Work Text:
"That's so stupid..."
Once again, a sigh escapes Xiao's lips.
At first, Lumine tried to keep a count on how many times he complained today - she swears she does it only to annoy him later. Or maybe to blackmail him. After all, it would be nice to make him do something he normally wouldn't do, especially recently. Like, for example, sing for her or allow her to take some pictures of him, or cuddle her at night–
But sadly, she lost count a few hours ago, almost right after Xiao came to her house for a christmas dinner.
It was supposed to be a nice quiet christmas time spent with people he knows and likes. And it was like that... at first.
Things turned around way too fast and soon, shy polite questions whether Xiao enjoys the food became more bold and personal. In the end, Lumine had to watch him being tormented with her family's curiosity about their relationship.
"It's not that bad." a murmur escapes her lips as she comes slightly closer to him. "I guess their intentions were good. They're just not that skilled at articulating their thoughts."
Xiao still faces the window, watching how the snow falls down on the cold ground and sparkles illuminated by the city lights.
When Lumine approaches him and places a hand on his arm, she can't help but think that this peaceful weather is so much different than all the emotions she experiences deep inside her heart. The gesture is gentle - resembling the falling of delicate snowflakes more than a normal touch - and yet, for a split second, she can feel his muscles tensing ever so slightly underneath her touch before relaxing again.
"In your opinion - what was their intention, then?"
"Oh?" Lumine glances at Xiao with mischief gleaming in her eyes only to see him staring right back at him. "You're curious, aren't you?"
"Just say it already."
A ghost of a smile shows up on his face after hearing her ecstatic tone. He tries to hide it - he always does that, Lumine notices - and averts his face.
"I think they ask about our relationship because they think you're amazing. In my family's eyes, you're perfect."
Silently, Lumine agrees with them. She won't state any of her thoughts loudly.
She feels Xiao's eyes focusing on her once again. This time, however, she's the one to avoid looking at him, afraid.
What kind of emotion would she see in his gaze? Friendliness? Yearning for the old days when every single thing used to be easier?
Things between the two of them were different back then, too.
"They probably hope we will end up being married in the future or something like that - you know how they are." the heaviness slowly builds up somewhere within Lumine's chest. She pretends to have no clue about why it's happening now when her thoughts are dimmed with the vision of her love life and Xiao. "They just want me to find someone like you soon and have a bright future in my marriage."
"They shouldn't be so interested in your private matters, though. You're an adult now and you can make your own decisions about your future, Lumine." she shivers at the tone of xiao's voice when he whispers her name. "It's your life. Your happiness is the most important thing. Nothing else."
Xiao sounds as firm as ever - indifferent, almost. Perhaps, Lumine should simply get used to it or even expect that - he's always been very independent and easily able to separate emotions from his way of thinking logically. The fine line between facts and feelings, what he wants and what he has to do... it never gets blurry.
His belief system is something no one can shake. No matter how much effort one could put into trying to make him lose sight of what he finds true and right, it won't work. Sometimes, Lumine wonders how it is possible that his self-control is so astonishing.
She doesn't know if in her eyes it's always a good thing, though.
"Still, I don't think their intentions towards us are bad." she blurts out again, a small pout showing on her face. For the first time tonight, Lumine hopes Xiao doesn't look at her. Not at this moment. "I mean... Is it truly an awful thing to be my boyfriend?"
Silence falls between them and so does the tension, simmering as it hangs in the air. It feels so heavy yet so brittle - almost as if it might snap at any given moment whenever one of them decides to make the wrong move. Or any move, maybe.
Just thinking about it brings Lumine back to their highschool days. As much as she loves to say and think to herself that these times were much easier than the moments she has to go through nowadays, she is well aware that they were tormenting, too.
Every day was a mix of intense emotions - so beautiful and wild and dangerous.
Xiao and her weren't exactly friends back then. Neither they were dating - not officially, at least - but they were something. Feelings were blooming between them, becoming more apparent and intoxicating every passing hour.
Soon, the short glances they were stealing slowly started to linger and so did the touch of their hands.
Lumine thinks she can almost feel it now, too. The tension when their knuckles were brushing against each other over and over again at every possible occasion until their fingers intertwined.
Once Xiao's hand held hers, her heart was lying in his palm, too.
Losing the track of time became something usual for them just like hanging out together every single day did. Xiao - aloof and almost unapproachable at first - slowly but gradually and surely, turned into the person who's always the closest to Lumine.
