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Chuuya Nakahara was married to his work and some days he needed a way to escape it all. Mafia money had its perks but sometimes the money wasn’t worth the amount of blood he had on his hands. Some days it was too much and the ginger just needed to get away from it… away from the city with his phone switched to silent.
Chuuya always had a fondness for horses. They were powerful animals with the ability to do some major damage if one was not careful enough yet most domesticated horses did not. They had restraint and a gentle nature. Chuuya had always been in awe of them and that only grew after his first lesson with Albatross. The Flag member had shown him how to ride in preparation for one of his Double Black missions. It wouldn’t be so far-fetched to say that Chuuya had fallen in love that day and found himself coming out to the mafia protected stables whenever he needed to cool off or recollect himself. So naturally when he needed a break from his busy and bloody lifestyle he always found himself along the countryside among the miles and miles of farmland and forests.
That was where Tainted Sorrow came in. The beautiful chestnut thoroughbred mare that he had gotten on his eighteenth birthday. Now Chuuya wasn’t usually one to believe that pets took after their owners but that was also before he had an animal of his own to test that theory. Don’t get him wrong he adored his spoiled princess but he was rather quick to learn that her personality matched that of his own.
This was one of those where her personality really showed through as Chuuya stood in the middle of the pasture completely out of breath. He gripped the halter and lead rope he had in his hands, muttering a string of curses under his breath. This had to be punishment or some new game of hers. The normal clicks and whistles he let out weren’t working and everytime he drew closer she darted off once again.
“Is this because I didn’t ride you for 3 months?!” Chuuya nearly yelled in frustration as the mare bolted off for the fourth time.
Of course if it had been any other place Chuuya would have felt a bit embarrassed over the proclamation. However, that really wasn’t his problem. It wasn’t his fault that he was born into the body he was in and ergo had surgery to help him be more comfortable in it.
“You think I enjoyed being unable to move for a month? No! But this is extremely homophobic behavior Ms. Sorrow!” Chuuya said in reply as Sorrow let out a rather loud whinny. He knew she was taunting him at this point. “You and I both know how this is gonna end. One of us is gonna give up and it’s not gonna be me.”
The mare stopped. Her head went up and her ears flickered forward as Chuuya took a step forward and then another. Please let this be the end of it. The redhead prayed to whatever entity was listening. He really didn’t want to spend his whole day trying to catch his horse.
His prayers were answered as he managed to get close enough to reach out and run his fingers across the mare’s neck. He braces himself in case she did run off again but lucky for him that didn’t happen. He was quick to slip on the halter before she decided to nip at Chuuya’s left pocket. It was enough of a distraction that the redhead was able to snap the lead on and nudged her away, putting some force against her shoulder to do so before he pulled out the carrot from his back pocket.
“I really don’t think you deserve this after the last half an hour you put me through.” The redhead said with a small sigh, letting the mare take it from him anyway, “But… it has been a while so I guess I’ll let you have it.”
Chuuya could never stay mad at Tainted for long and he knew she was completely aware of that fact as well. Even if catching the horse had taken some time it did at least give him somewhat of an idea of where to ride. It had been too long since he had rode along the trails that wrapped around the property. He hadn’t been on them since they had left and looking back on it now he was starting to question why. It wasn’t that he was still upset with Dazai… He was never really upset to begin with. He was maybe a bit envious over the fact that the brunette managed to leave and start over.
“You looked like you had a rough time.”
Chuuya was snapped from his thoughts, his head whipping around to meet whoever was speaking. He was surprised to find the other ginger of the Port Mafia with his own lead in his hand.
“And I bet you were enjoying my struggle.” Chuuya replied. The usual bite that his tone held wasn’t there today.
There was a small snort that came from Tachihara, making Chuuya roll his eyes. He wasn’t all that surprised by the response.
“Couldn’t help it. It was entertaining to watch.”
“Glad that I can be entertaining.” Chuuya said as he slowly made his way to the gate with his mare finally in hand, “Where is Gin anyway? Usually you two are at the hips.”
