Chapter Text
Some people find their soulmates. Some people don’t. When Nico di Angelo was ten years old, he made a wish upon a star. He wished for a soulmate that would love him as purely as his Mama loved his Father. He wished for someone with a beautiful smile and kind eyes. He wished for a prince charming that would sweep him off his feet, and take him away to live happily ever after in a castle somewhere. The saddest thing about growing up, Nico thought, was learning to leave childhood wishes behind.
When Nico di Angelo was fifteen, his family grew larger. His older sister, Bianca met her soulmate. Zoe Nightshade was a beautiful girl, almost as beautiful as Bianca. Her long hair, black as ebony, fell to her waist, and her eyes, just as dark, somehow managed to shine like the light at the end of a train tunnel. At least, that was how Bianca told it. Nico had never seen his sister so happy. She seemed to glow with an inner light, and her joy was so infectious that everyone in the family could feel it.
Nico wanted to be jealous, but he couldn’t begrudge Bianca her happiness, even if he couldn’t help envying her. He watched his parent’s acceptance of Bianca and Zoe, his mother’s laughter and his father’s smiles, and the fear he’d been carrying for so long started to ease. Maybe when Nico found his soulmate, they would be able to embrace him- yes, him- just as warmly as they embraced Zoe.
Bianca and Zoe decided to get married. They were only eighteen, but why wait, Bianca reasoned. They were soulmates. There would be no one else for either of them. Father and Mama gave their blessing, and Nico started to love Zoe as another sister. Their family was growing, even if it was only by one person, and Nico was glad.
When Nico di Angelo was fifteen, his world fell apart. It was an accident. A drunk driver. Bianca and Mama were on their way back from bridal shopping. They’d decided to walk, enjoying the sunshine, for a change, instead of sitting in traffic. Mama died at the scene of the accident. She’d used her own body as a shield for Bianca, trying to protect her daughter against the unyielding force of metal and machine. Bianca made it to a hospital. She passed away after a week in a coma.
Nico watched Zoe fade day by day. His sister in all but name, and she was the only sister he had left. Zoe Nightshade used to be the strongest person Nico knew. After Bianca’s death, she spent most of her days in bed. When she was awake, she could always be found in Bianca’s room, a blank mask on her face as she stared at the letters inscribed on her wrist- BdA, black letters representing a void where once there had been joy. Nico was the one to find her, the black letters bleeding red, washed away by the lifeblood of her slit vein.
Some people get to keep their soulmates. Some people don’t. Zoe was in the latter group, and for the first time, Nico di Angelo started to realise what a great and terrible thing it would be to find a soulmate.
When Nico di Angelo was nineteen, he met Percy Jackson. An exchange student from the United States, Percy was loud, impulsive, and active. He was Nico’s opposite, and Nico was intrigued. Their first meeting was a whirlwind of emotion. Nico had just about resigned himself to losing the entire contents of his bag to the muggers when Percy stepped in, like a hero out of Nico’s favourite books. He fought off the would-be muggers with nothing but an umbrella, throwing about quips without a care in the world. After, he asked Nico out for a coffee, and Nico, heart pounding partly from adrenaline, and partly from something else he refused to name, accepted.
Percy was easy to become friends with. He was charismatic and funny, and although he didn’t seem like someone who put a lot of thought into things, he surprised Nico with moments of insightfulness and caring. He was responsible, and a natural born leader. Even if their first meeting hadn’t consisted of Percy saving Nico from being robbed, he still would have grown to trust Percy easily. He was a dream hero, brought to life, and Nico found that his daydreams started to feature a dark-haired, green-eyed hero quite prominently.
Percy and Nico spent almost every moment of spare time together. Nico acted as a guide, showing Percy the sights and sounds of his hometown, and sharing more with him than he had with anyone since Bianca died. He was always happy when Percy was around, always having fun, and feeling more carefree than he had in years. Even when he wasn’t with the other boy, Nico’s thoughts were filled with Percy. He wondered if he was falling for Percy.
He thought he wouldn’t exactly mind if that were true. There was only one problem.
AC. Nico had caught sight of the letters once, on a trip to the beach with Percy. Two small marks etched across Percy’s left shoulder, displaying someone else’s ownership. He didn’t belong to Nico. Percy was someone else’s soulmate. They could never be anything more than friends, even if the thought simultaneously filled Nico with relief and regret. He would keep his distance, he promised himself. But his heart wouldn’t listen to his brain. He couldn’t help it. He was falling in love with Percy. JG burned on his collarbone- a silent rebuke.
Some people are loyal to their soulmates. Some people are not. When he found out which group his father belonged in, Nico’s world was turned on its axis. Hazel Levesque was a bomb. She set Nico’s life aflame by her very presence in their home, challenging every belief he’d ever had about his parent’s marriage.
“HOW COULD YOU?! MAMA LOVED YOU. SHE LOVED YOU! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HER?!”