In school, she has spent breaks by his side. the silence and distance between them disappeared into thin air and soon, her little habits became theirs - like the one of listening to her favorite playlists while thinking too much and complaining about how awfully long the day is. As the time passed, Xiao started to take one of Lumine's headphones and put it in his ear. When she asked him about it, he shrugged it off with a hushed 'I'm just bored today'.
But somehow, it happened again and again.
Every time, with her breath hitched and her heart racing, Lumine watched Xiao sitting right next to her and listening to her beloved cliché love songs.
His head was always tilted back and his eyes remained closed every time she glanced to the side at him; and yet, in her eyes, he was always the most beautiful person she's ever seen.
After lessons, Xiao remained by her side, too, silently following her to her house that has become their private meeting place. Lumine didn't mind it, though. Being quiet has never felt wrong, not with him.
Once the door to her room was closed, they kept on stealing the moments from destiny even more, painting every passing second with vivid colors of their unspoken love.
It was only natural to start wanting. To start yearning.
It was an accident when they kissed for the first time - they blamed it all on alcohol and the late night time. Yet, once his lips found hers, Lumine knew that there's no escape from this.
It just felt so right. To fall in love with someone who only has his eyes on you even if it's not something she should do. They were supposed to be just friends, after all.
Being with Xiao always felt like a breakable heaven, always full of silent affections and mysterious anticipation. Every time his lips ended up on hers - more conciously than during the first time it has happened but just as passionately - she was falling more. At some point, when he wasn't around, Lumine started to find him in her dreams, too.
With her eyes closed and her fingers up in his hair as he kept on kissing her, she hoped and pretended that maybe - just maybe - one day, there will become a thing.
She can't recall the moment something went wrong - perhaps, it's simply because she doesn't want to remember. Warmth his fingertips left on her skin turned into cold. His gaze - once so intense to the point where Lumine felt breathless every single time their eyes met - avoided hers.
Yet, he still remained by her side. Just like he promised the night when he kissed her for the first time - he's always there for her, no matter what.
The oath he swore to her has never been broken. Even after all these years, Xiao is there, by Lumine's side.
It's almost ironic to think about it when he feels so close yet so distant at the same time. If she reached out to him, tried to tug him just a tiny bit closer to herself... Would he turn into stardust and spill right through her fingers? Would the stain of his love remain in the depths of her heart if he dissapeared?
"It's.... not like that." Xiao mumbles, his voice almost inaudible. For Lumine, it seems louder than ever.
"Then how is it, Xiao? I just..." she lets out a groan, closing her eyes for a second. "I don't understand it all anymore, you know."
Xiao doesn't respond. Lumine takes it as a reason to continue speaking her mind.
"I really don't know. Sometimes, you act bothered by my family's mentions of our possible relationship during christmas' dinners. But at the same time, you still decide to come - every year, every christmas - when you know it will happen again."
Lumine hears him take a step closer to him but tries to ignore the way his gaze burns her skin.
"And you remain my closest friend for all those years– no, actually I don't think we act like "just friends"." she shakes her head slightly, trying not to laugh at how pathetic her words might sound. "But when we were so close, you just... You were too scared to do anything so you took a step back."
A silence falls between them, heavy and uncomfortable. Lumine decides to speak again, this time though her voice becomes more quiet.
"I know why you do that, Xiao. You don't want to get hurt and end up alone again once you meet someone who understands you so well. I feel like that, too. We're really terribly similar to each other, aren't we?" a quiet laugh escapes Lumine's lips. It holds a certain amount of sadness in it, though. "I just... I can't help but fall for you even when I know I shouldn't do it. I can't pretend I don't feel anything when you're so close to me."
The bittersweet longing pounds within her body, a burning ache for the man - her best friend - who has all her love in the palm of his hand, unknowingly.
Now that Lumine has nothing to lose, she wants to say so many words. That she likes him, that she can swear an oath to always be here by his side - just like he did. Her feelings are like a blaze, so intense that even the cold winter can't stop them. No matter how hard she would try to erase their memories and his soft smiles from her memories, her heart will always echo his name.
So instead, she waits. The honesty of Xiao's words can cut right through her like a knife - Lumine is too aware of it for her own good. Nevertheless, she's in too deep to care about anything when she already aches to be closer to him.
A moment passes; and then, another.
Xiao remains silent. The only sound Lumine can hear is her shattering heart.
"I– I'm sorry. I shouldn't say anything, I was just... so stupid, I'm truly sorry." she swallows forcefully, turning around to go out of the room.
