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Emilie had died.
They told her that Emilie Agreste’s lifeless body was in that hospital room. Her heart had stopped, she wasn’t breathing. Her body laid still, her skin pale and cold. They told Nathalie that her…whatever they were, was gone. She felt that she’d lost everything. In that moment Emilie was gone, and she didn’t even get to say goodbye.
Those were the longest 2 minutes of her life.
So on that quiet evening, Nathalie sat beside the woman on her bed listening to every breath, every shake every heartbeat that told her that her love wasn’t dead. Maybe not alive, but not dead. That was something she hoped.
While Nathalie listened to her breathe, Emilie studied her face. She tried to memorize it all. She desperately tried to commit it to her memory like it was the last chance she’d get. Her death was the test and she had to be ready.
“I’ve never felt like that before.” Emilie spoke, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Like what, Em?”
Emilie shifted her position to face Nathalie and smiled brightly. Nathalie had never seen her smile like that before. It was contagious. She couldn’t help but smile too.
“Like…Free I..think.” She swallowed nervously, “When I was dead, It felt like all of this; this place, this room..him. All of it felt like nothing.”
Fear appeared on Nathalie’s face, “How could you say that? You were dead, Em..” She took a deep breath, her hands finding Emilie’s face and gently holding it, careful not to hurt her. Nathalie never needed to remind herself that she was breakable.
Emilie leaned into her touch and sighed, “Nathalie you know we’ve never been free. We were kids, we had rules.” She paused, taking in the sight of Nathalie’s bright blue eyes; memorized every detail and spec of her iris’, “And now we’re stuck here. Maybe this is the only way out.”
Nathalie didn’t say anything, she just sighed and leaned back away, removing her hands. She felt sick for so many reasons. She’d have to accept losing Emilie one day, but how could she when it felt like the end. How could she let her go before she got to hold her hand like it was the most normal thing in the world? Kiss her and hold her outside this room like it was just another day, really live with her. How could she let go and still touch her?
“So you’ve never felt like that before…” She spoke barely even a whisper, part of her hoped Emilie wouldn’t hear. Most of her hoped she would.
Emilie giggled, “No I have. Only with you, my love.” She shifted more and moved forward to lay beside her.
Nathalie laid a hand on Emilie’s shoulder to stop her, “You don’t get it, do you?”
Emilie cocked her head to the side in confusion.
“You don’t get how one day you’re going to die. One day I’m going to live in a world where I don’t breathe the same air as you, I don’t sneak up here in the middle of the night or the early morning to be with you. That one day I’m never going to touch you again. You’re-“ She was shaking. She couldn’t feel the silent tears running down her face and she couldn’t feel Emilie’s skin when she wiped them away for her. She sighed and took a breath, “You’re the air that I breathe Emilie Graham de Vanily, without you I’m going to die.”
Emilie didn’t say anything. She didn’t think she physically could. She’d always carried so much sadness and regret in her heart but at that moment she felt it glow. This was love. She was in love with this woman. She wanted to cry into her, she wanted to bleed into her hands, she wanted to breathe her in and never exhale. She wanted to never let go, to have her touch linger on her skin forever. That would be her choice, but Emilie had never been given choices in life. She never chose to fall in love with Nathalie Sancoeur, but the one choice she made was choosing to love her.
They were both crying, neither of them could feel it. Only desperate touches as they tried to wipe away each other’s tears. Nathalie touched her face, her lips, her shoulders and felt her skin; dry and cracked from her death. She ran her hands through her coarse blonde hair to find too many fallen strands between her fingers.
Nathalie felt her existence for the last time. She felt her blood run cold and her eyes dull out. She felt her last smile and her last breath. Emilie had gotten her wish. Nathalie had been there for it all, there when she died.