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The snow lightly drifted in the air as they walked through the streets. Tinsel, reefs and twinkling lights adorned the buildings on either side of the street and were even suspended across the road between them. As snow gently descended from above they caught the light, making the air dance red, green and gold. It was well below freezing temperature, but Mamoru felt warm. Unfortunately, that had little to do with the wooly layers he'd garbed himself in, nor the evening walk upon the wet, crunching ground.
Every so often he'd steal a glance at the young woman at his side, her twin blonde streams catching the snowflakes as they fell. Her eyelashes were also flaked with snow which, along with the reflections from the glittering lights, made her eyes seem unto sapphires. All in all, to Mamoru at least, she seemed like something out of a fairy tale.
His apprehension and embarrassment was unwarranted of course; intellectually he knew that. This wasn't the first time he'd returned from his studies abroad, merely the first time he'd been back for winter break. It was the same each time he'd come home. Friendly banter to get reacquainted. A short burst of anticipation immediately hijacked by neurotic imaginings of every way it might go wrong this time. Attempts to rationalise, to convince himself there was no logic behind his concerns. Weighing up the pros and cons of making an attempt. Making a decision. Then going back on it. Going back on that. Then repeating the cycle until the moment of truth dawned and it was do or die.
That same intellectual part of him was well aware of how stupid it was for him to go through that cycle. How, after everything between them, he knew those nightmare scenarios were unlikely to happen. Nevertheless, time and distance apart always got the better of him, making him feel awkward about raising the topic.
Normally it took just a few days, or even a week, to get back into the swing of everything; including their relationship. He never even considered talking about it before then. It was like, underlying the vicious cycle, he was always steadily working up the courage. The courage to even get to that moment of truth. To talk to her about what he wanted. Which was utterly insane, because he knew what she would say each and every time. After all, when they were only a little younger it had been the other way around, except she'd been far less shy about it.
Right now he was almost at 'peak courage' as it were. Not that he'd planned tonight with that in mind. He'd simply wanted to spend some time with her. Since he'd gotten back, they hadn't had an evening out together, and he knew how she loved this part of the city; particularly when it was decked out with the winter decorations. He supposed he loved it too, in a vicarious sort of way.
Seeing her face light up in delight at the veritable winter wonderland surrounding them, drinking in the sights and smells like it was a Crown milkshake, it practically took his own breath away. Though it was her favourite cake café that really took her breath away. He'd taken her there specially just because he'd been in the mood to spoil her.
The possibility of 'the topic' had only occurred to him as they'd departed the café. More specifically, when he'd considered the best route to take her back home and realised it'd be quicker to instead head for…
He gulped slightly, an all too pleasant memory having galvanised him, but also having started up the dreaded cycle in his mind.
He slowed his pace, and opened his mouth. "Usako…It…It's pretty cold so I…I was wondering if…If instead of heading back to your house…Maybe…Maybe you'd like to come to my place instead?...To….To 'warm up'?"
Her own pace had slowed in time with his but now she came to a gentle stop, prompting him to do the same. He turned stiffly to face her and found her head tilted slightly to the side. There was an innocent, wide-eyed look on her face, evoking her namesake. "You mean for tea or cocoa?"
His heart didn't sink, but it did feel like it'd stopped dead. He could suddenly feel his throat drying up, his ears first burning then stinging as the cold flakes hit them. He wasn't entirely sure if that was due to embarrassment or the horrible thought that he might've, on this one occasion, pushed things too far too soon. He had only been back for three days after all.
Mamoru rallied enough of his mental faculties to plan a way to back peddle. The first step was to steer the conversation far away from what he'd actually been thinking. "Yeah. Exactly." He said flatly.
As she replied his heart began pounding at the obvious misstep he must've made. "Awwwwww," her shoulders slumped and her face fell. Her lips pouted and her mouth and nose wrinkled, like a bunny denied a juicy carrot, before she continued in the same disappointed, faintly annoyed tone, "I was hoping you meant sex."
Were it not for a lifetime of relative stoicism, Mamoru's reaction might've been more animated, evoking the frenetic movement his stomach was currently engaged in. As it was, he remained still and stiff as a board, merely widening his eyes slightly.
"…We could…have cocoa and have sex after…If... If you wanted…?"
His anxieties threatened to return at the suddenly tentative look on her face.
"Would you…" he couldn't help leaning in closer, bracing himself for what she'd say next, "…Would you mind if we had cocoa after instead?"
"I… No. Not at all."
Relief flooded her face. "Great. You seemed really hung up on this cocoa thing, I didn't want to upset you."
He stared blankly back at her. Then his lip began to tremble, followed by his shoulders and soon his whole body. He let out a guffaw of laughter.
Much, much later, Usagi had to admit the cocoa was also worth waiting for…