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"Do you want marshmallows or whipped cream? Or both?" May asks me.
I roll my eyes from the couch, where I'm curled up in my gingerbread man-themed pajamas. "Both obviously. You know who you're talking to, May?"
Now it's her turn to roll her eyes. "Yeah, yeah." She hands me my cup of hot cocoa. "So is Pepper coming tonight too?"
"No, she went to go visit her parents. Harley's coming though."
May smiles. "Sounds good. You excited? It's your first Christmas being out."
I nod with a smile. "Yeah. It feels nice. It's like, I can actually enjoy it without anything holding me back, y'know?" And it's true. I finally don't have to worry about getting dresses and skirts for presents. And every time we get a Christmas card it has a name on it that I can be proud of and that I can stand to look at.
"I'm glad," She says, wrapping her arm around me and pressing a kiss to my forehead.
We spend the morning just relaxing and watching Christmas movies. Normally we would have opened presents already, but we're waiting to open presents for later when Mr. Stark and Harley come over for dinner. For lunch we have some homemade pizza which luckily didn't burn. Once we eat, we make some cookies to eat for dessert—which are a bit hard, but they'll do—since Tony insisted on bringing the main course when May invited him over last week. I'm glad May didn't question it, because to be honest, I didn't know how edible the food would be if she made it. Last year, she somehow burned the mashed potatoes. How the hell do you burn mashed potatoes?
Shortly before Tony and Harley are supposed to arrive, May goes to check the mail and comes back with a package from Ned and his mom.
"Oooo, what's in it?" I ask excitedly.
May rips it open, clearly not as excited as me because she takes her sweet time. I start to lose my patience and eventually just snatch the gift away to open it myself. She sends me a deadpan look, but I ignore it.
My jaw drops when the wrapping paper reveals a new lego set. It's an Avengers lego set that I've been talking about for months, so naturally, I can't help the giggle that escapes my mouth when I see it.
"May, look!"
She smiles, pulling out another small box from the inside of the wrapping paper. It's a custom mug with "May you have a blessed Christmas" written on it. We don't need to guess who each present is for.
"Oh, there's a card too!" She points out, but I'm too busy looking over the lego box. However, when I catch a glimpse of her frowning at the card, I leave the box abandoned on the counter, growing confused.
I try to peek over at the card, but she quickly moves it away from my field of vision. "What is it? Why do you look upset?"
She shakes her head, trying to school her expression. But I can see through it. "Nothing, it's nothing."
I furrow my brows in frustration. "Let me see!" I reach for the card, but she keeps trying to shield it. However, she can't fight my sticky fingers for long, and I eventually get ahold of the offending object.
May watches me with what looks like a mixture of frustration and worry as I read the letter. It's not in Ned's handwriting, so I assume it was written by his mother. The letter is very nice overall and I fail to see what's wrong with it. That is, till I reach the end. It reads: "May and Penny, we wish you both a Merry Christmas!"
I drop the letter on the counter and take a few steps back. May calls my name cautiously, but I ignore her and rush to my room before she can see the tears leaving my eyes. I curl up on my bed and hold back cries. I don't dare to leave even when I hear the muffled ring of the doorbell.
Why would she say that? Ned's mom has been very accepting in terms of my gender identity, so what changed? And if she was going to be transphobic, why would she put it on a christmas card?
Logically, I know it could have also been on accident, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It doesn't matter the context, it always hurts. Especially because it's been almost a year at this point. Every time I think I'll never have to be called my deadname again, someone does exactly that. And I hate it. I wish I could erase that name from existence. I wish I had always been Peter. I wish I'd been born a boy.
I'm not sure how long it's been when I hear a knock at my door. "Hey, Kid. It's me. Can I come in?" That's Mr. Stark's voice. If his subdued tone is anything to go by, May probably already told him what happened.
I clear my throat and wipe away my tears, sitting up on the edge of my bed. Hopefully I don't look like too much of a wreck. "Yeah, it's unlocked."
