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Izuku tightened the comforter around his shoulders. His body felt heavy, too tired to get up even though he was hungry and knew he should eat. He hadn’t put anything in his stomach since…oh, it was already 6pm, that makes it 10 hours since he last ate. No wonder he felt weak…well, that wasn’t the only reason. Heavily lidded emerald eyes panned to the television. How long had he been watching old All Might cartoons? As he shifted the comforter again, he caught a whiff of himself and groaned. When was the last time he showered? He should shower…but that was a lot of work. He’d have to wet his hair and then shampoo it, rinse it, add some conditioner, scrub his body, shave the stubble on his face. Izuku sighed. Too many steps. The buzzing of his phone pulled his attention.
{Ochako}: Hey, dinner tonight?
Heavy guilt weighed on Izuku’s chest. Food was good, company was not. He loved his friends, wanted to spend time with them, but socializing was exhausting. And he was already so damn tired.
{Me}: Hey, thanks for the invite but I’m busy tonight. Maybe another day.
“Why am I like this?” Izuku groaned into the pillow simultaneously wanting to scream at himself to get his ass up and also break down crying. He knew the answer…burn out. The agency was great. Signing for ownership was the best decision Izuku had made in years, but every little thing ate away at him. Constantly surrounded by sidekicks, reporters swarming him for interviews, charity events, reports, paperwork that needed to be handed into the commission, quirk training, keeping up with social media, and on top of all that he was expected to stay connected with friends and take care of his basic needs? He groaned into the pillow again. God, his breath smelled awful, too.
A pounding fist against his apartment door made Izuku’s heart thump painfully in his chest. Shit, he wasn’t expecting anyone. Did he forget to do something? Wouldn’t be the first time one of his sidekicks stopped by for guidance. They all knew where he lived and respected his privacy unless it was absolutely necessary to bother him at home. The pounding got louder, and finally, Izuku rolled off the couch, comforter still tightly wrapped around his shoulders.
“Hang on!” he shouted, gasping as he tripped on the edge of the blanket. He looked out the peephole and felt every fiber of his being deflate. Reluctantly, he pulled the door open.
“Fucking finally,” Kacchan growled pushing his way into the apartment. “Freezing my balls off out here.”
“Come on in, I guess,” Izuku huffed under his breath.
“I brought dinner,” the blonde said, not bothering to turn around. He just placed the bags on the kitchen counter and started unloading them.
Izuku swallowed, suddenly taking in the state of his home. Dishes piled in the sink, garbage needing to be taken out, glasses on every surface with varying levels of drink left in them. He looked down at his own appearance - rumpled sleep shirt, sweatpants that felt a little damp with sweat.
“You look like shit,” Kacchan sniffed.
Izuku glared at him, but didn’t refute the comment. Instead, he ignored the man entirely and returned to the couch. The sound of Kacchan’s furious grumblings reached his ears, but the sound was low enough that he couldn’t quite make out the words. Mindlessly staring at the cartoons that played on the television, not really following what was going on, but giving his eyes something to do, Izuku jolted a bit when Katsuki joined him on the couch. The blonde placed his feet in his lap and shoved a full plate on his stomach.
“Fuck, your feet are freezing! Why aren’t you wearing any socks? You’re gonna catch a cold moron,” Katsuki growled, already stuffing a large portion of takeout into his mouth.
“Didn’t really think about it,” Izuku sighed, righting himself. The plate was warm under his hands and it smelled wonderful. Gingerly, he took a small bite, then another…and another. It was only after a quarter of his food was gone that he realized Katsuki was watching him closely. The scarlet eyes were always intense, but right now they were downright overwhelming. “What?” Izuku sighed, not daring to look his way.
“The extras are worried about you,” Katsuki started, voice low like he was nervous about broaching the subject.
Izuku rolled his eyes at that and sniffed, taking another bite of food. “Don’t call our friends extras, Kacchan.”
“Whatever,” the blonde huffed, choosing to fill the awkward silence for another mouthful of food. “But seriously, what’s going on with you?”
“Kacchan, please,” the freckled man begged, tears already stinging at his eyes. “I don’t want to-”
“We’re fucking talking about it.”
Finally, Izuku looked at his friend and what he saw there, made the guilt a billion times worse. The heaviness in his chest sank to the pit of his stomach. Kacchan’s eyes were sharp, brow furrowed, lips pursed. He was worried. And that information was all it took for the dam to break. It started with a shake in his shoulders, a burning in his throat and pounding in his ears as Izuku desperately tried to hold back the tears. But after days… weeks of shoving down his true feelings, hiding behind a smile and constantly taking on much more than he should, the freckled hero finally let himself feel all of it.
The plate was ripped out of his hands, the sound of it being placed on the coffee table barely noticeable over the blood rushing in his ears. And then he was surrounded by warm arms, tight and grounding around his back. The scent of Katsuki’s sweet and spicy cologne assaulted his nose, each deep breath sucking in more and more of the familiar aroma. Izuku could feel the tears on his face, wet and hot, like fat raindrops in summer. His chest heaved with every sob, body shaking as his voice cracked. And through it all, Katsuki held him close, hand carding through the matted curls at the back of his head.
