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Tony was a proud man.
“Pepper, you know you’re my favourite person in the world.”
“No, I’m not letting you off the hook.”
“Pretty please?”
That didn’t mean he wouldn’t beg Pepper to spare him from another event with people he didn’t like.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t even use his puppy eyes – not that they ever worked on Pepper, but it was always worth a shot – because they were on the phone and Tony already out of his office.
He sighed deeply.
“Fine, but not for long.”
“That’s all I’m asking.”
“I can’t believe you always get what you want,” Tony said and he could almost see her pleased grin.
“That’s why I’m the CEO. And you love me.”
“I love you,” he confirmed with a smile.
“Get something for dinner and maybe try sleeping for once instead of spending all your nights in the workshop. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Pepper ended the call and, when Tony put his phone away, he spotted Steve across the common area, apparently fresh out of the shower.
“Looking for a snack?” Tony asked and Steve looked puzzled for a moment. Then he seemed to catch himself.
“Yeah, I’ve just finished a workout.”
“Great, Pepper just ordered me to have dinner. Wanna cook with me?”
Steve hesitated for a moment.
“Why don’t you have dinner with Pepper, then?”
Tony laughed.
“Sometimes even Pep needs a break from me. So, any preferences for tonight?”
Steve agreed to cooking and, by the time they were ready to eat, Natasha and Clint joined. Of course, they had made enough for everyone. Tony was almost certain Nat had asked JARVIS to let them know when dinner was ready. And he did. Traitor.
Tony liked spending time with his friends, it was just… sometimes he wanted to spend time with Steve. Alone. Because maybe he had a favourite. Pepper called it a full-blown crush, but Tony would never admit that she was right. It wouldn’t change anything anyway.
Steve didn’t need Tony the way Tony needed him. And the difference was that Tony already got what he needed from Steve – he was usually only a call away with his soothing voice and reassuring words, and Steve didn’t mind Tony being touchy, so he sometimes got to feel his warm skin and big hands and strong arms when they hugged and… Yeah. But it didn’t work the other way around.
Steve needed more than a hug. His supersoldier body made him more inclined to sexual activity, with his high energy and shortened refractory period. And Tony could tell all of that with certainty, because he had overheard Steve having a conversation with Nat about sex toys. He hadn’t wanted to eavesdrop; it had really been an accident. He didn’t tell anyone. It had simply confirmed what he had already known. He and Steve were not compatible.
There was no way Steve would refrain from any of that until they were compatible. And there was no guarantee this would ever be the case. In fact, chances were really low. Tony had only ever felt that way with Pepper. They had known each other for ages and he trusted her with his life. She had also been incredibly patient and non-demanding with him. But when they separated Pepper took all of Tony’s desire with her and he hadn’t felt it ever since.
It was fine. Tony had come to terms with himself a long time ago. He enjoyed being close to people, even touching and sometimes kissing them. There was no need for anything else like intertwining their bodies for a few minutes. Tony liked the closeness, not the feeling. A cuddle would pretty much do the same for him.
The irony that he, of all people, had gotten the playboy image wasn’t lost on him. Tony also couldn’t deny the fact that he used to have a lot of sex. He couldn’t tell anyone that, for a while, he had tried to figure out whether or not something was wrong with him. Turned out, it wasn’t. He simply didn’t feel sexually attracted to the people he shared a bed with – regardless of their gender.
Natasha and Clint didn’t stay long after dinner and Clint even promised to bake his famous apple pie on the weekend. Tony wondered if they knew he had wanted some alone time with Steve, and had just been in need of company? Nat and Clint had been on a mission together for a few days and had just returned this morning. Maybe Tony wasn’t the only one who found Steve’s company comforting. He couldn’t be annoyed by his friends for something he would have done as well. It wasn’t their fault that Steve was usually not part of their missions. Natasha and Clint were a force together that had always impressed Tony. He couldn’t let them know though, or he would never hear the end of it.
“Do you wanna watch a movie with me?” Steve asked, after they had put the dishes away.
Tony arched an eyebrow.
“Are you trying to make me sleepy enough to not stay up all night?”
Steve shrugged innocently.
“Depends if it’s working.”
