Chapter Text
~ START OF TRANSMISSION - AVENGERS COMPOUND - DATE UNKNOWN ~
Tony: I’ve barely sat down, and already I’d like to say that Peter is being rude to me. I want the record to show that even before we started playing the game, our DM was making fun of my game style.
Peter: Are you - Tony, I literally just asked if you had your d20 with you. That’s it.
Tony: The way you said it implied that you’d thought I’d forgotten it. As though I’d forget the most important dice in the game! I’m not that old!
[Pause]
Ned: But you do have your d20, right?
Tony: [sighs] Yes, Nedward, I have my d20.
Ned: Okay, good. I had to ask.
Tony: Is there anyone present in this audio call that isn’t planning on making fun of me?
Bruce: You know I’d never make fun of you, Tone.
Tony: I do know that. Thank you, Bruce.
Harry: I’m making fun of you in my head, instead of out loud? Does that count?
Tony: No.
Stephen: I’ll make fun of you, happily. You are old, Tony. Most of us in the call are.
Tony: Stephen. Of all people, I thought I could trust you. I invited you to play Dungeons and Dragons with us -
Peter: [crosstalk] That was me, actually.
Tony: [crosstalk] - and this is the thanks I get? I’m so upset.
Stephen: Yeah, you sound it.
Bruce: Hi, Ned! How are you?
Ned: I’m great, Doc, thanks for asking.
Bruce: Did everyone get enough food, earlier?
Tony: We ate, right, Pete?
Peter: We did. Thanks, Doc.
Bruce: No problem. Figured we all needed a good meal before we settled in for our first session.
Harry: My literal first session, too. I’m very excited, by the way. Don’t think I’ve said that yet.
Peter: Not for about two hours.
Harry: Sorry. I am, though. Excited.
Bruce: We’re excited to have you.
Ned: Hey, can someone reassure me that they made a character that heals? Because not having a healing class last time was the worst.
Tony: So many health potions, so little time.
Ned: I guess we didn’t have nearly as many injuries as there could have been, though. Probably because we didn’t have a healing class player, and Peter didn’t want to give us a TPK.
Bruce: What’s a TPK?
Peter: Total party kill. I did do that, once, near the very beginning.
Tony: Oh, yeah! I remember that. Bruce’s character was still alive.
Bruce: Barely. The big bad would’ve taken me out with one more attack, I think. I’m pretty sure I was down to one HP or something.
Stephen: But that doesn’t happen very often, right?
Peter: No, no. There wasn’t ever an instance of a player character needing to be revived, or anything like that.
[Pause]
Peter: Although, given the bigger party…
[Loud protests; Peter laughing]
Bruce: You can’t just start killing characters, Peter, it takes a whole diamond to bring someone back.
Harry: What?
Ned: Revivify is the spell that brings back dead PCs, and the casting component is a diamond that’s worth at least 300 gold.
[Pause]
Tony: I - casting component? That’s a thing?
Peter: It is in normal D&D. Our D&D was a little bit different, the first campaign. I wanted you guys to just have fun, without needing to worry about the ins-and-outs of different mechanics, so I didn’t really press the necessity behind the things you’d usually need to cast a spell, or like, making sure that the spells that were being cast were spells that Tony and Doc had actually prepared. This time, though, I think we’re going to try to align a little bit better to those things, to make this a more traditional 5e game.
Ned: Real D&D, baby. It’s a lot more intense and stressful.
Tony: So I’m going to have to spend money on things in order to do my magic spells? That’s stupid.
Bruce: That’s just how the game is actually played, Tone. I told you to do some research.
Tony: That’s annoying. I don’t want to do that.
Peter: Well, you’re going to have to. Don’t worry, though, I’m not… I’m not trying to make it more difficult, I just want it to be more like the real game, and less like a… like a practice run.
Tony: Practice run? Is that all the first campaign was to you, Peter?
Peter: Kind of? Considering it was the first game that you and Doc had ever played, and it was my first time being the DM for a bigger group.
Ned: I was the only player with any real experience, and even I putz’d around a little bit because I don’t know how being a paladin worked.
Peter: Right. It was kind of a mess, even though we all had a really good time during it. I just want this one to be a little bit cleaner.
Stephen: That makes sense to me. Harry and I are ready for a real game, aren’t we?
Harry: I mean -
Bruce: Yeah, I think it’ll be more fun this way. More stuff to think about, and to factor into decisions.
Tony: [sighs] I’ll make do with the… the rules, I guess.
Ned: No one actually said if they’re playing a healing class or not, because… no offense to Tony and his healing spell that only gave us back, what, at most four hit points at a time? We need a bit more than that.
Tony: I did my best, okay?
Ned: Dr. Strange? Are you playing a healing class?
Stephen: Ned, please call me Stephen. I’m not - I won’t be able to play this game with you if you call me ‘Dr. Strange’ the whole time.
Ned: Sorry. It’s just weird for me. I still don’t feel great about calling Tony ‘Tony.’
Tony: Ned, your best friend is married with a child, which means you, too, are a grown-ass adult. You will call the rest of us grown-ass adults by our first names.
Peter: I have three children, actually.
Harry: We’re all aware, Peter.
Peter: Harry! You’re here!
Harry: I am! And I’ve never played Dungeons and Dragons, so I don’t know what I’m doing here.
Tony: Me either.
Bruce: Tony.
Ned: Will someone please just reassure me that we have a healing class in our party, please.
Bruce: I’m your healing class, Ned. Resident cleric, at your service.
Tony: Wait, actually?
Stephen: Well, I was going to offer to be a cleric, but Peter suggested that I play a rogue instead, and who was I to give up that opportunity? He said that Bruce was willing to make a cleric, so.
Bruce: Considering I am a healer in real life, I figured I could carry it over into the game.
Ned: Are you… are you ready for that kind of responsibility, Doc? Being a cleric… It isn't easy.
Bruce: Bah, how hard can it be? I’m just gonna use all my spell slots for Cure Wounds, or Healing Word.
Ned: But you… you can also Turn Undead, and… and Banish, and Protect from Evil -
Tony: Detect Magic?
Ned: Yeah, Detect Magic -
Bruce: [crosstalk] Calm down. I’ve got it under control.
Stephen: What class are you playing, Harry?
Harry: Uh, barbarian. Peter said it was an easier class for a first timer.
Ned: Yeah, it is. There isn’t a lot to get confused about, except for maybe how much damage you do per roll.
Peter: It’s usually a lot, though.
Ned: That’s true.
Bruce: Tone?
Tony: Hm?
Bruce: What class are you?
Tony: Oh, uh, Cedric is a wizard.
Bruce: Aw, inspired, were you?
Tony: No, I just wanted a chance to use magic my way, rather than the way that Peter decided I was able to.
Peter: Not this again.
Ned: Did you say your character is named Cedric?
Tony: Why is that weird?
Ned: Because it isn’t weird. I was expecting another Stony.
Tony: [snorts] Please. I’ve matured. Cedric Blackwood is a much more well-rounded, far removed character from me, and who I am as a person.
Stephen: Oh. I made my character pretty closely aligned to my own personality. Is that okay?
Peter: Yeah, for sure. We just made fun of Tony a lot last campaign because of how on-the-nose his character was in relation to him.
Bruce: I liked Stony.
Peter: I did too. Eventually.
Tony: You liked what you were able to do with Stony, story-wise.
Ned: I’m playing a half-orc ranger, in case anyone was curious.
Tony: Another half-orc?
Ned: Listen, last campaign was a little difficult for me, okay? I didn’t get to do as much with Jak as I wanted to. And I really like half-orcs.
Harry: My character is a dragon.
Peter: A dragonborn, Harry.
Harry: [proudly; ignoring Peter] His name is Meraxes, and he’s dope as hell.
Tony: Isn’t that one of the dragons from Game of Thrones?
Harry: … Maybe.
Ned: It’s a good name, Harry. Better than mine.
[Peter laughs]
Ned: Shut up, Peter.
Bruce: Flint Thoradin is going to be the best character this campaign, just like Pentan was last campaign.
Stephen: Are you just saying that because he’s your character?
Bruce: I’m saying it because I know it’s true.
