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"Reggie, I'm sorry, you know I care for you, but... it's her, it's always been her, it's always going to be her. I'm sorry." James said, taking Regulus' hand in his, as if that would take his heart break away.
"It's fine, James, I understand. You better run off before someone comes looking for you, or worse, looks on your special map to see the two of us standing awfully close." Regulus sighed, pulling his hand away. He looked out a nearby window, waiting for James to leave, refusing to say anything else, refusing to tell James he loved him one last time.
Once James was out of the classroom and had closed the door, only then did he let the tears fall.
"What day is it?" Regulus looked around at his surroundings. He wasn't sure where he was but he saw James and knew he was safe.
"It's Wednesday, July 18th," James said. The irritation is his voice was unmistakable.
"You're angry."
"You're damn right I'm angry! You show up here, on the brink of death, Kreacher barely able to hold you up. And, Merlin Reggie, that fucking thing on your arm! What are you doing? Do you understand how terrified I was that you were going to die? Or that Sirius was going to show up and see you, barely alive with the fucking dark mark on your arm." James sat down beside him. "Why'd you do it, Reg?"
"I need to keep him safe, James, you don't understand. If I didn't do it, he- he was going to kill him. I couldn't let him kill my big brother. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Regulus wept into James' shoulder, terrified of what was yet to come.
He saw Regulus under the tree, their tree, looking away from him. James needed a minute to study Regulus. He looked older, much older than an 18 year old should. He looked like he didn't have much left to live for.
"Regulus, you wanted to see me?" James said lightly, but the look on Regulus' face when he turned around said this would not be a light conversation.
"Hello, James. Thank you for seeing me, I know you're busy planning the wedding. I have something I need to tell you." Regulus took a steading breath. "I don't know if you'll see me around much more, or again, I know I've picked the wrong side, but there isn't much I can do without putting the people I love in danger. If I defect or if for a moment the Dark Lord doesn't believe I am loyal to him, they'll come after Sirius, they'll come after you. Don't give me some daft story that Dumbledore will save me, he'll protect me and you. He won't. We're children fighting in a war and he's using us as pawns. They both are. I'll never be loyal to another person who sees me as a pawn. And you shouldn't either. He'd have me as a spy, risking my life, Sirius' life, your life, all for 'the greater good' and I won't have it." Regulus looked up at James, resisting the urge to put his palm to James' face. "I'm going on a dangerous mission. It's likely I'll die, but it could mean safety for everyone else, safety from him."
"What the bloody hell are you talking about? You're going on a dangerous mission? You'll likely die? So what? So I'll be safe? So Sirius will be safe? Sirius would kick your ass if he heard you talking like this. I should kick your ass for talking like this. We don't need you sacrificing yourself for us, Reg, we need you here. You need to make it through this war. You need to live and make up with Sirius.” He paused to take a shuddering breath, pushing his fingers through the mess he called his hair before he quietly repeated himself,”You need to live."
"I understand that's the way you feel, but please understand that this is the way I feel. I need to do this, James. Please let me do this. I understand if you don't forgive me, I'm not sure I would either. I have to go. They'll be wondering where I got to." With that Regulus disapparated, leaving James alone under their tree.
Three months later and James still thought about that day. He was on his honeymoon when they got the letter from Remus. "Come home, something’s happened." Nothing else. James and Lily were terrified someone had died, and as it turned out, someone had, just not someone Lily had considered. That day always left a bad taste in James' mouth. He looked for Regulus' grey eyes in every Death Eater mask he came across, but he never saw those eyes again. Not since that day.
James sat under their tree. Slow tears falling. They hadn't been together since the beginning of James' last year at Hogwarts, but that's the thing about loving someone as much as he loved Regulus; it never truly dies. But Regulus did.
Sirius was a mess - that was his baby brother. He should have protected him. And his evil wench of a mother didn't even have the decency to tell him until 3 months after the funeral that Regulus had died.
James heard footsteps coming up behind him and he quickly wiped his face as he turned around to see Sirius. He had a bottle of firewhiskey and sat down beside James. "I know you loved him. I know you deserved a hell of a lot better than a Death Eater. He couldn't have asked to be loved by anyone better, though - I should know. I know what it's like to be loved by you." He passed James the bottle and James took a swig. "You can cry some more if you want. I won't tell if you won't."
Both boys were quickly clenching each other in a hug, both sobbing. One over a lost brother, and one over a lost love.
James still often thought of Regulus, but today… today he thought only of Regulus, like he was here with him, nudging him all day. It was Halloween. It was Regulus’ favourite day of the year, and James felt his presence everywhere.
Late that night after the trick-or-treaters had all gone home, he was sitting in the living room, watching out the window as people still walked around the streets. That’s when he saw him.
“Lily, take Harry and run. I’ll hold him off! Run, you need to go now!” James kissed Harry’s head, ushering them up the stairs to run.
James heard the door to the nursery close, hoping Lily was able to leave in time, when the door was blown off its hinges, making him stumble backwards. Why didn’t he have his wand? He cursed himself for being so thoughtless.
“It’s a shame to have to spill such pure blood.” Voldemort’s smile was sickening to look at.
James could only think of three things. Blocking the stairs, so Lily had more time to escape with Harry. The life his wife and son would have without him. And that soon… soon, he would see Regulus again.
Behind the green spell flying right at him, James could see Regulus smiling, holding out his hand.
“I missed you.”