“Guess we’ll find out soon. But no horror movie.”
“Fine with me,” Steve agreed easily.
They settled on the couch, shoulders almost touching, and started a movie.
It didn’t take long before Tony started to feel tired, but he wasn’t ready to go to bed and end his quality time with Steve.
He longed for contact he couldn’t have for long enough to satisfy him, but Tony was too tired to care when he laid his head on Steve’s shoulder. He was already touchy on good days. Thankfully, Steve didn’t seem to mind.
After a few minutes Steve asked “Do you wanna lie down?” and Tony shook his head a little by rolling it over Steve’s shoulder.
“Don’ wanna go t’ bed yet,” he mumbled.
“That’s not what I meant,” Steve said and put a pillow on his lap before pulling Tony down.
He went easily and, with a quiet “Thanks”, he closed his eyes and hoped Steve would let him rest for at least a few minutes.
When Tony woke up, the first thing he realized was the quiet in the room. Then he noticed he was lying on even ground, which could only mean that Steve was gone. He slowly opened his eyes and then squinted them together again, because it was too bright. Too bright…?
“JARVIS, what time is it?” he asked into the room.
“8:22 a.m., Sir.”
“No way,” Tony said and opened his eyes again to the sun.
That was when he finally became aware of his surroundings. This wasn’t the living room. He was in his bedroom. In his bed. And he had slept the whole night. The problem was: Tony couldn’t remember going to bed. He didn’t go to bed, did he? He was watching a movie with Steve and lay on his lap and then… nothing.
Had Steve actually carried him to bed like a child? There was no other plausible explanation, but he needed to be sure.
“Was Steve in my bedroom last night?” he asked out loud.
“Yes, he was. Between 11:32 p.m. and 11:35 p.m. when he put you to bed.”
“Huh, okay,” Tony said with a frown.
He didn’t know what to think. That was just Steve being Steve, right? He would have done this for everyone. He was a mother hen for the whole team and bringing someone to bed was, by far, not the weirdest favour he had done for them.
“JARVIS, did Steve leave a message for me or something? Last night, I mean?”
“He did not, Sir.”
Tony dragged a hand over his face. He had definitely slept too long. He couldn’t let this get to his head or he’d lose his focus. Tony took a deep breath and got up. He had work to do. And feelings were not on his schedule today.
He didn’t hear from Steve all day.
Pepper pushed him into his usual work mode and only let him off the hook earlier than normal to make sure he had enough time to get ready for the charity event tonight. Tony had already forgotten what it was for. It didn’t matter anyway; he went to one of those every fortnight. Pepper just wanted him to be there and show his face. To be approachable. That was all. He could do that.
Tony couldn’t exactly say he enjoyed the gala. He did what was expected from him, but he couldn’t help but wish Steve was there with him. He would feel a lot more comfortable. And he could pretend he was busy talking to him when random business people wanted to engage him in a boring conversation.
Sometimes, he wished he could still get wasted shamelessly, but he wasn’t 20 years old anymore and he had a weak heart. He still wanted to be Iron Man for a while and his lifestyle was already not the healthiest. To forgo alcohol was the least Tony could do for his body and mind.
Eventually, he ended up sitting at a table with a professor he knew and her husband. It was nice. They talked about science and the Nobel prize nominees and when her husband chimed in and said “Hey, I know who that is!” when the nominee for Literature was mentioned, Tony actually laughed. Sometimes, he forgot not everyone was into science. He was glad Professor Rodriguez had such an understanding husband.
Tony opened his mouth to add something when someone stumbled in the direction of their table. One moment later, he had a giggling young woman on his lap.
“Hi,” she grinned and Tony could only hold on to her, because he was worried she would fall if he didn’t.
“Maria!” Professor Rodriguez gasped and stared at her and then Tony in horror.
“I’m deeply sorry, Dr. Stark. I know it doesn’t mean much when I tell you my granddaughter usually has better manners, but… she does. I’m very ashamed.”
Maria still grinned at him, not a care in the world. She even slung an arm around his shoulders. She was close enough for Tony to smell the alcohol on her breath, but it didn’t need a genius to figure that out anyway.
