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Raffi, simply put, had been having a hard time. She’d been having a hard time for a while, but today was a different kind of hard.
Raffi was lost. Or at least she felt that way. She was in her trailer, so her surroundings were familiar but at the same time, they felt… off. Wrong in some way. It was strange and unsettling. She tried to get up, to feel the things around her so she could ground herself, but it was like everything was muted. Everything looked desaturated, like someone had sucked all the color out of it.
She managed to stand on unsteady legs and move around. She had to find something, anything that was proof that she was alive and real. Wandering aimlessly around, she moved her head slowly, scanning everything around her. None of it felt real. She slowly reached out to touch a frame she had sitting on a shelf, tracing the borders of it. She felt hollowed out, as though everything that made her Raffi had been scooped out and disposed of. She thought about drinking, but the thought fled as soon as it came, Raffi unable to hold onto the words swimming in her head for very long.
What time is it? Seven should be back soon, right? Raffi sat back down on the couch, facing away from the door and running her fingers across the couch, focusing on the pattern, the texture. She couldn’t feel it very well, but it took up her attention anyway.
Raffi had no clue how much time had passed before she heard the distant sound of her front door opening. She hadn’t registered that anything had happened until she heard a voice. What was it saying? It sounded like she’d stuck her head underwater.
Seven opened the door to see Raffi running her hand along the couch cushions. “Raffi, I’m back!” Seven called, with no response. Assuming she was simply focused on something or lost in thought, she called for her again. “Raffi?” Seven said, tilting her head when she got no response.
She stepped carefully towards Raffi, squatting down in front of her. It took Raffi a moment but she looked over at her, blinking once before lifting her hand from the couch to touch her face. “Seven,” Raffi said softly, moving her hand to trace the outline of her face. Seven noted the emptiness that seemed to be present in Raffi’s face. “Raffi… are you okay?” Seven said carefully. Raffi tilted her head slightly. She couldn’t tell. Was she? She shrugged. Seven nodded.
“Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m going to get us some dinner, we can sit here for a bit and eat, and then we’ll get ready for bed. Does that sound okay?” Seven spoke slower than normal, giving Raffi time to process her words. Staring blankly at something behind Seven, she nodded. Raffi was hardly present at all, Seven mused internally. She made her way to the kitchen as she wondered what had happened to make Raffi like this.
Seven cooked one of Raffi’s favorite meals - something she had made a habit of doing after a long time away. She tried to focus on cooking but she kept glancing over at Raffi on the couch. She was worried about her, but she forced herself to pay attention to the stove. She couldn’t help Raffi if she was up in the clouds too.
As Seven finished dinner, Raffi started to shift. She could smell something, but it felt far away, like it was outside. What is that? Raffi felt like her brain was stuck in jello, slow to process and respond to stimulation. After a moment of pause, she realized it was jambalaya. It smelled amazing, and Raffi came just a little bit closer to being present again.
Seven approached with two bowls full of jambalaya, placing them on the table in front of Raffi as Seven sat down on the floor in front of her. When Seven got settled, she looked at Raffi with a sad smile. “I made your favorite. It’s cooled off a bit, so you don’t have to worry about burning yourself.” Seven wasn’t sure exactly which senses - if any - of Raffi’s were dulled, so she figured better safe than sorry.
Raffi slowly reached out with both hands to grab the bowl, carefully setting it on her lap before taking a bite. Seven tried not to gawk, but she knows what it can be like for the both of them when things get bad inside their heads and she wanted to make sure Raffi was taken care of.
“Is it okay if I talk while we eat? You don’t have to reply if you don’t want to,” Seven offered. It was dead silent in the trailer and she thought maybe having something to focus on might help Raffi to become more grounded. Raffi nodded slowly, raising her spoon carefully as Seven began to speak.
They carried on that way, Seven rambling about her latest exploits and Raffi carefully eating and finding it easier and easier to ground. Once they’d both finished eating, Seven stood up, grabbed their dishes, and headed to the kitchen to wash them. Once she’d finished and turned off the water, she heard Raffi start sniffling. Seven hurried over, calling Raffi’s name once she’d come to a stop in front of her. Raffi looked up at Seven, eyes watery. “Seven?” She choked out, raising her arms in a feeble attempt to get Seven to hold her. She needed to hold her in her arms, to feel that she was real, that everything was real again.
Seven held onto Raffi, one hand lightly scratching her scalp, and Raffi sighed, nuzzling her head into her shoulder. “Is there something wrong with me?” Raffi whispered, sounding fearful. Seven squeezed her firmly. “I don’t know. But I’ll - we’ll figure it out. We’re a team. I’ve got your back, you’ve got mine,” she said definitively. Raffi knew her mind was made up, and there wasn’t much to do to change that once it was set in stone. She was grateful for that. Raffi felt broken, like something fundamental had been stripped from her. She knew she was going to need all the help she could get to get it back, and there’s no one else she’d rather have by her side through it all.
Raffi, voice still muffled, replied, “I love you.” Seven smiled sadly, “I know honey. I love you, and nothing is changing that.”