Before Lumine can walk away, escape her bedroom and run to a place where nobody can see her slowly breaking down on the cold floor, Xiao catches her wrist. Without saying anything, he tugs her forward to him and the next thing she notices is how soft his lips feel against hers.
The mere proximity makes something in her chest twist. Her hands are shaking slightly and she's too dazed to feel anything but him, to do anything but return every kiss with the same fervor.
It's all so tender and soothing, and Lumine starts to wonder if Xiao doesn't do it all to coax her into staying here - by his side - like she belongs with him. But somehow, behind the softness, there's a passion so intense and intoxicating that she finds herself wanting more of him even though she already feels like drowning in his kisses.
It's almost like during their old highschool days. But something is different, more honest and powerful, somehow.
She has no idea for how long she stands like this - with her lips on Xiao's and his hands on her body - until finally they part to catch a breath.
Lumine watches him blinking slowly, desire and something else she can't quite recognize hiding beneath his gaze. It's oddly captivating how intense he can be even when he doesn't say anything. How his grip on her seems to be tightening even more now - as if he doesn't want to let her go. Not now, not ever.
"You were standing under the mistletoe."
His words sound more like an excuse for himself than anything. They both can feel it, Lumine is sure. Xiao probably knows she can see right through his true intentions and knows his honest heart, too.
"But why–" she starts, breathlessly. "Why would you do something like this—?"
He leans in, suddenly sealing her lips shut with a kiss.
Lumine's eyes widen, surprise filling her mind. For a few seconds she stands like that, foolish and so madly in love, unable to do anything but feel shivers running down her spine as her heartbeat speeds up. Nevertheless, soon her eyelids flutter shut and she relaxes under the gentle touch.
Xiao's fingers seem to leave a warm trail behind them, as if they're setting off little fires on every place they reach - her exposed arms and collarbones, her waist and then, her jawline. Lumine feels her head getting dizzy with every kiss that follows, shaky breaths escaping her parted lips. They're probably all red now. She couldn't care about it less, though.
Even when the kiss slows down and ends, there's nothing but Xiao in her dimmed mind. Every thought she has is spelling out his name like it's some kind of secret prayer she wants to remember forever more.
"I missed you, too. I missed us." it's inaudible, silent almost. "You know me well enough to know I was too scared to lose you because of the irrational feelings that always keep me up at night."
Slowly, Xiao looks up at her and she finds herself shivering in his hold. Her feelings are overwhelming, running wild through her veins.
"I like you, too, Lumine. More than I should."
Her mind goes blank. She doesn't answer, too dumbfounded to know what exactly is happening to her right now.
Is it all true? Or is it all just another sweet dream she will wake up from any given minute?
But another second passes and Xiao is still there, holding her in his arms as if he's been waiting for it all this time. As if he wants it, too.
"You're insane, has anyone told you that?" Lumine huffs, averting her gaze when she feels blood rushing to her cheeks.
Xiao must find it amusing when she suddenly becomes so flustered by his actions and confession. Gently, he grabs her jaw and makes her focus on him again. His touch seems to burn.
"You always do. I was born a few months earlier than you but you still have no respect for me, huh." he clicks his tongue, shaking his head slightly as he pretends to be mad.
Soon, however, a quiet chuckle rolls off his tongue. His eyes are gleaming in the dim light, holding more honesty and care than Lumine knows what to do with. It's almost overwhelming how lovingly he stares at her and somehow, she can't find it in herself to look away nor to say anything back to him.
"It's just like your cliché love songs, isn't it? Confessing and becoming a couple during christmas."
"Oh?" Lumine raises her brow in question, amusement and adoration visible in her eyes. "So after all you truly want to be with me this time? No more trying to distance yourself from your feelings?"
Xiao looks back at her, his gaze softening as his thumb brushes tenderly against her cheek. Her breath hitches, chest heaving with want and silent adoration.
"Mhm." he muses, nodding. A ghost of a smile shows up on his face. "Actually, I thought you knew that I always wanted that. But maybe I have to be more straightforward with my emotions."
Suddenly, Xiao places his hand along Lumine's jaw and then, tilts her head up so she's looking directly at him.
"I want you, Lumine." his words are barely a whisper, his lips slightly brushing against her as he speaks. "I want you all for myself. More than anything else in this godforsaken world. So please, be mine. Forever."
And then, just like that, Lumine kisses him again. She doesn't have to say anything more - Xiao already knows she wants him, too.