Chapter Text
Seungmin would laugh if he could see Hyunjin right now. That's the worst part.
Well– not the worst part, obviously. But it's up there. He'd laugh that goofy little cartoon-like hahaha, accuse Hyunjin of being an overdramatic princess with his smile stretched wide, showing off all the metal in his mouth .
'Come on, it's not like I'm dead,' he'd say. Like that makes the insistant ache in Hyunjin's chest any easier to deal with, like Los Angeles isn't far enough away Seungmin may as well be dead.
Like Seungmin didn't rip his heart out and stomp all over it when he agreed to Hyunjin's (stupid stupid so fucking stupid) proposal that they take a break while Seungmin's away at grad school. Hyunjin had the best intentions, honestly. A clean break would help Seungmin focus on his studies and give him the freedom to meet new people and build new relationships without having to worry about upsetting his clingy, needy, jealous boyfriend stuck all the way on the other side of the planet.
He'd expected Seungmin to put up at least some kind of fight though. He'd expected tears, maybe. A refusal. A,' Don't be ridiculous, you're being stupid,' because he is. Hyunjin is so completely, unreservedly, bewilderingly stupid.
But, instead, Seungmin had just frowned and shrunk in a little. Said, 'Oh,' all quiet and flat. Said, 'Okay, I guess, if that's what you want,' and then got on a stupid plane to stupid America.
'It's been six months,' he'd say if he knew just how pathetic Hyunjin's been every day since. 'All you have to do is pick up a phone and text me. Send an email. We could probably even facetime if you want.' And then he'd laugh and shake his head, all fond and warm and beautiful, and Hyunjin's chest would rip open again to spill his messy guts across the floor. Because, after all this time, he can't beg for Seungmin back. Not when this whole thing was his idea to begin with.
Sighing, Hyunjin throws his paint brush aside and grabs his iced coffee off the little table next to him, glares at his shitty attempt at a lighthouse as he sucks at his drink straw. It looks more like a silo stranded in the middle of some random island than a lighthouse. Decent shading might redeem it somewhat but it would be more satisfying to fling a bunch of paint at the canvas without rhyme or reason instead. Muddy it all up with worn down brushes and his own fingers until the colors bleed together to match the murky hue of his soul.
With a groan, Hyunjin slumps back in his chair and tips his head back to stare at the ceiling where spots of blue and pink and yellow paint taunt him, remnants of a cherished memory he'll never get to recreate. The yellow ones are Seungmin's fault, the blue and pink are Hyunjin's. They'd gotten all mixed together in the moment, both of them completely covered. Hyunjin had been peeling bits of yellow of his body for days.
And now everything is just... grey. Drab. Dull. Uninspiring.
Sometimes he wonders if it would have been just as bad had Hyunjin kept his dumb mouth closed, if the pain of enduring a relationship solely through emails and texts and phone calls would have still resulted in a world of monochrome. If everything would still hurt but in a different way.
He'll never know for certain, but he imagines it might have at least been more sepia-toned than black-and-white, maybe dotted with little flashes of color whenever Seungmin found the time to send a good morning text or a long, rambling, exhausted email drafted at the tail end of an all-nighter.
Not that it matters. That isn't his world. With one stupid suggestion Hyunjin lost all hope of seeing color ever again. He lost his light. His muse.
It may be dramatic, but that doesn't make it any less true. His art has been suffering for months. Any sliver of creativity he manages to wring from his fingertips is bleak and awful. Empty. Devoid of any kind of emotion save despair. Hyunjin used to love painting wilted, dying flowers, loved finding and accentuating the beauty in decay.
Now they just look sad and broken. Alone. Unloved.
"Hyunjin-ah!" Jisung calls from the other room, interrupting Hyunjin's well-deserved moping. "Come out, we got delivery."
Groaning, Hyunjin sets his coffee aside and rubs his hands over his face. Considers sticking his earbuds in and pretending he hasn't heard. But his stomach growls in biological argument and Hyunjin admits defeat, his back and knees cracking in three different places as he pushes to his feet and lumbers to the door.
"You didn't even tell me you were ordering any–"
Hyunjin's words die in his throat as his world grinds to a halt. He's rooted to the spot, stuck in the doorway between his studio and the hallway, in the same paint-stained t-shirt and sweatpants he's worn for the past three days.
And Seungmin is directly in front of him.
His hair's longer and messier than Hyunjin remembers. Lighter too. Or maybe it's his skin that's darker, freshly kissed by the sun. There's a little crease between his eyebrows, the familiar worry line Hyunjin used to smooth away with his lips.
"Hi," Seungmin says shyly.
Hyunjin's heart stutters in his chest, his mouth opening soundlessly before he remembers how to breathe.
There's movement just past Seungmin's left shoulder, Jisung hopping up to throw a thumbs up before ducking away, giggling as he runs back down the hall.
Hyunjin barely notices him, focused entirely on Seungmin. "What are you doing here?"
Seungmin shrugs, sheepish. His lips are red. Red, red, red. "I missed you."
"You–" Hyunjin gapes. "You could've just– Oh my god, did you drop out? Oh no. Oh, Seungmin your parents will kill you, are you insane?"
"What?" Seungmin replies, the crease deepening. "No! No, jeez. Of course I didn't drop out."
Hyunjin presses a hand to his chest, trying to calm the erratic, panicked, elated pounding as he sucks in a breath. "Oh. Okay. Okay, that's– that's good."
"It's spring break."
"Okay," Hyunjin says again. Like that's supposed to explain anything.
Seungmin's lips twitch at the corner. The tips of his ears are pink – pink – when he says, "Your birthday's in three days. I thought maybe, uh."
"Oh," Hyunjin breathes, realization dawning like daybreak, painting Seungmin in every shade of yellow and gold. Radiant. The most beautiful piece of art Hyunjin has ever seen. Blindingly, incandescently bright. "Oh my god, are you my present?"
Seungmin smiles and Hyunjin's gaze latches on silver. "Not gonna send me back, are you?"
Hyunjin cracks, wailing as he throws himself into Seungmin's arms, half hitting-half hugging as his vision blurs at the edges, a kaleidoscopic rainbow erupting behind his eyelids as he clutches Seungmin to his chest. "Fucking idiot," he whimpers, burying his face in Seungmin's neck. "I'm never letting you leave."
end.