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Anyone who knows him knows that John Smith is not the biggest fan of Christmas. He’ll never outright tell anyone to stop being happy during the holiday season, and he’s never been called a Scrooge by any of his neighbors, but he doesn’t actively celebrate it himself. He indulges in some aspects occasionally for his students’ sake, but never for himself. He’s just not much of a Christmas person these days.
Even as he’s walking down the snow-covered sidewalks toward his usual coffee shop, passing by peppy carolers and festive shop window displays, he can’t be bothered to do more than smile politely at the people he happens to make eye contact with. And with his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his duster coat, he prays that this will be another uneventful holiday season that he can get through, eager to move past it all and into the next year.
Stepping into the familiar shop, John curses under his breath at the sudden realization that he forgot about the decorations already up inside the shop and the holiday music playing softly through the shop’s speakers. He’s already here, though, might as well get his coffee and leave.
Joining the line of patrons, he pulls his phone out when it goes off to see a new message from one of his oldest friends, Jack, asking him if he’s going to be attending the annual holiday party. John merely sighs as he gives Jack his usual response, that no, he won’t be going.
“Oi, you’re next.”
John looks up to see the space in front of him empty, glancing behind him quickly to offer the man an apologetic smile. He shuffles forward, looking down at his phone again to finish typing out his response. “Just the usual, please.”
“Might wanna be a bit more specific there, mate.”
John lifts his gaze at the unfamiliar voice, his brows furrowing at the blonde standing in front of him with a Santa hat on her head, pointedly ignoring the way his heart skips a single beat. “Sorry, uh, where’s Amy? She’s usually here at this time.”
“Maternity leave. I’m filling in while she’s out. So what can I get for you?”
He shakes himself out of his confusion. “Right, yeah. Um, just two black coffees, please. And a half dozen Jaffa cakes.”
The girl punches a few buttons on the register. “Sure you don’t want to try one of our festive holiday drinks? Peppermint’s very popular right now.”
He shakes his head and gives her a tight smile. “No, thank you.”
“Right. And what’s the name for the order?”
“John Smith.”
“John Smith,” she repeats, tapping on her screen and then grabbing two cups to scrawl on the sides of them.
He desperately tries to ignore the way the sound of his name on her lips makes his stomach swoop. He swallows and pulls out his wallet, grabbing the usual amount of money and handing it over before she can read out what he owes. Their fingers brush for the shortest of seconds when she takes the money, and he shudders involuntarily.
She gives him an odd look. “You alright?”
“Yeah.” He tugs his coat a bit closer. “Is there a draft in here?”
“Not that I know of.”
He takes his change when she holds it out, being careful not to touch her skin again, and then slides his wallet back into his pocket. He shuffles over to the side of the counter to wait for his drink and allow the next customer to order, rocking back on his heels with his hands in his pockets.
“John Smith?”
He smiles politely at the barista, Nancy, who hands him the drinks and the cakes, and then makes his way out of the shop and down the street toward the school, sliding the bagged cakes into his coat pocket. It’s only when he’s halfway there that he realizes he never got the girl’s name. He always makes it a point to know names whenever it seems appropriate. But of course, he’d been distracted by something he’s not willing to admit and never thought to ask for her name. Or look at the bloody tag on her apron.
When he finally reaches his destination, he makes his way inside the school building and heads straight for the staff lounge. He tosses his empty coffee cup into a bin on his way and pulls the Jaffa cakes out to have them at the ready.
Pushing through the door to the staff lounge, he moves toward the redhead sitting alone at a table, talking on the phone with a wide smile. He silently holds the coffee out to her and then sets the bag of desserts on the table as he tugs off his coat and falls into an empty chair. He leans back, folding his hands behind his head and stretching his legs out beneath the table.
“Yeah, I’m gonna call you back later.” She pauses. “No, that’s never gonna happen, so stop dreaming.” Another quick pause. “Right, bye.”
John smiles at Donna as she finally hangs up her phone. “Morning.”
She lifts the coffee in a silent greeting before taking a sip. “It’s the first of December.”
He sighs. “Yes, I know. But by the time I realized the date I was already inside, figured I’d get our coffees anyway.”
Donna nods. “Right. And did it kill ya to be in there?”
“No,” he grumbles. “But it wasn’t exactly my favorite thing in the world, either, now was it?”
Donna rolls her eyes. “Can’t believe you still hate Christmas this much.”
“You’re not big on it either.”
Donna holds up a hand. “I don’t hate it. I’m just not as enthusiastic about it as most people are. You”—She points a perfectly manicured finger at him—“won’t so much as hum a Christmas song during the holidays.”
John shrugs. “I have my reasons.”
“Yes, I’m well aware of your reasons. But it’s been years. Surely it can’t still be affecting you this badly.”
“There’s no timeline on grieving, Donna,” he nearly snaps. “At least I’m not crying my eyes out every five minutes and going on about how horrible my life is anymore.”
Her eyes narrow. “Oi. Don’t go getting all snippy with me, spaceman. Just for that, you don’t get a single Jaffa cake.” She snatches up the paper bag and holds it out of his reach. “Maybe next time you’ll think before you speak.”
He sighs. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just…it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to, but I still think about them sometimes.”
Donna’s face softens. “Of course you do. And no one’s blaming you for it. But it couldn’t hurt to at least try and put yourself out there again after all this time.”
John chuckles, rubbing a hand over his chin. “Oh, even if I wanted to, I don’t know if I’d remember how. It’s been so long.”
“You know Jack would be willing to give you some pointers.”
He laughs a little louder this time. “Jack would tell me to find the first person willing and immediately jump into bed with them. That is the exact opposite of what I want to do.” He tilts his head in thought. “Well, I wouldn’t be opposed to that eventually, at some point, being intimate with someone again. It’s just not my intention to—”
“Yeah, gonna stop you there. I won’t lie and say I’d like to hear more about that specific subject because I wouldn’t, but I will tell you something. Find a nice-looking girl, someone you might fancy, and ask her for a coffee. Or dinner. Don’t overthink it. Shaun, bless his heart, he really over thought our first date. But I gave him another shot and now we’ve been happily married going on five years.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready to start dating.”
