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The world outside their dorm was never soft to them. It starts with some pair of eyes, then continues to the airy whispers, and then gradually to heavy footsteps. They were followed, always the center of people’s attention.
The world never tried to be soft on them, not even once in the past ten years.
This grew big when NCT Dream started their 7dream activity last year. A little bit too late for a normal group.
That was the thing; they were never normal.
It was just one month into the year 2022 when they get called up for their plans and schedules for the year. Jaemin has no recollection of the time when they arrived at the company, he doesn’t remember at which time he woke up, he just can’t remember.
The only thing that gets in his saturated head is when Jisung held his hand, rubbed his thumb in a circular motion, to create a known heat on his palm, and then he eventually called out.
“Can we take a break? I’m hungry.” he chuckled, loud enough to draw everyone's attention towards him.
No one could say no to the maknae and when all arose in chaos over menu recommendation, Jisung was still holding his hand, and never let go.
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This annual two-day-one-night outing which they called the 7llin’ series was just like a reminder to Jaemin.
A reminder that they are not allowed to spend more time freely for the rest of the year.
If technically speaking, it was like work for them anyway. Surrounded by cameras, managers, other staff, and people whom Jaemin will never consider going on trips with.
So, he does what he is asked to do. Smile at the camera, be playful, and enjoy the day with the members like he always does.
No matter how much Jaemin dislikes the idea of showcasing their off-camera behavior in front of cameras, he enjoys these trips. He tries to enjoy every single minute of it while it can last. In his own way. Maybe that’s why Jaemin sometimes forgets about the cameras and puts out his randomness to be captured in film.
The time they all sit by the sea and look at the ocean, his heart fills in with salty air and the warm sunset hits his eyes. A feeling he does not want to get used to. He shouldn't get used to it.
For it might haunt him at the end of the day.
He stands on a different side, away from the rest. They can be loud for such a scene. But they were enjoying themselves.
It was mostly just Haechan and Chenle yelling at the top of their lungs, throwing the small pebbles into the water. A tiny sport to spend the remaining sunset in.
His ears captured a struggling drag in the sand and he felt Jisung next to him.
Jisung was good at so many things.
Giving company to people was one of them. He would not say anything until the situation doesn’t allow him to, so he just stays.
Jaemin leans against the boy, to get the warmth that the setting sun could not give to him anymore.
That’s all they did. Standing together, looking at the pictures of the sun that Jaemin would click. Jisung let him lean against him every time his clumsy steps made him stumble.
That was how they were.
“Isn’t this shell too pretty? Look at this, Jisung-ah!” His voice sounded filled with excitement, which might be the first time in the entirety of their trip.
It was a small shell, that surfaced onto the beach. Covered in wet sand, Jaemin shook off the mud. After, it gleamed under the orange hue of the sun, a little blush over the white shell. It was beautiful.
Jisung looked at it closely, “You like it?” He looked up at Jaemin’s face just to see a spark in his eyes. A sudden eagerness that Jaemin himself might never know. Which also answered Jisung’s question. “Then, keep it.”
“You know, it won’t last for a week before I lose it under some desk.”
Jisung looked at him again, a normal calmness spread through his face, and a solution was already in his head.
“Then let me take it,” he pitched the idea, taking Jaemin’s hand before taking the shell from his other palm, “I will keep it safe for you.”
Jisung was good at so many things. Promising was one of them. Jisung said he will keep it safe for him. And that’s all Jaemin ever wanted.
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Their hard work to keep themselves up in the race to be the regular group just like others pays off by the time they get done with the Glitch Mode promotions. Everything about it felt rushed. Not to mention how Chenle ended up hurting himself, bringing them all into a collective meltdown.
But they were over with it anyways.
After having a whole month of promotions and sleepless schedules packed their days, they get probably one week off.
More like it was the time for them to drag Mark and Haechan back for the 127 plans. And if Jaemin had to speak on that topic, he could never stop.
So, he just stays in. No extra work. Leaving every little stardom out of their dorm doors.
Jaemin never had to worry about how to spend his days off from work. It’s either he stays under his blanket, in his bed, all day long, or he gets on his desk, working on his photographs. It was simple and had less effort in it. Lazing out is not always bad.
There would be no particular lighting that stands out in his room. With no noise, except the music that played through his speakers. It creates a zone for himself, a safe place, a place that no one can break through.
Perhaps just one.
When Jaemin hears a soft knock under the white noise of his playlist, he understands Jisung is here. It’s always Jisung.
He comes up with different excuses every time he thinks he is bothering Jaemin’s personal space. It’s either he asks him to play games with him and Haechan, or help him with laundry since it’s his turn.
But most of the time, Jisung checks on him.