“They’re with Ryu today.”
Chuuya narrowed his eyes some. He didn’t know what to say to that. The Black Lizards were always such a tight knit group it was… weird to see one of them without the others but then again stranger things have happened.
“Didn’t expect to see you here if I’m being honest.” Tachihara spoke up again after a pause. The man finally caught up and patted the mare on the neck to which her ears pinned back. “You really didn’t strike me as the type to get down and dirty in the muck and hay.”
“Yeah well just got back from recovery. Figured I’d give my girl here a ride.” Chuuya said, nudging Sorrow forward some as he started to make his way back to the entrance, “What about you? I’m assuming for a mission since I don’t think I’ve seen you around here in all the time you’ve been with the mafia.”
“Yeah… Well, more like training. The old man thought it would be a nice change of pace from my usual regiment. Plus I haven’t been on a horse in a long time.” Tachihara admitted as he brought his hand up to wave away a few flies that started to buzz around him, “I’m looking for Midnight Dealer. I was told this was where his pasture was.”
Chuuya blinked. His brows knitted together as he thought back to the dark bay gelding that was the mount of his old partner. He had even took it upon himself to care for the stead after Dazai defected and left the Port Mafia. It was another thing that he had desperately tried to cling onto during the first few weeks after the other half of Double Black disappeared into the night. Some sense of normalcy that Chuuya had tried to hold onto even though he knew that it would never be the same. That Dazai wasn’t going to come back and had left the redhead with more pieces to pick up in their absence.
“That’s interesting…”
Chuuya’s lips barely moved as the two words left him. It was faint and under his breath but it was enough to make Tachihara raise an eyebrow. No doubt the other had heard it and so what if he did.
Although there was no question towards the comment, it still made Tachihara’s thoughts bounce around in his skull. Just what did the other mean by that? Was there something he wasn’t aware of? His mouth opened to speak… to retort back with some witted comment but it died on his tongue. His brows knitted together as he thought his words over.
“Well since I’m a bit rusty… Why don’t you show me the ropes again? Give me some pointers.” Tachihara suggested with a small smirk now.
“I’m starting to think you like me to wipe the floor with you.” Chuuya remarked with a small roll of his eyes.
The pair was silent for a moment. There was a small scoff that came from Chuuya as he recalled the times the Black Lizards and he would train together. The amount of times he had slammed Tachihara flat on his back was amusing to him for as much big talk the other did. Though Chuuya didn’t mind much when it came to the amount of sass and witty remarks. The Black Lizards were the closest thing he had left to a tight knit group and there was just something about the rust redhead that was alluring to him. He was charming in his own way and couldn’t help but remind Chuuya of a certain loud blond with a broken laugh.
It didn’t hurt as much as it did before thinking back on the Flags. Six years had definitely left room for Chuuya to heal but there were days where the wounds still felt as fresh as the day it happened. The redhead blinked as he felt a nose nudge against his shoulder, looking back to catch his mare snorting at him as if telling him she was done with waiting around. His lips pulled up into a small smirk as he reached up and scratched her forehead.
“Maybe I’ll catch you out on the trail.” He called back to Tachihara before making his way back to where he had come from, “Provided I don’t have to come back out here and catch the mad lad for you.”
Chuuya could hear Tachihara’s grumbling as he walked away from the pasture with his mare finally in hand after the hellish time he had trying to catch her. It was music to his ears, both the frustrated grumbling and the sound of hoofs moving down the gravel path to the open barn. He had forgotten just how much he had missed the sound though the smell was another thing entirely.
He was lucky there wasn’t anyone around except for maybe one or two stablehands mucking out stalls. Usually they would help out with tacking horses up for their riders and it wasn’t that Chuuya didn’t trust them he just… He preferred to do it himself is all. He also didn’t trust his mount to behave herself. Sometimes she was a bit too playful for her own good; his point being made as she was hooked up to the cross tie and started pawing at the dirt.
