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Life after the victory feast was less hectic than he was used to, but for the moment, Aether much preferred it to continuously risking his safety in epic battles. He didn’t deny that a dose of adrenaline every now and then might be beneficial; still, he appreciated the chance to take a break and think about something other than the next peril he'd face.
These days, that something he thought about was almost invariably Alhaitham.
Aether conceded early on that opportunities to spend time with Alhaitham would be difficult to come by, given how busy Alhaitham was trying to keep the Akademiya from falling apart—so he didn't prod Alhaitham about making room in his schedule. Instead, Aether took the perhaps drastic measure of intercepting Alhaitham on his way to work, just after dawn, simply for a chance to see him. Aether waited expectantly just outside the doors of the Akademiya, his stare bright and attentive despite the early hour. Finding it difficult to rouse Paimon from her sleep, he had left her in their lodgings—it wasn't as though Paimon would have trouble figuring out where to find him, should she wake while he was out.
On one hand, Alhaitham clearly hadn't expected to see him there and then; on the other, he didn’t try to hide the fond smile that alighted on his face as he approached.
Unfortunately for Aether, Alhaitham's current duties were not those on which an outsider would be permitted to accompany him—there went Aether's Plan A. Nevertheless, his venture was not a complete failure.
In terms of instant gratification, Aether earned from this initial inquiry a reassuring embrace: Alhaitham tucked Aether firmly beneath his chin, caressing his head with one hand and holding tight around his back with the other. Aether pressed his cheek into Alhaitham’s powerful heartbeat and matched the easy sigh flowing through Alhaitham’s chest. Moments like these banished every trace of the thought that Alhaitham might, secretly, not want to see him after all.
Though it would still be a while—several days, at the very least—before Alhaitham had ample time to tend to personal matters, opportunities might arise for the two of them to meet, albeit briefly, so long as Aether could also find space between the odd jobs with which he typically occupied himself. Aether took no issue with this arrangement; he did not lack the motivation to periodically return to the Akademiya’s entrance to see whether he could exchange with Alhaitham, on his way out, a few words or even a kiss.
Alhaitham’s residence was not an ideal place for them to meet—this fact was so intuitive to both of them that its establishment went unspoken for now. Indeed, neither of them wanted to lend more thought to it than was absolutely necessary.
So Aether made do with accompanying Alhaitham into the city on a more or less daily basis. Those five or ten minutes before they parted were all too short, but at the same time, Aether would never trade them for anything. To him, there were few greater treasures than listening to the coarse rumble of Alhaitham’s voice or observing the evening light igniting a golden spark in his cerulean eyes.
Such did Aether’s days in Sumeru progress for a week or so (he lost count). In between running his usual errands, he found time to explore as well as mingle with his newfound friends. Paimon evidently favored the latter, as when she had no interest in accompanying Aether on his visits to Alhaitham, she would often, for example, speed off to the Grand Bazaar to see if she could meet up with Nilou and snag a few snacks. As much as Aether enjoyed Paimon’s company, he also appreciated her independence, and her willingness to tolerate his preoccupation with Alhaitham that had previously frazzled her to such an extreme degree.
At long last, the day arrived when Alhaitham's schedule finally granted him some flexibility. Aether met Alhaitham in the usual spot outside the Akademiya that had quickly become his favorite place to wait, if only by force of habit. (Alhaitham had no pressing work-related matters to attend to today, so, logically speaking, there was no real reason for Aether to choose this place in particular.)
Aether thought there would never be a day when the sight of Alhaitham appearing from the lower walkway didn't make his heart flutter. Those long steps, the way his multitude of capes floated in the breeze like a bird’s broad wings, were easily recognizable any day—and inevitably, when Alhaitham’s majestic form came into view, Aether’s pulse would miss a beat or perhaps two, as though he was still a child with a mere juvenile crush. (And who was to say he wasn’t?)
Aether greeted Alhaitham with the usual warm hug, closing his eyes to relish the sensation when Alhaitham's hand began stroking the back of his head.
"Did you have any plans in mind for today?"
As he posed this question, Alhaitham allowed Aether's fingertips to trail down his arms and come to rest in his palms, taking in all the details of the warmth of his flesh and the seams of his clothing. (Not once did Aether take for granted Alhaitham's tolerance for physical contact.)