Ned: You named your dwarf Flint.
Bruce: You were the one just complaining about your own character’s name!
Peter: Yeah, Ned, why don’t you go ahead and share what you named your character?
Ned: Okay, Rigsay Armstrong -
Tony: [crosstalk] [thrilled] Rigsay?
Ned: [crosstalk] - is as good as it was going to get. I struggled for hours to come up with something that wasn’t as boring as Jak.
[Tony cackling]
Stephen: [amused] Calm down, Tony.
Tony: [cry-laughing] I just - can’t - oh my God.
Peter: Is he going to have another heart attack?
Stephen: Don’t joke about that, Peter, I think it’s a real possibility. Tony?
[Pause]
[Tony inhaling]
Bruce: It wasn’t that funny, Tony.
Tony: I just - given all the shit I got for Stony -
Ned: Okay.
Tony: Rigsay. I can’t believe it.
Ned: Peter.
Peter: Please don’t drag me into this. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to mediate arguments between my players, this campaign, since Steve isn’t here.
Bruce: I’m going to miss Steve.
Ned: Me too.
Peter: Steve, we love you, and we will miss you, but we hope you’re having a great time in Washington D.C. with your life partner and best friend.
Tony: Bah. We upgraded. Two for the price of one.
Stephen: Thank you, Tony. I’m glad I mean so much to you.
Tony: You know I love you, buttercup.
Harry: Ew, are you two going to be couple-y the whole time?
Tony: We are in a loving relationship, Harold. I think being couple-y is acceptable. You lived with Cheri and Peter for how long?
Ned: And I’ve had to deal with you and Dallas for months. Get over it.
Bruce: Aw, wait, did you get back together?
Harry: Yes. A couple weeks ago.
Ned: After they were only broken up for, like, a month.
Harry: We thought it wasn’t going to work out, but then we realized that we like being together too much.
Peter: Which is what I said, when he told me that they’d broken up, but he was like, “Oh, no, it’s better that we’re not in a relationship, since we both need time to grow as individuals.” Dude, if you find someone who you want to grow with, why would you ever think it’s better to grow separately?
Tony: Why are we having a conversation about this in the first place?
Peter: I think you brought it up, Pops.
Stephen: You did, actually.
Tony: Bah. I want to play Dungeons and Dragons.
Ned: We all do. Can we start?
Peter: Of course we can. That’s what we’re here for. Are we all ready?
Bruce: Yes sir.
Harry: I think so. I’m a little afraid, but I’m also excited.
Ned: That’s exactly how you should feel.
Peter: Stephen?
Stephen: Let’s go.
Tony: You heard him. Take us in.
Peter: All righty, then.
Gentlemen, welcome to Niameda.
This continent exists within a wider world, although surrounded on all sides by water, Niameda acts as an independent territory, and does not rely on trade with the other lands beyond its oceans. Along its western and eastern coasts, various cities operate under the wider title of the Seafare Company, which is responsible for pillaging the safer waters to retrieve oceanic resources for the rest of the continent.
Beyond the Redgan Mountains, which wrap around the coastlines like a border wall, sits the larger region of Niameda, known as Vallemedio. This region, which contains most of the major cities of the continent, is divided into two very different lands.
Northern Vallemedio, although smaller than its neighboring territory to the south, is the home to the wildlands of Niameda. Its vast Ysion Forest dominates the landscape, and only the bravest of humanoids traverse through to reach the northern range of the Redgan Mountains. Most of Ysion Forest remains untouched, and unexplored, as the various creatures and… otherwise that call it home are oftentimes too dangerous to contend with. However, to the northwest, if one is lucky enough, they may encounter the large city of Galma, established by a race of dragonborn, who elected to call Ysion Forest their home after their warrior-based way of living was rejected by most of the humanoid races of Niameda. Ysion Forrest covers approximately one-hundred miles of land, from the northern Redgan mountains, to the smaller range that divides Vallemedio in half, which are known as the Bisectors.
Southern Vallemedio is dominated by the widespread kingdom of Adren, which some of you may be familiar with. The kingdom is currently ruled by the Whitlock family, who has been in control of the dynasty there for over one-hundred years, now. Adren has slowly expanded its territory throughout the century-long rule of the Whitlock family, and now encompasses over 300-miles of land, stretching from east-to-west about 200 miles, from the eastern to the western Redgans, with just a little over one-hundred miles of land separating the Bisectors to the north from the South Redgan Mountains, which act as a natural barrier against whatever the southern coast and ocean might present.
Currently under the rule of Jacqueline Whitlock, who is presently in her thirty-sixth year, most citizens of Adren are left to their own devices. The crown’s taxes are reasonable, and it does not force its citizens to worship what one might call “approved gods,” although every temple within Adren is government-owned. Many wonder if the crown plans to move towards a certified pantheon, although this concern is based mostly in rumors. Most are more concerned over the rumblings to the north, where more and more raiding parties have appeared through various gorges and canyons within the Bisectors. No attacks have been made as of yet, but it is clear to all in Adren, especially those within the northern villages and cities, that the residents of the Ysion Forrest are growing more and more interested in the success of the kingdom of Adren.
Our story, however, begins in the southern portion of the kingdom. Here, at the mouth of the Clicie River, lies the median-sized city of Levaris. Due to its prosperous location on the river, Levaris has reached prominence and attention through its fertile soil. Many farmers have established homesteads on its edges, and a lot of the grain and wheat that moves throughout Adren originates here. Fish, too, that thrive in the waters of the Clicie, have grown to be a popular export of the river city.
And it is here, in this export-ccentric stop along the Crownroad, where a group of mismatched protagonists will meet, and where their stories will slowly begin to come together.
Ned: My God, I love exposition. Peter, why didn’t we get any of this in the first campaign?
Peter: Well…
Tony: I didn’t know that Adren was part of a larger territory? A whole mysterious forest to the north? If we’d known about that, the Quadrivium would’ve been up there like our asses got set on fire in the south!
Bruce: And we probably would’ve had our asses set on fire if we’d gotten there.
[Ned laughing]
Bruce: We were not built for that sort of adventure, Tone.
Stephen: Are… hm.
Peter: Yes?
Stephen: I guess I’m just wondering if you might have… access to a map of our location?
Tony: You want that already? We haven’t even acted in character yet.
Stephen: I like to get a sense of my surroundings before really deciding what it is I want to do. If I know what this city we’re in looks like, my choices will be much better informed.
Ned: Oh, I get it. Stephen’s one of those players.
Stephen: I’m not sure I can be any kind of player, Ned, since I’ve only played in one other campaign my entire life.
Bruce: Hey, same!
Tony: Me too!
Peter: [amused] Uh, well, Stephen, I’ll be happy to give your characters a map, if your characters choose to buy one.
Harry: What? We have to buy a map in game so that we can see a map in real life? What the fuck?
Peter: That’s the way this goes, pal.
Harry: Jesus.
Ned: I think… it makes sense, and I’m liking this choice, Peter. Thank you.
Peter: No… no problem?
Tony: I’ll buy a map. How much money do you want, Pete?
Peter: In-game, Tony.
Tony: I know, but also, I’m offering to buy it from you in-person, so that Stephen can have it, and he’ll like me a little bit more.
Stephen: Tony, we’re… we’re married. I don’t think there’s… I mean, I’m pretty sure that means I like you as much as is physically possible.
Tony: I only want you to be as happy as you can be.
Stephen: [amused] When presented with the option in-game, I’ll just have my character buy one. You don’t need to give Peter real-life money for his map.
Peter: I don’t think I’d accept real-life money for the map, anyway, it’s just a PDF I have saved to my computer.
Bruce: So then just send it to him, why do you have to make it a thing?
Peter: Because we’re being legit this time, Doc! I want it to feel like a real game! I already said that.
Bruce: But to buy the map in game, to get the real-life one? Doesn’t that feel like it’s taking it kind of far?
Harry: I guess… that is what Matthew Mercer makes his friends do.
Ned: You’ve been watching Critical Role like I suggested? Harry!
Harry: [quietly] I’m only doing it because Dallas said it was good, too, and he’s watching it with me.
Peter: I love you both. Tell Dallas I love him.
Harry: You tell him, you weirdo.
