Chapter Text
Ayano wants hurt. She wants to feel the tingling sensation of sharp metal under her palms, wants to taste the metallic taste of red. She longs-, no, she needs to feel it now. It didn’t matter what, she wanted something. Anything, anything that would make her react.
And so, she ran.
Into nothing. Pitch black hollowing around her, suffocating her. Staring and taunting and it felt the same all over again. The same feeling before she had a goal in life. The same feeling before she found her reason to be alive. The same hollow feeling when she was alone, when she couldn’t for the love of god- be normal.
Maybe she was dead.
It would explain it.
Is this what death feels like?
Nothing. The same feeling she’s felt for eternity. Everything was just…..lifeless. Yet she kept running to somewhere but only black would envelop her vision. It ached her to the core. She had not remembered anything, all she knows is that she needs to get away from this whatever box she’s trapped into. To get away from the darkness. Or was it really the darkness inside her she might have needed to shred. A wave of nausea hits her. No, she can’t be dead. She doesn’t remember but she knows something happened.
Something must have. It sent her uneasy, this place was too eerie for its own good. Empty just like her.
“Ayano” a whisper filled her ears. She swiftly turned to the sound yet finding nothing.
“So delicate….yet so evil” the voice is soft but there was hint of amusement. “Fate really was not by your side eh?” added by a small sigh. She didn’t know who the voice belonged to.
As if finally reading her thoughts, smoke appeared in front of her and a familiar figure stood there. Her skin pale as sheet and eyes pure black with some ever dripping from the sides of her face. Black veins sprawled from her skin and she was wearing the school uniform yet the colors were dull and different.
“You don’t remember me” her mouth opens, showing a few dried black liquid inside and the veins etched from the sides follow. “We’ve had so much fun before” the way she emphasized the word, as if it had a double meaning behind it.
Ayano doesn’t respond, she doesn’t know how to. She felt something within this girl’s presence, she couldn’t pinpoint what it was but it had something to do with the way she carried herself. She didn’t look exactly human.
“Am I dead?” she speaks quietly. Even after so many years, she was never used to voicing out or talking to other people.
A wide grin appeared on her face. “Not exactly, history does seem to repeat itself” the message was incredibly cryptic and it was starting to tick on Ayano’s nerves which pegs her to question. Since when did she get so agitated? And since when did things get to her so easily? She was mostly patient but behind that would be girl speculating a plan.
“Quite impressive though, bullet to the heart..…..I expected for you to die right away” She suddenly floats, her two slick white hair following freely.
Bullet to the heart?
Did that mean she was dead? But this girl had expected her to die right away so it meant she was still in the brink of dying right? Or was it something else? Slight pain shot from the side of her head but it was nothing for her, compared to other things she’s experienced in the past.
“Tell me, what’s it like being alive yet feeling dead at the same time?” She tilts her head.
That question was like an arrow to the heart. For years, Ayano had asked herself the same question. How could she be alive but feel nothing at all? She had never felt anything, not even a tinge of happiness, not even a cry of sadness, she felt absolutely nothing. She thought it was just a phase, that someday, she would be like other kids. They could cry, laugh and smile for all they wanted but never did it happen to her. It felt like she was cursed throughout all her life.
Until she met…
“And what’s it like feeling alive but being dead?” She grins sadistically.
“Then I’m….dead?” Ayano’s voice is shallow, void.
“You should be…..” then she snaps her fingers, the color black replaced with bright white. Squinting her eyes as she adjusted to the sudden color. An object was floating in front of her. The sharp metal felt familiar and her hand twitched.
“I’ll cut to the chase” This still-mysterious girl glanced at the object before taking it in her palm.
“You should- would have been a good child, Ayano. We all have a place in this world. You couldn’t choose yours” Her voice had a bit of gloom as if she wasn’t just saying this but had she felt it.
“You’ve never felt anything right? Not before you’ve met….him. We’ve met countless times, your idea of ‘fun’ seemed different with mine. I hadn’t known it would cost you your life” She suddenly threw the knife in her direction but Ayano did not move, everything was hitting her all at once.
“Where is he?” She’s asked without knowing. Purely out of instinct to know where he exactly was at all times.
“It doesn’t matter”
“Where is he?” She spoke with a more solid attitude. The girl in front of her did not faze.
“Taro Yamada, your supposed love interest? He’s happy” The background changed, an image plays in front of her. It seemed animated, like a memory being replayed and he stood in front of her. Looking in her eyes with a bit of joy and Ayano felt her heart swell up. He looked so beautiful, smiling at her.
Then he moved forward and engulfed a figure in his arms. It wasn’t her.
She felt her heart drop and her hands twitched, aching for the metallic object that had once gone through. She couldn’t focus except for the feeling of her heart being crushed into a million pieces all over and over again. It hurt. Who was this girl? Why was he so happy? She wanted to know everything, needed to know the entire being and the cause of the scenario.
“You don’t love him”
I do, I love him with all my heart. She wanted to scream at her or claw the reply.
“You didn’t love him. It was an obsession” She hadn’t known that she had clenched her fists to the point her knuckles turned white. She stood still, staring at the scene in front of her as he hugged the girl in his arms with so much comfort and gentleness. Something she could never have in her life.
“Obsessions don’t make things better. It creates something evil” The people in front of her disappeared and there stood, Ayano, herself, holding an object too familiar and the color of orange hair stood in shock. Rising her hand, she swung. Everything turned black before they could see the aftermath. She didn’t feel anything except the chanting of her beloved in her head.
“You don’t know anything. He’s mine” She shook everything off, who was she to know? She didn’t know a thing about her and her beloved. She doesn’t know what was needed to be sacrificed to achieve what she wanted.
“I know everything Ayano” The girl finally stood in front of her, making direct eye contact.
“I have to-“
“He killed you”
Her blood ran cold.
“Shot you through the heart six times” She pointed her finger towards the area of her chest. “And doesn’t regret it” her mouth forms a straight line.
Liar, liar! He would never do that. He’s too-
“How could you love something when you don’t know a thing about it?” She adds and then exact words she’s narrated plays in front of her eyes.
Ayano knows what it truly feels to be killed.