On days like this, when Jaemin plans to lock away from the entire world everyone including Jisung; He comes in to check whether Jaemin's okay or not.
Making sure he had enough nutrients and water to keep him hydrated through the day. When neither of his demands meets their conclusion, Jaemin gets dragged out of his bed, and into the kitchen, to get him something to eat.
He watched Jisung leaning against the counter as he makes some instant noodles for him.
We are talking about the youngest among the seven who has always been portrayed as a disaster regarding house chores.
But Jisung tries. He learns and tries every day. And making instant noodles became his survival instinct.
So Jaemin would just look at him, running over the drawers clumsily in search of bowls and chopsticks. Even if Jaemin is not a huge fan of instant noodles, he would eat them anyway.
“This is the only way I can take care of you.” That’s what Jisung would say to him.
As likely as being the youngest, Jisung knew very little about taking care of people. Especially to the ones who had contributed to his growth during his rough teenage years.
But Jisung learns.
He learns to do the basics. He learns to nag. When Chenle would pick on his wounds without thinking anything. When Jeno stays up all night trying to make a new score.
Jaemin finds it enduring. A feeling that fills him from within.
Jisung looks at him with a little hope in his eyes. A small wish for his noodles to turn out perfectly—with a sense of seeing Jaemin is been taken care of.
A shy triumph floods through his body when after he has done taking care of him. And Jaemin could never get enough of the gushed smile that ends up on Jisung’s face.
And by the way, Jisung’s noodles are delicious.
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Time in August got as brutal to them as they could ever imagine before. It almost felt as if the whole universe didn’t want them to be what they were meant to be.
When all grieved, muffed cries through the rooms were given. They applied their whole heart and soul to the preparation of this concert. It broke each of them as slowly as the tick of the clock.
Jaemin slept in Jisung’s bed that whole week. Calming him down, kissing him to sleep, and softly crying along with him.
Jisung blamed himself. For all that happened. If only he had been a little too cautious of his surroundings if only he won’t have got the sickness first if only he would have not…
“It’s not you,” Jaemin whispered to him. Jisung’s room fell into a deep void, the sound of Jisung’s soft sniffing feeling too loud to his ears. “Please, Jisung”
Watching Jisung cry has never been one of the things Jaemin ever enjoyed. For someone like him, he has gone through a lot more than any person of his age has.
And Jisung overthinks. He works his brain till it gets him all vulnerable, making him fall to pieces. That’s when Jaemin comes in. Stopping him from getting into that darkness.
“I’m pathetic, aren’t I?” Jisung scoffs through the sobs.
And Jaemin holds him all night, all week and if needed, forever.
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They were done with their concert in Seoul. They were finally done with it. With a rush of tears and cheers ringing through his ears, Jaemin made it through. All seven of them did.
They were highly praised for the performance they had put up in their concert. All the songs were much appreciated and the fans were pleased. They were done with the first course of their concert.
By the time November came, things became busier—more intense. In a way, Jaemin never thought they would ever be.
The Japanese tour was no joke, not at all. The Seoul tour beginning was nothing compared to this.
Three cities, visiting one in two days gap. It was not easy at all. But it was fun regardless. The audience was new to them. Apart from other company concerts, it was their first. All seven of them together.
But it drained him.
And they have been through just day one.
Again, he was surrounded by cameras, preparing for another content that would be released after a whole month passes by. They sat down to speak on their winter album, about the preparation they made, about the songs, and them.
But it was cruel to him. The tiredness seeped into him, and there was no way he would get out of it soon. Long talks short, he wanted to go back to his bed. Away from the cameras, away from all this.
But Jisung was next to him, holding his hand, rubbing his thumb like he always does. Staying by his side like he always does. It was his way to say, “just a few more minutes.” Jisung would talk to him in the middle of the content, making them look like they are in their own little bubble, away from the actual conversation being made in front of them.
And Jaemin survived through it all.
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Now in Yokohama, after performing for three days, they were given the time to tour the city. Again, it was their first.
It’s just seven of them, this time. No cameras, no managers, and no staff. Just them—luring into the unfamiliar place, exploring, laughing, and loving. Normally, Jaemin would not join in for such outings when they are overseas, out for some kpop tours. He would stay back; in his hotel bed, feeling homesick and blank.
But they were seven of them now. The void that Mark and Haechan filled was beyond words could ever explain.
They all looked tired—running around the big concert stages, with the same routine, for the last three days. They still looked happy. Smiles and laughter echo through their booth, boosting their noisy selves even more. They were complete. He was complete.
Jaemin looked at them after he was done grilling the meat. Mark had his left arm wrapped around Renjun, who leaned his head in the warmth of their leader’s neck. Jaemin noted how Mark managed to drain the thoughts out of Renjun’s head just with some soft rubs on his arms.
