Chapter Text
After Fabian texts him to say that he's coming into town that night, Riz has to lie down, his whole body thrumming with an energy that is indescribable, inexpressable, and thus impossible to get rid of. It's a feeling he's had to grit his teeth through plenty of times before... usually because of Fabian. He assumes it's approximately like the feeling most people feel that makes them want to kiss people or have sex with them, but it isn't that, because imagining doing those things with his best friend is weird and a little gross, or at least uncomfortable, and definitely not what he wants.
Sure, he likes being close to him, like, holding onto him on the back of his bike, or riding on his shoulders when they're in a crowd of tall folks and Fabian is feeling generous, or gripping his hand before a battle and saying "You've got this" into each others eyes. But he doesn't want it to be a thing. An image occurs to him of Fabian turning to look at him with a gooey, saccharine, yearning gaze and holding him against his chest the way a protagonist would hold their fawning love interest on a movie poster, silently urging him to feel that same romantic intensity, and it gives him an itchy, empty feeling of boredom, and, he is guilty to admit, a bit of disgust, even though Fabian himself obviously doesn't disgust him. So, that isn't what he wants either.
Instead of making him want to touch anyone, the feeling usually drives him to intense physical tension: like the first time Fabian texted him "see you later best friend" and Riz got so excited he threw up in his bedside trashcan, even though it was a joke. Or the first time he invited himself onto the back of Fabian's motorcycle and Fabian didn't protest, even when Riz loudly announced it in front of everyone, and instead he just kicked up the kickstand and took off with Riz on it, and the whole time Riz was buzzing, and not just because of the motor rumbling beneath them. Or, when in the heat of battle, Fabian looked right at him with a thrilled and focused gaze that matched his own, gripped him by the ribs and threw him, right to where he needed to be, at the perfect time to take the shot, and Riz hit it precisely, and felt like he could do absolutely anything, even after he slid to a landing in the mud. Or, when... Well.
There are lots of examples. There have been plenty of moments, especially moments with Fabian, that were intensely emotionally exciting, and that left him with a sense of unexpressed longing afterwards, and whenever he thought about them. What exactly that longing was for is a mystery. He might not want anything, is the terrifying conclusion; he might just feel like this, without resolution, forever.
He realizes that he's bore little holes into his bedsheets by gripping them with his claws, and that he's been staring intensely into space for the past ten minutes (the time that had passed since Fabian's first message), shaking with nerves while thinking about how much he liked his totally platonic best friend. He worries that maybe that isn't normal.
So he does what he usually does when something is emotionally difficult or confusing, and decides to walk to his office. But he finally opens his crystal first.
"awesome. so, icecream or? (2:45pm)
actually, no, that's dumb. we should do something more exciting. if you're free that is. (2:45pm)
i mean it's not dumb if you want to get icecream though. it'd be really nice to see you. also i didnt know you were coming. are you okay? (2:47pm)
i'm going to my office, call me when you're in town, i can meet you wherever. (2:52pm)"
After an excrutiatingly long walk without a reply, and embarassing amount of times opening his crystal to stare at the screen, he heard the device make a little 'ping' and snatched it.
"hey. sure thing. excited to see you too. (3:32pm)"
Riz is in his office by then. He types and untypes a reply multiple times, before setting his phone face down on his office desk, and pours all his attention into the open case file.