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The whirring and click-clacks of tiny pieces slotting into place informed Monika the purifier had been applied correctly, allowing her to take a much needed gulp of oxygen and keep scavenging for supplies. The rotting smell persisted, of course, but it no longer came with the risk of turning her into a mindless husk over time.
Her — and Sayori's — objective was to scout one of many warehouses in an abandoned campsite rumored to be a hotspot for supplies that could last months, if not years. The goal wasn't to bring anything back, only map their limited area so a larger scale operation could begin.
Many rumors surrounded the campsite: civilians blamed the high number of infested on a security oversight when one of the posts decided to question the importance of routine and rules, costing everyone's lives as a result. It was one Monika always found hard to believe, but anything was possible in the apocalypse.
Anyone with a title equivalent or higher to scout spread a different rumor, however. A favor here, a favor there, some amount of debt, denial and bargaining... and in just one night the once flourishing-possibly-turning-major settlement gets overrun and cleaned out entirely. It was mostly backed up by the utter lack of new information that came with more and more scouting missions taking place in the various warehouses and buildings, pointing to the idea that most or all information about the settlement had been destroyed.
But thanks to the "investigations" conducted by some of the more disobedient yet observant scouts, there were no signs that indicated this. No mass concentrated pits of ashes, no concerning amounts of infected bodies besides the ones caused by the scouts, nothing. Essentially the settlement had become a ghost town and an urban legend of sorts, since there was nobody alive to tell the tale.
Monika found it ironic that even in a situation of dire need and certain extinction, people wouldn't put their selfishness and greed aside for the common good.
Rusty creaking pierced the silence of the warehouse and had Monika jumping, reaching behind her for her trusty crowbar and whirling around in the same beat and—
"It's me!"
Oh. Monika quickly re-secured her crowbar and sighed in relief, hand over her chest. "You scared me! I thought I missed one on the way here..."
Another deafening creak and the room had significantly less light than before. "You sure that isn't a bit too noisy, Sayo?"
"They're easier to take care of when the worst that can happen is deep scratch or bite wounds, don't worry!"
"Not when they can slap your mask off..."
Sayori shook her head. Their discussion about which infected were more dangerous could keep going for months, and neither side would budge in the slightest. "Found anything interesting while I was gone? And water? I'm kinda thirsty."
"Mmm... I'm not sure how we're going to get all this back to camp. There's too much stuff here, but leaving all of this to rot here..." Monika winced at the eyepatched girl wiping gore off her police tonfas with a resounding splat. She was drenched in red and in urgent need of a shower, and the worst of the stench had been covered by the already putrid smell in the warehouse. "You... really went out of your way, huh."
"Gotta clear the way for my brave lil' Moni, ehehe. I already know you're thinking of bringing some of it back, don't argue otherwise!" Sayori used one of her weapons to point accusingly, pretending like some of the blood hadn't grazed the other girl's cheek.
"They're... not subtle at hiding shortages anyways," Monika laughed nervously as her subtle way of pretending their settlement wasn't going through their emergency rations' reserves. "It'll help keep everyone motivated."
That was the entire reason every single scout had been redirected to this one ghost town. She saw how barren the cooking facilities were when Natsuki brought her there, and although everyone did their best to cut corners to make sure mouths were being fed there came a point there were no more corners to cut.
Sayori peeked over her shoulder, grinning and muttering a soft 'hi!' before going further into the warehouse, leaving Monika to non-subtly turn into a tomato at the much too close proximity she'd yet to get used to. "Ooh, maybe we should bring something back for them! Like a nice travel souvenir!"
"So far all I've found are food caches and water bottles... are you thinking a badge or a zombie head?"
"Mean!" Sayori giggled and Monika could ignore the horrid stench coming in with every breath for just a second. "Yuri's still not forgiving me for bringing her one. I just hoped she'd wanna examine them much closer..."
"I'm sure she appreciated the thought deep down, ahaha." Monika couldn't stuff any more food or water or anything in her backpack, meaning it was time to go. The sundown peeking through one of the windows agreed with her thought, going so far as to remind her that while the infected were indeed slowing down they would be little match for their strength. And strength could be found in numbers too.
She left a designated marking on the ground for future scouting teams to pick up on with spray paint and a date, as a pseudo-confirmation system for the next team, and jotted down the two in her scout diary. "I think we should get going now, Sayo. There's not much time left before it's night and they start clumping together."