Tony: I want to keep playing now.
Peter: Yeah, let’s do that.
Our adventure begins in the early hours of the morning, in a… small room on the second floor of one of Levaris’s two inns, the Riverside. On one of the two small beds within the room, a stout, dwarven man sleeps, his beard long, but neatly trimmed. He slowly begins to awaken with the sun as it shines through the window of his room. As he sits up, he catches sight of his traveling companion, who is still asleep.
Doc, do you want to describe your character, for real?
Bruce: Oh! Uh. Huh. Yeah. Describing… my character.
[Tony chuckling]
Bruce: I am… or, I guess, Flint Thoradin is, like Peter said, a stout dwarven man, with a neatly trimmed, but long, beard. It is… it’s not graying, exactly, but when you look at his face, you can tell that he’s… he’s getting towards the crunchier side of the dwarven life-span. Uh, he’s - he’s not dressed in his armor, but it’s nearby, sitting on a chest or a table, probably, and it's just a simple set of chainmail, what he took with him when he left his clan lands within the West Redgan Mountains. And I think Flint’s… pretty dirty? He’s been on the road for a few days, coming south from… somewhere more north, and this is the first time he’s decided to stop at an inn. And he’s not really used to soft beds, necessarily, so it was kind of a rough night for him, and you can tell that by looking at him, too. He’s pretty rough.
Ned: But what color are Flint’s eyes? I need visual!
Bruce: [serious] They’re bluish-gray.
[Pause]
Bruce: I think that’s it. It’s been a long few days of travel.
Peter: All right. As Flint rouses himself from his sleep, across the room, his traveling companion starts to awaken from the sounds of his own movement. Tony, your turn to describe your character, please.
Tony: Oh, yeah! I am a young human man. I have a thick mess of dirty-blond curls that I don’t really maintain very well, because I have more important things to worry about than my hair, so they’re all over the place. Uh, I am dressed in a mage’s… robe? Garb? I don’t know how to describe it. It’s a lovely fabric of greens and blues, which really bring out my eyes. I, unlike my friend, am very used to soft beds, so the one I slept in the night before was a welcome change to the bedrolls we’ve been using on the road, and I wake up thrilled and ready to take on the day.
Peter: And remind us of your name, please?
Tony: [proudly] Cedric Blackwood.
Peter: Great.
So, Flint, as you come to consciousness, you look across the room to the other bed, and see, curled up under the kind of rough blanket, your friend Cedric. And, because you know that he sometimes is hard to wake up, you maybe make a little bit more noise than necessary as you climb from your own bed and start to pull on your armor.
Flint: [humming]
Cedric: [British accent, but barely] Oh, good morning, Mister Thoradin!
[Ned cackling; Peter snickering]
Tony: Oh yeah, motherfuckers, I have a fucking character voice this time, so you can both shut your damn mouths.
Cedric: I hope you slept well, I definitely did.
Flint: [Scottish, but barely] Ah, wish I could say the same, young Master Blackwood.
Ned: [quietly] What the fuck? Since when can Doc do a Scottish accent?
Bruce: It isn’t very good, which is why I’m not really pressing it.
Flint: Unfortunately, these straw mattresses rarely ever agree with this back that’s been sleeping on stone since I was a lad.
Cedric: Sorry to hear that. You could’ve slept on the floor, maybe?
Flint: Aye. Should’ve considered that. Maybe tonight, if we stay in Levaris for longer than planned.
Cedric: That would be great! There’s a lot more to see in this city than I was expecting. I’ve never been here before, you know.
Flint: Y’mentioned that. Hard to believe, considering you’ve been seemingly everywhere else.
Cedric: I’m trying to go everywhere, Mister Thoradin. I haven’t gotten there yet.
Flint: Mhm. Well, hopefully you’ll see more than you have, traveling with me.
Cedric: I’m sure I will, sir. Did anything exciting happen, after I came upstairs to bed, last night? I know you stayed down in the main hall for a few more drinks.
Flint: Well, uh… nothing really of note. I had a few more mugs, like you said, and I played a few games of Boulder, Parchment, Shears…
[Ned snorting]
Cedric: Did you lose any money, Mister Thoradin?
Flint: Ach… I wouldn’t say that’s any of your business, lad.
Cedric: No, no, of course not! It’s just - I wouldn’t have had you pegged as a gambler, that’s all. You’re usually very… straightforward about things.
Flint: I normally don’t gamble, but… sometimes, after one more ale than I should’ve had, it’s hard to ignore a challenge.
Cedric: I guess that’s fair. My father was the same way. Course, he ended up losing all our money, because of his tendency to gamble after too many drinks. And because of his tendency to have too many drinks.
[Pause]
Harry: Goddamn.
Peter: Yeah, sometimes backstory can come out pretty quickly, and without much ceremony, Harry.
Harry: I mean, yeah, I knew that, I’ve been paying attention to Critical Role, but I didn’t - I mean, based on the transcripts of your guys’ last campaign, I didn’t really think this would feel so much like what those guys do.
Bruce: As said, we’ve matured. We know what we’re doing now.
Harry: I’m gonna be out of place, aren’t I?
Peter: They’ve only played one campaign, Harry, so no, I don’t think you will.
Tony: We’ve always had a gift for roleplaying, though.
Cedric: Anyway! Are you hungry? I’m starving, it’s been, what, almost twelve hours since dinner? Let’s go downstairs for some breakfast.
Flint: You are just full of good ideas, aren’t you, Master Blackwood?
Cedric: I try to be.
Peter: All right, so the two of you gather your things that you’ll need for the day, and head down to the main hall. As you reach the bottom of the stairs, to the sounds of voices and movement already coming from within the hall, you find that it is filled with various travelers and townsfolk, already up and about for the morning. The barkeep, whom you learned last night is named Frida, is standing behind said bar, her short, brown hair cut to her shoulders, but held back away from her face by a clip. Uh, her apron is stained with grease and flour, and you can tell she’s been hard at work preparing the morning meal for her guests. A blonde barmaid rushes around the floor from table to table, gathering orders for food and drink. And from behind the bar, Frida yells to her,
Frida: Prim, two more blue plates and some oatmeal for the table in the corner, on the bar!
Peter: And the barmaid, Prim, sort of tosses an acknowledging return shout over her shoulder, before she returns her attention to the table that she is taking an order from. Most of the tables are full, but there is one made for two near the center of the floor, if you two would like to find a seat.
Tony: Do we need to roll to see if we can maneuver our way across the room to said table?
Peter: [amused] No, you just walk over to it, and sit down.
[Laughter]
Ned: Welcome to Dungeons and Dragons. You have to roll for everything, here.
Peter: So you sit down, and it takes a minute for the barmaid Prim to get over to your table, considering the business of the main hall, but she eventually does, and she says,
Prim: Right, sorry, what can I get started for you?
Flint: Ah, a sausage roll, if Frida has it, thank you.
Cedric: I would like some bacon, and two fried eggs, please.
Stephen: This Fantasy Denny’s is really going to be the food place of choice during this campaign, isn’t it?
Peter: [amused] Uhm, Prim nods, and darts off again, pulling her own hair back out of her face as she heads for the kitchen behind the bar. Around your table, you can hear the conversations of the other patrons, although nothing really distinct, since the din in here is pretty loud, but you seem to have further time to talk, if you like.
Cedric: Ah, Mister Thoradin, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to see what Levaris has by way of arcanic tomes and ingredients? I’d like to see if I can expand my knowledge in that sense, while we’re here.
Flint: Course you do. I don’t see why that’s a problem. I need to ask around the local leadership, see if they know anything about that “haunted cave” we heard those travelers mention yesterday.
Cedric: Oh, yeah, that’s a good idea. Uhm. So you’re going to try to do something about that, then?
Flint: I assumed we would try to do something about it, lad. Can’t just hear the phrase “haunted cave” and not figure there’s at least reason to investigate, can you?
Cedric: Well, I mean, I - I usually prefer to avoid… places that could potentially… do me harm? Physically or mentally. But I suppose if you think it’s a good idea to look into it, we could…
Flint: You wouldn’t leave an old dwarf to navigate a possibly dangerous cave on his own, would ye? Not when you have so much talent, in terms of magic.
