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Peter looked like a pack animal as he juggled eco-friendly cloth bags of groceries up the front steps of his townhouse in Brooklyn. Neal was on his heels carrying a frozen turkey in his arms the size of a small toddler.
“You have enough food here to feed an army,” Neal remarked as he gently laid his very cold 22-pound burden down on the kitchen island beside the ham Peter had carted in.
Peter grimaced. “Well, we’re expecting something like a small invasion of relatives for the New Year’s holiday. We couldn’t make it to El’s parents for Christmas, so they’re coming here along with her sister and her husband and their three kids. Oh, and don’t let me forget to include bombastic old Uncle Joe. I think he’s a hair’s breadth away from senility. The whole tribe has decided they want to be in Times Square with a zillion other people to count down the minutes to welcome in another year.”
Neal laughed. “Ah, yes—Times Square on New Year’s Eve—a lucrative tradition for every pickpocket in New York.”
Peter chose to ignore Neal’s cynicism. “You should come by for dinner on New Year’s Day, Neal. It’s bound to be entertaining. Uncle Joe is quite amusing, and he’ll tell you the same stories over and over until you’re ready to strangle him in self-defense, just so he’ll shut up. And El’s father will stare at you the whole time while he’s clandestinely psychoanalyzing your every word. The kids will be whining because they’re bored, and El will be stuck in the kitchen with her mother while her sister tries to temporarily civilize her offspring. The only bright feature will be football on the tube.”
“Um, thanks, but no thanks,” Neal shrugged. “I wouldn’t want to be a fifth wheel at this cozy Currier and Ives family portrait.”
Now Peter was grimacing again. “Actually, when El’s family gets together, I’m the designated fifth wheel. I think her parents always thought she could have done a lot better in the matrimonial department.”
“Well, you did marry up, Peter,” Neal teased.
“Gee, thanks for the moral support, Partner,” Peter growled.
“Aw, c’mon, Buddy,” Neal grinned. “You know that you and your better half are a match made in heaven. The heart wants what the heart wants, and you two chose each other. It doesn’t get any more perfect than that.”
Somehow, Neal’s easy reassurance meant a lot to Peter. As he was loading up the refrigerator with fresh vegetables and perishables, a handler watched his work partner out of the corner of his eye. Peter couldn’t help wondering how traditional holidays made Neal feel since he had grown up in a very untraditional setting where holidays lacked rituals involving relatives. Peter had tried to make Neal feel comfortable in a sort of surrogate family dynamic, but it was hard to judge if the young man bought it. After all, Neal was very good at hiding his true feelings and making you see what he wanted you to see.
“Well, if you change your mind, the door is always open,” Peter finished lamely.
“Peter, stop fretting. You don’t need me here to have a good time or to help you ride out the kitschy drama. You’ve got several bottles of champagne, spiked eggnog, and bourbon, so you’ve got all your bases covered,” Neal smiled as he indicated the liquor store carton. “Just tie one on and you won’t care what anybody’s thinking or doing around you.”
“I think that’s a cop out, but I’ll keep your suggestion in mind,” Peter agreed. “So, Buddy, are you making any New Year’s resolutions?” he added to change the subject.
Now Neal looked cynical. “Only wannabe over-achievers, optimists, and sinners do that. On January 2nd, they take out gym memberships, put Fitbits on their wrists, and buy muesli and kelp for their smoothies. Others slap on Nicotine patches or seek out an AA sponsor. Everybody has high hopes they can improve themselves, but we are what we are, and I’m a devout realist. So, no self-promises on my end.”
“I’m not sure your attitude makes me feel comfortable or reassured about your future, Neal,” Peter was suddenly very conflicted.
“I guess we’re still working on that elusive trust issue, even after all this time,” Neal awarded his handler a sardonic smile.
“I only want what’s best for you, Neal,” Peter said sincerely.
“Of course, you do, Buddy. I never doubted that for a minute. So, how about I break a tradition of not making resolutions, and instead, I will make one this time.”
“And that would be?” Peter probed.
“I’m going to do everything in my power to make myself a free man someday,” Neal grinned. “Happy now?”
“Yeah, I am,” Peter replied, really meaning those words.