“I hate feeling li-ike this,” Izuku croaked. “I just want to feel nor-ormal again. But I’m so-o tired. I thought I could do this, but I can’t! I’m still ju-ust a useless Deku.”
“You’re not,” Katsuki soothed. “You’re just trying to do everything by yourself…like you always do.”
“But if I don’t do-o it, nobody else wi-ill,” he hiccuped, sobs continuing to catch in his throat as he tried to breathe. The snot clogged in his nose forced him to breathe through his mouth and at the height of his hysteria his head was becoming fuzzy. “They expe-ect me to do it a-all. If I can’t keep up, how wi-ill anyone be able to r-rely on me as a h-h-hero?!”
Katsuki pushed him away and Izuku didn’t want to think about what a mess he was. Snot dripped from his nose, eyes blurred by tears, and body still shaking through sobs. But warm hands cradled his cheeks, thumbs gently wiped away the wetness on his cheeks. “Listen to me. You are a great hero, Izuku. Nobody will think less of you just because you’re burnt out. This job is hard; being a hero is the most taxing job there is. You have to be on 24/7, but you have to remember that you’re human, too.”
“I know,” Izuku hiccupped.
“You say that, but I don’t think you actually believe it,” the blonde told him. “You need to give yourself a break. You need to delegate at the agency. You’ve got assistants, dumbass. Give them assistant shit to do.”
Izuku let out a wet laugh at the order, “I know I sh-should. But I just…what if something is wrong?”
“Then you course correct. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Fuck, when has your nerd ass ever been perfect?” Katsuki pressed.
“Shut up,” he sniffled, sobs calmed to short hiccups and harsh sniffs.
Warm lips pressed against his forehead before he was released. Katsuki rose from the couch, returning a few seconds later with a full box of tissues. Izuku grabbed a couple and cleaned up his face.
“Better?” Katsuki asked, eyes still carefully watching him.
“A little. Thanks, Kacchan,” he nodded before blowing his nose loudly. “I’m sorry you have to…see all this.”
“I’ve seen you worse,” the blonde shrugged.
“Yeah,” Izuku nodded, staring at his lap. He’d needed to cry for a while and being held was…well, he’d been missing a comforting touch for a while. “I miss my mom.”
“So, call her,” Katsuki said like it was the easiest solution.
“I don’t want to worry her. She already thinks I don’t feed myself regularly-”
“Because you fucking don’t.”
“And she thinks I take on too much-”
“Because you do.”
Izuku’s shoulders dropped. The exhaustion was back in full force. “I don’t want to hear what she’ll have to say when she’s proven right.”
Katsuki hummed. “You need more than one day off every few weeks.”
“Kacchan, I can’t leave the agency!” Izuku protested.
“I didn’t fucking say you have to, jeez. Calm down. I meant,” Katsuki leaned into the freckled man’s line of sight. “You need a vacation. I’m guessing you have a fuckton of vacation time piled up. So, use it.” Izuku opened his mouth to protest, but was cut off by a growl. “If you keep going like this you’re going to end up in the hospital or worse. Just…for everyone’s sanity, take some time off. I promise, the agency will still be standing.”
Izuku swallowed over the lump in his throat. “I have to-”
“You don’t have to do anything other than take care of yourself, Izuku!”
He was shocked by the desperation in Katsuki’s voice. The blonde threaded fingers into his hair and pulled hard with a low groan. “I can’t…I can’t sit by and watch you work yourself to death. You’ve always been a selfless idiot, but this has to stop.” Scarlet eyes, brimmed with tears, glared at him and Izuku felt his breath catch in his throat. “I refuse to lose you again. I’m not- I’m not strong enough.”
“Kacchan,” he breathed, body falling forward to wrap his arms around the blonde. “Thank you.” He squeezed hard, fearing that if he loosened his grip, he’d lose his only lifeline. “I’m sorry for worrying you.” The weight of Katsuki’s cheek resting on top of his head trickled more life into Izuku than he’d felt in a while. “Stay, please.”
“Of course,” Katsuki grumbled. “Just promise that you won’t ever let yourself get to this point again. I’m fucking right here, you idiot. You just have to reach out.”
Izuku felt his throat constrict as fresh tears burned at his sore eyes. “I forget sometimes…that I have you.”
“You’ll always have me,” Katsuki breathed, pulling him into his lap and pressing a kiss into a freckled cheek. “Now, fucking finish your food and take a goddamn shower. You smell like death warmed over.”
“I feel like it,” Izuku sighed, leaning his back into Katsuki’s chest as his plate was returned to his hands. Thick arms hung loosely around his waist, the blonde’s forehead resting against his shoulder, face shifting every so often to place a kiss against the nape of his neck. It made his skin tingle and heart rate pick up just a little, but mostly it made him appreciate that Katsuki knew exactly what he needed right now. “I love you, Kacchan. Don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Love you, too, Nerd,” Kacchan hummed, squeezing around his middle gently. Some of the weight in Izuku’s chest lessened. The darkness that pressed in still remained, but having Katsuki here made him feel more like himself than he had in weeks. Things would get better, especially with his favorite hero watching over him.