Cedric: No! Of course not! You can count on me, Mister Thoradin! I’ll make sure you stay safe if we go to that cave, promise!
Ned: Hey, I hate to… to butt in, but I just want to say I love them both already.
[Laughter]
Ned: Which is a very different feeling than I had towards Pentan and Stony, during the first campaign!
Peter: A little bit of time passes, before Prim returns to your table, with two plates in hand, and she sets them down in front of you. One has a sausage roll, and the other has Cedric’s requested bacon and two fried eggs.
Prim: It’ll be three silver, when you’re all done. Just leave it on the table after you.
Peter: And she hurries off again.
Bruce: Flint just grabs his sausage roll and chows down. He’s polite, but he’s also a dwarf, and dwarves love their food.
Tony: Ah, Cedric watches him eat for a second, kind of smiling, before he starts in on his own meal. He’s glad that not getting a lot of sleep hasn’t seemed to have affected his traveling companion’s appetite.
Peter: All right. Uh, in the middle of eating, you notice the door of the Riverside Inn open, allowing a bright wash of early morning sun to come through, along with an… I want to say sort of an older gentleman, who reaches up to take his weathered hat off his head as he enters. And he sort of looks around the hall for a moment, before his expression brightens, and he makes his way through the crowded space towards the two of you, it looks like.
Bruce: Uhm, Flint’s hand is going to his ax, but not in a threatening way, just in a, “I see you approaching, please don’t do anything suspicious,” sort of way.
Peter: Okay. As you’re about to turn to him, ask him what his business is, he turns, at the last second, towards the table next to yours, and he turns to… Harry and Ned instead.
Harry: Oh, we’re here!
Ned: We’ve been here the whole time!
Peter: Yep. You both know this man, his name is Leif, and you know that he is a farmer here in Levaris, who you had helped. And he approaches your table, pauses next to it, and says,
Leif: Mind if I sit?
Rigsay: [bright Cockney accent] Sure, no problem.
Peter: [amused] And as he sits down, Ned, would you like to describe your character first, please?
Ned: [still with the gruff Cockney accent] Yeah, uh, Rigsay Armstrong is a… a big half-orc, with black hair, and uh, he’s got some leather armor on, easier to move in, you know, and next to him at the table is his cherished maplewood bow, which he’s had since he was a little half-orc. Uh, he’s got some scars, on his arms, and one on his chin, that he got from a bad tousle with a big cat, during a brief expedition into the Ysion Forest, but there’s a friendly twinkle in his dark eyes that indicates he’s a pretty nice guy, just with a rough exterior.
Peter: Right. And Harry?
Harry: Uh… I don’t know. I didn’t know we had to prepare this. I feel like an idiot, sitting here, listening to you guys be good at the game, and I don’t know what I’m doing.
Ned: It’s all right, man. Just tell us what your character looks like. I’m assuming he’s pretty large, if he’s a dragonborn? What color is his scales?
Harry: I’ve been picturing him as sort of… rusty, I guess? And he’s tall, yeah, like… six foot four, maybe? And he’s got a lot of bulk to him, too. And I guess he’s wearing the… the normal armor that members of the City Watch wear? Since he’s… he’s a City Watchman?
Tony: Oh, like Ned’s first character. Funny.
Peter: Hush. Go on, Harry. What else can we tell about your character, on first look?
Harry: Uhm. Meraxes is… I guess you can see that he’s… been through a lot? Like, there’s kind of a heavy set to his shoulders, but he’s - he’s just happy to be here, too, and he’s glad to see this guy, considering what he and Rigsay did for him, the day before, so he’s… Do dragonborn smile? Because he is. Definitely.
Bruce: There you go. I like that.
Peter: Yeah, good work, Harry. Uh, so, Leif sits down in the spare chair, at your guys’ table, and he says,
Leif: Thank you for your time. I don’t want to interrupt your breakfast for too long, since I know, Mister Meraxes, you probably have to get to your duties, but uh… I just wanted to express my gratitude one more time for what you both did for my farm, yesterday. My family and I - we’re very appreciative.
Rigsay: Oh, it was no problem, man. Beast was real easy to track. Probably wouldn’t even have needed to ask for Rax’s help, if there hadn’t been more than one, but… sometimes it’s better to work with someone else.
Leif: Right. Well, uh - I know yesterday, I couldn’t send you away with much apart from my thanks, but I spoke with my husband, and we both think it’s only fair that you… that you have this.
Peter: And he reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a small coin purse that he sets down on the table.
Leif: For your help.
Rigsay: Ah, thank you, kind sir, this was really - really unnecessary -
Ned: And as I’m saying that, I am pulling the purse towards me, and opening it, to check inside -?
Peter: Yeah, and, uh, Flint, since you’re… you’re pretty attuned to the sounds of various metals, you can hear the clinking of the coins.
Flint: Good for them.
Peter: And Rigsay, inside the purse you see a variety of coins, copper, silver, and even some glints of gold.
Rigsay: Excellent.
Peter: [amused] Leif puts his hat back on, and nods to you both.
Leif: I’ll leave you to your breakfast, then. Thank you again.
Peter: And he gets up and leaves.
Ned: Okay. I jiggle the coin purse a little, and then I look across the table at Meraxes.
Rigsay: Listen, bud, I uh… I know you know that I’m a little… down on coin right now, since I just traveled here from the Bisectors. D’y’mind if I keep this coin purse for myself?
[Pause]
Peter: Harry?
Harry: Sorry, I’m just - I’m trying to decide - okay.
Meraxes: [Texan drawl] Course, Rigs. It’s all yours. You were the one who got the job.
[Laughter]
Bruce: Oh Lord.
Tony: [mimicking Harry’s accent] My goodness it is hot.
Ned: [also mimicking Harry’s accent] I think I may just die.
[Peter snickering; Harry sighing]
Harry: I’m trying my best, okay? Everyone else has been really good!
Bruce: No, no, we love it. Keep going!
Peter: No, no, wait, I need to know, before we continue: Harry, are you doing Texan because of Dallas, or are you doing Texan because you think Travis Willingham ’s character in the campaign you're watching is hot?
[Pause]
Harry: Maybe a little bit of both?
[Ned chortling]
Peter: Thank you for your honesty.
Tony: You doing okay, buttercup? You’re being quiet.
Stephen: I’m just taking it all in. Patiently waiting for my turn. Don’t worry about me.
Peter: You done?
Tony: Forgive me for checking in on my spouse.
Stephen: Keep going.
Peter: Okay. Uh, Rigsay, what’re you doing with your coins? You gonna count them?
Ned: Uh, can I actually roll, to see if anyone is watching me?
Peter: Yeah, go ahead and roll a perception check.
Ned: Oh, fuck, first roll of the campaign, please make it a good one. [dice roll] Straight fifteen.
Peter: All right, uh… you notice that… no one is really paying you any mind. Uhm, maybe you catch Flint’s eye, a little, since he glanced over when he heard the coins?
Bruce: But Flint just kind of lifts his chin in acknowledgement - oh, no he doesn’t! Rigsay is a half-orc, isn’t he?
Ned: [warily] Yes?
Bruce: Right. Flint actually flips Rigsay the bird, because Flint hates orcs of any kind.
[Various exclamations of shock and horror]
Ned: Are you serious?
Bruce: Dead serious. Hates ‘em. Can’t stand ‘em.
Ned: Uh… all right, then.
Rigsay: Oi, what’s your problem?
Flint: No problem, Just stop looking at me.
Rigsay: Didn’t want to anyway, considering what I’m looking at is ugly.
Cedric: Oh, now, sir, I don’t know if that’s very fair.
Rigsay: Your friend flipped me off. Maybe you could teach him some manners, before he has any right to mine.
Meraxes: Fight! Fight! Fight!
Peter: [amused] Okay! Uh, Meraxes’s voice is pretty loud, so his chant draws the attention of some of the other patrons, and they start to chant, too, for the most part. Soon enough, the entire… the entire main hall of the inn is looking towards Rigsay and Flint, and is cheering on their verbal spar, hoping that maybe it’ll get physical.
Ned: [laughing] Are we really about to throw down within the first thirty minutes of the campaign?