“It’s okay, no harm done,” Tony said with a smile. He didn’t want Professor Rodriguez to feel bad about something she had no control over. And it was the truth. It wasn’t like he would have let her crash into the table or fall and probably hurt herself.
“Seeee, gran, Dr. Ssstark doesn’t mind,” Maria slurred.
“I’m gonna call you a cab. It’s time for you to go back to your hotel.”
It was pretty clear Professor Rodriguez didn’t want to hear another word or even discuss this.
Tony saw his chance and took it.
“I could share a cab with Maria, if that’s okay with you. I’m beat and would’ve gone home soon anyway.”
“That would actually be great. I know I can trust you more than I can trust Maria at the moment,” she said and huffed a laugh.
Professor Rodriguez called a cab and gave Tony the address. She was very grateful Tony offered to take care of Maria while she was drunk. She probably wouldn’t remember much of this evening tomorrow anyway. But her grandmother would remind her. And Tony didn’t want to be in Maria’s shoes when it happened.
Tony would have never guessed his night would end in babysitting the granddaughter of a professor he knew, but he had had worse. He gave the cab driver the address of the hotel and didn’t leave Maria’s side until she was inside her room. He made sure to leave the key visible on the nightstand before he finally left and made his way home.
Unfortunately, with nothing else to keep his mind distracted, his thoughts went straight back to Steve. Steve, who he hadn’t seen at all since last night. He wanted to ask him so many questions or just talk about the charity event. Maybe there was nothing to talk about. It wasn’t like something had happened last night. Steve had brought him to bed. End of story.
The next morning Tony hoped to find Steve in the kitchen, but he wasn’t there.
Or at any other time of day.
Or the next one.
Tony didn’t understand what he had done wrong; he just knew he had. When he caught Steve somewhere for a moment, Steve side-eyed him and it made Tony feel uneasy. Why didn’t Steve talk to him? Usually, Steve had no problem with being blunt towards Tony. So what was going on? But Tony could be just as stubborn. It wasn’t his problem, was it?
When Steve finally let Tony be in his presence again, Tony pretended everything was fine, even if it wasn’t. The moment Tony scooted closer to Steve on the couch, Steve stiffened, which was unusual. But then he relaxed and let Tony cuddle him. Steve was so warm; Tony knew he was used to someone using him as their personal heater.
Tony fell asleep during the movie and only realized it when Steve nudged him awake. The movie was over now and everyone else had gone to sleep already. It was just him and Steve. Tony knew it would be a bad idea to start a serious conversation in the middle of the night with his brain muddled by sleep. But no time like the present, right?
He still snuggled closer to Steve.
“Steve?” he asked, trying to sound innocent.
“No, you can’t sleep on the couch. And I will not carry you to bed,” Steve said with a laugh.
“You did the other day,” Tony mumbled and he could hear Steve sigh.
“That was… nothing.”
“Just a fling?”
“Yeah. And now get up, I wanna go to bed, too.”
Tony made himself heavier. It obviously wouldn’t stop Steve if he wanted Tony off of him, but Steve didn’t do anything. It was the exact opposite of his words. And it made no sense, because Steve always acted on his words. Sometimes, he even acted before he used words.
He looked up at Steve and took a deep breath before finally asking what he had wanted to ask for days.
“What did I do?”
Steve stiffened again. And then he looked at him and Tony shivered at his icy stare.
“What did you…? Get off.”
And this time he actually pushed Tony away. He didn’t use a lot of force, so Tony knew there was no intention of hurting him, just of creating distance. He knew a thing or two about pushing people away himself – not literally, like Steve, but the principle was the same when he hid in his workshop for a while and made sure JARVIS didn’t let anyone in.
“So I actually did something,” Tony observed. “I really don’t know what, but if you could just tell me, then we could talk about it?”
“I don’t think there is anything to talk about,” Steve said and got up from the couch. “It was pretty clear. Always has been, to be honest. I was just… It doesn’t matter. Good night, Tony.”
And then he left the room and Tony was alone with his aching heart and too many thoughts about Steve.
Tony went to bed, but he already knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He simply couldn’t stay in the living room anymore where Steve had just left him. Tony’s mind was racing. He couldn’t think of anything he had done that would leave Steve so upset. It must have been pretty bad. But why couldn’t Tony remember it then?