I hear the door squeak as it opens and Tony peeks his head in for a second before fully slipping inside, closing the door behind him. He takes a seat on the bed next to me and wraps an arm around my frame. I lean into his side almost immediately, wanting to soak up the affection. I wouldn't admit it out loud, but I really need it right now.
Mr. Stark pushes my curls back with his free hand. "May called Ned's mom. She said she didn't mean it and it was a complete accident. She told May to tell you she's really sorry."
I sigh. "I figured it was an accident. I just, I'm still upset about it, y'know?"
Mr. Stark rubs my shoulder with a warm calloused hand. "You wanna tell me more about that, Bud?"
I debate just not saying anything at all, but my need for comfort takes over and I cave."Whenever someone misgenders me or deadnames me, even when it's on accident, it still hurts. I mean, it hurts more when it's on purpose, but when it's on accident it still hurts because if they're messing up even after I've been out for almost a year, then they probably don't actually see me as a boy. And I don't like that. Because I am a boy and I'm tired of trying to convince everyone of that." My voice cracks on that last syllable. Luckily, Mr. Stark doesn't point it out.
"Oh, Kiddo." Mr. Stark sighs against me pressing his cheek to my forehead. "I didn't know you were feeling like that. I can't imagine how frustrating and exhausting that must be. And I can't promise you that it'll never happen again, but what I can tell you is that just because some people still mess up your name and pronouns, that doesn't mean you're not a boy. And if people don't perceive you as a boy, it's not because you aren't one, it's because they don't want to see you that way. It's not that difficult to change your perception of someone, and if other people don't want to do that, that's their own problem. And I know you blame yourself a lot, so I'm just going to be blunt here: people not perceiving you as a boy isn't your fault. You got me?"
Mr. Stark looks down at me expectantly, and I nod my head. "Yeah."
He shakes his head. "Nope, you clearly don't believe me. I want you to say it."
I send him a deadpan look, but Mr. Stark doesn't relent. After a short staring contest between us, I sigh in defeat and obey. "People not perceiving me as a boy isn't my fault."
"You still don't sound convinced, but I'll take it." The man narrows his eyes at me playfully. "For now."
I chuckle lightly and I can see my mentor smile in my peripheral vision. There's a few moments of comfortable silence from there before he breaks it again.
"Are you feeling better?"
Before I respond verbally, I wrap my arms around the man's torso and tuck my head into his chest. He hugs me right back with no hesitation and I smile into his shirt. I respond with a muffled "Much better." He laughs lightly and I can feel the vibrations in his chest against my face. He kisses the top of my head and holds me snugly against him until I feel satisfied enough to pull away.
"Thank you," I say, grateful to have a father figure again, even if we aren't related by blood.
He smiles and ruffles my hair. "Don't mention it, Kid. You know I love you." He winks at me and I blush. Sometimes the blatant affection I get from him still catches me off guard.
"I love you too," I reply back genuinely.
"So, what d'ya say we get back out there and eat the not-burnt food I bought?"
My expression fills with relief. "Yes please! I'm so glad you bought the food, otherwise we'd be eating literal coal."
Mr. Stark barks out a laugh. Just as he suggested, we go back to the living area where May and Harley are sitting on the couch having a hushed conversation.
"Having fun without us, I see," Tony says jokingly. Harley shoots up from his seat and makes his way towards me, taking my hands in his. Tony takes the seat next to May, the one Harley was occupying moments ago and the latter pulls me to the side.
"Merry Christmas, Peter." My boyfriend bites his lip worriedly. "Are you okay?"
I nod. "Yeah, I'm okay now."
His lips turn upward at my answer and he cups my cheek, planting a quick peck upon my lips. He wraps his arms gently yet firmly around my frame and I nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck, feeling safe, happy, and lucky to have such a great boyfriend.
"I love you," I say when we pull away.
He smiles and kisses me once more. "I love you too."
And as we all sit down to eat, despite the unfortunate occurrences from earlier, I feel content, being with the people I love. No, my life isn't perfect, but when I have such a great family, it doesn't need to be. They're more than enough.