Donna sighs. “Right. Well, I’m sure there’s someone out there whenever you’re ready to do so. Even if that’s not until you’re all gray up top.”
John gasps quietly at the thought. “You take that back.”
Donna laughs. “Not a chance.” She glances at the clock on the wall and then stands from the chair. “I’ve gotta get to the office but are we still on for lunch?”
He shakes his head. “I’m monitoring today. Tomorrow?”
“Should do. See ya.” She takes her coffee and the Jaffa cakes on her way out of the lounge, the door swinging shut behind her.
John remains in his spot for a moment longer, thinking over Donna’s words. It has been quite a while since he’s been in any kind of significant relationship, and by society’s standards, he should have been out there experiencing it all again by now. But he doesn’t want it to be just anyone that he experiences all of that with again. He wants it to be the right person. He just doesn’t know who that person would be.
.
.
.
John returns to the coffee shop the next morning. He plans on only getting one coffee since he doesn’t want Donna asking any questions, but he needs to know the woman’s name who helped him yesterday. For his own peace of mind.
He winces slightly when he enters the shop and hears Christmas music playing. He glances upward to glare at the speakers, only to spot a sprig of mistletoe hanging in the doorway and quickly sidesteps so as not to get caught under it with any random patrons. That is the very last thing he needs.
He immediately weaves his way through the tables and patrons, finding the end of the line and stepping into it. He doesn’t occupy himself with anything this time, merely rocks back and forth on his feet with his hands tucked into his pockets, waiting for the line to move forward.
When he finally reaches the counter, he smiles at the same blonde from yesterday. “Hello.”
“Oh, hello. Back again, I see.”
“Yep,” he says, popping the ‘p’.
“Two black coffees again for ya?”
“Ah, no. Just one this time, please.”
“Right.” She taps away on the screen and then grabs a cup. “It’s John, right?”
He nods. “Yes. And I’m sorry, but I don’t think I caught yours yesterday.”
She blinks, almost as if she’s surprised someone would be bothered to learn her name, and then offers him a small smile. “It’s Rose.”
“Rose,” he tries it out, his smile widening just the slightest at the way it rolls off his tongue. “Do I get a last name too, Rose?”
She laughs quietly. “Nah, I think that’s gotta be earned. Gotta know you a bit better before I start handing that out.”
He chuckles. “Fair enough.” He pulls the proper notes out of his wallet and hands them over, accepting his change back with a smile. He hesitates for just a moment, a question on the tip of his tongue, but then thinks better of it and steps to the side.
“John Smith?”
He steps up to the counter to grab his coffee, smiling politely at Nancy as he does so. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Surprised to see you in here again.”
He shifts on his feet, tightening his hold just a bit on his coffee. “Yeah, well, really needed a coffee boost, me. And this is the best stuff.” He takes a sip and grins to prove his point. “See? Exactly what I needed. See you around, Nancy.”
“You too, John. And happy holidays.”
He merely raises a hand in response as he turns and makes his way out the door and into the chilly breeze. He slowly sips on his coffee as he walks, ignoring all the festivities going on around him, too focused on the name rolling around in his head like a line from a song playing on repeat despite every effort to get it to stop. Though, he finds that he doesn’t want it to stop.
.
.
.
Despite his feelings about the holidays, he's unable to stop himself going to the coffee shop again. He’s used to seeing Amy in the mornings, the fiery red-head always ready with some new complaint about something her husband did before stating that she loves him anyways. And when he comes in after the holidays, she greets him with that same smile, never treating him any differently or bringing up the reason behind his aversion to the holiday. He always likes seeing Amy in the mornings, considers her somewhat of a friend despite only ever seeing her in her place of business.
But with Rose…with Rose it’s different. He likes seeing Rose in the mornings too, but it’s different than it is with Amy. With Rose…he’s not sure he could even put it into words. It’s a very good thing he’s not an English teacher.
He only sticks to the weekdays; schooldays. He stops in before class to get himself a coffee to go and finishes it before he actually gets to the school so Donna doesn’t know. He always smiles at Rose and tries desperately to ignore the twisting in his gut whenever she smiles back and says his name. No one says his name like she does. She doesn’t say it any particular way, but just the fact that it’s her voice that’s saying it stirs something in him; something he hasn’t felt for a very long time.
“Morning, John,” she says to him on one average Thursday morning, her usual smile in place that she has with every patron.
He smiles back. “Morning, Rose.”
“Just your usual?” she asks, already reaching for a cup.
He nods, pulling out his wallet and finding the proper notes. “Please.” He sets the money down and waits for his change, inhaling sharply when his hand brushes against Rose’s for the first time since that first day. Though it really hasn’t been as long as his mind is making it out to be.
“John? You alright?”
He quickly pulls his hand back, his eyes snapping up to the furrow in her brows. He swallows thickly. “Yeah, I’m—I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine? I’m perfectly fine. Um, thank you.” He gives her what he hopes is a nice smile and then steps over to the side as he shoves the money into his pocket without putting it in his wallet first.
Nancy approaches the counter with his coffee, a small smile on her face. “You okay, John? You look a bit shaken up.”
His brows furrow slightly. “Do I? Well, I better fix that before my class then, eh?” He grabs the coffee and takes a quick sip, then smiles at her. “Perfect as always, Nancy. See you later.” He waves as he makes his way out of the shop, doing his best to ignore the lingering sensation of Rose’s hand against his. Though, he does wonder briefly what it would feel like to hold her hand completely in his.
.
.
.
He wakes up late the next day and is unable to stop at the shop for coffee before his first class. He’s a bit more irritable, something that all of his classes and Donna both notice, though only the redhead he considers his closest friend brings it up to him during lunch. He doesn’t have to monitor lunchtime which means he’s able to relax in the staff lounge for a bit before his next class.