Jeno and Chenle looked equally at peace; peace in the form of teasing. They giggled and laughed, Jeno slapped his hand over Chenle’s screeching laugh. It was their love language, and Jaemin had nothing against it.
Haechan was next to him, leaning in for the adoration he wanted from Jaemin. Restless in his seat, his jokes came in the most comforting ways—a way that comforts Jaemin most of the time.
But then he teases or picks someone to become the center of his jokes. This time it was Jisung.
Oh, his lovely Jisung.
The boy mentioned just looked defenseless—taking in every little teasing in him with an adorable whine leaving his lips. Jaemin looked at him as he sat in front of him; a slight pout on his face, a light-hearted frown, hands running over the red hair, and soft eyes looking down at his feet.
Maybe that’s what Jaemin always loved about Jisung. He accepts everything around him, no matter how bad they are. He takes in everything.
Then he loves the idea of them—him and Jisung.
Because they become each other’s safe place. Safe to speak anything. Safe away from the hardness of the industry they are living in.
It all comes in when Jisung would silently sneak into Jaemin’s bed. He would hug him from behind, whispering all his thoughts, his head buried too close into the space between Jaemin’s nape and his pillow. And when Jaemin would talk, Jisung would listen until they both drown in the warmth between them. He takes in and gives everything in return. Jisung is just good at this.
But now, when their eyes met, Jisung just smiled. A soft smile. A smile that implies a lot of things behind it.
However, this one asked Jaemin whether the evening was bearable for him, whether he is happy enough or not, and whether he can stop Haechan and Chenle from bullying him like this.
“Hey!” Jaemin hit the tongs on the table, grabbing everyone’s attention, his randomness yet again shows up, “Now, you both take your hands off him, leave my baby alone.” He heard the undying laughter once again, mocking him for taking Jisung’s side and the latter got his answers.
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It was December 30th. They all were back in their dorms. It was a year that gave them a lot. With three comebacks, two concert tours, some endorsements, and a few other gigs, their year was full.
One more day to a new year, to the same routine all over again.
He walks out to an empty living room, with Christmas shimmers hanging on the windows, on the couch, and behind the television. Jeno and Renjun went over to Chenle’s place, to have some time off the same walls around them. Jaemin came out to see nothing but used silence around the space.
But then, he smells Bungeoppang, followed by some soft humming reflecting through the empty halls, and he smiles.
Jisung was still there.
In the kitchen, Jaemin meets Jisung’s back, as he faces towards the counter, rumbling through the brown packets, taking out his favorite delicacies to feast on.
“I thought you went home,” Jaemin smiles when he saw Jisung flinch at the sound he made.
“God, please don’t do that again,” Jaemin makes his way to the younger, wrapping his arm around him. Jaemin was upset about the fact that Jisung was indeed missing the whole day. He planned to meet his parents and even stay with them, but here he was. Standing in front of Jaemin, leaning into the hug Jaemin initiated.
“I did go home, but I came back,” still not facing Jaemin, Jisung answered Jaemin, busy arranging the remaining buns in the container. “I had to come back to you.”
Jaemin laughed at the answer, and Jisung shrieked in the hug. Jaemin pushed his hands into Jisung’s pockets, trying to find heat in them until he found something. A familiar shape that he felt in February, on his palm.
Oh.
Jaemin pulled out the shell, now resting on his hand. Once which was covered under the heavy particles of sand, Jaemin couldn’t even remember if the shell was the same color as it was now.
The pink undertone looked more prominent. A little bigger than what he remembers, a little more beautiful than before.
“Jisung-ah,” he called out, still looking at the shell. Jisung hummed again in response but turned, letting a small gasp before rasping out.
“Ah, this,” instead of taking the shell away from him, he took Jaemin’s hands. Closing some distance between them, “I took this to get it polished, because no matter how much I tried to clean it off, it looked dull. And I can see the color beneath the white, that's how I kept it on my desk for days so I could get it polished, but I didn’t have any free time or I kept forgetting about it, and—”
Jisung stopped talking when Jaemin kissed him. It was a small peck, leaving Jisung dumbfounded, and blinking. “Shut up,” Jaemin said.
He blinked for the last time, before clearing his throat, the kiss got him shook, “Um, are you angry because I got it polished?” which earned a heartily laugh out of Jaemin’s chest.
“No, you idiot. You — just come here,” He shoved the shell back into Jisung’s pocket and got him to kiss again. It was not a small peck anymore.
They were wrapped in each other’s warmth and love, smiling through the kiss, a jester to signify the unspoken I Love You.
Jisung was good at so many things. Promising was one of them.
He kept the shell and Jaemin so close to him; keeps them safe, promising the same for more years to come. And that’s all Jaemin ever wanted.