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“Merry Christmas, dumbbells.”
“That’s hardly an insult, Erica.”
Jackson sat up, squinting as his fellow pack mate flung the curtains open. Even though she had known of Isaac’s presence in his bed prior to this, she still faked surprise. Scandalous.
“Oh so that’s where you have been!”
The curly-haired beta did not grant her with a reaction, still fast asleep. Having made it her mission to disturb their festive morning, Erica fell heavily on the bed, which caused all three of them to bounce in return. Jackson groaned at her. She groaned back, louder.
“Do you want to spend Christmas incapacitated?”
“Depends how you make that happen.”
Blue against gold; their irises shone unaturally as they geared up for a possible confrontation. Erica commented on that too; the fact gold was a better, more adjusted color for the season.
“Enough.”
Erica squealed and Jackson froze, both taken aback by the intervention of their alpha. Derek was menacingly standing at the door, arms crossed on his chest. This was why he did not encourage relationships within the pack. While they had abided by this non-rule for some time, the recent unforeseen development of Isaac and Jackson’s bond threatened to thwart the pack’s carefully established dynamics. Isaac finally moved and also pushed himself in upright position, still half-asleep. The alpha’s call didn’t demand more action. Derek silently assessed the situation for another moment before turning his back on them. As his silhouette disappeared downstairs, the – hushed – bickering picked up between Jackson and Erica.
“What’s wrong with you?” Jackson exhaled, pinching his nose.
“Me? You went straight for the threats, all I did was –“
“I have been awake for ten minutes at best, you–”
Isaac sneezed, thrice. “Sorry, keep going.”
“Disgusting,” Erica commented. “Anyway, Boyd and I made hot chocolate, you should come downstairs.”
“Leave or I will make you,” Jackson threatened.
Isaac plopped himself back on his side of the bed. “You know you shouldn’t have said that.”
Jackson sighed. Erica shrugged, knowing there was no way that Jackson acted up on his threat after Derek’s early intervention.
“The fuck,” Jackson muttered.
“She woke you up?” Isaac asked
“Not really, no. Slept well?”
“Yes. You, Erica?”
Might as well include her, he thought.
“Like a baby. I dreamt that werewolves were pulling Santa’s sled.”
“I mean, wolves can do that,” Isaac nodded.
“Yeah… so I added Santa to the list of people who can put Jackson Whittemore on a leash.”
Isaac laughed. She laughed. They high-fived over Jackson’s chest.
“Go to hell, both of you.”
He stood up and exited the room, going to look for some long-lost peace downstairs. Erica rolled her eyes.
“What’s with him?”
“I think he hasn’t been awake for long, you know?”
“And?”
“Imagine your alpha telling you off, that would put anyone on the edge.”
“But we’re not, Isaac.”
Isaac ran a hand through his curls, stretching slowly before rolling over.
“Different levels of sensitivity, Erica. What you said about his eyes was rude too.”
“Jesus,” Erica sighed, throwing her hands in the air. “What about it, now?”
“Have you ever wondered about how Jackson felt about being a hybrid?”
“No, because he doesn’t need to feel anything about it. He’s a part of the pack, like us.”
Isaac decided against elaborating and simply hummed in agreement. Erica was smart, she would understand. Jackson has never explicitly stated his fear to not belong; he did not need to for them to know. He was different from them in many ways. The riches, the abilities… the color of his eyes when he turned.
“One last thing… we are exclusive, as you know.”
Erica has always been flirtatious, with friends and foes alike. She had been in an unexplainable frenzy to cross lines this morning; but this one, she knew was a step too far behind her shoulders. She felt a something tug at her heart; each tug revealing the shades of green behind the coat of snow that had envelopped the forest overnight. Her next words felt heavy, similar to the texture of frozen honey.
“Sorry about that.”
“Come on, let’s meet the rest downstairs.”
Isaac had made a deliberate choice not to acknowledge her apology. Contrary to popular belief, there was no need to settle matters of forgiveness as soon as possible and no one was owed peace of mind, regardless of their growth. They all functionned according to these principles, which made that even if he never forgave her for this incursion in his intimacy, she would not be bothered by his decision.
This was true peace of mind.
They found Jackson, Boyd and Derek downstairs, quietly going through breakfast while occupying themselves with diverse activities. Isaac went to greet Boyd, then took place with Jackson on the sofa. He was met with a suspicious eye. Maybe Jackson assumed he would try to advocate for Erica.
