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The atmosphere in the bunker had been strange. Dean was going through this funk, a funk that Sam figured Dean had to go through. He thought it best to not interfere. If Sam interfered, he would only cause a stupid, pointless argument between them that wasn’t necessary or worth having during the especially difficult, underlining predicament they were currently faced with.
Chuck was in charge again, persisting with his manipulation and deliberately finding ways to toy with the boys as much as he possibly could or wanted to. Sam was conflicted, trying to hold the fort for himself and Dean, hoping that if he’s patient, Dean will be back to his normal, goofy, happy-go-lucky self. He had to give it time, but he also was struggling to understand one thing in this whole situation.
Why had Dean let Castiel go?
It was frustrating Sam to his very core that Dean was choosing to bottle in everything he was feeling again, but Sam didn’t have the energy to bother trying to talk to Dean about it, especially as he knew that his brother probably wouldn’t give him a proper answer to what happened and why Castiel left so abruptly. However, it did upset Sam that Cas didn’t even say goodbye.
It had been 2 weeks since he left, and Sam was hoping that Cas would come to his senses and return. Sam knew that Dean was partly to blame, but he imagined that Cas probably needed some time away to think and to give Dean some space too.
Sam had sent Cas numerous texts asking if he was OK, tried to ring him a couple of times but would frantically hang up like a teenager trying to call their crush would, and of course he even prayed to him. But he had no answer thus far.
“Goddamn it Cas, when are you going to come back? Don’t you realise how much I need you here right now?”, Sam fleetingly thought to himself, but also hoping that maybe Cas could hear it.
Sam sighed, sitting by himself in the kitchen area, sipping on an herbal tea, his eggs and avocado barely touched. He was trying to live like any other normal day, but he didn’t feel like eating knowing that Dean was in such a rut and Cas wasn’t around.
He had to concentrate on the positive though, the positive being that Eileen was alive and well, staying with him and Dean, looking after them whilst trying to provide some comfort to Sam’s disorderly emotions.
In that moment, Eileen walked in, temporarily distracting Sam from his wavering thoughts. She was only half awake, but she looked peaceful from her slumber. Sam smiled, getting up from his seat to greet her and offers her a hot drink. She nodded and Sam went to the stove and grabbed the kettle, switched on the tap from the sink and filled the kettle with fresh water. As he put the kettle back on the stove, he lit the stove and grabbed a cup from the cupboard.
He turned back round to face Eileen, softly asking “Did you sleep well?”
Eileen smiled and responded, “Yes. It’s still a bit strange to be awake from sleeping though.”
“Mmmm, I get it. I know what that’s like.”
There was an awkward pause. Sam and Eileen stood there wondering what to say or do next.
Eileen then asked, “So, are we staying here today or have you found a new case?”
Sam pondered, twitching slightly and clearing his throat. He looked down at the floor, scratching his head.
“Well, I was scrolling through articles on my laptop, but er, nothing at the moment I guess.”
Eileen nodded meekly, feeling Sam’s discomfort.
She then gently asked, “Can I be forward with you, Sam?”
Sam shrugged and nodded, willing to hear what Eileen had to say.
“How are you holding up in all of this?”
Sam thought for a moment on how to answer such a simple question. He didn’t really know how he was holding up. It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure, but he wasn’t going to suddenly break down and focus too much on the negative. He had to keep going, that’s all he knew.
“Um, OK, I guess? I’m just trying to get through all of this.”
Eileen wondered if anything she said at this point could be helpful.
“I can understand that. I mean, I was dead last week. I have you to be gracious I’m here, that I’m alive. I cannot be thankful enough, really.”
Sam smiled, pleased that at least he could concentrate on that, how he too was grateful that she was alive.
“You’re welcome. I mean, it was nothing…”
“Nothing? Are you kidding? You brought me back to life!”
Sam chuckled, appreciating her gratitude. He wasn’t often very good at accepting that he did actually do right by people, often only recognising the mistakes and the bad actions he had previously made. His mind went wondering back to what Dean was doing and whether he really was OK. Before Dean left to work on a solo case of his own, he insisted to Sam that he needed some space and he was going to meet with an old friend of his that could do with some help. Sam offered to go with him, but Dean didn’t want him to. Sam had to leave it alone, regardless of whether he agreed with it or not.
He couldn’t help but think that if Cas was here, the situation might have been easier to handle. Everything was always easier when Cas was around. He missed Cas being there to comfort him when he often awoke from his nightmares.
His nightmares had become frequent, which made things even more difficult. He still couldn’t quite understand what these dreams meant, but he realised that they must mean something. That was one of the main reasons why he needed Cas especially at this point, feeling like he was the only person he could talk to about his gunshot scar that had lingered on his shoulder ever since he shot Chuck. Sam feared that his dreams must have had something to do with his blackened scar, due to the fact that his dreams started occurring more so ever since that day occurred.
He was getting more and more desperate to see Cas, to tell him the whole truth.
“Do you miss your angel friend?” Eileen suddenly asked.
Sam was surprised by this and stiffened up in his shoulders.
Sam nervously chuckled, “Is it really that obvious?”
He couldn’t help but blush that Eileen brought him up. He wasn’t going to talk about Castiel unless it was necessary. I mean he figured that she wasn’t going to mention him at all, which is why it came to him as such a surprise that she did.
