Chapter Text
it hadn't even been an hour since they had gotten their first grammy nomination for dynamite and seokjin's phone was already blowing up with notifications. at first, he had been confused as to why his phone was suddenly only on half power and filled with texts that were mostly random letters strung together in barely legible sentences but then he read the text from namjoon in their group chat in all caps about being nominated for the grammys.
he put his phone down.
holy. shit.
the grammys?!
seokjin remembered the times when even the name of the american award show would bring a look of awe to everyone's faces. when yoongi and namjoon would talk until the early hours of the morning about what they would do when they received a nomination for them. it had seemed like such a fever dream back then, one that they never thought they would be able to achieve but still blindly hoped for all the same. hoping to be the one band that broke the monotonous chain of dying out like fallen stars and rising to the top of the music scene.
and, judging by the number of tags and the fact that they were trending on twitter, it looked like dreams really did come true.
trending #1 on twitter: CONGRATULATIONS BTS
seokjin felt a smile overtake his face at the trending hashtag. if there really was someone he had to thank, it was the countless armys who had stayed with them over the years and supported them to no end. they were what made them keep going in their times of despair.
he kept on smiling as he continued getting ready that morning, even upon knowing hoseok would have upped their already intense choreography in response to their nomination, wanting their stage performance to be as perfect as it could. the smile didn't disappear from his face throughout the gruelling 6-hour dance practice hoseok had prepared, nor did it falter as he rehearsed his vocals to the point his voice cracked and jungkook slapped his butt for it.
none of it mattered though because they had been nominated for the grammys. the grammys.
they were going to win, seokjin was sure of it.
--
seokjin went to sleep that night feeling nervous about tomorrow.
he woke up the next morning with sweat dripping down his forehead, a parched throat and a pounding headache. he groaned and brought a hand up to cover his face the moment he cracked open his eyes to shield them from the soft light of his lamp.
shit, where was his phone?
he reached for it blindly, fumbling through what seemed like miles of his thick duvet and various other things on his bed before his fingers finally brushed against the familiar hard case of his phone. he yanked it over to him immediately, noticing that he still had about half an hour left until his alarm woke him up in time to get ready for everything.
he blinked blearily at the screen for a few seconds before the headache he woke up with increased tenfold at the light on his face. he hissed and turned it off, reaching for the water he kept by his bedside just in case he got thirsty during the night. he downed it with a few big gulps, the dryness in his throat only quenched for a few seconds before it felt like he had swallowed a thousand needles again.
fuck.
he threw his covers off him and sat up, rubbing his face as he did so. his skin felt feverishly warm to the touch, so warm that it felt like he was submerging his fingertips in flames. he withdrew his hand from his face almost as soon as his fingers touched his skin, grimacing at how they were sticky with sweat. slowly, he slid off the bed and stood on shaky feet, stumbling over to the door in an attempt to walk. he almost tripped over his own two feet every time he moved, but eventually, he made it to the bathroom, where he flicked on the annoyingly bright light and stared at himself in the mirror.
double fuck.
instead of tanned skin and tired but warm brown eyes greeting him, he was met with pale, ashy skin and eyes with bags so dark they made him look like a panda. he raised a hand to his face in horror, swiping his thumb across the skin of his cheeks to check that it was his face that he was seeing right now.
his thumb met soft, hot skin and he let out a sigh, closing his eyes and willing himself not to cry. he couldn't be sick. not now, not when they had the grammys around the corner and they could be the winners.
(he ignored the little voice at the back of his head telling him that there wasn't a chance in hell that they'd win, not when they were up against the most famous celebrities of all time in an award ceremony like this.)
"come on, seokjin, get it together," he muttered to himself, gripping the edge of the cold sink. "you're an idol for fuck's sake. you've done this before." there had been so many performances where he'd felt just like this, unable to even see straight in some cases, so just sitting prettily in a chair and doing a live stream afterwards should be a piece of cake.
right?
his vision blurred and he stumbled to his right, barely catching onto the shower curtain to prevent himself from falling headfirst into the shower. he cursed under his breath, fighting the urge to vomit as the sudden shift of his body had him dry heaving.
yeah, piece of cake his fucking ass.
------
okay, he could do this.
he was currently sitting on his makeup chair, watching tiredly as the stylist fluttered around him, muttering something about his hair being weirdly flat today and needing a ton of hairspray. personally, he didn't think his hair looked that bad, but he would rather keep his mouth shut than risk being on the end of the wrath of the stylist holding some very hot iron right now and looking at his hair like it was the bane of her life.
he found himself thinking that it was a good decision as she went through his hair methodically with a determined grimace on his face.
his makeup stylist was in a similar state beside him, almost crying with how much concealer it was taking to hide the panda-like circles around his eyes. if he were his makeup artist, he would actually be crying right now too upon seeing the amount on her fingertips.
his fever felt like it was almost manageable as of current; the throbbing headache from when he had woken up had dulled to a less painful thud behind his eyes and his chills had lessened since they had dressed him up in a warm suit. usually, he found himself complaining at how warm and stuffy they were, but for once, it was his lifeline as his freezing body slowly began to warm up to a more bearable level.