He needed a second brain, a better one than his own.
“JARVIS?”
“Yes, Sir?”
“What have I done in the last few days that made Steve angry with me? Did I forget his birthday or something? I really need your help here. It makes no sense. He brought me to bed and then the next day we didn’t even see each other and then he was suddenly mad at me? What am I not seeing here?”
“I think only Captain Rogers can truly answer this question, but based on previous experiences, I would assume the negative press from Saturday is at least partially the reason.”
Negative press?
Tony frowned.
“…okay? Show me what you’ve got on me from Saturday.”
When JARVIS displayed a few articles and pictures in front of him, Tony finally understood. And he hated the press a little more.
The pictures showed him at the charity event, with Maria on his lap, very close to each other. One even showed them entering Maria’s hotel, Tony holding her by the waist, so she wouldn’t fall. All of the articles talked about how he had used a charity gala for his personal gain and another trophy woman for a night.
Tony felt more than a little sick. He wondered if the people at the event remembered Maria being very drunk and now assumed he had taken advantage of her in her room. But it was just the press coverage, wasn’t it? None of the people involved had called him out on anything. He had only helped to remove Maria’s shoes before he had left her hotel room.
Professor Rodriguez hadn’t messaged him or threatened with a lawsuit. That could only mean Maria knew that he hadn’t done anything. Maybe she wasn’t interested in the press and hadn’t even seen any of the articles. It would explain why she hadn’t told anyone differently.
The truth was there. It simply wasn’t out there.
And Steve had probably seen these articles and pictures… No wonder he was upset. Tony would be too if he didn’t know better.
A decision made, Tony got up and made his way to Steve’s room. He knocked and listened for any indication that Steve was up. He held his breath and realized he had no idea what time it was. But this was too important! Steve was mad at him for absolutely no reason and he needed to know the truth.
Besides, Steve was a light sleeper who was always alert. What if Steve had heard him, but didn’t care? What if Steve had asked JARVIS who it was and then decided he didn’t want to talk to Tony? Goddamnit, Tony hated this situation. But he wouldn’t leave. He needed to fix this, now. Before Steve avoided him for another few days.
Finally, the door opened. And there he was. Steve Rogers, only in boxershorts, with his arms crossed and looking dishevelled from sleep. Tony thought he looked annoyed. He probably was. Only more reason for Tony to resolve this.
“I hope you have a very good reason for this visit,” Steve said and Tony nodded.
“I do. Can we please talk?”
Steve looked at him like he was searching for the truth in his face, then he sighed and stepped aside to let Tony in. Steve sat on his bed, but Tony remained standing in front of him. He wasn’t sure if Steve wanted him to sit somewhere or to get too comfortable. Steve wouldn’t let him be in his room for longer than a few minutes, Tony assumed.
Tony took a deep breath and steeled himself.
“I know why you’re mad,” he said. “It’s just… you don’t have all the relevant info. And I think you should. Because it’s, well, relevant. For me. And for you. Yeah, so… This is about the press coverage from the charity gala on Friday, right?”
Steve nodded and eyed him suspiciously.
“Good. Well, not good, but at least I finally know what’s going on here.” He carded a hand through his hair. “Steve, I did not hook up with that woman in the pictures. Her name is Maria Rodriguez and she’s the granddaughter of a professor I know who I met at the gala. She was drunk and stumbling and landed in my lap. She barely realized it and Professor Rodriguez was really, really embarrassed. And, since I wanted to leave anyway, I offered to bring Maria back to her hotel. And that’s what I did. Yes, I also brought her to her room, but I left immediately after I was sure she was okay on her own.”
Tony looked at Steve’s face and tried to figure out if he believed him or not. His face was carefully blank, calculating.
“I know how it sounds. I really do. But look, neither Maria nor Professor Rodriguez called me out for doing something inappropriate. All there are, are a few pictures and a made-up story from the press based on them. And if they knew me better, they’d know it doesn’t make sense anyway.”
Steve raised an eyebrow in question.
“Which part doesn’t make sense?” he asked and Tony sighed.
