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I should have said yes. The thought flares sharply in the back of his mind as he arrives seconds too late, just in time to see Steve disappear from view. Red Skull taunts him about having a heart after all, and Tony’s breath catches in his throat at the truth of it.
Tony goes after Red Skull, fury and grief burning a fire through his veins, but it’s not enough, not when MODOK teleports in and wrestles temporary control of Tony’s armor. The thought digs itself under his ribs, a keen, unshakeable ache.
I should have said yes.
Tony had thought that the worst thing would be to have a chance with Steve and then lose it through his own carelessness and inexperience. He thought that by keeping Steve at a distance, things would be fine. He thought that by not pursuing anything beyond friendship with Steve, he’d always be able to protect and keep him safe.
He had never been more wrong in his life.
Tony gets JARVIS to reactivate the Avengers Protocol. He’s not surprised to find them there once he’s flown back to the Mansion, bickering as usual. He’s also not surprised to see that Natasha’s not among them, but he has no doubt that she’s keeping a close eye on them.
Clint cracks a joke about Tony being able to lead a team to Las Vegas but not a team of heroes. Tony’s heart constricts in his chest. Clint isn’t trying to be cruel, but his teasing lands a hard blow all the same, because he’s right.
Tony isn’t any good at this - it shouldn’t be him giving the orders, it should be Steve. Steve’s always been good at holding the team together.
Was.
Without Steve, Tony doesn’t even know if he could lead them long enough to go after Red Skull, but he has to at least try. For Steve.
The grand, imposing statue of Captain America stands above them as Tony delivers the news to his team. He doesn’t look up at it once.
“I like you, Tony. I really, really like you. So I’m asking you to go to dinner with me. As a date.”
Tony’s eyes are glued to Steve’s, and all he feels is pure panic. This is everything he’s ever wanted, and everything he never thought Steve would say.
It would be so easy to say yes. The word is on the tip of Tony’s tongue, ready to take flight, until he remembers.
Remembers all the ways he could lose Steve if this goes wrong, even without the team to worry about. Remembers the many reasons why he was a terrible boyfriend, as many past partners said. Remembers that Steve deserves better than that, than him.
The reality of it sinks into him like a shock of cold water, and his heart pounds so hard in his chest that it’s almost painful.
“Steve, I’m sorry. I can’t. We can’t do this.”
Natasha’s voice is drawn tight with loss as she asks Tony if what she’s heard is true. Tony would give everything to tell her that it isn’t, but he can’t lie. Her gaze softens a little as she tells him to pull himself together unless he wants to lose another friend today.
At that moment, Tony’s grateful for the cover that his helmet provides him, so no one can see the look on his face. Steve was a friend, one of the very best. But he was, and could have been, so much more than that.
If only Tony hadn’t decided that he couldn’t take the leap, that it wasn’t worth the risk of losing their friendship. If only he hadn’t stepped back from the tentative happiness in Steve’s face when he asked Tony out, stepped back and watched it fall away into disappointment.
But there's nothing that regret can give him that will make up for anything. It won’t bring Steve back.
He follows Natasha’s suggestion and does a chemical scan for the Red Skull.
Tony’s scan finds two matches, and he instantly knows what it means.
It means he’s not too late.
It was irresponsible to go tearing into the tunnel without his team, but everything else faded into the background the moment Tony realized Steve wasn’t gone. All that mattered was finding Steve and seeing with his own eyes that Tony hadn’t lost him for good.
Steve questions him about it. His tone is strange, almost mocking, and Tony feels his face flare hot with embarrassment even as it sparks suspicion in him. He knows Steve would never make fun of his feelings or concern.
It only takes him another moment to remember that Red Skull saw his greatest weakness from the very beginning.
Tony had fallen straight into Red Skull’s trap.
Red Skull tells Tony that he could never understand sacrifice. Tony thinks of how he flew straight into the lion’s den for Steve—he would do it again without a second thought.
He thinks of his team, brilliant and capable, holding down the fort for them even after he left them in the lurch, and how he trusts them to have each other’s backs. He thinks of the ace up his sleeve. This might not work, but it’s worth a shot.
Tony closes his eyes. “Let’s see if I’ve learned anything.”
He uses the armor to blast MODOK with the electromagnetic pulse, and when he opens his eyes next, it’s to Steve’s words in Red Skull’s voice.
Tony smiles, taking a moment to bask in the bright reality of Steve being here and alive, even if he is in the wrong body.
Just trust me, Steve.
“Wait for it.”
They get Steve back.
Tony sees the rest of the team grinning at them as he places the shield in Steve’s hands, right where it belongs. His gauntlet brushes over the back of Steve’s palm. Steve’s eyes are bright and warm on Tony’s face, like the promise of sunshine after a lasting storm, and Tony’s heart sings with it.
He leans forward to clasp a hand to Steve’s shoulder, wishing he was out of the armor so that he could really touch Steve, maybe even hold him. Steve’s smile is soft and sweet as he tells them, tells Tony, it’s “Avengers forever,” and Tony’s heart skips a beat.