"jin-hyung!!" a loud voice broke the otherwise comfortable quiet the group had been in, prompting seokjin to grimace at the sudden sound. he'd been hoping that their dressing room would continue to stay quiet until they were at least finished with both their performance (he tried to ignore the involuntary chill that ran down his spine at the notion that they would be performing at the grammys) and maybe, just maybe after they won the award.
the next second, jungkook bounded over to him like an overeager puppy, beaming from ear to ear and shattering the wish for peace and quiet seokjin had. his muscles strained against the white shirt they put him in as he bent down and flicked seokjin on the nose, earning a yelp of pain from the elder.
"yah, brat," seokjin muttered half-heartedly. when jungkook pressed forward to retaliate again, he slid his freezing hands inside the collar of jungkook's shirt, listening with amusement as the maknae immediately recoiled back, shrieking.
"your hands are freezing! yoongi-hyung, help, he's trying to give me frostbite!" thankfully, jungkook recoiled and ran towards his second-eldest hyung dramatically, shoving himself into his arms, much to yoongi's chagrin. seokjin held back a laugh upon seeing the put-out look on yoongi's face when jungkook's full weight settled on him.
all of a sudden, the pain in his body came back and he forced himself to hold back a grimace. it felt similar to when he performed despite having full-body aches back in 2019 when they were doing their love yourself tour except a million times worse. his head pounded in time to the tinny music coming from yoongi's headphones and he couldn't drink any more water because he'd already drained the bottle at his dresser and drunk half of jimin's as well the moment the younger noticed that he was still thirsty.
he sighed and resigned himself to another few hours of pain, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes. maybe once they were finished here he could make his way back home and just go straight to sleep? no, that wouldn't work; they had their post-award vlive that they all agreed upon doing. they even had the cake prepared for if they won it - he couldn't skip out on that.
the more he thought about it, the more he felt like crying. but he couldn't because he was kim seokjin, a renowned performer and artist and kim seokjin never let any kind of illness prevent him from doing the best he could. he couldn't worry their fans or the other members like that, he just couldn't!
seokjin still felt like crying. it was the one day that he was supposed to have a full-on performance, vlive and award ceremony and it was the only day that he had woken up feeling so awful. at the back of his mind, he wondered if he had offended someone in his past life to have karma like this because surely he had done something to deserve this.
"hyung, are you alright?"
seokjin opened his eyes to catch sight of namjoon looming over him, a concerned frown on his unfairly perfect face. he hadn't been that obvious, had he?
"i'm fine, joon-ah," he dismissed. "just tired."
there was no way he could worry namjoon of all people. that kid had so much on his plate from such a young age and he was still adding more to it now. seokjin hated the days when he watched namjoon come home with bags under his eyes from not sleeping for so long and he hated the days when namjoon didn't come home at all more. hell, namjoon spent more time in meetings and arranging their schedules than he did at home with the rest of them. seokjin felt terrible just seeing him look at him with such a worried expression.
namjoon was not convinced judging by the way his brows furrowed further and a displeased look made its way to his face. he sat down next to seokjin and turned to face him, lacing their fingers together. "you're not just tired, hyung," he said softly, brushing his thumb across the back of seokjin's hand comfortingly. "it's okay to be nervous today."
oh. namjoon thought he was nervous. it's okay, he could live with that, he decided, upon seeing the warm and understanding look in their leader's eyes. honestly, seokjin would love to explore the world in those eyes. they were always so full of wonder and yet held so much care for the people around him.
he hummed and let out an awful rendition of his normal laugh, something that had namjoon's eyes narrowing in suspicion. "yeah, it doesn't feel real," he murmured, "i'm still waiting for someone to pinch me."
namjoon laughed and pinched his skin gently. "there. now you know it's real."
one of the stylists called his name and namjoon stood up, telling them he'd be right there. before he went, he turned back to seokjin and smiled down at him, dimples protruding widely. "you know you can always talk to me, jin-hyung. i'll always be willing to listen to you whether you feel unwell or just want to talk, okay?"
seokjin swallowed and nodded, unable to trust himself enough to form actual words. namjoon hadn't actually noticed that he felt unwell yet, right? that would bring a lot of unnecessary worry onto him as well as the other members. he couldn't have them worrying about him, their possible grammy, their vlive and him. he could wait until they got home for the day.
namjoon seemed satisfied with that answer and finally walked off towards the stylist who was looking increasingly agitated. seokjin's own stylist finally gave him the all-clear and allowed him to look in the mirror to see what he looked like. he absentmindedly envied namjoon for the comfortable-looking louis vuitton tracksuit he got to wear later compared to seokjin's stiff suit but nodded gratefully anyway and bowed deeply to his stylist, who immediately sputtered and told him she was just doing her job before scurrying away to assist someone else.
seokjin watched her go silently before sighing and making himself comfortable in his chair. he would be here a while, judging by how jungkook still only had half of his hair done and taehyung and jimin were messing about in a corner, much to the annoyance of hoseok, who was reprimanding them rather than joining them for once.