“You’ve got stains on your face.”
Isaac smiled and wiped the corners of his lips. Out of all the love languages, acts of services felt like the toughest to navigate around.
“How are you?”
“Tired.”
Stressed. His parents were coming to town for dinner and he might have failed to mention his supernatural bond with a male specimen whose angelic face did not change the fact that he did not have a bank account and was basically homeless if not for the aggregation of misfits he was now a part of.
Without the supernatural aspect, which he clearly would not mention, they looked like outcasts – drug addicts – without redeeming qualities. Or, if drugs were really out of the picture, arms dealers. Something illegal that would earn Derek the brutal murder of his whole family and enough money for a mansion in the middle of nowhere.
“Whittemore.”
“Don’t call me that today.”
Isaac agreed. He set his mug on the small table and pressed his warm hands on Jackson’s thigh.
“It’s just dinner.”
“I haven’t heard of them for a while. It’s… odd.”
“They are a part of you, too. It’s nice that you can see them for Christmas, don’t you think?”
Jackson realized how privileged his complaint was, especially to Isaac. He was afraid that his family would ask him to move back to Europe, now that there was nothing they could see holding him back in the US. His mind was made, of course, he would deny this request, but he’d rather they did not ask at all. He caught Isaac’s hands before they would get too distracting. The warmth of the loft was making him sleepy. Isaac’s quiet breath against his neck was also an invitation to close his eyes. He gave in.
“Isaac, I need to walk.”
***
The snow crunched under their feet. Even though none of them felt cold, they still wore heavy jackets to perfect the illusion of humanity in case they would encounter someone. They walked in silence for a while, until they had reached a clearing among the woods. Acting upon a silent agreement, they paused and sat on a tree stump nearby. There was no tombstone to mark that grave, but Isaac vividly remembered the night they dug it. Somehow, their relationship took off no less than a few hours later.
“Feeling better yet?”
“No.”
This was no surprise. Jackson’s vitals sounded the same since they had left the loft: tense, coiled in intricate knots. Isaac dropped his coat.
“Should I put you on a leash, then?”
Even though the idea was the same, he was allowed to be inappropriate about it. Jackson stared at his mate, humored by the threat.
“Assuming there was a list, your name would not be on it.”
Isaac laughed, having noticed an unexpected intonation in Jackson’s voice.
“Liar.”
Jackson pounced at him. They rolled in the snow, play-fighting for the upper hand until Isaac emerged on top. Towards the beginning of their relationship, this had often ended in hurt for one or both of them. Broken bones, bleeding bruises and worse. There had been an inherent violence between them, which could be perceived as surprising considering the odds that Isaac stood up against Jackson. On the paper, the rich heir always won. In the real world, it was often an exhausting tie. It evened out as they grew together. Still, Isaac’s left side was crooked as a result of a peculiarly angry confrontation and Jackson knew he was not done feeling guilty about it. So far, Isaac never expressed a wish to go through the same pain to fix it.
“What are you going to do?”
“I have my options.” He pressed a thumb on Jackson’s lips. “Most would keep your mind busy.”
“We would freeze.” No matter how hard he tried to stay calm opposed to the sexual threat, his heartbeat was set on betraying him.
“I didn’t get into the specifics yet.”
Jackson – loved – hated when Isaac pulled these tricks on him. He needed someone to rein in his thoughts and Isaac was doing exactly that.
“You’re not seriously thinking about that above a dead body.”
“You are, though.”
There, he had done it again. Jackson knew his face was getting redder by the second and this knowledge was mortifying.
“You’re fucking sick.”
Isaac shrugged, taking no offence. Instead, he smiled ironically.
“Occupational hazard.”
Jackson pulled him down from his straddling position and pinned him on the frozen ground. Too harshly maybe, as Isaac let out a sudden gasp. Jackson stopped, surprised by the sparkling of the snow around Isaac’s head. Without matching, their breathing and heartbeats now displayed a similar level of agitation. Finally, Jackson leaned forward to kiss him.
***
When they reappeared in the loft’s vicinity a few hours later, Erica scrunched her nose. People irradiated a specific scent after the act. Hormones, pheromones, whatever you call it.
Jackson and Isaac reeked of that.