“Nico- “Hades started, expression stern, bordering on anger. Nico recognised the look. Some part of him registered that it was the first time since Mama and Bianca’s deaths that his father had shown any real emotion. But he was too busy raging, too fuelled with fury to think about that.
“YOU BETRAYED HER! THAT GIRL OUT THERE IS PROOF! YOU’RE DESPICABLE-”
The slap was as loud as a gunshot. His face burned and involuntary tears sprang to his eyes. Hades looked stunned by his own action. He moved closer, hands reaching for his son, “Nico, I’m sorry.”
Nico flinched away. “Don’t touch me,” he hissed, sending a look of pure hate in his father’s direction. He slammed the door on the way out of the room. Hazel Levesque, with curly brown hair, and golden eyes wide with apprehension, watched as he stormed past. He threw her an acid glare. She was not his sister. He had one blood sister and one sister in spirit. Both had passed. He would not allow this wretched girl to usurp their place.
It was Percy who found him first. He knew Father must have been the one to contact him, to beg Percy to find his wayward son. Father had never really approved of Percy. Too loud. Too improper. Too American. But Percy was Nico’s closest friend. He would have been the only one with any chance of finding Nico.
Percy didn’t say anything at first. He joined Nico on the bench, the fountain at their backs drowning out any noise there could possibly be. The silence didn’t last long. Predictably, Percy’s ADHD betrayed him and he cleared his throat awkwardly. That seemed to be the trigger for Nico to unload.
Nico barely remembered everything he said that night. He cried. He screamed. He raged and yelled to the high heavens. Percy ended up holding him as he confessed his fears and regrets, voicing for the first time his doubts about love and soulmates. After Bianca and Zoe, how could he ever dare to allow someone else to possess such a big part of him? How could he dare to search his soulmate when the fear of losing them would cripple him- when he had seen the devastation of having one half of a soul cleaved from another? After what his father had done, how could he have any faith left? When someone could betray their soulmate in that way? What did that even mean for the sanctity of that particular bond?
“This soulmate business is a load of horse shit,” Nico whispered hoarsely. “Soulmates are bogus. And love is a sham.”
Percy tilted his head up, sea-green eyes looking into black, “Don’t say that, Nico. Love isn’t a sham.”
Nico snorted, “Oh yeah? What do you know about love?”
Percy smiled, and even in the state he was in, rubbed raw with emotion and dizzy from crying, Nico could appreciate how beautiful he found that smile. “Love is caring about someone. It’s wanting to be the one to make them smile. It’s wanting to be by their side, no matter what catastrophe is going on around you. It’s knowing where to find them when no one else does. It’s listening when they need to vent. It’s holding them through the pain. Love- is this.”
When his lips met Nico’s they tasted salty, probably from the tears that Nico was still crying, but they also tasted of cinnamon and nutmeg, and a taste that was entirely Percy. Nico’s chest filled with tender warmth, chasing away the raging fire that he’d been holding ever since finding out about what his father had done. Suddenly, it didn’t matter. None of it seemed to matter in the face of the fact that Percy Jackson was kissing him, and Nico didn’t want him to stop.
“I’m not- My initials. They’re not AC,” Nico muttered later, hating himself for the words that were passing his lips. Percy had to know already. And he’d kissed Nico anyway. Maybe he didn’t care. But Nico couldn’t get his hopes up. He HAD to be sure.
“Last I checked PJ isn’t exactly JG either,” Percy said, “Does that bother you? That I’m not your soulmate?” his eyebrows furrowed.
“No!” Nico calmed himself. It took some effort. “No, I don’t care about that.”
Percy smiled, another blinding grin, and Nico found himself slowly starting to smile back, “I love you, Nico. Isn’t that having a soulmate is all about anyway? I don’t need to look for someone else. I’ve found the one I want.”
Nico couldn’t breathe. Percy had said it so easily, like it cost him no effort at all- love. Did he love Percy too? He didn’t know. He couldn’t. It was too soon. Too much.
Percy seemed to sense his panicking. He pulled Nico close to him. “Nico. It’s okay. It’s fine if you’re not ready to say it back. I don’t need you to. I just want you to know that I’m here. I’m waiting. And whatever you decide, that’s okay too.”
Nico closed his eyes, revelling in the feel of Percy’s arms wrapped tight around him. Some people find their soulmates. Some people don’t. After he met Percy Jackson, Nico started to believe that it wasn’t important whether he ever found a soulmate or not. He’d already found someone to love, and who, without a doubt, loved him in return.
That night, he said goodbye to his childhood dreams and wishes for his soulmate. When he looked in the mirror, JG was still glaring against the creamy white of his skin. But it no longer mattered whether Nico found the one who those initials belonged to. At least, that’s what he told himself. The letters that marked his collarbone seemed to throb with a feeling of hollowness that Nico refused to name- regret.
Some people find their soulmates. Nico was not going to be one of them.