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The 1st time he realises he’s staring is when you’re watching a movie together. Huddled under separate blankets, yet still close, you’re intently watching the flickering screen. Xiao is watching something else. He’s watching how your eyes slowly widen at the plot twist; he’s watching how they tear up when something tragic happens; he’s watching how they sparkle in joy when the two main characters finally kiss. He doesn’t care about the movie, so why does he care about the crystalline tear that slides down your cheek? He’s getting fed up with the characters so quickly, so why does he want to keep watching it with you? He doesn’t think you’ll notice if he continues staring. You’re so enraptured with the movie, that you don’t notice the enraptured look being presented to you.
The 2nd time he realises he’s staring is when you’re talking with your friends. You’re talking animatedly and cheerfully about something he could care less about. Xiao doesn’t know why he’d pick up anything just to impress you. He remembers you mentioning that you found people who read ‘really cool’, and over the next week, dedicated his free time to memorising Jane Austen quotes. Pride and Prejudice be damned, you’re the one he admires; you’re the one he loves; you’re the one he’d do anything for. Ask him for a bottle of water, and he’d supply the whole ocean. Ask him for a jumper because you’re cold, and he’d give you his entire wardrobe. He doesn’t mind. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you.
The 3rd time he realises he’s staring is when you’re sleeping. No, he’s not creepy; he’s just whipped. Absolutely and undoubtedly whipped for you. It’s the dead of night, and he can hear your shallow breathing interrupting the otherwise quiet atmosphere. Your hair tousled and messy might be his favourite look so far. You say that it’s ugly, but he thinks the complete opposite. It shows him you trust him, trust him so much that he thinks his heart might explode with adoration. In the dead of night, he can truly lie there and admire the wonder in front of him. Your cute nose, your fluttering eyes, your hand holding his, even when asleep. Xiao loves you so much in your sleep that he doesn’t know how he manages when you’re awake.
The 4th time he realises he’s staring is when he’s hugging you, cuddling under the night sky. The North Star, the Big Dipper, and Orion are what you point out to him, your smile as bright as the stars that you’re looking at. No, brighter, Xiao thinks. The stars exist in the sky, as a beacon of hope for the lost people of the world. They are gone when morning comes, when the lost people of the world can guide themselves through. Your smile is the sky itself. No matter the time of day, no matter the weather, your smile is the thing that holds up the sparkling stars, the mesmerising moon, and the shining sun. Ever-present, ever-loving and ever-lasting. Xiao thinks that he will continue looking up if it’s your smile that leads him back to you.
The 5th time he realises he’s staring is when you’re staring back. Your eyes search his, your hands grasp his, your lips capture his. You taste of his favourite paintings, of his favourite colours and his favourite clothes. You taste of everything and nothing at the same time. He swears that fireworks are exploding in an empty room cluttered with objects and mess. His body is pressed against yours, and he feels everything and nothing all at once. He knows how you feel perfect with him, like two complete jigsaw pieces, like a happy ending in those dumb rom-coms you watch. His mind empty, his body euphoric, somehow, Xiao doesn’t believe that you’re here. But you are here, and he stares. He can’t help it; you’re so ethereal. He’ll forever keep staring until your heart and his heart lie together, feeling everything and nothing all at once.