And that’s precisely where Donna finds him as she marches into the room, heading straight to the fridge for her lunch.
“So, what’s got you all twisted up today?”
He avoids eye contact as he picks at his lunch. “No idea what you mean.”
“Oi, don’t give me that, spaceman.” She sets her lunch down and sits across from him. “You’ve been unusually chipper recently. I’m not used to you being chipper during the holidays. Now you’re…not chipper. Which I wouldn’t point out except for the fact that something clearly happened today to put you in a mood. Out with it,” she says with a quick wave of her hand as she starts in on her food.
John shifts in his chair, sitting up a bit and shaking his head. “It’s nothing, really. Just woke up late is all.”
Donna raises an eyebrow. “Is it? Is it really all? I know you, John. Tell me what it is.”
John sighs. He’d forgotten for a moment that he was talking to Donna of all people. If it’d been Jack, he might have been able to distract the man, but not Donna. Not when she’s on a mission to get information. “Fine. You really want to know?”
“Yes.”
He glances around the room to make sure no one is listening in even though they never are, and then turns back to Donna and lowers his voice, “It’s possible that I may have…met someone.”
Donna grins. “Shut up. You did not.”
“Would you keep your voice down?” he hisses. “I don’t need the whole bloody school knowing.”
“Sorry. It’s just…you’ve actually taken my advice. For once you’ve listened to me.”
His brows furrow slightly. “What? I…I listen to you. Loads.”
Donna snorts. “Sure you do, sunshine. But back to you. Tell me everything.”
John’s face scrunches up as he tugs on his ear. “Yeah, that might be a bit of a problem since there’s not much to tell.”
“How do you mean?”
“I mean that…there’s nothing actually…going on. I don’t even know her last name. We um, she works at the coffee shop, I see her every morning when I go in, and her name’s Rose. She’s covering for Amy while she’s on maternity leave.”
Donna’s face softens. “Oh, is it that time already? Amy’s gonna be such a great mum.”
“I agree. I was a bit surprised when I saw Rose there instead of Amy but now…I don’t know. Seeing Rose is the best part of my morning, honestly. But I hardly know anything about her. Am I mad? I have to be mad.”
Donna snickers. “Madly in love.”
John’s eyes go wide. “In love? I’ve just told you I hardly know her and you think I’m in love? Clearly, you’re the mad one here, not me.”
“Right. Well, why don’t you pluck up some courage and ask her out already?”
John shakes his head. “No. Absolutely not. The last thing she needs is to be hit on by a patron. During the holidays. She probably gets loads of that, I’m not gonna add to it.”
Donna sighs. “You’re hopeless, you know that? You said you’ve been going in every morning before class, which means you’ve spoken to her about half a dozen times so far. She probably knows your name and order by heart now. You’re already a regular there, but now you’re becoming a regular to her. So strike up an actual conversation for once and then ask her out. Or I’ll do it for you on your behalf.”
John’s eyes go wide. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Try me, spaceman.”
John just narrows his eyes at Donna, eating the rest of his meal in silence, save for the faint holiday music coming through one of the speakers from the telly at the other end of the room.
.
.
.
He only partially listens to Donna’s advice. He breaks his unspoken unofficial rule of only going into the shop on weekdays and goes in the following day; Saturday. He’s not expecting to see Rose, knows it’d probably be pushing his luck with the world for her to be there on a Saturday morning when he already sees her Monday through Friday, but he’s still hopeful.
The hope is dashed rather quickly when he steps foot inside the heavily decorated shop and doesn’t see Rose behind the counter. Instead, it’s some young dark-haired man he doesn’t recognize, probably a new hire or only works on the weekends. There’s a part of him that’s saying to just turn around and leave, but he’s already there, so he might as well stay and do part of what he intended.
So he tucks the folder of his unfinished markings further under his arm and approaches the counter, falling into line behind the other patrons waiting. He rocks gently back and forth on his feet as he waits, the fingers of one hand mindlessly drumming against the file folder he carries.
When it’s his turn, he smiles politely at the young man, orders a black coffee and a breakfast pastry, and then steps to the side. It’s a different barista than Nancy working this morning, so it’s just the usual politeness between them as he takes his items and moves away from the counter.
He finds an empty table in the far corner and sets up shop there. Unfortunately, it’s not far enough to escape the holiday decorations since there are some hanging on the wall right next to him, but he figures he’ll just have to suffer through it since he’s already made himself comfortable.
He’s not sure how much time has passed, too engrossed in his markings, when a familiar name drifts toward him.
“You’re late, Rose.”
“I know, I know. Car wouldn’t start. Mickey’s gonna look at it for me when he and Martha get back tonight.”
He looks up and watches Rose duck behind the counter as she pulls off a knit cap and heavy coat. He can’t seem to tear his eyes away from her, even as she disappears from his view he keeps his eyes trained on where she was in hopes she’ll reappear. And she does a moment later, wearing that same Santa hat on her head.
Her eyes drift across the shop as she steps toward the register until they land on him.
His own go wide for a split second and then he’s smiling. He lifts his hand in a quick wave, pleased when she does as well, and then looks back down at his work. He feels that same twisting in his gut but he does his best to ignore it, despite Donna’s voice needling him in the back of his mind to ask Rose out.
He’s only slightly ashamed to admit that he loses complete focus on his work and instead tries to think of the best way to approach Rose and ask her out. He knows for a fact he isn’t going to do it while she’s actually on shift, that’s an absolute no. So asking her when she’s on break or done with her shift are his two options. But she’ll probably just want to relax on her break, not have to deal with someone like him. And he has absolutely no idea when she’ll be done working.
Oh, why did he think this would be a good idea?
“Top up?”
His head shoots up to see Rose standing next to his table holding a pot of coffee. “Sorry?”
She smiles. “Just seeing if you want a top up.”
