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Shadow huffed out a breath of disgust at the sight of blood sprayed all over the tree bark and snow. He exhorted himself heavily with fighting, feeling a few stray beads of sweat sliding down his fur in which he wiped smearing blood all over his face.
The blood..
He took one glance down at his pristine white gloves now drenched with blood when it all came to him. A whirl of uncontrollable emotions rushing to his heart. “No..not right now.” He could feel himself slipping away from his suppressed and decades of pent up emotions as he began to hyperventilate spiralling into the pit of despair. A soft involuntary sob broke free from his mouth as he huffed out ragged breaths. The Arc, the cryo pods, the testing. It all came rushing back to him in heavy waves. He continued to stare at the blood blankly, distressed by the haunting memories it reminded him of. A hand placed it’s way into his view over his concealed claws making him snap his head upwards with recognition. Pale white gentle skin that was smooth to touch. As pure and delicate like the snow that surrounded him right now.
Maria...it was Maria’s hand.
Amy took a moment to shiver, dropping her hammer with a heavy thud in the snow after dealing with the last enemy while Tails helped Knuckles up from the floor close by. It was a tough fight, dare say a losing battle. But it wasn’t nothing Sonic and his gang couldn’t deal with. Speaking of Sonic, the said hedgehog stretched lazily as he let out a breath of cold air in triumph to all the carcasses on the red-white floor. “Wayyy too easy, am I right guys?” Knuckles groaned at the pain in his head from being pummeled by a gun shooting a dirty side eye to Sonic's comical remark. “It was everything but easy.”
“Sonic, you really need to read the room.” Amy sighed sorrowfully at his enthusiasm. Why couldn’t he put this energy into the swimming lessons she planned for him? “Let’s move on it’s cold out here! Are we all accounted for?”
“I think so..” Tails said putting away one of his gizmos when Sonic's voice sounded. “Wait no..where’s shadow?”
“M..Maria…” The ebony hedgehog could feel his eyes begin to sweat, bearing salty tears that threatened to spill over his half open eyes. He ignored the burning in his face and took a clumsy step backwards, his hands flopping to his side without control hanging his mouth open carelessly. “Shadow..” the apparition spoke with a soft voice, closing the gap between herself and her late friend leaning forward so that their noses touched. Shadow became paralyzed, with fear, shock? Chaos knows. All he knew is that he, the ultimate life form, the greatest creation known to Mobius and Man couldn’t move being controlled by the unsettling feeling in his gut. He gasped trying to draw in air that he could get, but he couldn’t breath. His body, in this moment had forgotten the laws of oxygen only letting out constricted noises and wheezing. “Why did you let me die?” She snapped harshly, grabbing his face to force direct eye contact that he couldn’t break. “No..No no I—I tried to save you..I tried to help you, Maria but—”
Sonic could see Shadow far behind surrounded by a huge ratio of dead gunmen and blood, first he was staring at his hands like he was in some unbreakable trance until they dropped to his side to just dangle there. He seemed troubled, or seeing something invisible to the eye of him and his gang. The others showed concern walking to Sonic's side to also observe what was going on with the hybrid. “He doesn’t look okay..what do you think happened to him during the fight?” Tails asked, frowning at the other hedgehog.
“I don’t know..let’s go help him now!” Amy pointed out, rushing forward to the Hedgehog.
“Why did you let the KILL ME?!” The hallucination, Maria, screamed desperately streaming with her own tears of hurt and fury making Shadow wince, his ears flattening against his head at the pure hatred towards him in her voice. He is sick of people reminding him that it’s him. The one who has to pay for her death. “Maria please. Please don’t say that to me I tried my VERY HARDEST to save you! I just..I—” But I was too late. There’s nothing I could’ve done when they put that bullet in you..
The blond haired was silent for a moment, taking in a deep breath of fury when she spat out the most hurtful words Shadow could ever hear from her.
“You’re a failure.” I’m sorry .
“Why were you even created?” I’m sorry I’m sorry.
“You had one purpose you couldn’t even fulfil.” I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry—
A cold wet hand touched Shadow unexpectedly making him panic and yell out something unintelligible then a deep snarl of words, pushing whoever touched him back with brute force. “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” Amy was blown back into Sonic’s chest who was just rushing after her, sending them both toppling to the floor. The blue groaned with discomfort at his chest being crushed by the female coughing out a pained noise and expression when she got up. “I’m so sorry sonic.” Amy apologised deeply regretful of hurting him, brushing his chest off. “It’s alright Ams..” he smiled knowing it wasn’t her fault before turning his attention to the ebony hedgehog.