He patted her neck and went to work brushing her down, already seeing the amount of winter coat that came off as he did so. He was silent as he worked. The atmosphere was enough background noise for him with horses whinnying from their pastures and the day to day bustle of the barn. It was peaceful. It made him feel safe as stupid as that may sound coming from a grown man who did less than pleasurable things for his job.
The unexpected whinny that came from Sorrow made Chuuya nearly take a step back as he paused in brushing out her mane. His brows knitted together some as another horse far off in the distance whinnied back in reply. It brought a small smile to his lips.
“That your boyfriend?” He teased as though his mount could actually reply back to his taunt, “That’s pretty rude of you. You getting a boyfriend before I do and while I was away for three months. The betrayal.”
He couldn’t help the small chuckle that he tried to keep from escaping his mouth as he watched Sorrow’s ears flick back and forth in curiosity. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, patting the mare’s neck before he tossed the brush into his personal box.
“Don’t think about slipping out of your halter again.” He warned the horse as if warning a child not to go digging into the cookie jar before dinner.
Chuuya turned his back and walked to the tack room, glancing over his shoulder before finally slipping in through the sliding door. He knew where his stuff was. It wasn't all that hard to find a set of red and black custom western tack gear among a sea of browns and tans. He set the box down in his locker and returned with his equipment in hand. He could see Sorrow’s ears perk up at the sight of the black saddle with the familiar red designs along the edges.
“Alright Ms. Sorrow. Now you gonna let me tack you up with little difficulty today?” He asked while he received a small snort in reply, “Come on. Faster I get this done the faster we can get out there.”
It wasn’t really that hard when it came to tacking up the chestnut mare. Chuuya was pleasantly surprised. It usually took him a few minutes longer due to her being a bit too impatient and just wanting to get going. He wouldn’t deny that he was itching to get out there just as much as she was and maybe she sensed that. She nipped at a few loose strands of his hair as he fixed up her chest strap, making sure it wasn’t too loose or too tight.
He could feel just how the mare was itching to get out there as he tried slipping on her bitless bridle. The horse nudged Chuuya’s hand and pawed at the ground once again. The redhead shook his head and finally fixed the last buckle without much of a hassle. He patted the mare’s neck as a reward for being as still as she could be. He was itching to get out too so he couldn’t completely blame her.
He couldn’t even wait until they were outside the barn as he pulled himself into the saddle right then and there. He shifted comfortably in his seat with a soft sigh. He almost forgot how good this felt and with a soft click of his tongue Sorrow walked on out to the gravel path once again.
Chuuya could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He could feel his mare’s muscles under him and how she quickened her pace. She wanted to go faster. She was asking to go faster as her gait turned into a fast walk, barely teetering on a trot.
It brought a small smile to Chuuya’s face. He had trained her well and knew she had some form of manners. His eyes flickered over to the pastures as he saw Tachihara with a large dark bay horse in his hand. Looks like he didn’t need my help after all. He thought to himself, chuckling to himself as he saw Midnight’s head and ears perk up at the sight of them.
“Why don’t we show off a little bit huh girl?” Chuuya asked as his own heart started to pound against his ribs.
He couldn’t barely contain his own excitement as he gave two more sharp clicks with his tongue. He loosened his grip on the reins and took both in his left hand. He rested his hand on the horn of the saddle as he felt the mare picked up speed. Hoofs thundered underneath him as a trot turned into a smooth canter. He nudged his leg against the horse’s side and Sorrow took a left turn onto the path. Chuuya couldn’t help but beam a bit with pride over his horse; patting himself on the back with how well he had trained her.
The open clearing gave way and turned into thick forest. It was then that Chuuya nudged the reins back some and took a breath. It had been almost four years since he had last wandered onto this trail and it seemed like not a single thing had changed. The sunlight still peaked in through the branches of the trees. The path was well used, fresh hoof tracks indicated there were other riders around. The familiar rustling of woodland animals and the babbling of a brook nearby made Chuuya feel as if time just stopped here. Not a single thing had changed…. Except for one.
He was alone.