He glances down at his nearly empty mug. “Oh. Um, no, thank you. I think I’ve had plenty for this morning.”
“Right.” She’s quiet for a moment, her eyes drifting down. “Oh, are you a schoolteacher, then?”
“What?” His eyes follow where she indicates down to his markings. “Oh! Yes, sorry. Guess I’m a bit lost in my head.”
“It’s alright. What do you teach?”
“Maths.”
Rose nods. “Ah. Never been too good at all that myself. Probably why I’m stuck as a barista at twenty-three.” She takes a deep breath. “You excited for school to be almost out for the holidays, then? Give you a chance to relax at home with your family.”
His heart clenches unwillingly at the painful reminder and he pulls his lips in right. “No family to relax with.”
She raises a brow. “No family? You’re all alone?”
“I’ve got friends,” he defends himself, though leaves out the part where he doesn’t participate in any holiday activities with them. “Just…no family.”
“Oh. Well, I’m sure you’ll have fun with your friends, then. My mate Shareen usually drags me out to at least one party during the holidays. She always gets completely pissed and I have to get us a cab. But I’m sure yours’ll be much more tame, being a teacher and all.”
“Usually is,” he tells her, his head still distracted by somewhat unwanted thoughts.
It’s quiet between them for a moment before Rose takes another deep breath, her lips pulling in tightly.
“Right then. Suppose that’s my cue to leave. I’ll see you around, John.”
He nods absentmindedly, his mind drifting away to thoughts he always tries his hardest to keep buried away. He barely registers Rose walking away, his mind flashing with faces he now only gets to see in his memories, and images he sees in both his sleeping and waking nightmares. It’s enough to shake him out of his haze.
Realizing that he’s not going to be able to get any more work done, he packs up his things and pulls his coat back on, then begins to head for the door without once looking toward the counter, slipping his markings into his thankfully larger than normal pockets. He feels bad for how he was with Rose moments ago, but he’s not entirely sure how to fix it without risking messing it up even more. So much for Donna’s advice to simply have a conversation.
He’s barely stepped outside when he hears his name coming off familiar lips. He spins around to face Rose standing in the doorway. “Um, hi.”
She steps fully outside, the door of the shop swinging shut behind her. “Hi.” She moves closer, folding her arms across her chest, a slight furrow to her brows. “Did…I know it might sound ridiculous, and please tell me if it does, but did I…do something? To put you off?”
His brows furrow tightly. “What? No, of course not. Why would you think that?”
“It’s just…you acted a bit weird when I saw you Thursday, and then you didn’t come in yesterday. And then just inside you were acting all closed off.”
He sighs. “It wasn’t you, I promise. I just…I was remembering something rather unpleasant and got a bit lost in my head.”
“Okay. That explains today. But not yesterday.”
He shrugs. “Overslept. Didn’t have time to stop in for a coffee.”
She blinks. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Rose shuffles on her feet. “Sorry, I just…I didn’t like the way we left things. Wanted to set it right.”
Something blossoms in his chest. “You did?”
She nods. “Yeah. I like seeing you in the mornings, you’re one of the few people here who I don’t dread talking to. I’d really hate for that to go away.”
“Me too. I’m glad we’ve got that all cleared up.”
“So am I. Could I…can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
She shuffles on her feet again, her brows furrowing slightly once more. “I was talking to Nancy yesterday, how it was odd that you didn’t come in to get coffee when you’d been doing so every weekday since the first. And she said something a bit funny.”
“What’d she say?” he asks, though he has a feeling he knows exactly what it is.
“She said it was more odd that you’d been in at all. Said that once the holidays hit, she doesn’t see you in until after the first of the year.”
John nods. “She’s right.”
“How come you don’t come in?”
He sucks in a sharp breath. “That is…a story for another time,” he says, offering what he hopes is a small smile.
Rose nods. “Right. Well, I’m here if you ever want to tell it.”
His smile widens just the slightest. “I’ll remember that.”
They stand there a moment longer, his hands in his pockets and hers folded across her chest. The only sounds around them being the random people passing by and the usual ambiance of the city.
Rose breathes deeply a moment later when someone walks between them, essentially breaking the spell they’d somehow both been under. “Right. I should…get back inside. But I’m glad we figured that out.”
“So am I. Good luck with the rest of your shift.”
“Thanks. And I’ll see you on Monday for your one black coffee to go.” She smiles at him and then turns to make her way toward the door.
John closes his eyes as Donna’s voice rings in his head again, pestering him to ask Rose out. He takes a deep breath, figuring that this is as good a time as any. “Do you want to go out?”
“What?”
He opens his eyes to find Rose staring at him with wide eyes. His heart sinks and he shakes his head. “Sorry. That was…I shouldn’t have done that. I was probably reading things completely wrong, and you don’t—”
“Yes.”
Now it’s his turn for his eyes to go wide. “What? You want…you want to go out? With me?”
She laughs. “Wouldn’t have said yes if I didn’t.”
“Right, no, that makes perfect sense. I just…I’m twelve years older than you. Just turned thirty-five.”
She shakes her head. “Don’t care. I know it hasn’t been long since we met, but I like you, John. And I don’t care how old you are.”
“Good. No, that’s good. I don’t…I don’t really care either. I just thought that you might, which is why I brought it up. I’m just gonna…stop now.”
She giggles. “You’re cute. I’ve gotta get back,” she says, gesturing over her shoulder.
“Yes, of course. I’ll…I’ll see you on Monday.” He waits and watches as she turns back to the door, pulls it open, and steps inside.
Before he can stop himself, he rushes forward to grab the door before it can swing shut, reaching out to gently grab Rose’s hand with his free one, momentarily ignoring the electricity that shoots through him. “Wait.”
She turns to look at him, taking a couple of steps closer. “What is it?”
“Would tomorrow be too soon? For our date? Say…six o’clock?”
She beams. “Tomorrow’s perfect.”
