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“I’m gonna finish sorting out the paperwork and then I’m going to head out, alright?” Kim told him as they entered the building.
“Hey, Kim. One sec, okay?” Adam said
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Tell me what’s going on. Talk to me.”
“What?” she asked, confused.
“Come on. Kim, I know we don’t talk about it much, what happened to you when you were shot. You know, you were alone fighting for your life.” Kim’s expression clearly said where’s this going?
“This case… You know, what happened to these victims, how they died, I can understand–”
“No. Stop,” she cut him off. “N-no.” Kim shook her head. “I… I don’t know why I forgot my gun. I just forgot it, but it’s not gonna happen again–”
“I’m not just talking about the gun,” he said.
“I dealt with the shooting, what had happened. I did, I dealt with it,” she said.
“I know you did.”
“Okay. I don’t understand,” she said, holding her arms out. He came closer to her, taking her vest from her.
“It’s just that if it’s coming up again, or if it does in the future, there ain’t no shame in it. I’m here for you,” Adam told her, looking into her eyes.
“I know,” she replied, a slight smile on her face.
“You and I, we’ll figure it out.”
“Thank you. But this was just a bad day,” she said. Adam stared at her, wanting to say more.
“I’m gonna finish sorting the paperwork. Meet you at home,” she said with finality.
“Okay,” he replied. And before he could say anything else, she’d already disappeared up the stairs. He sighed deeply and decided to table the conversation. It was early enough that he could still say goodnight to Mak and tuck her in.
So he quickly finished up and drove home, his mind still on Kim. It had taken him about two minutes to realize this case would be a trigger for her. He'd obsessively looked over the details of Kim’s case a year and half ago so it hadn’t taken him long to notice the similarities.
It’d been a while since he’d thought about that night, when he’d gone hours thinking she wouldn’t come back to him… come back to Mak. To their little family. He’d never told her about those gut wrenching hours he’d spent, just sitting in her apartment with Mak asleep on his lap, pretending for her sake that nothing was wrong, that Kim was just working longer hours that night. He’d stared blankly at the wall, nothing but fear controlling his every thought and covering his entire being. He’d gone through visions of her funeral… telling her family, even worse, telling Mak. But the thought that had had him almost paralyzed with fear was the thought of Kim no longer being in this world, in his life. That thought had brought tears rolling down his face. He’d thought of every single thing he’d wanted to say to her, every single thing he wanted to do with her, that he hadn’t. He’d sat there and wondered why… Why hadn’t he told her he loved her? Why hadn’t he pushed the conversation of them being together again? Why why why? He’d spent so many hours going through the what-if’s, and it’d created a hole in his heart.
But she’d come back to him, to Mak, and then all the focus had been on making sure that she was okay. The one good thing that had come out of the entire nightmare had been spending time with and getting to know Mak. She’d become the sunshine in his bleak world, and thankfully for him, never really left. His love for Kim hadn’t budged. In fact, it had grown while he’d watched her be a mom to Makayla. She’d made him a dad again, in every way that counted. Except he and Kim had never actually sat down to discuss them. They were the family he’d always wanted, always dreamed about. And now they lived together, in his childhood home. But there was something missing… and he knew he would regret it forever if he didn’t at least try. He had to. He didn’t want another year–hell, even another day to go by without telling Kim how he felt.
~~~~~
Kim walked through the front door, completely spent. This case technically hadn’t been as long as some of the others they’d caught in the past, but to her it’d felt like an eternity before they’d been able to close it. But the relief that had come with knowing that they’d caught the bastard made it all worth it. She dropped all her stuff, not wanting to deal with it until the morning and walked to the fridge to grab a beer, taking a long pull while making her way to the couch. She turned on the light and let out a little yelp.
“Adam! Jesus, you scared the crap out of me. Shit,” she cursed.
“Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t mean to,” he said.
“What are you even doing up? It’s late. Couldn’t sleep again?” she asked. Sometimes she found him up at random hours because of his insomnia.
“I was actually waiting up for you. Need to talk to you about something,” he said.
“Oh. You alright?” she asked.
“No, I’m not. There’s something that I’ve wanted to say to you for a long time, something that I should’ve told you a long time ago.”
“Okay… what is it?” she asked, frowning with concern.
“Look, this case made me think about when you were taken… and how I almost lost you,” he began. She looked like she wanted to say something, but he shook his head.
“No, just listen. I heard you earlier. If you say that today was just a bad day, I believe you. And I hope you know by now that I meant what I said, that if it does come up again, there’s nothing wrong with that. I will be there for you, just like I always have been. But what I wanna say to you… this is my thing. I just need you to listen,” he said. Kim looked at him for a beat and then nodded.
“Okay,” she said softly.