"Oh, nothing in particular.” Aether only let himself look at the ground for a moment. “I… just wanted to spend time with you.” Part of him worried that Alhaitham would disapprove of his lack of preparations, but he didn’t let himself linger on the thought.
Alhaitham’s fingers closed softly over Aether’s hands. “In that case, may I suggest we return to the House of Daena? I haven’t had a proper chance to browse since the last time we met up there.”
Aether nodded. “I would love to.”
It was perhaps easy for an outsider to believe that Alhaitham never showed his emotions on his face; Aether, though, had no trouble perceiving the glimmer of curiosity in Alhaitham’s eyes, even if his lips showed no signs of curving into a conventional smile. To Aether, it was obvious that Alhaitham was pleased.
And so Alhaitham led him through the doors that opened to the Akademiya foyer.
Aether found himself instinctively falling into step behind Alhaitham; it was what he’d done the first time he’d come here, after all. But the way Alhaitham loomed in one side of his vision was unpleasantly familiar, and he failed to suppress a shudder of anticipation. A moment later he found himself clinging to Alhaitham’s wrist, his eyes fixed warily on the door leading to the library.
The stained glass arching across the ceiling felt like a plethora of glares scrutinizing him, fixing him into place at Alhaitham’s side. Even the noise of the fountain in the center of the room was an ominous whisper seeping into his eardrums.
Alhaitham stopped walking and looked down at him, but Aether couldn’t tear his gaze away from his surroundings.
What would Alhaitham say to reassure him at a time like this? As a man who never made empty promises, the sweet nothings Aether might hear from anyone else were out of the question. No, Alhaitham would say something purely logical—he would point out something objective about the situation and allow Aether to deduce himself not that his fear was irrational, but that the past on which his mind lingered was separate from the present in which his body dwelled.
Aether lifted his left hand to his head. His gloved fingertips contacted the flesh of his ear.
No Akasha Terminal.
None of the few students milling about in the room wore Akasha Terminals, either. Even the Akasha Terminal Aether had grown used to seeing hovering over Alhaitham’s headpiece was gone.
Nahida had permanently shut down the Akasha system after they overthrew the Akademiya. That era of corruption was over.
Nothing in this building was a threat to them anymore—not as long as Alhaitham was here with him.
Finally Aether met Alhaitham’s gaze. Alhaitham’s brow was relaxed, and the crimson flares of his pupils gleamed gently behind the pools of blue that surrounded them.
Aether tried to smile, but he couldn’t force his lips to move.
“Are you going to be all right?”
The dry rumble of Alhaitham’s voice settled softly in his ears.
Aether gave a pseudo-answer, his eyes wandering. “It’s not Jnagarbha Day—it’s December 11th.”
“That’s correct.”
“We’re just going to look at books, not infiltrate anything.” Finally Aether felt the welcome warmth of a genuine smile alight on his lips, and he looked up at Alhaitham again. “Although, could you say we’ll be infiltrating the books, then?”
The shimmer in Alhaitham’s narrowed eyes intensified, and the corners of his mouth curved subtly into his cheeks. “I suppose.”
Aether further comforted himself with a chuckle and proceeded to follow Alhaitham through the foyer.
This time Aether let himself bask in the sense of wonder that surrounded him as the vast library opened up before him. On either side of the elevated entryway, lamps shaped like flowers stood sentinel, casting their watchful light out into the impressive space, their petals reaching almost all the way to the arched ceiling. Without context, Aether might almost think he’d shrunk.
Aether gave himself permission to stray from Alhaitham’s side. First he descended a staircase beside the walkway and meandered along one of the bookshelves looming in the entrance, if only to see how long it took him to reach the other side. He wondered what implement would allow anyone to reach the highest shelves with any semblance of confidence—they were so high above him that he could hardly even see the books from here, much less reach them.
Alhaitham followed, relaxed and dutiful. Whenever Aether stole a glance at him, Alhaitham faintly smiled back; he had said he was here to browse the books, but he seemed content to watch Aether pace back and forth in front of the shelf, still pondering his initial question of how to reach the ceiling.
But there were plenty more shelves where this came from, and if Aether spent this much attention on each of them, the two of them would be here all day. (Although, maybe that wasn’t a bad thing.)
Finally Aether made his way back to Alhaitham’s side. “Lead the way.”