“Brilliant.” He can feel his heart pounding in his chest, his thumb absentmindedly rubbing across the back of Rose’s hand. He glances down for just a moment to gather his wits again and then looks up, opening his mouth to speak when a reflection catches his eye.
He tilts his head back to see the sprig of mistletoe hanging above them, moving slightly against the wind. “Mistletoe,” he says quietly, looking back down at Rose. “It’s tradition, yeah? I mean…we don’t have to if you don’t—”
A whole new wave of electricity shoots through his body at the feeling of Rose’s lips against his cheek. His eyes flutter closed for just a moment as she lingers there, shooting open again when she pulls away.
“Wh…what was that for?”
She shrugs, smiling at him. “Tradition, yeah?”
He lets out a breath and smiles. “Yeah.”
She nods once. “Well, there you go.” She glances over her shoulder and then back to him. “I really do have to go, but I’m looking forward to tomorrow. You wanna meet here?”
“Here’s good.” He reluctantly lets go of her hand, immediately curling his into a fist and shoving it into his coat pocket. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Rose.”
“See you tomorrow, John.”
He watches her walk away and then retreats back onto the sidewalk, a new sense of cheerfulness washing over him. He hasn’t felt like this in a really long time and he one hundred percent welcomes it.
Oh, Donna is absolutely going to love this.
.
.
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On Monday morning, he’s still riding the high from his and Rose’s date the night before. He knows he saw her mere hours ago, but he still can’t help the giddy feeling he gets at knowing he’s going to see her again when he goes in for his usual coffee. He promises himself he won’t make a big deal of it, though, or act too out of the ordinary. It was only the first date, after all, and the coffee shop is her place of business.
As soon as he steps into the shop, though, he completely forgets his plan. Because there’s Rose, in that Santa hat, standing behind the counter helping patrons, and all he can think about is how beautiful she looked last night on their date. It’d been nice seeing her in something other than her work uniform, her golden tresses falling easily down her back. When she’s at work it’s all tied up so it’s out of the way, but all he wants is to let it fall again and run his fingers through it.
Shaking himself out of the thankfully tame fantasy, he takes a deep breath and approaches the counter, grateful when there’s no one else there. He stops and directs a bright smile at the woman across from him. “Hi.”
She smiles back just as brightly. “Hello. I had a lot of fun last night.”
“Me too. I’m looking forward to this weekend.”
“Me too.” Her eyes flick past him for just a moment and her smile lessens just the tiniest bit. “Just your usual, then?”
He breathes deeply. “Actually, I was wondering about your holiday drinks.”
Rose’s eyes go wide and then she raises a brow. “Really?”
He nods. “Yeah. Which would you recommend?”
“Um, well, peppermint’s our most popular. But personally, I love the cinnamon spice. Somehow, it feels just like Christmas morning.”
“I’ll have one of those then,” he tells her, already pulling out his wallet. “And I’ll take a regular black coffee as well. And a dozen Jaffa cakes, please.”
She taps on the screen in front of her. “Someone’s treating himself this morning.”
He chuckles as he sets the money on the counter. “It’s not all for me, I promise. This friend of mine, Donna, she really likes the Jaffa cakes here.”
“That’s always nice to know.” She hands him his change back, their fingers brushing again. “I’ll see you this weekend.”
He smiles, sliding the money and wallet back into his coat. “Can’t wait.” He lingers for just a moment before stepping to the side.
“John Smith?”
He steps closer and smiles brightly at Nancy as he takes the drinks and cakes. “Morning, Nancy. You doing alright? How’s Jamie?”
Nancy smiles. “He’s good, excited for the holidays.”
“As all little boys should be. Have a good one,” he says with a smile, lifting one of the cups as he turns and moves toward the door.
He doesn’t bother trying to finish his drink before getting to the school. Donna already knows he’s been going to the shop, so there’s no use in trying to hide it. She’ll probably know something’s up when she sees the coffee and cakes he bought for her, though, so he’s just going to have to suck it up for once and deal with Donna’s onslaught of invasive questions.
Sure enough, as soon as he enters the staff room, Donna eyes the two coffees and raises a brow in silent question.
“Well now,” she says as she takes her coffee, “not used to you bringing me coffee in the middle of December.”
John shrugs, sitting down and setting the Jaffa cakes on the table. “Figured I owed you.”
“For what exactly?” Donna asks, taking a sip of her drink.
“I asked Rose out.”
Donna chokes, sputtering her coffee over the top of the rim.
John just chuckles to himself as he sips at his drink.
Donna wipes at her mouth with napkins from the small pile in the center of the table. “I’m sorry, did you just say you asked Rose out?”
“Yep.” He turns to his friend with a grin. “And she said yes.”
Donna laughs, reaching out to slap his arm goodnaturedly. “Look at you, Casanova. Where are you taking her?”
“To get chips, we went last night. Don’t hit me, it was her idea. She wanted something more relaxed so we could talk and get to know one another better.”
“Did you at least pay?”
John scoffs at Donna’s insinuation. “Of course I did. And it was a very lovely evening. Rose is…brilliant. She’s so easy to talk to, and she honestly makes me feel so alive again, and she’s absolutely gorgeous.”
“Right. And does she know the truth yet?”
He shakes his head. “No, she doesn’t. But I thought that was a bit of a heavy topic for a first date. Best to save that one, no?”
“But you’ll tell her?”
John nods, breathing deeply. “Eventually, yes. I just don’t want to put so much on her, not yet.”
“That’s understandable. But don’t underestimate her, I’m sure she’s stronger than you think.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt that. I just…I don’t want to ruin Christmas for her. She seems to really like the holiday.”
“Guess she’s in for a real shock dating you, then, isn’t she?” Donna asks with a quiet laugh, lifting her coffee to her lips.
John merely rolls his eyes and takes a sip of his drink.
“Oh!” Donna nearly shouts, an excited gleam in her eyes. “You should bring her to Jack’s party so we can all meet her.”
John’s eyes go wide and he shakes his head. “No, absolutely not. I’m not subjecting her to you lot so early on.”
