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Most of the dining and living room was cleared out. Kreacher will probably take care of the rest of the clean-up from this point so all that’s really left for him to do is hoist the inebriated Sirius Black off of the couch and drag him up to bed.
He was about to do just that when he realised that one of their guests had yet to leave like everyone else did about an hour ago. Severus let out a soft sigh as he looked out through the double glass doors that led to the backyard of Grimmauld place.
The potionsmaster decided to leave his husband be for the moment so he could deal with the auror standing on the back patio, leaning against the banister that looked over the garden filled with potions ingredients.
James had his back towards him, leaning against the barrier as he looked up at the sky with its crescent moon and Severus walked out to stand beside him. James glanced back at him before he returned his gaze out to the garden. He lifted the bottle of beer in his hand to take a sip. It’s a muggle brand that Sirius was fond of and his wixen guests tolerated purely because they were guests and Sirius refused to serve anything else.
Severus stopped at the auror’s side.
“Lily’s already gone home. One would think that her husband would escort her to make sure she made it home safely, at the very least.”
James scoffed, “And her husband would have. If his lovely wife hadn’t made it abundantly clear that she didn’t need him to constantly hold her hand.”
Severus shook his head, “You know she doesn’t mean that. The situation with Petunia just has her frustrated right now, that’s all.”
James didn’t respond and Severus looked out over the garden with a slight smile, “It took all spring to get those grown in, Sirius hates that I decided to turn his backyard into a potions farm. Padfoot has the worst time of it when he wanders around there but, I’m sure he’ll get used to it eventually-“
“This wasn’t supposed to happen you know.” James suddenly said and Severus frowned.
“What are you talking about?”
“All of this.” James said gesturing around them before he looked back at the sparkling charmed banner still hanging in the dining room that read HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, with a bright glimmering five just below it. Before he just looked back at the garden and took another swig of beer. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
Severus looked away just as the wizard beside him continued, “I keep waiting for him to screw up just as badly as I did, for him to finally drive you away. But no matter what you… you’re still here. He wasn’t supposed to make you happy. He was supposed to break your heart.”
Severus sighed as he moved closer to the banister while James kept talking. “He was supposed to break your heart so you’d come back to me. Then I’d pick up the pieces, make it better and we’d be together forever.”
“James-“
“He was supposed to break your heart.”
Severus brushed his hair back behind his left ear before he quickly reached out and took the bottle from the auror’s hand to take a swig of the bitter hops. Letting out a soft gasp while James just watched him from the corner of his eye just as the potions master leaned against the banister as well.
“He did, multiple times in fact.”
“But you stayed.”
Severus shook his head, “We’re not children anymore. When you love someone you don’t just leave them because they break your heart a few times. That’s not how it works – unfortunately – and it’s naïve to think it does.”
“You left me.”
“We were children, things were different back then.”
James then turned to face him, leaning against the barrier on his side.
“Do you love him more than you loved me?”
Severus let out an audible sigh through his nose as he took another gulp of beer. “James don’t.”
“I just want to know-“
“Why? We’re both married to different people, it doesn’t matter.”
Hazel eyes watched him in silence before he spoke, “Is that a yes?”
Severus’ shook his head again, “No.”
“No?”
“You’re both different people and I’m not who I was back in school.”
James’ lips pursed, “Do you love me, Severus?”
Severus looked up at him, a brief moment of silence fell over them before James suddenly leaned in and the potions master quickly moved back.
“Don’t.”
“Why not?”
“We’re both married and Lily’s pregnant. That’s why.” He sighed, “Go home James, it’s getting late.”
He pulled back to walk back into the house only to stop when James reached out to grab his arm and pull him back.
“James-“
A hand went up to his cheek, “He was supposed to hurt you.”
“He did and I hurt him.” Severus said softly, “But I’m not doing it again.”
“Do you love me, Severus?”
The raven looked into those hazel eyes and then scoffed, “Yes.” James started to smile and Severus’ head gave a tilt, “For the moment however, that doesn’t really mean anything. I love Sirius, things are difficult sometimes but he makes me happy.”
“And if he hurts you again?”
Severus shrugged, “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.”
“Severus-“
“Go home James. I can’t give you the answer you want.