"Just a while more! Pleaaaaase?" Even from far away Monika could make out those doe eyes (eye, she humored internally) and, well... they were a little hard to turn down. Although they could easily find some when the grand mission came along, something about keeping a smile on Sayori's face was a bit more important. Even back when they were still part of the literature club.
"Okay, okay. Just this once, alright? And if you can't find something then I'll help you look next time we come here. How does that sound?" Monika smiled back and got a small salute as a reply, feeling every bit of her heat up as if standing in front of a fireplace.
Sayori's mannerisms always reminded her of what was, had been. The literature club, the restless afternoons and bustling outings, the boring and mundane everyday life brimming with moments to light it up. The others reminded her of things, too! Yuri brought back the smell of chamomile and of vintage books and leather, the countless promises and shows of affection and care for her friends and how lucky she was to have met everyone through the club; Natsuki always had her recall the state of perpetual normalcy of people and the sense of familiarity, alongside flavors and combinations that tasted sweet and like home.
Monika had no favorites, how could she when the three made her feel whole? But there was just something about the ex-Vice President that stalled her breathing and clouded her judgement. It'd been there ever since the day she got to hold the other close and listen to her struggles. Monika knew what it was.
She'd been afraid of it the first time she could name it, and moreso when the world came to an end.
And then, her fears came true when Sayori's hand suddenly made contact with a door handle Monika hadn't ever seen until now and for the brief second that followed before the door fully opened her brain was flooded with newfound information of a room she hadn't checked at all and her stomach twisted surely there's nothing behind there right? She's just panicki
A shadow lunged at an unprepared Sayori that brought the two to the floor and whatever thoughts remained were cast aside in favor of her legs bolting forward and her hands reaching back to grab the thing and
the crowbar's claws dug into the rotting flesh, through the hard bone and into the fleshy part Monika could feel it and every ounce of energy used to PULL the thing away from Sayori screaming Sayori whose arm was being held onto with a tight grip and with each second Monika couldn't pry the two from one another it was another she heard the sound of metal and bone giving way to that strength
until finally Finally the cracks and pops and misery and screaming were too much and the thing ripped away from Sayori Sayori's arm is intact and the infected's head is separated and Monika can't control herself she needs to make sure it's dead again dead for good and whack it one two three four five—
"Moni!"
Monika's breaths were heavy and arrhythmic and the sound of her heart pumping more blood than what was now required nearly rendered her deaf, but the sound of that hoarse voice no longer getting hoarser snapped her back to a decapitated, leaking head and the halted progress of an unrecognizable pile of discolored flesh. Her hands were soaked in blood and whatever remained of her crowbar couldn't even be called one anymore; the top half bent at an imperfect 90 degree angle.
It took her a few deep breaths and amount of vocabulary she wasn't used to from Sayori to have Monika crouching down near her and whipping out her medical supplies in a hurry. All that mattered was eliminating the threat and now, her top priority was to tend to the wounded. Methodical, logical. Rational. "Where does it hurt? How does it hurt? How bad is it?"
"It... mmm," Sayori lifted her sleeve up and they were both met with a purple hand-shaped bruise that showcased the more internal side of things. "Hurts inside too. Feels broken."
Her hands were shaking and seeing the mark sent her breathing into tatters again. She did this. She didn't check this one room, or even see it in the first place, and it nearly came at a great cost. Monika's mind was running with possibilities and different outcomes already, visions of peach hair stained by red and a lifeless body being gnawed on and dying whimpers of fear flashing before her eyes when the girl before her was looking at her with a worried look and perfectly well colored hai—
Broken. Hurts inside. Pops, snaps. Big strength. Okay. Monika looked around before finding a small rusty metal rod and using it to splint the affected area, cursing herself for not having as much expertise as Yuri with these matters but not caring. Even if this didn't help as much, it was still helping.
A hand reached out to hers and squeezed, and Monika saw it was from Sayori's perfectly fine arm.
Sayori's perfectly fine limb.
"Moni, breathe with me, okay?" The girl's eyes widened like Sayori had just died in front of her, but before any protests could form she was shushed. "I need you to focus. Focus on me, and breathe."
In.
"Out."
In.
"And out."
But with each passing second that gave Monika's brain some much needed oxygen was more oxygen it had to saddle her with blame. While her lungs and heart worked as intended her thoughts festered and kept telling her she should've been more careful. More observant, more caring, more calculated. More befitting of the president she once was, a role whose responsibilities she thought she'd thrown away.
