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The first time it happened, Ignis didn’t even really notice the change. One moment he was settling in against the moderately uncomfortable seat in the train bound for Gralea and the next he felt something shift. At first he attributed it to something moving the seat, such as Gladio sitting next to him. But no, that was wrong. The fabric under him wasn’t fabric. It was soft, plush, gave under pressure. And he was no longer sitting up but in fact, lying down. The chamberlain slowly ran his hand over the fabric, it felt like high-quality silk. That was not the fabric of a commuter train.
He sat up, slowly, feeling the familiar ache seep into his limbs. While his injuries were all healing well, he knew it would take some time to move without that thrum in his muscles, reminding him that he was anything but immortal. The sensation was enough to remind him that he was, in fact, awake. But how? He was no longer on the train, instead, it reminded him of the room he has been provided in Altissia.
“Hey, Iggy, you up? Want um…me to bring you anything?” Prompto’s voice carried from what he had to wager was a few feet away. What was going on? Setting the worry aside, he must have dozed off and just dreamt that they were getting on the train, he waved his hand in the air to indicate that he didn’t need anything. He could hear the other shuffle a little before closing the door and leaving Ignis to the silence.
They must be leaving for the train today. If he remembered correctly it left at around 1pm which gave him plenty of time to get ready. More importantly, it gave him time to get the prince…the king ready. Maybe he should be resting, but it was much easier to rest when he knew that Noctis had no need of him. After getting himself dressed, he was slowly re-mastering skills like that, he took his cane and bumbled his way to Noctis’ room. He knocked three times, their unspoken rule, before opening the door to the boy’s room. There was the quiet sound of shuffling blankets and a huff. Blind or no, he could tell that Noctis knew he was there and had chosen to roll over instead of sitting up.
“Noct, we must get ready to head out.” His only reply was a sleepy grunt. While the scene was familiar, there was an air of sorrow clinging to every word, every movement. It was as if the room was a planet all on its own, an atmosphere of nothing but grief.
“I will not rush you, but we do have a time limit today. We must be on the train and seated by-”
“What are you talking about? We decided to leave next Monday, not today.” Noctis’ voice carried both a quiet annoyance but also something else. Worry, maybe. They were leaving next week? Ignis was certain that it was today but he had no way to double-check that information from the entryway of Noctis’ room.
“Ah…well, I will confirm the dates. Apologies for waking you then. I will make sure breakfast is sent to you.” Ignis could feel the prince’s eyes on him, he could see them in his mind’s eye. Probably half-lidded with sleep, but otherwise shimmering with worry. His chamberlain was always on top of everything. Even the slightest mistake was out of character. For now, Ignis just offered a small bow before closing the door. He took a moment to turn around and lean against the wood of the now-closed door. Next week? He was certain that it was today. Only yesterday they had discussed the matter, deciding to take one more week to recover and nothing more.
“How’s he doing?” The sudden voice pierced through his thoughts and brought Ignis back to the moment.
“Excuse me?” He hadn’t entirely caught the question, nor the voice speaking it. Still, he turned his head in the direction of the sound.
“Ah, oops, sorry Iggy. I just asked how Noct was doing.” Prompto was shuffling again as he spoke, the nerves making his voice waver.
“No better and no worse. May I ask you something, Prompto?” Ignis stood, pulling away from the door, as he spoke.
“Of course, what’s up?” Now that he had a moment of purpose, Ignis could hear the blonde’s voice bounce back to its normal tone. It was nice to hear.
“When did we decide we were going to leave, take the train to our next destination?”
“Next week. Train only runs so often, remember? Plus, it’ll give you ‘n Noct a little more time to recoup.” Again next week. Ignis muttered a small ‘thank you’ as he turned away from the other’s voice. They agreed on one week, of that he was sure, so why were they taking a second week? Had he completely dreamt the week in between? That seemed odd but it was the only plausible explanation.
As the week went on there was this haunting sense of deja vu. It felt the exact same as his dream, move for move, word for word. As he sat down on the train again, the fabric relenting to his weight, there was a small sense of relief that at least the week was over. But just as he was trying to get comfortable he felt it. It was almost as if an invisible blanket was placed over him, a blanket composed of nothing but the lightest threads, like a cloud had been woven into fabric. And once the fabric lifted he was again in Altissia. Again lying on that same bed. Again sitting in silence until the door creaked open and Prompto stuck his head in, asking if Ignis wanted anything.
Ignis waved off the boy, this time too focused on what was happening to even take stock fo weather or not he was hungry. This had to be the third time he was living this week. That was impossible. Then again, only a short while ago he’d been bartering with the Lucii so maybe the ‘impossible’ wasn’t entirely off the table. If, as posterous as it was, he was living the same week on repeat, why?. Most of it was keeping to himself, trying to stay out of everyone’s way as they all did their best to come to terms with everything that had happened. When he wasn’t busy retraining himself he was just sitting around, longing. Longing to be sitting with his prince, longing to lift the weight from his shoulders. A weight that Ignis could no longer hide from him.
It wasn’t exactly a very pleasant week.
On what Ignis could only mentally refer to as the ‘third week’, he opted to take a more direct approach with Noctis. Maybe this was all in his head out of guilt for letting the prince stew in his sadness. Not that he really knew a way to free him from it, but maybe he could try. Waiting until it was late enough in the day that even the sleeping price had no excuse not to be up, Ignis carefully knocked three times before opening the door.