Bruce: You called me ugly! Flint gets up from the table!
Ned: Uh, I guess Rigsay does the same.
Bruce: As soon as he’s standing, I throw a gut punch.
Tony: Jesus, really?
Bruce: Nobody calls me ugly.
Peter: Uh, Doc, go ahead and roll a strength check, with your base modifier, I guess. This is awesome.
Bruce: Yep. [dice roll] Ah, fuck.
Peter: What’d you get?
Bruce: … Well, the roll was a two, so -
Tony: Oh, God.
Bruce: - plus one? So three?
Peter: Uh, Rigsay, I’m assuming three doesn’t… doesn’t hit your armor class?
Ned: I’m a fucking half-orc with leather armor, of course it doesn’t.
Peter: Right, uh, so… Flint, you - you throw your punch, but Rigsay just kind of leans backwards away from it, because he was expecting it, and your fist inside collides with a mug that was sitting on Rigsay and Meraxes’s table, and you spill the beverage inside of it all across the table.
Flint: Fuck! Dammit.
Meraxes: That was my ale.
Rigsay: Sorry, pal. I’ll buy you another mug tonight.
Ned: And I glare down at this dwarf.
Rigsay: Maybe you should fuck off back to whatever mountain cave you crawled out of, oldtimer.
Bruce: Uh, Flint kind of cradles his hand, frowning to himself, and Cedric I think can tell that he’s trying very hard to get control of his anger.
Tony: Yeah, uh, Cedric hops up from his own chair, and kind of slides in between Flint and Rigsay.
Cedric: Mister Thoradin, maybe it’s time for us to hit the shops, before they get too busy? And you wanted to find out some information about that cave, right?
Flint: [muttered] Sure. Let’s go.
Bruce: And we turn to leave the inn, but only after I drop the requested three silver, plus one, on the table, for our food.
Peter: All right. Uh… as you head towards the doors, a patron of the inn steps in front of you, blocking your exit. Stephen, would you like to describe your character, please?
Tony: It’s showtime, buttercup! Hit us with it.
Stephen: [smiling] Standing in front of you two is… a fairly tall, slender figure dressed all in black. Uh, they are an elf, and they have these… piercing amber eyes, and silver hair. And you can’t - because of their dark clothing and neutral expression, you can’t really get a read on who they are, or what they might want, and you get the sense that that’s exactly the way they like it.
Peter: And your name?
Stephen: Jasper Nilmari.
Ned: That’s actually dope as hell.
Stephen: [amused] Thank you.
Peter: So this elf steps up in front of you, Flint and Cedric.
Flint: What do you want?
Jasper: [cool Slavic accent] I heard mention of a cave.
Flint: What of it?
Jasper: I am interested in the same cave, and it may be… wise of us, to traverse it as a group, rather than as individuals.
Cedric: Well, no offense, but uh, Mister Thoradin and I don’t just team up with any random person we encounter. Who are you, exactly, and how do you know about the cave, anyway?
Jasper: My name is Jasper. I am… searching for something important to me that was lost, and I was told that it may be found within a cave outside of the town of Levaris. I was also told that the cave is reported to house some nasty creatures, and I’ve been wondering how I will go about dealing with said creatures on my own. Thankfully, since it sounds as though the two of you are also interested in this cave, it seems as though that will no longer be the case.
Cedric: That was a lot more words than I was expecting you to say.
Harry: Are Ned and I hearing any of this?
Peter: You could roll a perception check to try to, if you want.
Harry: Okay. [dice roll] Oh, fuck! That’s a nineteen on the die?
Peter: Holy shit!
Harry: That’s - that’s good, right?
Ned: That’s… extremely good, sheesh.
Peter: Uh, normally, you’d add whatever bonus you have to your perception skill, which is on your character sheet, but since it was a nineteen, you just - you are still paying attention, to these two figures that just got into a bit of a spat with your friend, and you very easily pick up on the conversation that they’re having with this new person.
Harry: Okay. I want to get up and go over to them.
Meraxes: I know the cave you’re talkin’ about. Been causing problems for lots of travelers on their way out of Levaris. The captain was gonna get a crew of Watchmen together to check it out, but other things are more important.
Flint: So no one’s looked into it?
Meraxes: Not yet.
Cedric: Oh, good. Mister Thoradin, I don’t know how smart of an idea this is.
Flint: Has the Watch been avoiding it?
Meraxes: We don’t avoid things. We do what we’re told. Captain hasn’t told us to look into it, yet.
Jasper: Perfect. Sounds to me like this a great opportunity for some… intrepid explorers to take care of something for the overencumbered City Watch, don’t you all agree?
Meraxes: Captain was gonna put up a bounty for it, I think, since he hasn’t been able to spare anybody to deal with it.
Jasper: Then we’ll be ahead of the game. What do you say?
Ned: Rigsay makes his way over, too.
Rigsay: What’re we talking about?
Meraxes: Cave. Bad things inside. More money, probably.
Rigsay: Ah. Well, then, I’m all for it. Let’s go.
Flint: Now, hold on just a second. What sort of threats are we going to be dealing with here? I wanted to find that out, before I just went stomping into the cave, pretending like I know what I’m doing there.
Meraxes: And we should probably get it cleared with the captain, first. He’d be pissed if we walked into his office tomorrow and told him the cave had been cleared out.
Peter: Mm.
Harry: Aw, come on.
Peter: [amused] Roll a deception check.
[Harry sighing; dice roll]
Bruce: Why, though?
Harry: Because the Watch captain in Levaris is a prick who doesn’t give a shit about anything. Uh, I got a twenty, I think.
Peter: Ned?
Ned: Yeah, he rolled an eighteen plus two.
Tony: You’re a barbarian with a plus two on deception checks?
Harry: I don’t know, I guess so.
Peter: So, no one knows that Meraxes is making stuff up about the Watch captain. Continue.
Flint: So we’d need to go talk to your captain before we do anything about it, is what you’re saying?
Meraxes: I’d suggest it.
Flint: Fine with me. We can ask him what we’ll be walking into.
Cedric: Are you sure, Mister Thoradin?
Flint: This cave is a problem, Cedric. We need to deal with it.
Rigsay: Why you?
Flint: None of your business.
Bruce: I turn to Meraxes.
Flint: Take me to the captain. I’d like to have a talk with him.
Harry: I guess I will do that?
Peter: Okay. What about the rest of you?
Tony: Well, Ced goes where Flint goes, even if he doesn’t like it.
Ned: And I… am intrigued by the prospect of a reward or whatever for cleaning out the cave, so I will be going as well.
Peter: Jasper?
Stephen: Will… go along to the building, but will not actually go into the meeting. The less people who know that they’re wanting into the cave, the better.
Tony: [brightly] Why’s that?
Stephen: Maybe you’ll find out.
Tony: Man, I don’t know if I hate that you’re hiding your backstory, or if I’m very excited to learn more.
Bruce: Both, probably.
Peter: So, everyone’s following Meraxes out of the inn?
Ned: Yeah.
Harry: I make sure I leave some money behind for whatever food Ned and I were eating.
Peter: Okay.
You all make your way out of the Riverside Inn, and start down the street, following Meraxes. He leads you towards the center of town, past the main shopping square. And, since you’re such an eclectic bunch, you do catch some attention, but no one outright approaches you, asks what you’re doing, maybe because they see a member of the City Watch leading you.
But you eventually get to a building with walls made out of a weird, reddish stone, which, Flint, you would know were pulled out from the bottom of the river. Uh, and as you’re approaching the doors, one of the City Watchmen stationed outside steps forward.
Watchman: What’ve you got here, Meraxes?
Meraxes: Band of people interested in that cave Cap’s been talking about for weeks.
Watchman: Oh, good. He’s in his office.
Peter: And he steps out of the way.
Harry: I open the door for everybody else.
Peter: All right. So everyone except for Jasper is going in?
Tony: Yeah.
Stephen: Jasper will make themself scarce, lean up against the wall or something and wait for everyone else to come back out.
Peter: Got it. So, everyone else steps into the building, and then… Harry?
Harry: I lead the way to the captain’s office, I guess.