“But if she likes the holidays as much as you said, then she’ll love the party. At least bring it up and see what she says.”
“I’ll think about it,” he says pointedly and then glances at the clock. “Shouldn’t you be getting to the office?”
She raises a brow. “Shouldn’t you be getting to class?”
He breathes deeply and nods. “Right, yes. Stay away any longer and they’ll probably start a riot.” He stands from his chair and tosses his cup into the nearest bin. “Lunch later?”
Donna nods. “Sure. You can tell me more about your date and about Rose. I wanna know all the juicy details.”
John sighs. “Oh, why do I remain friends with you?”
.
.
.
When he sees Rose the next morning, he’s only slightly nervous about asking her to go to Jack’s party with him. She might think it’s too soon and that he’s being too hasty in the course of their relationship, and turn him down nicely. She might never want to see him again and he’ll have to find a new coffee shop so he doesn’t risk running into her again.
No. He’s just being over dramatic. He has no real reason to think that Rose will turn him down.
” Hello,” she greets him with a bright smile.
He smiles back. “Hello. How’s your morning been so far?”
She shrugs. “Same as always. Bit better now I’m seeing you, though.”
“I’d have to say the same. Um, same as yesterday, please. No cakes, though.”
She smiles as she taps at the screen. “You liked the cinnamon spice drink, then?”
He freezes momentarily when he remembers that he did indeed have a festive drink yesterday instead of his usual black coffee. “Oh, um, yeah, it was great.” It’s only a partial lie, he didn’t hate it. But he’s not sure if he’s a festive drink kind of guy. But he’s already committed to getting the drink again.
“I’m glad to hear that,” Rose says. “And I’m really glad to see you. I’m looking forward to this weekend.”
“So am I.” He glances behind him, and then back at Rose. “Actually, while there’s no one here, I wanted to ask you about next weekend.”
She raises a brow. “Next weekend?”
“Yes. A friend of mine is having a holiday party next Thursday and I was wondering if you wanted to be my plus one. You can absolutely say no if you think it’ll be too soon, but I’d really like to have you there so you can meet some of my friends.”
“You want me to meet your friends?”
“I really do. But only if you think it’s a good idea. I know we’ve only just begun seeing each other and I don’t want there to be any pressure on either of us.”
Rose smiles softly. “I’d love to.”
He beams. “You would? Oh, brilliant. That is absolutely brilliant. Okay. We can talk more about it later since it’s not until next weekend.”
“Sounds good. I can’t wait.”
.
.
.
John’s grateful that Rose had insisted they meet up outside the shop before heading to Jack’s for the party. As much as he wants to impress Rose’s mother and prove to her that the twelve-year age gap between them isn’t going to be an issue, he’d rather hold off on that for as long as he can.
So they meet outside the coffee shop and walk together to Jack’s place hand in hand—that’s something that started last weekend and he absolutely loves the feel of having her hand in his. He doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of it.
They chat idly as they walk, discussing the various things going on in their respective lives; he tells her funny stories about his students, and she tells him the ridiculous things customers say to her. She tells him about the things she’s most excited about this Christmas and all of her favorite traditions she has with her mum, and he tries his best to keep himself together. It won’t do him any good to have a breakdown right now.
Eventually, they make it to Jack’s, a modest single-person home sandwiched between others, decorated from top to bottom in Christmas. It’s…a lot, to say the very least. But it’s not at all surprising, given that Jack is certainly the most enthusiastic about Christmas among his immediate circle of friends.
“I want to warn you real quick about Jack,” John tells Rose as they get closer to the house. “He’s a bit…flirtatious. He’s honestly harmless, it’s really just his personality, but I just wanted to let you know now so you’re not caught off-guard by it. The man will flirt with anyone he meets.”
“Good to know. And is this good friend of yours Donna gonna be there tonight?”
“She will be, yeah. With her husband Shaun. He’s a nice man, completely besotted with her.”
“That’s good.”
“It really is. The man she was with when I met her, his name was Lance. Complete arse. Honestly don’t know what she saw in him, but thankfully it didn’t last for too much longer. She met Shaun a few years later and they’ve been deliriously happy ever since.”
Rose smiles. “That’s really nice to hear. I’m glad she found the right person.”
“Me too,” he says with a smile. “I never would have heard the end of it otherwise.”
Rose lightly slaps his arm. “That’s your friend.”
“And trust me, she knows my feelings on the subject. Never stops her, of course, but she knows where I stand.”
“Right. And do you know where she stands on you bringing me to this party?”
John smiles brightly. “Oh, she can’t wait to meet you. She’ll probably try and tell you stuff about me, but just ignore whatever she says.”
Rose giggles. “Well, now I can’t wait to hear what she has to say.”
John sighs playfully. “I knew it’d be a bad idea introducing you two.” His heart flutters at Rose’s giggle, something that’s easily become one of his favorite sounds.
Flashing her a smile, he leads her up to Jack’s front door, breathing deeply as he knocks on the wood. It doesn’t take long for the door to swing open, Jack’s beaming smile greeting him on the other side.
“I thought Donna was messing with me when she said you’d be coming to the party. But clearly, I can see that she wasn’t. I think this might be the greatest Christmas present ever.”
John rolls his eyes at Jack’s dramatics. “Yes, yes, it’s a miracle. Can we move on, please?”
“Whatever you say.” Jack’s eyes shift over to Rose. “Oh, and this must be the lovely Rose I have heard very little about.” He holds out a hand. “Very nice to meet you, Rose. I’m Jack Harkness.”
Rose takes his hand with a smile. “You’re the one he warned me about, then.”
Jack grins at him. “What are you saying about me?”
“Just that you’re a massive flirt,” Rose supplies.
Jack barks out a laugh. “Well, he’s not wrong. I might just try and steal you for myself by the end of the night. But where are my manners? Please, come inside.” He steps aside to let them in. “There is plenty of booze to go around, so please help yourself. And I will not judge you if things get a little…saucy tonight if you’ve had too much to drink,” he says with a wink.