He had expected this to come up. He kind of wished it had been under different circumstances, but Tony was also aware that he probably would have kept this secret from Steve for a long time, no matter what.
“The hook-up part,” he said and almost laughed at Steve’s face who now definitely looked like he didn’t believe him.
“Right,” Steve said slowly. “But we’re still talking about you here, correct?”
“We do. God, this was not how I wanted a conversation about this to go, but I’m not sure if you would believe me otherwise. I’m asexual, Steve. I have no interest in sex with strangers, or anyone really. The last thing I would seek out, especially at a charity gala, would be a quick fuck.”
Steve opened his mouth, but then closed it again. He looked a bit like a fish.
“Sorry to destroy the playboy image you had of me,” Tony said and laughed humourlessly.
“You’re asexual,” Steve said as if his mind was trying to keep up with what Tony had just told him. “I had no idea.”
Tony shrugged.
“It’s not like I go around and tell everyone. And it doesn’t affect anyone these days. There was no one since Pepper.”
“But I heard you call her your ‘favourite person’ the other day. And you told her you love her. I thought you two would…”
“Oh no. We are so not getting back together. Pepper’s been dating a guy called Robert for a couple of weeks now. She is my favourite person and I do love her, but not like that. Not anymore.”
“And you and Pepper never…?” Steve started, but then shook his head. “Sorry, this is personal and none of my business.”
This made Tony smile. Steve was so sweet.
“It’s not like you asked about preferred positions or something. We did have sex. I was attracted enough to her to enjoy it, but I was never the one who initiated it. It wasn’t necessary for me to have a healthy relationship. And Pepper always accepted me the way I was which was great for my mental health. But after we broke up, it was easier for me to keep to myself and SI and the Avengers.”
Steve was silent for a bit and Tony waited patiently. He knew it was a lot to take in, to change someone’s view of a person in just a few minutes. He needed Steve to understand, because he was too important. Tony didn’t want to push him away and he didn’t want him to do the same.
“It was easier for you, you say?” Steve asked and Tony wondered if there was an intention behind it.
“Yeah. I don’t really feel like trying to date someone and then inevitably being forced to tell them I don’t feel sexual attraction. It would just offend them. And if I don’t say anything and then never make a step towards sex, the result would be the same. There is no guarantee I ever feel enough desire and people are usually not willing to wait for an unspecific amount of time. Or for something that might not happen. People like it easy, not complicated.”
He laughed again, but Steve didn’t.
“I’m okay with complicated,” Steve said instead and looked at Tony in such a challenging way, it made Tony shiver.
“What do you mean?” he asked. Steve smiled and wordlessly offered Tony his hand.
Tony took a few steps forward and took it. Steve’s hand was warm, like his body usually was. He stared at their hands, then at Steve’s face.
“Thank you for telling me,” Steve said and squeezed Tony’s hand. “About what really happened at the charity gala. And about you being asexual. I appreciate that.”
Tony nodded, stunned. He could feel his heart racing. Okay, maybe it was time to admit he had feelings for Steve. Of course he had. How could he not when Steve was just so… good. Righteous. Trying to make the world a better place for everyone. Helping people in any way he could. And he was an artist. He found beauty in the most ordinary things. It was truly fascinating.
Steve tugged on Tony’s hand and Tony understood and went easily into his arms. Tony slung his own arms around Steve’s neck. They stayed like that for a while, neither of them talking. Tony enjoyed the warmth and intimacy and Steve’s breath close to his arc reactor. Steve’s hair tickled under his chin and he couldn’t resist carding his fingers through it. Steve didn’t seem to mind at all.
“Do you think you can finally sleep now?” Steve asked eventually and Tony could see how he suppressed a yawn.
“Definitely. Sorry, but also not sorry for waking you.”
“No, no, I’m glad you did. You were right. This was more important than sleep.”
Tony hesitated for a moment, then asked, “Would you mind more cuddling?”
It earned him a laugh.
“Never,” Steve said and pulled Tony onto the bed and in a lying position.
Tony could feel Steve’s arms wrapped protectively around him and sighed, content. When Steve pressed a kiss to his temple, he could only smile. Maybe they were compatible after all. They could figure out the rest.