Peter: It is up on the second floor of this building, and the door is closed when you get to it.
Harry: I will… knock?
Peter: And from inside, a voice says,
Captain: Come in, if you have to.
Harry: I open the door.
Peter: All right, and once you do, you find the captain of the Levaris City Watch sitting behind his desk.
Bruce: Can I roll a perception check to see if I can… find any defining features on his desk, or within the office?
Peter: Go for it.
Bruce: [dice roll] Motherfuck - I rolled another 2.
Peter: Oop.
Tony: Put that dice away.
Ned: Yeah, throw it in the garbage. [laughs]
Bruce: I knew I should’ve had Nat pick one for me, before she left. Uh, so I don’t see anything, fuck me, I guess.
Tony: I haven’t gotten to roll yet, so I will do that same thing.
Peter: Cool.
Tony: [dice roll] Hell yeah, that’s a natural nineteen.
Peter: Got it. So, when you walk into the room, the first thing you notice, Cedric, is that this captain actually has a nameplate on his desk, as though he were the manager of some business office rather than the Captain of the City Watch here in Levaris. His nameplate says he is Captain Darius Grey, and he is leaning back in his chair, with his feet up on the desk, when Meraxes opens the door, but Cedric, you’re the only one that notices this, because as soon as he sees its Meraxes on the other side, he quickly resituates the way he’s been sitting, to make it look like he was busy with work.
Darius Grey: Ah, good morning, Meraxes, how are you, how did that - that - that thing you did yesterday go? At the fishery?
Meraxes: The beasts attacking the farm were dealt with, Captain Grey.
Darius Grey: Good, good. Excellent. Good work. You make the Watch and Crown proud.
Meraxes: Thank you sir. Uh, these gentlemen are here to discuss the cave with you.
Darius Grey: The cave?
Meraxes: Yes sir. The one travelers have been complaining about.
Darius Grey: Oh, the cave! Yes, yes, of course.
Peter: He looks around at the rest of you.
Darius Grey: You plan on… going in there?
Flint: If you can tell us what sort of threat we’ll be facing, we’ll be glad to clear it out for you.
Rigsay: For a modest price, of course.
Cedric: Yes please.
Peter: Uh, the captain glances at Meraxes, before he smiles a bit, and turns back to Flint.
Darius Grey: Very well. I was going to place a bounty on the cave, anyway, but I haven’t had the time to draft one up. As for the threat inside, we don’t know much, apart from the fact that several travelers have reported, after setting up camp nearby, that the cave seems to be home to a ghost of some kind.
Flint: A ghost?
Darius Grey: That’s the name the travelers have given to whatever bothers them during the night. There’s also been reports of wails coming from inside, and a strange blue light that can sometimes be seen around there. No one’s actually ventured inside, yet.
Flint: Hm.
Cedric: So you don’t know anything conclusive.
Darius Grey: Nothing that I can tell you with certainty. You’ll be going in with nothing but the word of a few travelers and some of the townsfolk.
Tony: Yeah, I don’t like this.
Bruce: It’ll be money, though.
Stephen: And I… I need to go into the cave, to see if the thing Jasper’s looking for is actually in there.
Ned: I’m down. Gotta start somewhere.
Harry: Right.
Tony: I hate being in the minority when it comes to decision making.
Ned: Well, you don’t have to come with us.
Tony: I already said that wherever Flint goes, Cedric goes, Ned.
Bruce: Tone, I’m not going to force you to go into the cave. You’re right, it’s probably going to be very very bad, and we may all die. But at least we can say we had fun doing it.
Peter: What’re we doing, guys?
Bruce: We’re going into the cave!
Peter: Sounds good. Captain Grey looks all of you over once more, and says,
Darius Grey: If you can bring me evidence that you cleared this cave of whatever menace is lurking inside of it, there is gold waiting for you on the other side. Word of this cave might start to spread, and we may see a lack of travelers coming into town because of it.
Flint: We’ll take care of it.
Darius Grey: Good. Meraxes can lead you to it.
Meraxes: Yeah. Follow me.
Harry: And I head out of the captain’s office.
Peter: All righty. You make your way back through the Watch’s building, and back out onto the streets of Levaris. Jasper is still there, waiting for all of you.
Jasper: What did you find out?
Flint: They don’t know anything, except that travelers think it’s haunted. We’ll see for ourselves.
Cedric: Uh, Mister Thoradin?
Flint: What is it, lad?
Cedric: I’m not sure we’re ready for this sort of… expedition. I -
Flint: Master Blackwood, you are an Academy trained wizard. I’m sure you have a few spells in that book of yours that will do just fine at protecting you.
Cedric: Well, maybe, but I also… I’m not exactly the most sturdy figure, so I worry about… about possibly being struck once, and that’ll be it for me.
Jasper: You’re a spellcaster?
Cedric: Uh, yes, I am. Have been learning various spells for a very long time. Traveled all over to learn as much as I can.
Jasper: And you’re afraid of a cave?
Cedric: I’m not afraid. I am… wary.
Jasper: [amused] Don’t worry, Academy. Look at all of us. We’ll be right there with you.
Cedric: Yes, I suppose that’s… slightly reassuring.
Meraxes: We going or not?
Flint: We’re going. Following you, dragonborn.
Meraxes: Great.
[Pause]
Meraxes: I’m Meraxes, by the way. This is Rigsay.
Cedric: Oh, right, we never introduced ourselves to one another, because of… [clears throat] Uh, well, anyway, my name is Cedric Blackwood, and this is Flint Thoradin.
Rigsay: Great to meet you both.
Cedric: Likewise.
Rigsay: Now let's go find ourselves some ghosts.
Peter: Okay! So, together, all five of you head out of Levaris, and into the sparse forest beyond, where Meraxes knows the location of the cave to be, along the Crownroad to the south of the city. As you walk, you sort of quietly absorb the ambience of the forest around you, the… twittering of birds, and the rustling of bushes and trees in the gentle breeze that blows in a northern direction. It’s a rather peaceful journey, all things considered.
Ned: Uh, as we walk, I want to chat with Cedric a little.
Peter: Okay.
Rigsay: Hey there.
Cedric: Oh! Uhm, hello! Sorry about - about before.
Rigsay: Not your fault. What is his deal, though, if you don’t mind my asking?
Cedric: Not… not sure it’s my place to share. It’s nothing against you, of course, it’s all… it’s all based on past experiences. But if you want to know more, you’ll need to get it from Mister Thoradin.
Rigsay: How did you two come to be traveling together?
Cedric: Well, like I mentioned, I’ve made it a personal goal to learn as much as I can about the arcane by traveling. Along the way, I met Mister Thoradin, and I learned that he’s on a quest of his own that would be taking him all over, and I figured that traveling with someone else is much safer than traveling alone, so we just… joined up, and haven’t separated. He doesn’t seem to mind; I think he likes having someone to talk to. He has a lot of stories to tell.
Rigsay: Huh.
Cedric: What about you?
Rigsay: Me? Not too much to say. I’m from the port city of Naesir, and I lost my parents pretty young. Had to learn to take care of myself, but my line of work kind of got dangerous, after a point, so I decided to take what I’d learned into the inner kingdom instead. Now I hop from town to town, offering my services as a wandering ranger to anyone who needs them. That’s how I met Meraxes, actually. Picked up a bounty in Levaris, once, couldn’t handle it myself, and he was the first to offer to help. More often than not I stop in, to do a job or three here, before wandering off again.
Cedric: Sounds like you know what you’re doing.
Rigsay: It isn’t a bad system. Haven’t ever really been the type to think about settling down, so… traveling suits me.
Cedric: I feel the exact same way.
Peter: So, after about a half-hour of on-foot travel, uh, Meraxes, you lead the group off of the Crownroad, and into the forest on the eastern side. And I would like you to… roll… an investigation check, for me, to see if you can take them straight to the cave.
Harry: But I thought you said I knew where it was.
Peter: You’re aware of the general location, but you’re not one-hundred percent on the entrance, or anything like that.
Harry: Balls. Investigation is a negative one. [dice roll] Oh, but I rolled another nineteen, so, eighteen.
Peter: Jesus!
Harry: I’ve got a good die!
Bruce: Yeah, you do.