There wasn’t a second set of hoofs following beside him or the sound of a rather annoying brunet recounting their failed attempt of removing themselves from this panel of existence. Chuuya lost track of just how many times the other had come to him to rant and vent about it. He never really thought he’d miss it until now…
“Maybe coming here was a mistake…” His voice was soft. He didn’t even know why he was talking to himself out loud. Maybe to fill the silence outside of the normal noises of the trail or maybe he finally came to realize just how lonely he really was?
He could turn around and pick another place to ride but there was just something about this place… He had loved it as a teen and had missed the safety it gave off as it blocked the cold wind of fall and winter as well as just how fast he could go. He couldn’t just let a person who left him behind still dedicate his heart. He still had feelings and they had lessened with time but there was still that small nagging in the back of his brain.
It’s okay not to be ready… He thought to himself. Thought thinking it and doing it were two different things for the redhead. He was stubborn and he knew he was too determined to just let it go. He had gotten this far. He could push himself. He wanted to be ready. He wanted to take this place back. He already spent four years trying to find the courage to do so. He wasn’t going to waste another four just because some stupid, waste of bandages had decided when they were sixteen to make this their spot.
However that still didn’t make his heart beat any less harder. He wanted to get this over with but then he remembered what Kouyou had told him. That he needed to take things slow and that he needed time to process. He had done enough of that. He had spent years doing so. All he wanted right now was to make something his own again. Everything he had done up until this point had been because of something that Dazai did. Taking care of their horse… Making sure Akutagawa kept up his training… From the moment he had found out about the other defecting he had started picking up the pieces that they had left behind. He was their former partner after all and he knew that some of the responsibility lay with him but it was almost downright cruel to be reminded of the demon prodigy in every little he did.
It dulled with time but sometimes the feelings crept back up. They seeped into his skin and everything felt fresh once again like someone ripping open an old wound. Even now his chest tightened and he found himself gripping the horn of the saddle.
It was almost like riding without stirrups. Sometimes it happens to even the most experienced of riders and it happens so quickly that most don’t even know until they feel it. There’s that single moment of dread that fills one's stomach once they realize there’s nothing keeping them up in the saddle other than themselves. Some freeze and panic unsure of what to do and they fall while others are quick to adjust and it's like nothing ever happened.
Chuuya adapted over time. He had to even if he did fall every once and a while he still found the courage to pull himself back up into the saddle. He prided himself on that ability so whenever it did happen the sudden pity in his stomach would feel his whole body with that sense of dread. He always found himself stumbling and falling off again and again though it was more on a rare occasion now.
And he hated it.
“Hey Chuuya.”
Chuuya blinked though it wasn’t the sudden voice that caught him off guard from his thoughts. It was the tensing of Sorrow’s muscles underneath him and he braced himself for whatever she was about to do. His head then whipped around to finally look at the person to whom the voice belonged to. He caught sight of the dark bay gelding in the familiar tan tack gear first, blinking away the image of a bandage wearing teen sitting in the saddle. The image he was so used to seeing before it was replaced with the true owner of the voice.
“Hey Tach… Nice to see you could finally join us.” Chuuya said, muscling back the hesitation in his voice, “It took you long enough.”
“Yeah well… You could’ve at least warned me he was stubborn with taking his bit.” Tachihara said, which made Chuuya snort slightly in response.
The redhead couldn't help but be amused by the image in his head. The mere thought of Tachihara struggling with a horse made his lips pull up into a small smirk. Though he didn’t really have to imagine it as he remembered when Dazai would have to get him to help with Memento all the time when they were teens.
“Yeah sorry. That slipped my mind.” Chuuya said, slipping into a more teasing tone as he nudged his mare into a small trot.
Tachihara rolled his eyes and shook his head as he started to keep pace with the other. The pair lingered in silence, taking in the trail and all it had to offer. It really was a nice change of pace after everything the mafia had put them through and Chuuya could feel a pair of hazel eyes staring rather intently at him as they made their way through winding paths and over finally bits of tree and branches.