~~~~~~~~~~
Of course, the holiday invasion was just as disruptive as Peter expected it would be. But he smiled through it all in his hand-knitted itchy sweater with the help of Jim Beam’s distillery. He even persevered when his mother-in-law insisted that, even though it was a week after Christmas, they should all watch the old holiday classic, “It’s A Wonderful Life.” In a more innocent 1940s era of family movies, iconic actor Jimmy Stewart played a depressed George Bailey, who was ready to end it all when some stranger named Clarence intervened. Of course, the audience is quickly made aware of a subplot. Clarence is really George’s guardian angel, and a poor, overworked spirit must save his responsibility from self-destruction if the angel ever wants to earn his wings in heaven.
It’s a tough proposition, but Clarence hangs in there. After all, he’s got some skin in this game. And as George’s determined protector, he finally manages to turn a lost man around so there is a happy ending. For audience members who need a smack in the face, a little tinkling sound is heard as George reunites with his family—the inference quite obvious without Clarence’s unnecessary reminder that "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings."
That New Year’s Day Peter had wished that his and Neal’s future twelve months would be as benignly copacetic and end on a happy note, but it just wasn’t in the cards. During the coming year, it was a heart wrenching experience for Peter when he lost his best friend during the Pink Panther sting, and it was hard for a depressed man to find his footing again. Like a lot of people in a state of debilitating sorrow and denial, he thought he saw Neal on various street corners, but a second look proved he was wrong. Sometimes Peter could swear that he heard Neal’s voice in the wind, but that was an illusion as well. When a new probie took over Neal’s desk, it became more real, and that was a bitter pill to swallow.
At the end of that tumultuous year of mourning, El tried to pull her husband from his sad funk by a bit of silly distraction. On yet another New Year’s evening, she resurrected a DVD and Peter groaned when he saw that it was that old cheesy classic, It’s a Wonderful Life, making an encore.
“Seriously, Hon? This is what you really want to watch?” he whined as El produced a hopeful smile.
“This time it will be just the two of us starting our own belated Christmas tradition,” she whispered. And Peter knew he could never say no to his soulmate.
So, they again watched a desperate man ride the wave of self-destruction without him realizing how his being on this earth had made a difference. Clarence the angel’s quote was dramatically clear on that point as he confronted his charge, "Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. And when he isn't around, he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"
“That’s just how I feel about Neal,” Peter found himself confessing to his wife. “I miss him terribly. He impacted so many people’s lives and left a kind of indelible mark. He had a good heart and he just wanted to be free, but he never had a chance to see his one and only New Year’s resolution come true.”
“Peter, you weren’t Neal’s guardian angel,” El said softly. “You did your best to keep him safe, but some things were beyond your control. Neal wouldn’t want you to wallow and blame yourself.”
Just then the painful angst was interrupted by the chime of the doorbell. “Maybe some guardian angel just earned his wings,” El laughed at the inside joke.
“Well, it’s not someone I’d ever call an angel,” Peter harrumphed as he let Mozzie into the house.
“Is that any way to treat someone who comes bearing gifts?” Neal’s friend snorted as he handed a bottle of wine to Peter.
“It’s good to see you, Moz,” El said sincerely. “You’ve been keeping yourself away and I’ve been lonely for your company.”
“Well, I’m afraid this is just a brief drop-by to say au revoir, Mrs. Suit. I’ve decided that it’s time for new horizons and all the challenges and mysteries that may entail,” Mozzie said with a bright smile.
“You’re really leaving New York?” Peter asked with a frown. If Mozzie intended to head out for parts unknown, it was really like losing the last link to Neal.
“Yes, it’s time for me to go. Just like in that tacky movie you’re watching, I think I’ve earned my wings, although United Airlines is providing the jet propulsion.”
“Will you let us know where you end up?” Peter tried not to sound needy.
“Enjoy the wine, Peter,” the short bald man smiled graciously as he used his nemesis’ first name, which was quite out of character. Then he was slipping out the door into the dark night without ever answering Peter’s question.
~~~~~~~~~~
One day later, Peter found himself to be one of those optimistic people making a New Year’s promise to himself—one that he intended to keep. And one week later, he just might have heard a bell tinkling in the distance as he boarded an Air France jumbo jet bound for Paris to see someone who had kept a past New Year’s resolution to win his own freedom.
Happy New Year, Everyone! Make 2023 resolutions if you must, or stay the wonderful and beautiful person that you already are.