Harry: Go me.
Peter: So, yeah, Meraxes, you… you suddenly remember something that Captain Grey mentioned, once, about the location of the cave, and you, with confidence, head straight for it, the rest of the group following behind you. And within another five minutes or so, you find yourselves outside the mouth of a cave that has formed naturally into the side of a small hill.
Ned: Like in Minecraft ?
Peter: Pretty close to how a cave might look in Minecraft, yeah.
Stephen: Can we see anything?
Peter: Roll a perception and find out.
[Dice roll]
Bruce: I kind of hope we don’t see anything.
Stephen: I rolled a sixteen.
Peter: A sixteen, okay. Uh… looking in, from the mouth of the cave, you don’t see… much. There are no light sources, but your elfish dark vision does let you sort of make out the… the sides of the tunnel, heading deeper in, and you see that, maybe forty feet or so past the mouth of the cave, that the tunnel widens into a larger space, but that’s all you can tell.
Stephen: Okay.
Jasper: Well, I’m going in. Feel free to follow.
Stephen: And they do that.
Peter: [amused] Cool. What’s the marching order behind Jasper?
Ned: I’m going to be at the rear, so that… y’know, I can shoot my arrows.
Peter: ‘kay.
Harry: Uh, I guess put me… behind… Jasper?
Peter: Gotcha.
Bruce: And then me, and then Tony? That good?
Tony: Fine. [quietly] This is gonna go so bad.
Peter: Sounds… good. Okay. So. With Jasper in the lead, you begin to make your way down the main tunnel of this cave. The tunnel leads you into that room that Jasper saw when they first looked in. Within this room, you can hear the faint sounds of water dripping, and I’m pretty sure that all of you can see fine, in here, except for Cedric, because the room only stretches across maybe thirty-five feet. Straight ahead, it breaks off into another tunnel, that you can see branches off into two different directions.
Bruce: Is there anything in here?
Peter: Roll an investigation check.
[Dice roll]
Tony: Can I - is there anything I can do, so I could see?
Peter: You tell me, wizard. What spells do you have?
Bruce: I rolled a thirteen, Peter.
Peter: All right, with a thirteen, uh, Flint, you walk along the edges of this space, and you find what appears to be a shattered sword blade, left alone in one corner, but apart from that, there isn’t anything.
Bruce: What kind of sword is it?
Peter: As far as you can tell, just a standard steel, one-handed sword.
Bruce: [mumbled] Boring.
Tony: I have a cantrip called Dancing Lights.
Peter: Okay.
Tony: Can I… can I cast it, or do we have to be in combat?
Peter: No, you can cast Dancing Lights. What’re you doing with them?
Tony: I’m just going to have them dance in a circle around me, I guess. As glowing orbs.
Peter: Sounds good. Anybody else?
Ned: It’s the first room of the dungeon, there’s not gonna be anything here. Let’s go.
Stephen: Mhm.
Peter: All right, so you keep moving. And you get to that part of the tunnel where it branches off into two opposite directions. Are you going left or right?
Ned: Think that depends on if we hear anything coming from either direction.
Peter: Someone give me a perception and let me know. Also, uh… could I have everybody roll a stealth check for me?
[Soft groans; dice rolls]
Ned: [quietly] Aw, fuck.
Peter: What’ve we got?
Bruce: An eleven?
Tony: Fourteen.
Harry: Fifteen.
Stephen: Fourteen.
Tony: Even though you rolled a six?
Stephen: I have a plus eight to my stealth.
Tony: Wow.
Stephen: Rogues.
Peter: Ned?
Ned: … A seven.
[Someone inhaling]
Peter: Well…
Tony: C’mon, Pete, it wasn’t too bad of a spread. We had… we were mostly okay.
Peter: “Mostly okay” doesn’t always cut it. Uh, from down the tunnel going to the right, you hear the sounds of humanoid voices speaking Common start up with that general chatter of, “Did you hear that?” And then, maybe thirty seconds later, you hear footsteps coming up the tunnel towards you.
Bruce: Gah! Turn and run, turn and run!
Peter: [amused] Gonna need everyone to roll initiative.
Ned: [sighs] Stupid seven.
[Dice rolls]
Peter: All right, twenty-five to twenty?
Tony: Twenty-two.
Peter: Twenty to fifteen?
[Pause]
Peter: Yuh-oh. Uh, fifteen to ten?
Bruce: Ten.
Stephen: Thirteen.
Ned: Ten.
Peter: Okay, uh, when we get to your guys’ turn, you can decide who goes first. Harry, what’d you get?
Harry: A big ol’ four.
[Sighs]
Tony: Why can’t the barbarian be the one going first?
Peter: Okay, so! Coming up the left tunnel, you catch sight of glowing orbs not too dissimilar from the ones that Cedric currently has floating around himself, and trailing after those orbs into this room are three humanoid figures. They are all wearing the same dark robes, and each one holds a scimitar.
Tony: As soon as they come into the room, I’m blasting ‘em.
Peter: [amused] With what, Level One?
Tony: … Magic Missile! One for each guy!
Peter: All right. You are first in initiative order, so go ahead and roll that damage.
Tony: Fuck yeah! Damage! [dice roll] Four damage!
[Laughter]
Peter: [laughing] Okay! So, the rest of you watch as Cedric, in what almost seems like a gut-instinct sort of move, throws out his hand, and from his fingers three glowing darts of energy burst forward, and each one finds its target in the chests of the three figures that have emerged from the tunnel.
Anything else, Cedric?
Tony: I am going to hide behind Flint!
[Bruce chuckling]
Peter: Got it. Uh, next up are two of the figures. One of them… Mm, yeah, I’m gonna say that’s how it goes. One of them crosses the twenty feet necessary to get to Flint and Cedric, and attempts to… strike Cedric with his scimitar.
Tony: But he’s got disadvantage because I’m behind Flint, right?
Peter: I mean… you did say that that was what was going on, so.
Tony: Hell yeah I did.
Peter: I’ll give it to you, sure. [dice roll] [laughs] Ha, that’s a five?
Tony: Not strong enough to hit this squishy wizard.
Peter: Yeah, all right. Uh, the other figure with a turn is going to run up to Meraxes instead, and try to hit him. [dice roll] That’s an eleven?
Harry: Against my… armor class?
Ned: [crosstalk] Your armor class.
Harry: Doesn’t hit, I have a thirteen.
Peter: All right, so, the humanoid swipes out with his scimitar, but it’s been a minute, since he’s had reason to use it, and so he misjudges his swing, and it just swishes past your arm. Next up is Jasper.
Stephen: All right. I am going to… hm.
Tony: Do some sick rogue shit, buttercup.
Stephen: I’m going to try. Peter, can I… can I use my first action to hide, really fast?
Peter: You can… give it a shot, but this is kind of a big… open space, so the DC to hide will be pretty high.
Stephen: Fair point. All right, instead of that, I’ll just move as much as I need to to get into combat range with one of these people.
Peter: Simple enough. And you attack?
Stephen: Correct. With my shortsword.
Peter: Go for it.
Stephen: [dice roll] That’s a fourteen.
Peter: Hits. Go ahead and roll damage.
Stephen: [dice roll] That’s a five on the die, plus four, so nine damage.
Peter: [choking sounds] You take your shortsword, run right up on this guy, and stab him through, and he is out.
Ned: Oh, they have very little health, then.
Peter: Correct. Uh, next up are Rigsay and Flint.
Ned: Take care of the one in front of you first, Doc.
Bruce: Yep. I’m gonna just take out my warhammer, and smash it against his ribs. [dice roll] A good roll, finally! That’s a twenty-one!
Peter: That definitely hits.
Bruce: Fantastic. [dice roll] Seven.
Peter: You swing your warhammer with some pretty good force, and you hear this guy’s ribcage collapse, and he too falls to the stone floor. Rigsay?
Ned: I will pull out my bow, and fire a shot at the only one that’s left. [dice roll] Uh, nineteen.
Peter: Mhm. And the damage?
Ned: [dice roll] Five.
Peter: Just enough. Uh, Rigsay’s arrow sails across the space between him and where Meraxes is facing off against the last living person, and it impales itself in the back of his neck. The guy drops to his knees, and then onto his face, and congratulations, you beat them.