“HEY SHADS WHAT WAS THAT FOR?! YOU COULDA HURT AMY!” But he couldn’t hear him shout, for he was lost in his own thoughts, drowning in past trauma that hasn’t left his mind.
“Shadow…” The girl whispered. “Shadow.” Again. “Shadow, Shadow, Shadow.” Again and Again. He wanted to tear his ears off his head and he wanted to block out her voice; He couldn't take it. He couldn’t stand it. So that’s what he did. His claws dug into the flesh of his head, clawing frantically in hopes to silence her broken voice. Blood poured out of the fresh wounds, which Shadow didn’t register, too numb to even feel the pain. “SHADOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU’RE HURTING YOURSELF STOP!”
“SHUT UP!” He screamed, scaring the rest of the group with how raw and broken his voice sounded. “ SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP !” That’s when Sonic knew something wasn’t right. “SHADOW!”
“ShadowShadowShadowShadowShadowShadowShadowShadowShadowShadowShadowShadowShadowShadowShadowShadow.” The mantra of his name kept on playing on, along with the spiteful words of ‘it’s your fault’, ‘you did this to me’ and ‘you’re anything but a hero’, ‘you’re just a weapon’ and it hurt. It hurt because it was the truth. He’s a medicine that had hardly fulfilled its
purpose. An artificial being incapable of being loved. Just an empty shell that roams the universe with no true purpose.
It all just hurt .
Tears began to free fall from red eyes that squeezed shut as he began to sob more, loudly and without resistance to his emotions. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think and the world was spinning faster and faster. Snow fell heavier and a gust of wind howled in the snowy forest, picking up around the Mobian making them all squeal at the cold. He began to buzz with chaos energy, lighting the room up with a deadly red hue that matched his eyes engulfing the natural lighting and purity of the snow that surrounded him, mixing with his white artificial light that he gave off. “What’s he doing??” Knuckles whispered brushing snow out of his face as he felt the wind pick up abnormally.
“Whatever it is, it doesn’t look good.” Tails yelled through the noisy gale. “He’s giving a lot of Chaos energy off!”
“Chaos energy..?” Sonic knew that the other was full of it, hence why he wears the inhibitors to help regulate his power, however, why he was overflowing with energy right now was unknown to him. Until he realised. “Guys we need to get away—OR STOP HIM AT LEAST!”
“Wait! Sonic why?”
“HE’S CHARGING UP CHAOS BLAST!” He warned with panic evident in his voice and Knucles growled. “What the hell?! Is he tryna kill us?!”
“WE GOTTA STOP HIM!”
Maria was no longer present but Shadow couldn’t help but whisper worthless apologies to himself, unaware of what he was currently doing. He was so lost within his pain and suffering that he didn’t realise the power he was charging up. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. I’m sorry Maria..I’m so so sorry.”
“SHADOW!” His name was being called, but it was different to the taunting one of Maria’s. It was full of concern and care for the other. Frantic to reach out to him. “SHADOW YOU GOTTA STOP! STOP HURTING YOURSELF!”
Numb everything was just numb. He couldn’t feel, he couldn’t see, he couldn't, think..
A hand broke through the swirling energy surrounding him, this time it was different. It was a white glove with a peach colour trailing after it. The person reached out to him, hugging him tightly, closely, engulfing him in a comforting warmth that he had never felt for a long…long time. His hands stopped scratching his ears as puzzlement overcame his agony. He froze once again as the person hugged him tighter, the blurriness of his tears and blood that ran down to his face affecting his vision. “Hush..it’s okay..” The blue blurry figure gently said, rubbing his back sympathetically.
“Sonic..?” He let out pathetically with a crack in his voice, surprised and somewhat relieved by the appearance of his rival. His eyes widened from their half open state as his mouth closed up a little, his fangs poking through slightly as he relaxed. “Shh…I’m here.” Sonic's voice was calm and soothing. Quiet to his ears that throbbed with dull pain. Knuckles, Amy and Tails watched from afar when Sonic disappeared into the tornado of snow and light where Sonic attempted and managed to calm the ebony hedgehog down, reducing the presence of red and clutching onto the other as if he were to disappear. “Hey..he did it! We’re not gonna get blown up.”