With Aether close behind, Alhaitham drifted into the main space of the library. Aether didn’t doubt that Alhaitham had certain parts of the layout memorized—the sections most relevant to his personal interests, at the very least; while the use of the Akasha Terminal would have rendered the existence of the library redundant, Aether found it difficult to imagine Alhaitham not utilizing this space during his free time at the Akademiya, even if it only served to strengthen his reputation as “the Akademiya’s weirdo.”
Indeed, Alhaitham looked undeniably in his element once he set his sights on the seemingly endless shelves, as if he could blend in and simply become part of the background. With rows and rows of books ascending stories above his head, it was easy to forget how tall he really was until Aether approached him once more and regained a proper sense of scale. The way Alhaitham’s fingertips floated gingerly along the tomes’ spines, clearly in search of something specific, was a testament to the same finesse that Aether recalled observing any time Alhaitham ended up in a physical confrontation—an attention to detail honed to a needle-sharp point and exercised with utmost care. Even after all this time, Aether was never unimpressed by how Alhaitham’s immaculate dexterity contrasted the immensity of his presence.
Moreover, this image of Alhaitham was so much different from the one to which Aether had grown accustomed: the image of a scholar and a warrior, always confident and never faltering. Aether found his heart oddly warm at the mundane sight of Alhaitham locating a book of interest and removing it from the shelf to flip through its pages, his brow arched and eyes bright with anticipation. Aether marked this moment in his memory as one in which Alhaitham seemed, by far, the most undeniably human.
Still holding the previous book, Alhaitham reached for another. Aether sensed an appropriate moment for intervention and gave Alhaitham a nudge, holding out his hands. Aether could have sworn Alhaitham gave either a sigh of relief or a silent laugh as he passed Aether the book. Either way, the expression on his face was hypnotizing.
“You know, I didn’t bring you along just to hold books for me.”
“If there’s any way I can help you, there’s nothing I would rather do.” Aether playfully cocked an eyebrow. “And what was that about not keeping track of personal favors?”
Alhaitham closed his eyes and huffed in amusement. “You have a good memory.”
Aether beamed for a brief moment. “I try.”
Aether watched with wordless infatuation as Alhaitham so casually sifted through the library’s many volumes, passing to Aether anything that caught his attention. Only once they had accumulated a solid stack did they make their way to the desks that Aether again mused were ridiculously oversized, with chairs to match.
(Surely, no human in Teyvat would have long enough arms to effectively utilize all of this table space! At least the colossal chairs had a practical use—one that immediately became evident when Alhaitham seated himself in one, and Aether easily fit onto the cushion beside him, turning to thread his body under Alhaitham’s arm and rest his head against his chest. Still Aether couldn’t fathom whether the architects behind such chairs had imagined they would be used in this manner early on in their creation, but he was grateful for the opportunity nonetheless.)
Thus did Aether recline, Alhaitham’s free arm easily encircling his back and waist. He took some time to adjust before he found a position that was comfortable to maintain; Alhaitham seemed perfectly happy to cuddle him in the meantime, with the remainder of his attention fixed on one of the books he’d found. Once Aether had settled, he even felt Alhaitham give him a gentle nuzzle at the top of his head before returning to his reading.
Aether closed his eyes and leaned into the heartbeat tapping at his ear. This was perhaps not the most eventful date anyone in Sumeru City could think of, but Alhaitham’s warmth was all he needed; as far as either of them were concerned, it was perfect. It was essentially a recreation of the last time Aether had met Alhaitham in the House of Daena, except this time without the pressure of a victory feast or any goings-on directly related to the infiltration that had brought them to the heart of the Akademiya in the first place. Notably, Paimon was also not here to complain.
Aether let out a sigh of contentment as he rested, reveling in the certainty of Alhaitham’s presence. As always, he could have very easily dozed off. No observers would need more than a single guess to determine that the only thing on his mind was his beloved. (Archons forbid this would be the start of some unsavory gossip among the Akademiya personnel—but maybe that was inevitable anyway, so why worry about it?)
The fragments of memories puncturing the walls of his sanctuary were subtle at first: a flash of light, or a murmur from off to the side. But once the image of Alhaitham doubled over and snarling in agony appeared in his mind’s eye, Aether squirmed. His movement did nothing to dispel the vision, and soon its biting cold began to eclipse the warmth of Alhaitham’s body against him and the whisper of Alhaitham’s breath in his ear.
