Work Text:
"If I could tell you my real name, I would."
Arexxar raises his head, eyes widening in surprise at the soft words. Nine does not elaborate, fingers still busy on the console in front of her. He cannot quite figure out how to reply.
He settles on,“What do you mean?” tone perfectly polite. Like they were both taught.
This time, she raises her head and turns it to the side, meeting his gaze from the seating area. The blue light of the console screen reflects on her skin, deepening the shadows where it cannot reach.
"We've known each other for so long now. If... if I could still remember it, I'd tell you my real name by now." Her voice is calm and even, her face betraying no conflict over the information she just shared. Even as she no doubt realizes he's working out the true meaning. Arexxar feels momentarily stunned, a sound like roaring waves filling his head overcoming the static anxiety of the moment.
"You've... did you really leave the ascendancy that young?" He tries, mouth dry. Knowing that will be the wrong conclusion.
She blinks. Looks down at the console again, then turns her face back to him as she crosses her arms.
"No." A momentary pause. "I was made to forget it. Among other things. An effort in the name of loyalty," she says in her usual measured accent, scarred lips momentarily pulling downwards.
She uncrosses her arms. Taking on an unbothered, overtly casual stance. They both know what she is talking about.
A dull rage blooms suddenly in his chest, spurring him on as he rises from the chair. Closing the space between them in quick strides, he reaches for her hand. Grasps it.
Neither of them are really overly physical people. Not like this. Too little trust for too many years. A common experience for agents such as them. But she laces her fingers together with his, and clenches his hand gently. In this moment, they don't need any words.
Arexxar hesitates.
"I don't... I never went through the same. But I know what it means, that you'd- that you would think to even share it. I know you. And you really can be whatever you want to be, but... learning to know the real you has been worth it. And if you ever find another name you want to be yours, I'd..." he trails off. Unused to this amount of honesty. But it feels right. "I'd want to know it as I do you," he finishes.
They stay quiet, nothing but the sounds of the ship filling the silence. "Thank you, Arexxar," she says softly, giving him a rare and private smile. Genuine.
He feels the warmth of her hand in his, still, the moment unbroken. Filled with the heat of a bond that is something more than friends and lovers. She's been there for him since he arrived in the Empire. He's admired her strength for years. And together, they've come to an understanding that defies definition. It feels right to support her in this.
"Actually," he says slowly, after another suitable silence. "I never told you my real name either, did I?"
She shakes her head. Red eyes studying his face with a subdued curiosity.
"No."
He nods slowly, biting his lip. A nervous tell he'd gotten control over years ago, now deployed purposefully to communicate a genuine moment of nervousness.
"Well, I… I trust you. My name is-"