Maybe he doesn’t have to be so afraid. Maybe this can be the start of something new.
Then Red Skull opens his mouth again and it all goes to hell. MODOK rips his armor apart piece by piece and tears the arc reactor from Tony’s chest.
The last sound Tony hears before he hits the ground is Steve screaming his name.
“I won’t lie and say I don’t have feelings for you. But there’s too much to lose here, Steve. It could all go wrong and then where would we be?” Tony drags a hand through his hair, looking down to avoid Steve’s gaze. “We couldn’t even make the team work, what makes you think we could make this work?”
“Tony, please. I promise you won’t —” The ache in Steve’s voice is almost too much to bear and Tony takes a deep breath, the sound of it rattling in his throat. It’s a horrible thing, to get what you want and choose to turn away from it.
“That’s not a promise you can make, Steve, and you know it.”
“Stay with me, Stark!”
Tony groans, turning his face into Steve’s shoulder and away from the cold. He would’ve appreciated being held in Steve’s arms, if it wasn’t for the lack of an arc reactor in his chest and the shrapnel that was inching ever closer to his heart.
So much for nice things.
“How’s a guy supposed to pass out with you yelling like that?” Tony quips back. He feels more than hears Steve huff a breath against his hair. It makes him smile just a little bit, even as the rest of his body feels oh so very tired.
He shifts a little, only to find his hand cradled in Steve’s. The contact sends a warm, pleasant tingle up Tony’s spine, which is currently the only good physical feeling he’s experiencing. Steve’s eyes are hooded with worry when Tony tilts his head a little to look up at him and Sam, who’s scanning Tony’s chest.
There’s a deep frown on Steve’s face as he listens to Sam’s assessment, right between his eyebrows. Tony wishes he could reach up and gently smooth it over with his fingers, but he’s too weak.
Steve lifts Tony’s arm over his shoulder as they head up the ramp to Natasha’s flying car. He doesn’t let go of Tony’s hand, not even after they’re both strapped into their seats.
Tony lets his head fall forward just a little against Steve’s shoulder as Sam examines him. His chest feels tighter by the minute, and it’s getting harder to talk, or breathe. When he looks up, his eyes fall on Steve’s face, then Steve’s lips, which are now drawn into a thin, tight line.
Tony keeps his eyes fixed on Steve’s mouth even as Sam tells them there won’t be enough time to get to a hospital. A new thought slices through him with surprising pain. I should have kissed him. I’ve never kissed Steve, and if I die, I might never get to.
Wind rushes past them and Tony’s vision blurs. His head is heavy and aching, and suddenly it’s too hard to keep his eyes open. Tony closes his eyes, and his world shifts from Steve and Sam’s tense faces to empty darkness.
Sam successfully installs a new arc reactor into his chest, so Tony’s not dying anymore. He feels like he’s been run over by a series of large trucks, but he’ll take it as a win.
Steve’s at his side the moment he moves off the table, practically holding him up as he makes his way over to the raised platform to don the new armor. Tony finds himself leaning into Steve’s touch, wanting more of it even as he pulls away to steady himself on the railing. Steve’s here, safe and sound, teasing Tony about how he’s not good with thank yous, and that’s a gift Tony never expected.
It’s one he knows he doesn’t deserve.
That knowledge makes it easier to turn away when Steve leans in with one hand on Tony’s shoulder and that bright, beautiful smile on his face. They got Steve back this time, he got Steve back this time, and everyone made it out unscathed, but there’s no guarantee of that next time. He almost single-handedly led the team to certain death, and he won’t do it again.
Natasha makes an arch remark about how Tony’s words come right before “it’s not you, it’s me.” Tony hides a wince. She’s not wrong, but it hits a little too close to home, especially when that’s essentially what he had told Steve two weeks ago in this very room.
When he thought Steve was gone, all Tony wanted was another chance to turn back the clock and say yes to Steve’s offer. Even now, a part of him desperately wants to take his words back and tell his team that he wants them to stay, tell Steve that he wants him to stay. But he knows it would end with them being put in danger again because of him, and even Tony Stark isn't selfish enough for that.
The rest of the team file out of the room, visibly disgruntled and disappointed. Tony turns his back to them and faces his holographic screens, pulling up the specs for the new armor. Steve’s gaze burns a hole in the back of his armor. Sam is studying one of the screens and Steve—Steve’s still here, and he’s not leaving. Tony bites back a sigh.
“Explain. And if you give me any of that Stark talk, I’ll knock you out of that armor myself.”
Steve’s voice is hard and unyielding, but Tony hears the rest of what he’s not saying.
Don’t pretend with me. Tell me what’s wrong.
It tugs at his heartstrings, leaving him breathless. The truth slips out of him easily, almost like Steve had reached into his chest, into the box of messy feelings Tony can never quite keep closed, and found exactly what Tony’s been trying so hard to hide.