“You’re staring.” Chuuya finally spoke up after a while, glancing over to finally meet the other’s gaze. It was then that he realized that the faint bit of pink that tinted Tachihara’s cheeks. Why was he blushing? Oh god… what was going on through the other’s head now?
“Am not!” Tachihara responded rather quickly with a sharp hiss in his tone. His voice cut through the silence of the forest and nearly echoed back at him. It was enough to almost make him feel embarrassed. Almost. “Well it’s just… It’s weird not being in a work centered environment with you for once. I didn’t think I’d actually see you here. No offense but you really didn’t seem the type to me.”
Chuuya shrugged in response, letting his shoulders relax and the reins loosen a bit in his hands. He didn’t really owe the other an explanation but yet at the same time… It would be nice to actually have a relationship with someone that was other than professional. Chuuya almost forgot what that was like and even then the relationship he had with Dazai was still semi-professional in its own weird way.
“Well I had to learn for a mission ‘round the time I was sixteen. I fell in love with it and found myself coming here for a bit of relief whenever things got a bit too stressful. Surely you get that on some level.” The redhead started, reaching over and playing with the end locks of Sorrow’s mane. He blessed her for having such a smooth gait to her. “Bought this firecracker here when I was eighteen. Couldn’t really resist if I’m being honest but she’s been the best thing for me.”
Chuuya’s brows knitted together some in thought. He remembered the April of his 18th birthday and how the listing of a chestnut mare yearling jumped out at him. He remembered Dazai leaning over his shoulder at his computer and teasing him over it but in the end… She ended up being the gift the Dazai gave him. One last birthday before they vanished without a single word to him but that was a fact that only he would know. No one else had to know. It hurt less if he didn’t think of it that way.
“I don't think I’ve heard you be this talkative before over something that wasn’t work or Dazai related.” Tachihara mused, trying to sit down in his seat and mimic Chuuya. However Midnight wasn’t blessed with an as smooth gait. “Not that I’m complaining. Just pointing something out.”
Chuuya’s lips pulled up into a small smile. He had to agree there. It was nice even though he was trying so hard to not remember the past at this moment. Though he couldn’t help but wonder about something even if it was a rather silly thing. His eyes flickered over to the dark bay horse and then to Tachihara.
“Hey Tach… You said that you haven’t ridden in a while right? Why don’t we put it to the test?” Chuuya suggested with a small smirk, “Been a while since we had a nice workout.”
He watched as the darker redhead looked at him with wide eyes and blinked. Chuuya knew Tachihara was never really one to back down from a challenge when presented to him… even if it was as silly as a race. The glint in the younger man’s eyes was enough of an answer for him. His lips pulled up in a small smirk before he clicked his tongue three times and Sorrow took off into a full gallop.
Chuuya couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped his lips as he heard Tachihara cursing up a storm behind him, trying to get Midnight to follow at the same pace.
“You cheat!” Tachihara hissed though he couldn’t help but blink at the chuckle.
He really couldn’t stay all that mad when Chuuya sounded like that. Come to think of it, he didn't think he had ever heard Chuuya laugh like that before. It definitely was a nice change of pace. Tachihara couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped his own lips as he managed to catch up to the chestnut mare. The forest finally broke into a small clearing where the rider’s brought their horses to a halt. The warm sunlight felt nice against the cold autumn air. Winter barely licking at their heels.
“Not bad.” Chuuya said with a small smirk, turning to look at the other. He sounds like he was out of breath even though he wasn’t the one running.
“You cheated you asshole.” Tachihara said with a small chuckle in his tone. There wasn’t a hint of annoyance in his voice as they paused.
The horses snorted and Sorrow pawed at the ground as Chuuya patted at her neck. She was a good girl and the best companion he could ask for. Chuuya couldn’t help but smile as he tied the reins over the horn of the saddle and slipped down. Tachihara blinked but followed suit. It was definitely warm enough in this little clearing to not take a small break.
“This is definitely a new side of you that I haven’t seen before.” Tachihara commented as he slipped off of Midnight’s saddle and tucked the reins inside.