“Yeah, look though!” Shadow was full on sobbing, letting himself be held by the fastest thing alive while he cried, the walls he had kept up crumbling with overwashed and repressed feelings that longed to get out. He cried, cried for the pain he endured, cried for the death of Maria, cried for the hell he had to take, cried for those he lost and most importantly cried for himself. For the loss and regret he had to live with. “I’ll always be with you Shadow..no matter what.” His words were sincere, heartfelt and genuine which made Shadow tremble and shake even more. They slid down into the snow with each other, kneeling in the pressing cold that was ignored by them both as they bathed in one another’s embrace. “You gotta breathe for me okay? Take slow breaths.” Shadow did as he was told and buried his head into Sonic’s chest, sucking in small breaths of air before exhaling it raggedly with small hiccups. Damn this was embarrassing, highly embarrassing. His pride was being stripped away from him minute by minute but in this moment, he couldn’t care less.
“Oh shadow..” Amy moaned, feeling tears prickle at her own green eyes wiping away a stray tear that slid out. “He’s endured so much..” Tails muttered to himself, almost reminded of himself when he was really young. Knuckles observed with his piercing gaze which was unusually soft and also sad.
“I wonder what set him off.”
Amy’s lips wobbled, “He doesn’t open up about his past to any of us, Sonic’s probably the only one who knows about him.”
“Are you okay now?” Sonic asked, placing his head on Shadows while he nuzzled into his chest. Although he doesn’t fur on his chest on Shadow he at least hoped it was comfortable for him. “Yes…”
“What happened back there? You had us all worried.”
“That’s my business.” He snapped. Ah, classic grumpy-ass the hedgehog.
“Oh come on Shads. You can’t just have a full on panic attack, shrug me off and act like it’s okay. Talk to me. Or at least if you don’t want to talk to me, talk to Amy, Knuckles or—”
“The blood, all over my hands.”
“Huh?” Sonic replied cluelessly.
“Oh for fucks sake, I said what’s wrong and that’s all you have to say?” Shadow snapped with anger and Sonic winced at his reaction. “No no! It’s just..you see blood every day so I just don’t understand why that happened.”
“It just..it reminded me of the Arc. Of her..”
“Her..? Ah.” Maria.
“Yes…”
“Okay well we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Shadow let out a gruff noise at his words pulling away from Sonic to wipe his face, thankful that he won’t press on the matter further. “Thank you.”
“What was that?”
“I said…thank you—”
Cockiness overtook Sonic as he smirked dangerously. Shadow raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t hear that, think you can repeat it?” The hybrid scowled, not daring to indulge in Sonic’s childish jokes pushing him away. “Shut the fuck up faker.” He spat, wiping the muck out of his eyes. “Here, let’s fix your wound for you shall we? And wash off your hands.” Sonic smiled, gesturing that the others are safe to come over and help him. Amy and Tails wasted no time in helping to patch up Shadow who zoned out during the whole thing, focusing on his breathing while Sonic stayed beside him on the floor to rub his hand supportively. “You really messed yourself up huh?” Amy gingerly patted the non decimated part of his head near his quills which made Shadow suck in a breath. Knuckles helped him up so that they’d be able to continue with their mission. “Shadow I hope you know, if there’s anything you need from us we’re here to help. I mean even if this is a temporary team up just know you’re our friend and that makes you family. Sonic took Shadows concealed clawed hands into his own, feeling Amy, Knuckles and tails also join in contributing their hands on top making the ebony hedgehog almost start bawling again.
Friends..
Family.
Something he hasn’t had in a long time since Maria and Molly…
Team dark was his first chance to love again. Experience family and friendship again. Redemption of his understanding of feelings after shutting himself off for so long. It was refreshing, not being alone for once and was also comforting. It was always him, Omega and Rouge after he’d reawakened and now he’s gained more friends. More family. Sonic and his team.
A small smile replaced the usual frown on Shadow’s face which made the others also return the gesture brightly back to him. The past cannot be changed, albeit he desperately wishes he could, it’s not possible. All he can do is continue to keep his head high, and look forward to the future for what surprises lies ahead that he has yet to encounter.