How could one of the main scouts get so distracted they'd make a rookie mistake such as not checking every nook and cranny properly?
She was sinking into a dark puddle of ink that grabbed her limbs and pulled her down, cycling into a paradox of self deprecation as she chastised herself for hurting like this when she wasn't the one to look Death in the eye.
The one to grab and pull her out had been Sayori. Sayori and her healthy arm, wrist, hand. Sayori and her selfless smile. Sayori and her commitment to being everyone's sunshine.
Two pairs of eyes reflected in one another's gazes, one searching for something while the other had long found it. "I thought you'd... die. Because I messed up, I didn't check this place properly, I—"
Squeeze.
...
"I knew I'd live." Sayori simply smiled, and it was the only thing Monika could trust right now. "You're here with me. You'd never let me die under your watch."
"But what if I had?"
"You wouldn't."
"I... I do think frequently about how it'd feel not dealing with all of this," Sayori looked around her. "And just moving on. But it means leaving everyone, you, behind. I don't want that, even if I sometimes think everyone does."
Monika stared, stared at the girl, no, angel before her, unable to say anything. Whatever words were to come out of her mouth were quickly laid to rest as the puddle of ink got more and more shallow as Sayori slowly cast away her doubts.
"If you don't trust me... I'm sitting here right now, holding the hand of... the most important person of my life. Alive." Sayori reiterated, reaching to wrap her own fingers between hers. Monika let her. "You've given me so much. An opportunity to express myself, meet other likeminded people, let me be myself... and I don't know how to repay you. I never will."
She did her best to wrap her wounded arm around Monika which, to her credit, did hurt, but it didn't matter. She could bear the pain a little while longer. "So let me do this for you."
"...why?" Monika whispered, shelving the uncomfortable feeling of blood-soaked clothing pressing against her to selfishly bask in the hug. "You're the one that got hurt. I'm just, overreacting, I'll be fine in a few minutes. You won't."
"I know you'll beat yourself up over it for longer than you already will be if I don't. I know you, silly." Sayori scooted just a little closer, untangling her other hand to wrap that arm around Monika too. "You're not overreacting. It's okay to feel like this, especially since any mistake means death. But I want you to know it's okay to make mistakes even now. Call yourself a top scout as many times as you want, to me you're still just Monika."
"And just as I expected Monika to have flaws and accepted every single one, I'll do the same for you."
And as Monika listened to each word like it would be her last, hung onto every syllable and pause, she finally realized what Sayori was really trying to tell her.
She was forgiving Monika for her mistake, both now and in the future. She trusted Monika so much she believed she would be saved whenever needed. She would very well die for Monika if it meant her survival. Because Sayori believed Monika would always be there for her.
"I love you. I... I love you, I love you," It was uncontrollable, desperate. Like a part of Monika would never get a chance to do this again. It felt selfish. Sayori was the one who got hurt. And here she was comforting her.
"I should be the one saying that, Moni," Sayori buried her head in the crook of Monika's neck, lowering her voice a little more. "And I can't thank you enough for giving me the chance to do so."
The two held onto each other for as long as they needed to, even when their surroundings got darker and darker, even when their slotted purifiers had to be replaced. They wouldn't make it back to the settlement in time anyway, and had appropriately planned for such an occasion. All they needed right now was to know they were okay, and Monika finally had the opportunity to give back her kindness when it came for Sayori's turn to pull down her mask.
It was ugly. It was filled with so much raw fear and hurt made worse by her wanting to stay strong for Monika, it was a miracle she hadn't ripped the president's favorite jacket. Her face was smeared with the blood that stained it and whatever words came out of the eyepatched girl were jumbled apologies at best.
But Monika stuck until the very end. She didn't know how to make things better or how to chase away Sayori's fears or even acknowledge the many other outcomes. All she could do was hold her close and be patient for Sayori's fears to calm down, and hope she could truly be there to save her friend (they'll need to talk later about this...) every single time.
That night, only one of them would need to roll out proper sleeping equipment. It was tight and cramped and a little uncomfortable but the warmth, contact and intimacy between them was desperately needed. Monika would do it again in a heartbeat, although Sayori would only if not for her fractured (broken?) arm. They departed for the settlement two days after, however, so the latter had some more time to recover, in the company of another scouting duo given how they'd both lost their weapons in that warehouse. Well, Monika had.
But the two promised one another to take some time off scouting when they got home, and talk about the things said in the warehouse. Or more specifically, the things that hadn't been and would urge them into a new chapter in their lives.