“When you were taken… I had to make myself imagine a world where you didn’t exist, and it was the single hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my whole life. My world… it doesn’t make sense without you, Kim. Even when we were apart, you were always there. In my life. In my mind, in my heart. We might not have been together, and we were with different people, but you’ve always been there. You’re part of me. You’re the only person in this entire world who I wanna be with all the time. When I’m not with you, I’m thinking about you. If I am with you, I’m looking at you every two minutes. I don’t even realize it as I’m doing it. But that day, I thought about everything. Everything we’ve been through. And lately, I’ve been thinking about everything we’ve been through since then, everything we’ve overcome. Kim… how many people can say that they’ve overcome so many hurdles and still come out of it stronger? Because we have. We’ve spent like, years not being together… but somehow still always been together. We already know we’re meant to be. What are we waiting for?” he asked.
Kim was floored. She hadn’t been expecting this, not by a longshot. Usually she made an active effort to not dwell on her kidnapping and near-death experience. But this case had brought back a lot of awful memories. Had she ever sat down to think about how it had affected Adam? She’d been drowning in her own grief and trauma and he’d been so busy helping her pick up all her broken pieces and helping her put them back together that it hadn’t occurred to her to consider how hard that must’ve been. To be strong for Makayla when she couldn’t. Her heart clenched in her chest.
“Adam…” she whispered. She moved closer to him, and gingerly cupped his cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” she said.
“I don’t want you to be sorry, darlin’. I know you’re blaming yourself right now, but that’s not how I feel, nor what I’m trying to say,” he said, covering her hands with his.
“I know, I just–I can’t even imagine how it must’ve been for you. You have to know… all those months after, the whole time you stayed with me… you helped me piece myself back. I wouldn’t have made it without you. You know I’ve always said that the one person who kept me alive was Mak. I couldn’t let her go through losing anyone else she loved. But what I’ve never had the courage to say to you is that I fought for my life and stayed alive for you. I knew you were out there, looking for me. Hoping I’d come back. Thinking about me. Taking care of Makayla. And it gave me the strength and motivation to keep breathing,” she said, sniffling. She dropped her hands and her gaze to her lap, fidgeting with her fingers. Adam took her hands in his.
“Kim, you have to know how much I love you,” he said. Her gaze snapped up to his.
“I feel like I’ve never actually tried to hide it, but I want to be very clear right now. I’m not asking for anything. I just want you to know how I feel. I don’t want to go another day without telling you this, because I honestly don’t understand what the point is. What’s the point of living our lives together without you knowing how much I love you? Kim, I would do anything for you. If you want to keep going the way we’ve been going for the last several years, then I’ll be fine, I’ll respect your decision… if that’s truly what you want. But I want more. I want everything with you. I want it all, so if you do too… then what the hell are we waiting for?”
Kim suddenly remembered a conversation they’d had one morning after spending the night together. It was just before Makayla had become a part of their lives. She remembered jokingly asking Adam if this was their thing now, sleeping together every six months or so, and then Adam asking her if they should start doing it on the regular, as in dating each other, to which she’d told him how she was ready for it all– a proposal, marriage, babies, her job. The whole mess. When she’d asked him if he still wanted to date her, he'd said yes without any hesitation. At the time she’d thought he was joking, just thinking through a sex haze. And then everything with Makayla happened, and then later that year she’d almost… Kim stared at him in wonder.
“I’ve been so numb, just going through all the motions, trying to not feel anything. But it’s always been you, Adam. You have no idea how much you being there for me helped me come back to life. You’re the only constant in my life. My home. The best person, the best friend. The best dad to Mak. My partner in life. So… yes. Of course I want to be with you. I love you, too,” she said, her heart bursting with happiness. She watched his face closely, noting how his eyebrows went up in surprise, the shock in his eyes, and then a small smile lifting his lips.
“Yeah?” he asked, a big smile lighting his face now. His eyes roamed her face, and he swiped at the tears falling from her eyes, making his eyes burn. For all the times over the past several years when he’d thought about being with her, and all the times with each passing year when he’d slowly started to lose hope, he smiled wider, his happiness infectious, making Kim smile too.
“Yeah. It’s always been you, Adam.” He jumped to his feet and picked her up, twirling them around, his face buried in her neck, their heartbeats in sync. Kim squealed a little, holding on to him tightly. He finally stopped, Kim sliding down his body, their arms still wrapped around each other. A moment passed between them, full of charged energy. He slowly leaned down, watching her closely, wanting to see her reaction but also wanting his intention to be perfectly clear.
“There’s no going back after this, Kim. If we do this tonight, then this is it. You’re mine.”
“I’ve always been yours, Adam Ruzek. Now kiss me.” Needing no further instruction, he leaned down and sealed their lips together, the promise of forever surrounding them.