“Alhaitham—”
The Alhaitham in his memory, of course, did not acknowledge him, only continuing to writhe.
Just like last time.
“Hmm?”
In the present, Alhaitham’s mumble vibrated into his skull.
“Alhaitham—”
Aether snapped his eyes open and found, as quickly as he could, the position that afforded him a reliable view of Alhaitham’s face without distancing him too much from Alhaitham’s body heat. Aether’s gaze flitted about, desperately scanning for as many details as possible: the unaffected shape of Alhaitham’s eyes, the thickness of his lashes, the heaviness of his eyebrows, the sweep of his bangs over one side of his face, the prominent bridge of his nose, the slight tension in his lips, the contour of his jaw standing out over his neck—but even the combination of these failed to banish from behind Aether’s eyes the phantom of Alhaitham in the past, its growls sending tremors from his heart out to his extremities, its roar triggering an explosion in his eardrums.
“Alhaitham—”
His fingers clenched at empty space, searching for something to cling to, but the rest of his body was frozen solid.
It was only a second or so before Alhaitham’s brow rose a fraction of an inch, his eyes widening, as he realized what was happening.
“Aether.”
The present Alhaitham, softly calling out his name, was all but transparent.
Still, another fraction of Aether’s attention hooked onto these two syllables. He blinked.
“Give me your hand.”
Aether blinked again. His lips parted.
“Here.”
Alhaitham’s gaze shifted for just a moment as he put down the book he was holding. His line of sight guided Aether to where he held up his free hand, his palm facing Aether, his capable fingers curving tenderly in the air.
At long last Aether processed the situation; Alhaitham’s voice and movement were enough to anchor Aether to his own body. Aether was able to lift his hand, slowly but surely, watching like an outside observer as his gloved fingers overlapped with Alhaitham’s. Finally whatever Aether had been trying to forget fell away from his mind’s eye, as when the pads of his fingertips contacted the soft flesh of Alhaitham’s palm, he could think about little else.
If he curled his fingers just a bit, his hand fit nicely into Alhaitham’s, and he soon became absorbed in all of the little ways his knuckles contacted Alhaitiham’s palm and fingertips. Alhaitham took Aether’s hand gently as Aether continued to explore his touch.
“There you go.”
When Aether looked up again, Alhaitham’s brow was knitted faintly, like last time Aether had snuggled with him in the library.
“Feeling better?”
Aether pressed deeper into Alhaitham’s chest where his voice rumbled, but this time, he didn’t close his eyes. “Yeah. Thank you.”
Alhaitham gave Aether’s hand one final squeeze and lingered for a second or two before his attention shifted back to the book he had left on the desk. But he only rested his fingertips and his gaze on the tabletop, making no motion to return to reading. His shoulders lifted in a faint sigh. The unusually pensive look on Alhaitham’s face, with his eyes lowered, made Aether’s heart sink.
“Aether.”
Aether tilted his chin.
Alhaitham’s contemplative eyes, the shocks of red in the middle burning steadily like a candle’s flame, settled on Aether.
“If you’re serious about pursuing a committed relationship with me… I would encourage you to reconsider.”
Aether felt his jaw drop. A sick feeling twisted in the pit of his stomach.
“What?”
Alhaitham sighed again and corrected his posture, jostling Aether faintly.
“I think you would find it more beneficial to partner with someone who can provide you with a greater sense of comfort.” Alhaitham gave his characteristic squint that betrayed the depth of his thought process. “Of course, I can’t force you to make a decision either way. I can only offer advice.”
“...Like fixing a typo in a book.”
“Yes.”
Aether just looked at him for a minute or so. Alhaitham started to reach for a book again.
“As you know, emotional support is not my specialty. Truthfully, I think you would be happier with a person who has more of an aptitude for it.”
Aether blinked again, letting his gaze fall out of focus as he processed Alhaitham’s words. Any arguments that appeared in his mind were ones for which he could instantly think of rational rebuttals—ones Alhaitham was likely to utilize. Alhaitham was correct in that emotions and logic were not necessarily two opposite sides of the same coin, and yet sometimes they still seemed so far apart.