John’s eyes go wide and he can feel the pink rising to his cheeks. He doesn’t bother chancing a look at Rose, but he’s sure she’s as flushed as he is.
Jack just laughs and claps them both on the back. “Okay, I’m gonna go check on a few things, but you two feel free to mingle and meet everyone else.”
John watches as Jack walks away, his eyes then drifting over the space in front of him. Christmas decorations are everywhere and festive music is playing throughout the room, though at a low enough volume to allow for conversation. A large, fully decorated tree stands in the far corner, a small stack of presents already gathered beneath its branches, and two matching stockings are hanging in front of the fireplace. The whole thing makes his heart clench and he squeezes Rose’s hand without thinking.
“Hey, you alright?”
He looks at her and smiles tightly, knowing it doesn’t reach up to his eyes. “Fine. Should we find Donna?”
Rose shrugs. “Sure.”
“Great.” He turns his attention to the small gathered crowd and searches for one person in particular. He smiles when he finally spots her in the middle of a conversation with one of the women Jack works with, Gwen, and then tugs gently on Rose’s hand to get her to follow behind him.
“Donna.”
The redhead in question looks up, smiling brightly when she sees him. “I wasn’t sure if you’d actually make it.” She pulls him into a quick hug. “But I’m honestly really glad to see you here. It’ll be good for you.”
He smiles tightly. “Thanks.” He takes a deep breath and takes a small step back from his friend. “Ladies, I’d like for you both to meet Rose,” he introduces, resting a hand on Rose’s back. “Rose, this is Donna and Gwen.”
“It’s lovely to meet you both,” Rose says with a smile.
Gwen smiles back. “You as well.”
“Oh, get on in here, sweetheart.” Donna steps forward and immediately pulls Rose into a tight hug. “It is so nice to finally meet you. Thought I was gonna have to go down to that coffee shop myself to do so.”
Rose laughs as she steps out of the hug. “I would have welcomed it. Anything to get to know more about this guy,” she says, gesturing to him with her thumb. “I feel like I’ve told him nearly my whole life story but he’s hardly told me a thing about himself.” She looks over at him with a smile. “It’s a good thing he’s so cute.”
John smiles back brightly.
“Eh, I reckon he’s a bit too skinny,” Donna remarks. “I hug him and I’m at risk of getting jabbed by a rib.”
John sighs. “See, I knew this would be a bad idea, introducing the two of you.”
“Too late now, spaceman,” Donna says with a laugh.
Rose laughs quietly, looking at him with a raised brow. “Spaceman?”
John rubs at the back of his neck, hesitating. “I’m a bit…into space. Donna thinks it’s funny to call me ‘spaceman’ because of it.”
“Oi, you’re more than just ‘a bit’ into space. You’re unnaturally obsessed with it.”
Gwen laughs quietly. “You do have a rather…unique interest in it.”
“I wanted to teach astronomy,” he tells Rose. “Unfortunately, there weren’t any positions like that open when I became a teacher, so I chose Maths. I enjoy it, though.”
“I’ve always had an interest in space,” Rose tells him. “All the constellations and planets and whatnot…I've always found it fascinating. There’s gotta be loads out there we still don’t know about.”
John’s eyes go wide. “Yes! That’s…that’s exactly it. There is so much about space that we still don’t understand.” He lets out a wistful sigh. “Oh, what I’d give to get up there and explore it all.”
Rose shrugs with a small smile. “Maybe you will someday.”
He shakes his head. “Nah, bit of a pipe dream, that is. Besides, I reckon there are some pretty great things happening down here for me right now.” He smiles at Rose. “Wouldn’t want to miss them.”
She smiles back. “No, I don’t suppose you would.”
He opens his mouth to say something more when a hand landing on his shoulder makes him jump.
Jack is standing next to him with a beaming smile. “So, what’d I miss?”
“Nothing, really. We were all just talking.”
“Excellent. Well, I just thought I’d come by to let you all know that the gift exchange is starting in ten minutes.”
John’s eyes go wide as he glances at Rose whose eyes are equally as wide, then looks back at Jack. “I…I might have forgotten to bring something. Well, I didn’t really forget because no one told me.”
“Sorry, that’s my bad,” Donna says. “I sort of forgot you haven’t been to one of these before.”
Jack shakes his head. “Don’t worry. Rose, I’m assuming you didn’t bring anything either?”
Rose shrugs. “Sorry, no.”
“Don’t be sorry. I always make sure to have a few extras on hand so that everyone has a chance to open one. Can’t promise the presents are all PG, though.”
“They never are with you,” John remarks, earning another beaming smile from Jack.
Jack breathes deeply. “Right then, gift exchange, ten minutes.” He turns sharply and walks away to greet another small group of people.
John looks at Rose and smiles sheepishly. “Sorry.”
She shakes her head. “It’s alright. Least we get to play, yeah?”
He nods. “Yeah. You want something to drink?”
“Sure. I’ll come with you.”
He smiles gently. “No, that’s alright. You stay here and chat with Donna and Gwen. I’ll be right back.” He presses a kiss to her cheek and then moves through the room toward the refreshments. There’s an array of drinks lining the table and Jack wasn’t kidding when he said he had plenty of alcohol. There is a lot of booze.
“John Smith, never thought I’d see you at one of these.”
John looks up into the vaguely familiar face, smiling tightly. “Had to happen at some point, yeah?”
“Sure. But after everything you went through I don’t think anyone would blame you if you didn’t. Good to see you, though.” The man smiles and then disappears.
John stands at the refreshment table and stares at the partygoers.
Not everyone is staring at him, but a good chunk of them are. He can’t hear whatever it is they’re saying, but he’s sure he has a pretty good idea as to what. That, along with the festive music playing, it just grates on his nerves. It makes his heart pound in his ears and his throat get tight.