Having learned her lesson, she simply relocated herself to the basement instead of commenting on it. They could have invited her this time.
“Have you marked it down?”
“Obviously,” Boyd replied.
Erica picked up a marker and walked up to the wide calendar spread across the wall.
“Wait… you?”
Erica shrugged defensively. She was getting tired of being accused of things she indeed had a hand in.
“No? How could that even be me?”
“If you… I can’t keep going like this! What is the data worth if you keep tampering with it?”
“I make data,” she retorted. “Does this look far off the chart?”
“Let me check.”
Boyd opened a laptop and opened a color-coded Excel sheet. He looked back up at the calendar and typed in another line, which added a dot on on the associated graph. It did seem… coherent.
“Actually, it makes sense,” he conceded.
Erica huffed. “See? Now I don’t feel like there’s a correlation between this and the moon cycles, we might have wasted our time.”
“I mean, it’s as productive as monitoring your pack mates’ sexual activity to draw conclusions in regards to the moon cycle can get,” Boyd pointed out with amusement. “By the way, I’ve been making another chart about you, to cross studies. You’ll want to see this-“
Erica slammed the laptop shut.
“You did what?!”
***
Isaac suddenly paused the video he and Jackson had been idly watching for the past few minutes.
“What?”
“Didn’t you hear Boyd?”
“I wasn’t paying attention,” Jackson answered. “Why-“
Isaac hushed him. He pinched his lips but kept quiet. I can’t keep going like this! … then a few moments later, Erica’s voice reaching for unseen heights; You did what?!
Jackson sighed, lacking the emotional availability to care about his packmates’ shenanigans.
“Who cares? Help me get ready.”
He said it like he was asking Isaac to keep him from going. In fact, he did nothing to remove himself from Isaac’s arms. Isaac stood up, then offered him a helping hand.
“Do I get to adjust your tie?”
“How do you know I’ll be wearing one?”
***
“What were you guys up to?”
After Jackson left, Isaac had gone to visit his partners in mischief. They did act suspiciously, but he could not work the answer without clues.
“Studying,” Boyd said.
“Studying what? We graduated years ago.”
He did not even miss lacrosse. None of them did. The whole high school thing was becoming a hindrance.
“Eh, we’ll explain later,” said Erica. “How did it go with Jackson? He looked anxious.”
“I think it’s just hard to live life one way and be reminded that other alternatives exist,” Isaac shrugged. “Freedom versus societal norms et caetera, you know?”
“A paradigm shift on a smaller scale,” Boyd summed up.
“If you say so,” Isaac laughed. “Where do you learn all that?”
“You know we have internet access here, right?” Erica asked, feigning concern.
“Alright, alright.” Isaac raised his hands in surrender. “All I know is that I don’t know, Socrates or something.”
Erica shook her head. “Close enough. In fact, Plato said that Socrates said it.” She paused. “Just go warm the bed for your mate, will you? We’re busy… studying.”
“Just so you know, Boyd would never betray me. Bye, scholars.”
“Good night Isaac,” Boyd laughed.
***
Jackson returned late in the evening. While he had been asked about his plans, there was nothing as definitive as he had expected. He could do whatever. Still, this dinner had felt like a chore and he was glad that it was over. He briefly joined Boyd and Erica to wish them goodnight – when did these two started doing statistics?
It was only when he got to his room, where Isaac was slowly falling asleep, that he could fully breathe again. In such moments, he understood a fraction of how deep their connection was and why Derek had been unenthusiastic about it. It wasn’t like having an affair at the workplace, or a lasting fling. He would turn against anyone that got between them. Sometimes he felt like Isaac did better than him at hiding the conflicts caused by their situation.
He had always been afraid to ask, because the situation was unlikely to happen and that he was certain of Isaac’s answer. What if you had to choose?
“Why are you standing there? Come.”
Isaac was not asleep after all. Jackson stepped in the room, removing his vest, his tie; he left everything on the back of his chair to go and lay down next to the other beta.
“Thank you.”
“What for?”
“Everything you did today… but if I have to pick one specifically, reminding Erica that we are exclusive.”
Isaac laughed. “You were listening?”
“Not actively. I… heard it.”
“What else did you hear?”
“Sounds like a question for tomorrow, Lahey. What do you think?”
“That you look hot with a tie, Whittemore.”