Maybe he’s right. Aether let himself dwell on this notion—let it sit in his core for probably several minutes. If following Alhaitham’s patterns of thinking had taught him anything yet, it was how to sit with his discomfort.
If he was going to stay with Alhaitham, he thought it likely that he would keep having flashbacks to that day. Or maybe this would be true even if he never saw Alhaitham again—maybe it really didn’t make much of a difference.
Perhaps someone else could sense when he was distressed, and react more quickly, hold him and soothe him to chase the pain away.
But was that really so different from what Alhaitham was doing right now?
I love him and I want to be with him. But love and compatibility were separate aspects of a relationship. Maybe Aether’s presence would be detrimental to Alhaitham as well—causing him anguish whenever an episode of anxiety returned to seize Aether’s soul, and Alhaitham was helpless to do little more but watch and hold his hand until it passed.
Perhaps their separation would be better for Alhaitham, too. Alhaitham was fiercely independent; he had claimed as much himself: ‘I do what I want.’ It was entirely possible that Aether’s emotional dependence would only burden him.
“Alhaitham.”
“Hmm?”
“Remember back when you were about to be a hostage for the Eremites, and we were all worried something was going to happen to you?”
“I do.”
Aether adjusted his position and closed his eyes as he spoke.
“Well, recently, some time before that, I was in Mondstadt for this festival… It was called Weinlesefest. We were trying to help my friend Razor find out about his biological parents, and… this other girl, Rosaria, came up to us and started asking what we were doing, rather rudely, like ‘What do you think this information will change about your life? What’ll you do if you find out they were horrible people?’ And stuff like that… We all thought she was being really cold. I thought she was just trying to justify being a jerk to him, you know… but Razor—he said something that stuck with me—he said ‘Cold stings, but it’s good for wounds.’ At the time, I didn’t really get it, but… then I met you. And I thought about how anxious I was when we all wondered what would happen if the Eremites decided to kill you, and how you said ‘Well, that would be bad luck for me,’ and how it felt when you said that… Like, a lot of the rest of the time, when I’m worried about something, I just keep worrying, and I can’t stop even when someone’s trying to comfort me. Even if it feels nice.”
Alhaitham’s chest rose and fell with easy breaths beneath him as he continued speaking, marking the flow of his words.
“I think, when you said that, I understood what Razor meant about cold being good for wounds. Because you didn’t tell me not to worry or promise me that something wasn’t going to happen when it very well might. You basically just said it would suck if it did happen.” Aether couldn’t help but chuckle to himself as this phrase spilled from his lips. “It wasn’t a sympathetic response like a lot of people would give, but it helped me sit with my anxiety a little bit, and I think, in the long run, that actually felt better than being told not to worry—-because I really couldn’t argue with that. It’s like how when you put ice on a wound, it helps it hurt less. …You know, treating it, instead of pretending it doesn’t exist.”
When Aether opened his eyes again, Alhaitham’s gaze was frozen on the book before him; he wasn’t reading—only listening.
“So… Maybe you’re right, and this is just me trying to justify my biases, but… I think, long-term, it may actually be more beneficial for me to be with someone logical and realistic like you. Oh—not because I think it should be your responsibility to fix me, or anything, but… I don’t know—I love you and I want to be with you, so I guess I’m just thinking of reasons why being around you would be good for me.”
“Hmm.” Alhaitham gave a noncommittal grunt. “I’d say that’s a logical assessment.”
Aether adjusted his posture again.
“You don’t have to answer this question,” Alhaitham continued, “but what you said got me thinking—have you put any thought into what a long-term relationship would look like?”
Aether’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Alhaitham turned to him again, his expression unchanging. “Well, you’re traveling to look for your sister, aren’t you?”
Oh.
It was the second time that day Aether felt like he’d been hit in the face with a hilichurl’s club—this time, not because of what Alhaitham said, but because of the first thing Aether thought immediately upon hearing it:
I forgot.
Granted, the purpose of his journey probably hadn’t permanently left his head; to say he’d forgotten was probably a half-truth at best. Still, the fact remained that he’d only begun venturing around Teyvat, getting caught up in all of the Archons’ crises as he sought audience with them, because he was searching for his twin sister—the one often figuratively called ‘his other half’ for very good reason. This notion lingered in the back of his mind, constantly, to the point that it was typically the last thing he thought about before falling asleep, and the first thing he thought about upon waking.