Moving quickly away from the table, John pushes through the door leading back onto the front porch and steps into the crisp night air. He sucks in a breath when the cool breeze hits him, closing his eyes for a moment as he works to get his breathing under control.
The sound of the door opening a second later has him spinning around, ready to tell off whoever it is. But then he sees who it is and the words instantly die on his tongue.
“Rose,” he breathes out. “What…what are you doing out here?”
She moves closer and shrugs. “Saw you rush out here. Wanted to check on you. Everything alright?”
“It will be,” he tells her honestly. “Just needed to catch my breath. It’s…a lot in there right now.”
“I’ll wait with you, then. If that’s alright.”
He nods, a small smile pulling at his lips. “It’s more than alright.”
“Great.” She sidles up next to him, leaning back against the banister. “So, what was that earlier with Jack and Donna? The way they were talking it’s as if you’re never at this party.”
“Because I’m not.”
“What?”
He sighs heavily. “I have a confession to make—I hate Christmas.”
“You what?”
“I hate Christmas,” he repeats. “And pretty much everything associated with it. I didn’t always, but times change and so do people and circumstances.”
“Would this have anything to do with why Nancy said you’re not usually in the shop during the holidays?”
He nods. “It would. But I…I don’t want to burden you with all that.”
She rests a hand on his arm. “Hey, I want you to tell me, but only if you want to. You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like to know.” She gives him a small smile. “I like you, John, and I want to know everything there is to know about you, even the not-so-fun stuff.”
He smiles brightly at her. “Rose Tyler, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you. You’re brilliant.” He takes a deep breath, the smile slipping from his face. “I used to be married. Had a daughter too.”
“Really?”
He nods. “Mm-hm. This was about…fifteen years ago now. We’d known each other our entire lives and had been together for about half of it. Everyone tried to tell us we’d never last but we didn’t care, we were in love, and wanted to be together forever. We had our daughter completely unexpectedly, we were both about eighteen. Got married right before she was born.
“Everything was really great for those next two years, we were deliriously happy and our daughter was becoming such a precocious toddler.” He swallows thickly. “They were in a car wreck, during the holidays, and I wasn’t there. I was staying at our flat to study and the two of them went out. I don’t remember where or why, I just know that I wasn’t there. The other car came out of nowhere. My wife made it to the hospital but died a few hours later. And our daughter…” His voice cracks, a few tears escaping. “She was so small, she never stood a chance, died on impact.”
He quickly wipes the tears off his cheeks, shifting a little on his feet. “She loved Christmas, my wife, ever since we were kids. She was always singing songs and decorating as soon as she could. I’d always enjoyed it, but never to the level that she did. She was starting to pass that enthusiasm onto our daughter.”
“John…”
He glances at her, frowning when he sees the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Oh, don’t cry, Rose. Not for me.”
She sniffles, wiping at her face. “Can’t help it. You suffered so much during the holiday season. No one should ever have to go through that.”
“Yeah.” He takes a deep breath. “If it wasn’t for Donna I honestly don’t think I would have made it through. I met her at the hospital that night, she was temping as a receptionist and saw me crying. Took her break early to comfort me, don’t know why she zeroed in on me over the dozens of others there. But she was there when I really needed someone.”
“That was nice of her.”
“Yeah. And she’s been my closest friend ever since. She let me grieve for as long as I needed and then helped me pull myself back together. We’ve become rather close over the past fifteen years, I was even included in the ceremony when she got married five years back.”
“That’s wonderful. I’m glad you’ve had her.” She shifts a bit. “Can I…can I ask what their names were? Your wife and daughter?”
“Miranda was my wife. And our daughter was called Jenny. They were…amazing. I’ll always miss them, especially during the holidays, but it’s gotten slightly easier over the years to live with the pain of not having them here anymore.”
“I am so sorry you had to go through that, John. And then to be reminded every Christmas of what you lost…I can’t even imagine.” There’s a small pause, the winter wind whistling around them. “That’s why you don’t come into the shop, isn’t it? Because Christmas reminds you of them and it’s hard to be around all that stuff.”
He nods. “The day we met, I’d forgotten that the shop already had its decorations up. But I was already there so I figured I’d just get mine and Donna’s coffees and go. And I’d also forgotten that Amy mentioned maternity leave through the holidays, so I wasn’t expecting anyone new. But then I looked up and saw you and…something shifted.”
Her brows furrow slightly. “Something shifted?”
“Yeah. It’s…hard to put into words. There’s just something about you, Rose Tyler. Something that draws me in, something I can’t quite get enough of.”
She gives him a small smile. “I feel it too. Felt it that first day you came into the shop. Knew I wanted to know you better. Figured I’d see you again since you asked for your usual.”
“So…so you’re not…turned away? By my past?”
She shakes her head. “Everybody's got a past, John.” She shifts in her spot, her eyes drifting down. “I used to go with this bloke Jimmy, thought I was in love, even dropped out of school to be with him. He smacked me around a few times, made me believe I deserved it. Would probably still be with him if he hadn't stolen all my money and run off with some random girl.” She breathes deeply and looks up at him again. “That doesn’t turn you away from me, does it?”
He shakes his head, reaching out to grab her hand and give it a small squeeze. “Never.”
“Good.” She leans a bit closer. “Just like my past isn’t turning you away, your past isn’t gonna turn me away either. You’re stuck with me, John,” she says, giving him a wide grin, her tongue tucked into the corner of her teeth.
He lets out a breath. “Oh, I think I can learn to live with that.”
“Yeah?”
He nods. “Absolutely.” He leans a bit closer to her. “You know why?”
She leans closer too. “Why?”
“Because you make things brighter, Rose Tyler. I usually hate the holiday season, can’t stand all that it reminds me of.” He leans closer, reaching up to cup her cheek gently and smile brightly. “But it’s become a bit more bearable having you around.” He closes the gap between them with a slow, sweet kiss, savoring the moment of their first kiss. It’s everything he hoped it would be and so much more.