Chuuya blinked. It was then that it finally clicked with him. He was actually having a fun time. He almost forgot about the trail and memories behind it if he was being honest. It was a nice distraction and he’d have to thank Tachihara for it at some point. “Yeah well… I don’t really do much outside of work besides coming here.”
“But you drink with gramps and Kouyou.”
Chuuya shrugged in response. Drinking with coworkers was a bit different in his mind. There was still that sense of semi professionalism. His brows knitted together as he thought it over some.
“I… There’s something different about that. It’s not…” He paused, trying to find the right words, “I was ready to get back into the saddle literally. I haven’t thought about it figuratively.”
The dark ginger man observed Chuuya. He was learning so much about him… more than he could ever learn while on the job. There was no pressure or serious tone to things. He didn’t think he’d be enjoying himself so much but with Chuuya it was definitely worthwhile. He wanted to get to know the other more. He took a step forward with a small smirk tugging on the corner of his lips. He wanted to kiss the other and damn the consequences of rejection.
Chuuya understood a lot of things. He was an executive for the Port Mafia. Hell he had faced down a dragon to protect the city he had loved and yet he didn’t know how to react. He didn’t have a plan on attack as Tachihara leaned in closer. He could feel his stomach flip and it was then it finally clicked in his head. How long had it actually been since he allowed anything like this to happen? How long had he gone without being touched or kissed? He couldn’t remember and he tried to convince himself he wasn’t scared. His fingers twitched ever so slightly, the tips tingling as a string of electricity shot up his arm. His whole body tensed as he felt Tachihara’s nose gently brush against his own. The temptation was too great.
Fuck it. It was just too much for Chuuya not to pass up. He would probably kick himself later for doing it as he leaned in and closed the distances. His eyes were slow to close. There was a wave of nostalgia that washed over him and for a split second… rust red hair and hazel eyes changed to brown hair and matching eyes. It was enough to make Chuuya’s chest tighten and for a moment he felt the urge to push the other away.
The urge was quick to disappear as desperation set in, his hand came up to wrap his fingers around the collar of the other man’s jacket. There was a muffled moan that came from the back of Tachihara’s throat as Chuuya tested the waters, deepening the kiss. The redhead didn’t want it to end. Not yet.
The feeling of a hand on his thigh mixed with the adrenaline that jolted through his body was enough to make Chuuya feel lightheaded. His heart thudded against his chest and blood roared in his ears. Then Tachihara pulled away, no doubt feeling the same. His hand didn’t leave Chuuya’s thigh as it slowly hiked up, testing limits of his own. The pair stood there in silence. Their pants filled the space between them as they stared at each other, trying to catch their breath.
There was a small smirk that tugged on the corner of Chuuya’s lips. The dizziness he felt could be compared to the feeling of whenever he had a bit too much to drink or the slight vertigo that came when using his ability. The familiar feeling that became almost addictive. He could feel it as the want… the need for more started to settle into his bones.
Chuuya did his best to hold himself back as he swooped in to steal the other’s lips for a second time. Tachihara could feel just how much the redhead was trying to restrain himself. He expected as much for the mafioso and he couldn’t help but chuckle at it, taking the lead. He was slower this time, not wanting to break the tension.
“What was so interesting anyway?” Tachihara asked, slowly breaking the kiss. His voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke. “When I said I was riding Midnight.”
Chuuya paused, his lips brushed against Tachihara’s before he slowly pulled away. Mismatched colored eyes looking into hazel ones. His hands gripped the collar of the other man’s shirt. He almost forgot what the other was talking about before his eyes flickered over to the dark bay gelding.
“I guess you could just call it a conspiracy.” He started before he chewed on the inside of his cheek.
It sounded rather stupid now that he actually thought about it but the more he did… the more he couldn’t ignore it.
“It’s just that Midnight has a bit of a history. Dazai rode him so you could only imagine the implications.” The redhead said after a pause, “I guess you can say he has a thing for traitors and moles.”