“I liked Cas. He seems like a good egg.”
Sam grinned, “He really is… and he probably would be able to get us out of this mess if he were here.”
“He’ll come around. They always do…” Eileen winked at Sam and Sam went bright red again. Did Eileen know?
“I’ve had my fair share of exes, and it seems like you two just need to work it out.”
Sam could no longer look Eileen in the eye, his voice going quiet.
“I don’t know what it is about Cas, but lately… I, I don’t know. It feels like there’s something between us, but I can’t figure out what…”
Eileen then gasps suddenly, putting her hands to her cheeks as a jerk reaction. She was blushing hard, almost stifling a snicker back.
Sam then frowned at Eileen, confused.
It then hit him. He heard that noise, that flutter that he had heard so many times before. He begun to feel a sudden familiar presence behind him.
He slowly turned around and there he was. Just the being he was begging to see.
“Sam…”
Castiel’s voice was like music to Sam’s ears. The way he said his name always sent chills down his spine.
It was him. He really was here.
Sam was in shock for a moment, but then he suddenly found himself smiling wider than he had done in weeks and his face glowed up completely.
No questions asked, no words spoken, he grabbed Cas tightly into a big hug. The hug was desperate, needy. All of Sam’s emotions were put into this much needed clasp between them. It had only been two weeks, but to Sam it felt like years. Without a goodbye it was difficult for Sam to accept that he had been gone. He held him for as long as he deemed appropriate, but secretly not wanting to ever let him go. He was the only person that was still in his life, his close friend, perhaps who was now more than a friend, who truly made him feel safe aside from his brother. But even then, he didn’t always feel safe with Dean like he did with Cas.
Cas was slightly startled by Sam’s touch at first, but like every embrace he ever received from Sam, he seemed to warm to it pretty quickly. He reciprocated and held so tightly, also not wanting this feeling to leave him, but had to let go eventually as there was still a lady present in the room. Eileen cleared her throat to get their attention.
Sam let go of the embrace, but as Sam turned around, Cas still held on to Sam’s shoulders, rubbing it softly and putting their full attention to Eileen who was still standing their casually, but with a huge smirk across her face. Sam bit his lip, knowing full well what she probably was thinking. She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms.
“So, Cas… nice to see you again.”
Cas smiled politely and nodded, “Hi Eileen, nice to see you too. I’m glad you’re back, you know from…”
“The dead? Yeah, it’s all fine.”
Cas awkwardly stumbled, restless and unsure whether his people skills were being used correctly. Sam looked at Cas and nervously chuckled and patted Cas on the back, ensuring that he didn’t feel too embarrassed and that Eileen was totally understanding.
“I have to admit, you two… I totally see it.”
Cas then frowned, perplexed by what Eileen meant by those words. He looked at Sam, turning his head sideways.
“Sam… what did Eileen mean by that?”
Eileen snorted, rolling her eyes. She turned on her heel to leave, but before so, she said one last cheeky comment that she couldn’t resist.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do…” Eileen winked and left Cas and Sam to fend for themselves.
Sam was going to interject, but she had already gone.
Damn it, Eileen. NOW you’ve left me in an awkward position…
Sam fumbled with his jeans and looked down at the floor, trying to not stare into those mesmerising blue eyes that always got him hooked. He didn’t know what to say.
Cas looked like he was urgent to say something, but Sam had some idea of what that might be.
“Sam” “Cas” - they said their names in unison.
They both chuckled and Sam offered to go first.
“Look Cas, I… I don’t know if you heard any of what I had said to Eileen or through prayer or-or-“
Cas put his hand on Sam’s right shoulder, squeezing it softly.
“Before I sort this gunshot wound out on your shoulder, I need to say something…”
Cas had a soft, a smitten smile across his face and it was Sam’s turn to be confused.
“Oh Sam… I can’t ignore how we’ve meant to each other in recent years. I’m sorry you got in the middle of Dean and me. It seems you often end up being so… and I would rather that didn’t happen anymore, because how I feel about you is different to how I feel about Dean…”
Sam’s eyes widened; his brows furrowed. What the hell did Cas mean by that?
“…Different?” was all Sam could manage to bring himself to say.
“Well, I watch you sleep Sam. You know that. We’ve shared a bed. I know that’s intimate; I have learnt how humans work. I don’t share that intimacy with Dean.”
Sam swallowed a lump in his throat. How was he supposed to handle this?
“I… I think what is happening between us is not something I’ve shared with anyone before. I’m not sure how to handle it sometimes, but I’m doing my best for your sake.”
Sam really had no idea what to say to any of this, he felt like he should have had plenty to say. But all he felt was gobsmacked that all of these gentle, kind and endearing words that were coming out of Cas’ mouth were making Sam want to jump for endless joy. He wanted to sing, he wanted to scream with eternal happiness. Thankfully, he managed to smile, a bright shining smile.
“Oh Cas… you’re beautiful…”
Sam pulled Cas into another snug embrace, Sam’s hands restless, ingulfing in the feel of Cas around him. Sam squeezed his eyes shut, and he could hear Cas hum, his eyes also shut tight.
Sam momentarily without giving it a moment’s thought, kissed Cas’ forehead and then brought Cas’ head to his chest, cradling him softly.
They stayed like that for a while.
It was the best reunion that Sam had ever experienced.