Until he met Alhaitham.
So much of Aether’s long life had revolved around his sister—and it still did—and then he came to Sumeru, and shortly afterwards, he met a beautiful and compelling man whose presence dominated his consciousness, to the point that he’d lash out at even his best friend if she so much as suggested doing something that Aether perceived would disrespect him.
Maybe something is wrong with me.
Paimon was right—Aether had changed since falling for Alhaitham, and the uncertainty of his thought patterns scared him. Before, thinking about his goal was easy—it kept him going. He’d known why he left Mondstadt to travel to Liyue, why he’d left Liyue to travel to Inazuma, and then to Sumeru. There was no way he would ever forget why he set out on this journey to begin with, not even for a second.
But, come to think of it, ever since they’d met back up in Caravan Ribat, the only goal he’d dwelled on was seeing Alhaitham again—such a short-sighted one compared to the one he’d pursued before.
And now, the thought of continuing his original journey scared him even more. Not because he thought he wasn’t a match for whatever perils he’d face, no—he’d met countless unexpected challenges in the nations he’d visited so far, and he had complete confidence that he could take on whatever his travels decided to throw at him.
It was because he didn’t want to be apart from Alhaitham.
More specifically, he didn’t want to leave Alhaitham behind in Sumeru and not know when, if ever, he could come back to see him again.
And what frightened him the most?
The notion that if you suspended him over the Abyss, perhaps dangling him by one arm, and threatened to drop him into the void unless he made a choice—a choice between leaving Sumeru and pursuing his sister, or forgoing his quest altogether and staying here to remain with Alhaitham…
…he wouldn’t be able to choose. He would rather fall into the Abyss and meet a gruesome end than be forced to choose between two people who were both so desperately important to him, both irreplaceable, because whomever he chose, it would mean abandoning the other, banishing them to only his memory—possibly until the end of time.
“Your expression tells me that you haven’t.”
At the sound of Alhaitham’s voice, Aether blinked, and suddenly he was back in the present, cradled against Alhaitham in a too-large chair in the House of Daena.
Alhaitham corrected his posture once more, shifting Aether in his arm, and looked back to his book. “Well, no matter. As far as I’m aware, there aren’t any major decisions you have to make anytime soon, given that you’re not leaving for Fontaine until sometime next year—so you have some time to think about it.”
Aether let the air escape his lungs in an odd exhale that was somewhere between a laugh and a sigh.
“You’re right.”
Alhaitham was a reliable man, all right—he always told the truth.
That was just one of the many things Aether loved about him.
Aether focused again on the shape of Alhaitham’s warmth around him: the pulse of Alhaitham’s heart somewhere beneath his right side, the rise and fall of Alhaitham’s chest with his breath, the way Alhaitham’s arm wrapped around his back, and the faint touch of Alhaitham’s chin against the crown of his head. Aether closed his eyes and burrowed further into this warmth. There were many things he could think about, worry about, but he would wager that none of them were things he needed to contemplate right this second. Today was the first day in a long time Alhaitham could set aside for him and him alone, and he didn’t want to be so preoccupied with so many of his usual concerns that he let it pass by in a mere heartbeat.
“Alhaitham.”
“Yes?”
Aether nuzzled into Alhaitham’s neck. “I’d like to stay with you for as long as I can, if that’s okay. I know I have a lot to think about, like you said… but for now, I just want to be with you.”
His last words came out as a breath against Alhaitham’s hot flesh. “Is that all right?”
And Alhaitham’s voice practically rumbled directly into his eardrums.
“Fine by me.”
“Hmm.” The corners of his lips pressed into his cheeks. He wasn’t sure he could envision a dream sweeter than this moment.
He let himself breathe for a minute or two, reveling in the sensation of his body moving faintly against Alhaitham’s.
“Also, I’ve been wondering…”
“Hm?”
“Do you happen to know why these chairs are so big?”
Alhaitham paused to turn a page.
“Honestly, I have no idea. Who knows—maybe they were designed just for occasions like this.”
Aether smiled to himself again, closing his eyes.
“Alhaitham, I love you.”
And that day was the first time Aether heard Alhaitham speak this phrase to him, his voice as coarse as shifting sands, though it was certainly far from the last:
“I love you, too.”