too late and Kyle was already stuck, he was stuck too deep-in.. And he didn’t care, right now Kyle craved, no, wanted him more than ever right now..