hoseok caught his eyes and sent a silent 'help me' plea to him. seokjin sighed and lifted himself out of his chair slowly, grimacing as the weight of his body slowly pulled on his muscles and made them ache again. he walked over to the loud 95-liners stiffly, telling them to be quiet before they woke yoongi up. both of them immediately shut up, not wishing to wake yoongi up from his nap and incur his wrath. seokjin found himself immensely grateful for how quickly they were quiet and immediately sat back down in his seat.
he could feel the questioning stares of hoseok, jimin and taehyung on his back almost immediately but shut his eyes and chose to ignore them instead. as much as he hated not telling them what was going on, he also wanted them to be able to get through their day without adding an extra worry to their plate for him.
after what seemed like forever, the staff who organised the grammys for that year finally came to get them for their performance. seokjin felt his heart pound as they stepped closer and closer to a stage he had once only dreamed of being on and the familiar beat of dynamite started up in his ears.
he took a deep breath in through his nose and reminded himself that he had to stay composed. there would be no grimaces of pain as the spotlights blinded him or stumbling around because he couldn't keep his balance. he had to be perfect.
he ignored the look of concern namjoon shot him from the corner of his eye as he got into position and adjusted his mic, waiting for his cues before he even attempted moving. for once, he found that he was glad that he had scarcely any vocal time in this song as his throat protested the longer he attempted to hold back coughing.
it's only 3 minutes, he reasoned with himself mentally, i can do this.
the sensation of being watched spread all over his body again and he knew it wasn't from the plethora of cameras trained on him right now as he danced to the rhythm. he gritted his teeth and forced himself not to look around to see who was watching him because his vocals were coming up and he absolutely could not mess those up.
the final chorus came after what felt like forever yet no time at all at the same time and he opened his mouth, harmonising as best as he could with the music. he felt his throat absolutely burn in protest, making tears prick at his eyes before he hastily blinked them away.
finally, finally, the song ended and they were able to exit the stage relatively quickly and back into their dressing room, where they were immediately fussed over by stylists once again. seokjin felt his shoulders sag in relief at the first obstacle finally being over as the headache from the loud beat faded away to a bearable thud. now he could rest for a few moments before they were ushered to the next appearance. sometimes being an idol was the worst; there was no time to rest, you couldn't be too risky with what you said, everything about you had to be perfect.
seokjin was beginning to hate that word.
the familiar touch of a makeup brush pulled him out of his thoughts. he blinked down at his stylist, who was immersed in touching up his makeup, and realised everyone else had already sat down or begun changing out of their clothes amid cheers and well-done's throughout the room.
he sighed and sat down in his seat, deciding to wait until he felt less like he was going to pass out before he changed his clothes. jimin sat next to him and offered him a wide smile the moment he sat down, congratulating him for his performance. seokjin felt his heart swell and smiled tiredly back at him, returning the congratulations weakly. jimin's smile widened and he enthusiastically launched into a mostly one-sided conversation about how cool this entire 'performing at the grammys' thing was while seokjin sat silently and nodded politely, adding small 'mhm's to show jimin he was still listening when, truth be told, he was fantasising about his bed back at home with its soft, plush pillows and warm duvet.
unfortunately for him, he was being ushered into the company van within five minutes so they could get to the red carpet quickly. seokjin was squished between namjoon and taehyung the whole way there, forcing him to hold back nausea as the normally smooth ride there suddenly felt like they were travelling over large-scale ocean waves, only made worse by the constant heat radiating from his band members around him.
the car ride took way too long for seokjin's liking and the moment he was outside the van he finally felt like he could breathe. the sweat littered across his skin in fat drops almost seemed to disappear in the cool outside air and he took a few moments to appreciate it before someone inevitably grabbed him and lead him inside because he was taking too long.
just as he'd expected, jungkook doubled back to all but drag him into the building, claiming that he was growing old just by seeing seokjin standing there like a statue. seokjin just let himself go limp as jungkook did all the work, enjoying the perturbed look on his face once he realised what seokjin was doing and proceeded to hassle him for 'taking advantage of the sweetness and kindness of his poor maknae jungkookie'.
namjoon decided then was a prime time to drag both of them into the building, claiming that they were giving him a headache with all of their bickerings. seokjin felt his own headache increase in intensity as if namjoon had been able to summon it with just his words. it was only made worse by the bright, artificial light surrounding him and seokjin found himself blinking rapidly in an attempt to dissuade the nausea slowly overcoming him at the sight.
it didn't work; instead, the lights merged in a dizzying spin and the voices of the others around him created a cacaphony of noise that only made the situation worse. he stumbled slightly, holding a hand to his head before attempting to upright himself again. what little food he had for breakfast churned in his stomach at the sudden movement and he fought not to bring it up all over his outfit in front of everyone there.
he barely registered the solid body he fell into, too preoccupied with trying to stay the fuck awake. someone was talking to him but he had no idea what they were saying, the words sounding like gibberish to his sick mind.
the spinning only got worse from there, and seokjin groaned uncomfortably, feeling his stomach churn again in displeasure. his eyelids felt ten times heavier than the last time he remembered, and, with one last nauseating spin, he was finally out.