“Noct? May we speak?” There seemed to be only silence in reply but he could hear the muffled sound of someone leaning back against something, a chair he would guess. The empty air dragged on, as if the prince was planning to wait him out. Ignis didn’t budge.
“I’m not really up for talking right now…maybe another day.” The chamberlain nodded and bowed as he closed the door. Once he heard the latch click into place he let out a small sigh. As much as he didn’t want it to, it still hurt to be brushed off in such a way. Before all of this, any time Noctis was upset he would almost go running for Ignis. Either to comfort him or just to be a shoulder to cry on. He was always there. This time, however, he was unwanted.
Ignis tried again on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. By Friday it was clear that Noctis had no intention of talking. Maybe that was for the best, Ignis tried to convince himself. There was only so much rejection he could take. Soon enough it was Monday again and he settled in the train seat just waiting for that familiar feeling. Again the cloud blanket returned, whisping him back, making him feel like a fish thrown back into the sea.
On the fourth week, the now-blind attendant decided to try a different strategy. This time he talked Prompto into trying and tried to bribe his prince with a tea he liked. As it was, it was all he could cook for the pair. Even that was done with assistance but he could easily instruct one of the servants exactly how to prepare the brew. Sadly even Noctis’ ‘best friend’ was rebuffed, to both of their chagrin. Clearly Noctis wanted to be left alone in his grief. But they had so little time together and the universe didn’t seem to agree with Ignis letting the time run through his fingers.
By Friday, again, Ignis found himself leaning against a balcony, just listening to the sounds of rebuilding below. From what he could tell, most of the city had been damaged but nothing that couldn’t be rebuilt. There was a very small loss of life, at least on Altissia’s side, and that had been caused by Niflheim, not Levithan. It was most likely due to Noctis holding up his end of the bargain that they were even allowed to stay here to recuperate. So much death and destruction and for what? The ring? Ignis understood, better than most, the power held within but it was useless to anyone outside the royal line. So why would Niflheim go to war for it? And not only war, but such a deadly one. Insomnia, gone, taking with it King Regis, his Shield, most of the Crownsguard, most of the Kingsglavie, and so many civilians. Altissia in ruins, the Oracle dead. All that destruction and bloodshed all for a ring and the prince that now held it.
Was it too much to ask for Noctis to have a simple life? A safe one? His life had been so needlessly tragic, maybe that was why he was so guarded now. Maybe he just couldn’t take losing anything else. His mother, his feeling of safety, his father, and now his fiancée. Ignis sighed, slowly walking back into his room and closing the balcony doors to try and tune out the noise. There had to be something he could do to ease the prince’s pain. He deserved as much.
Monday arrived and nothing had come to him so he just waited. Waited for the train, the blanket of clouds, and then the return to his bed.
‘Week’ five. Ignis felt like he was running on fumes but this time he was not going to give in. He waited until the afternoon and had a servant brew them tea. Three knocks and he opened the door, directing the servant to place the tea on the table. She did so and Ignis waited until he heard her leave to close the door.
“I know you do not want to talk about what it on your mind. So I will not ask you to. Instead, all I am asking is to sit with you. Be it in silence, in mourning, in whatever you need. But I wish to sit with you. Please, Noct.” The familiar silence hung in the air just like before but this time he heard a small sigh. It sounded almost…relived?
“Ya. Ya you can…actually, please. Sit with me.” He heard the other stand but he held out his hand. By now he knew the layout of this room well enough that he easily found the free chair and sat down. There was something off to his right, a series of faint clinks. He tried to place the sound and then something scrapped along the table. Ah, Noctis was pouring the tea.
“Thanks, Iggy…I, well…”
“You do not have to say anything. I know.” He could almost hear the prince smile, just a little. So they sat in silence, nothing but the occasional clinking of cups as they each nursed their drink. The silence was heavy but not painful. It was the silence of two wounded men taking solace that, if nothing else, they were both alive.
At some point, Noctis stood up and moved. He couldn’t be sure where too, the sounds were so quiet. Eventually, there was a tapping sound, almost like someone patting a pillow or a bed.
“Iggy, come sit on the bed with me.” With care, Ignis did as commanded, making sure not to bump anything on the way. As he sat down he immediately felt the warm press of a body next to his. Noctis was resting his head on his shoulder and their sides were touching, so close it wasn’t clear where one ended and the other began. Carefully Ignis placed his right hand, palm up, between them. It took a few beats of silence but eventually, Noctis wrapped both of his hands around the free one.
The prince’s skin against his felt like fire, but not the fire that had ripped apart his vision and scarred his body. No, this was the burn of life, of love, in whatever form it took. The heat of unspoken words, the cauterizing of emotional wounds that had been left to fester. This was what Noctis needed, even if he had been unable to see it himself. Noctis didn’t need pity or space or structure. He needed a place to be weak, to be sad, to be sacred. He needed a pillar he could lean on, if only for the night.
“Thanks, Ignis. I…thanks.”
“Of course, Your Highness. I will be here for you as long as you’ll have me.” A small pang of hurt stung in his heart. For as long and Noctis would have him, and for as long as Ignis could have the prince. He knew the man’s days were numbered. And he wanted to be part of every one of them.