“I led the Avengers for a day and I almost lost everyone.”
I almost lost you . Tony’s quite sure that Steve also hears what he didn’t say out loud.
“So you’re scared. We all get scared, and we push through.” Steve’s voice is gentle, full of something Tony could name but doesn’t want to, something that warms him from head to toe. “You thought I was gone, but I’m here now because you came for me. I knew you would. We’re stronger together than we are apart, Tony. Better. Tell me you can see that.”
There’s the faintest note of pleading in Steve’s voice. Tony knows he’s not just talking about the team.
A loud rumbling fills the room before Tony can respond, and Tony’s not sure if he’s relieved or disappointed by the interruption.
Looks like Red Skull isn’t done with them just yet.
“Careful. Keep leading like that and we might actually stick together.”
Tony grins at Steve in reply, feeling lighter than he has in weeks. Even Red Skull’s evil plan isn’t enough to shake the quiet, steady certainty filling his mind.
Maybe he could have done it alone, but he doesn’t have to. Tony knows how to fix this and he trusts his team to get this done together.
Tony lets out a sigh of relief when he sees Thor returning from the vortex with Sam. They’re okay.
He turns, only to find Steve already looking back at him. The bright, blazing look in his eyes is easy for Tony to read.
“You lead, I’ll follow,” Steve tells him again in a quiet voice meant only for Tony’s ears. The words leave a warm and bright glow in Tony’s chest, a glow even stronger than that of the arc reactor.
Tony stops in front of Steve’s suite, one hand raised to knock. A mixture of nervousness and excitement fills his stomach as he thinks of what he’s come here to say to Steve, what he wants to ask Steve.
He swallows and wipes his clammy hands on his pants before rapping his knuckles lightly on Steve’s door. I can do this.
When the door swings open, he’s greeted by the sight of Steve in a faded blue T-shirt and khakis. There’s a smudge of paint on Steve’s right cheek and he looks so gorgeous that Tony has to fight to keep himself from rushing forward and kissing him senseless. Even now, more than a week since Red Skull took Steve from him, it still hits Tony hard, how close he came to losing him.
If he had Steve in his arms right now, maybe that would quiet the worry that he’s not been able to banish completely. But there’s something he needs to say first.
“Still unpacking your art supplies?”
Steve brushes a hand over his mouth. Tony can’t help following the movement with his eyes. “No, I did that the other day. I was just experimenting with the new watercolors.”
“Sounds fun.” Tony smiles. Anxiety churns in his stomach, insistent, and he wonders if it looks a little forced.
“Is everything alright, Tony?” Steve asks.
“Yeah.” Tony takes a deep breath, shoving his hands into his pockets.
Just say it.
“I was scared. When you asked me to dinner, I wanted to say yes. So badly.”
He clears his throat and sneaks a look at Steve from beneath his eyelashes. Steve’s inscrutable, but there’s the tiniest of smiles lingering at the corner of his mouth that loosens something in Tony’s chest.
Not entirely hopeless, then.
“I should have given both of us more credit. It was unfair to think that we, that I , could just ignore what I feel and pretend it doesn’t exist.”
“Tony.” When he looks up, Steve’s barely a breath away from him, one hand warm on Tony’s cheek. “I know. After you said no, I wanted to give you some space, but I wasn’t giving up on us. And I understand why you thought it was easier to turn me down.”
Steve lets out a tiny sigh, his expression suddenly pinched and tight. “I almost lost you too, this time. I was terrified we wouldn’t make it back in time.”
“When you want something so badly, sometimes it feels easier to run away from it,” Tony admits, tucking his face into the curve of Steve’s shoulder.
“Mhm.” Steve hums in agreement. “You still running?”
Tony steps back and shakes his head. “Getting tired of that.” He pauses. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not scared of losing you, or not being good for you.”
Steve’s hand is warm on the back of Tony’s neck, and when he tips Tony’s head back for a kiss, Tony follows, body pilant, chasing the sweet taste of Steve against his tongue until he needs to pull back for air.
“We can be scared together,” Steve tells him, eyes soft, and Tony smiles.
“Does this mean your offer is still on the table?”
Steve laughs. “Getting straight to the point, I see. And I thought you might want a little more fanfare.”
“I think we’ve waited long enough. And what exactly were you picturing, Rogers, a diamond ring and me down on one knee?”
Tony’s voice cracks a little at the end of his question, but any worries he has at overstepping are wiped clean by the love written all over Steve’s face, clear as day and as bright as any star in the sky.
“You know, I think I wouldn’t mind that one day,” Steve says, voice impossibly gentle.
Tony presses a kiss to Steve’s wrist. Steve’s pulse jumps delightfully under his mouth. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
A month ago, the prospect of everything he has to lose would have sent Tony running for the hills. But now, looking at Steve, at the love of his life, all Tony sees is the happiness they can have together now that he’s brave enough to take it.
All he sees is his future.