[Cheering]
Peter: [amused] Should’ve given you more than three. I’ll keep that in mind.
Stephen: Good thinking with that initial magic missile, Tony.
Tony: I try my best. However, I can only cast one more spell, apart from cantrips, so… y’know.
Bruce: But you know a cantrip that does damage, don’t you?
Tony: I gave myself Thunderclap and Fire Bolt, too, so yeah, I guess so.
Bruce: So we’re good. Just… stay at the back of the group.
Tony: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it.
Peter: Thank you for being aware of your spell slot usage, Tony. Uh, that’ll go for Ned and Doc, too, when you start using magic, okay?
Ned: Gotcha, pal. I’m on top of it.
Bruce: How many spells do you get, Ned?
Ned: As a ranger? I have zero at first level. I get two at second level.
Bruce: Ah.
Peter: So, you’ve killed these guys.
Stephen: Correct. I want to investigate their bodies for anything that Jasper might be looking for.
Peter: Go ahead.
Stephen: [dice roll] That is a twenty-two.
Peter: Sheesh. Okay.
[Pause]
Peter: Stephen, you there?
Stephen: I am.
Tony: Me too!
Peter: Uh… Tony? Do you mind leaving the room for a second?
Tony: Aw, why?
Peter: Because Stephen and I are going to talk backstory, and he might not want you listening in, which is also why I deafened the others.
Tony: Bah.
Stephen: Please?
Tony: Ugh. Fine. I’m going. [distantly] Don’t take forever!
Peter: He gone?
Stephen: He’s gone.
Peter: All right. Uh, so, you poke around the bodies of the people who attacked your group, and you don’t find anything of interest on two of them. On the third, however, you do find a necklace, around his neck, that bears a sigil you’re very familiar with.
Stephen: Mm. Okay. So… the book’s probably here, then.
Peter: Jasper’s feeling pretty confident that it is, considering someone from the Syndicate is here.
Stephen: Great.
Peter: You could probably bring Tony back in, now.
Stephen: I pocket the necklace.
Peter: Sounds good.
Stephen: [distantly] Tony!
Peter: And the rest of you are back, too.
Bruce: Was there backstory involved, just then?
Peter: Mhm.
Bruce: That’s nice of you, to respect a player’s decision not to share stuff immediately, Peter, thank you.
Peter: Sure. Stephen said that there’s a lot he’s keeping underwraps, so I figured it was better safe than sorry. Is Tony back?
Tony: Can’t believe I got banished from my own room.
Stephen: You weren’t banished, you were asked nicely to leave for maybe thirty seconds.
Tony: Still.
Peter: [amused] All right, anything else in this first room, now that you’ve murdered three people?
Harry: [quietly] I didn’t get to do shit. Stupid… bad initiative roll.
Ned: Maybe next time, pal.
Bruce: I guess we’ll go down the tunnel in the direction that they came from, right? Since there won’t be more threats in that direction?
Stephen: Makes sense to me.
Peter: All right. Do you want to change up how you were walking, or leave it the same as when you went into the cave?
[General mumblings to leave it the same]
Peter: Fine by me. So, you follow the path that the three people who you fought with came down, and after about fifty feet or so, you enter another open room of the cave. There is a wooden staircase, built into one of the walls, up to a pretty unstable looking balcony, and within the center of the space someone had started a fire, which is still burning. Uh, scattered around the fire are various bedrolls and personal effects, as well as two different traveling packs.
Ned: I’m searching the packs!
Peter: Give me an investigation.
Bruce: I’m gonna go up the staircase to the balcony, see what’s up there.
Peter: Sure, go ahead.
[Dice roll]
Ned: Fourteen.
Peter: In one of the packs, you find two small bottles, filled with a translucent red liquid. In the other, you find a coin purse that is much heftier than the one that Leif brought to you at the Riverside Inn.
Tony: Health potions!
Ned: And money! I pocket the coin purse to share with Meraxes later, and I put the potions into one of the pouches on my belt.
Peter: Sounds good. Doc, you’re climbing the stairs to the balcony?
Bruce: Mhm.
Peter: All right. Roll a… roll a dexterity check for me.
Bruce: Butts. [dice roll] Ooph. Three.
Tony: How many dice are you gonna have to get rid of today, bud?
Bruce: All of them. I’m gonna have to start from scratch.
Peter: Uh, you make it to the top of the stairs, but as you start out onto the balcony, on the other side of which is a pretty large chest, uh, your foot pushes through one of the shoddy boards that forms the floor of the balcony.
Bruce: Dammit. [sighs] I turn around and go back down the stairs.
Jasper: Anything interesting up there?
Flint: There’s a chest on the far side of the balcony, but I don’t know if anyone’s brave enough to try and cross it. It’s not very stable.
Jasper: All I need is a few minutes.
Stephen: And Jasper heads up the stairs.
Peter: [amused] Dexterity check, please.
Stephen: [dice roll] Ah, mm. Could be better. It’s a fifteen, though.
Peter: Okay, yeah. With a fifteen, you easily cross over the balcony, stepping on what look to be the better constructed points, and you make it to the chest.
Stephen: Check for traps?
Peter: Roll investigation.
[Dice roll]
Tony: [quietly; chanting] Rogue shit, rogue shit, rogue shit.
Stephen: Hah, funnily enough, another fifteen.
Peter: The chest does not appear to be trapped. It is, however, locked.
[Groans]
Stephen: I can pick it, can’t I?
Peter: Do you have a set of Thieves’ Tools?
Stephen: I do.
Peter: All right. Uh… gimme a second, I need to double check what you add to that.
Ned: It’s his dex plus his proficiency, isn’t it?
Stephen: [quietly] Their dex plus their proficiency, Ned, please.
Ned: Oh, right, sorry! My bad.
Stephen: It’s okay.
Peter: You’re right though. Go ahead and roll another dex check and add your proficiency, Stephen.
Stephen: [dice roll] That is a seventeen plus… six.
Peter: Yeah, that’s enough. You easily crack open the lock on this chest, and raise the lid, and inside you find… some… stuff.
Stephen: [amused] Uh-huh. The stuff I’m looking for?
Peter: Amongst other things.
Stephen: Perfect. What other things?
Peter: Within the chest, along with the thing you came into the cave for, Jasper, you find two more health potions, as well as a coin purse that, when you open it, you see contains only gold pieces. No silver or copper in sight. At the bottom of the chest, beneath this other stuff, you find a spare set of those robes that the people were wearing, and a dusty journal.
Stephen: Awesome. I grab all this stuff, and head back down to everyone else, but only after I hide the thing I was looking for inside my bag.
Peter: Got it.
Jasper: I bring you gifts.
Meraxes: Wow. Lots in that chest.
Jasper: Mhm.
Stephen: I toss the coin purse towards Cedric.
Jasper: There you go, Academy. Buy a spellbook on me.
Tony: Do I have to roll to catch the purse?
Peter: [amused] Yes, because it’ll be funny if you don’t.
Tony: Right. [dice roll] My dex?
Peter: Please.
Tony: I got a fourteen.
Peter: [disappointed sigh] Yeah, you catch it.
Stephen: Jasper’s eyebrows raise in surprise, but also because they’re impressed.
Jasper: Nice catch.
Cedric: I am… very talented.
Tony: But I’m not gonna keep all the gold for myself, I’m gonna share it.
Ned: You don’t have to. Jasper found it and gave it to you.
Tony: To do what I want with it.
Stephen: I told you to buy a spellbook.
Tony: And I’m sure I’ll be able to, even after I share the gold with everyone else.
[Stephen sighing]
Peter: Anything else while you’re all in this room?
Bruce: I think we cleaned it out.
Ned: Let’s keep moving.
Peter: Apart from the tunnel that you came in through, there is only one other way out of this room, and that is a wider tunnel of sorts heading deeper into the cave. As you approach it, uh… Flint and Cedric, you both hear more humanoid voices speaking Common, coming from the next room, as well as what sounds like… crunching, of some kind?
Bruce: Crunching?
Peter: Mhm. Like someone is munching on something hard, I guess, is a good way to describe it.
Harry: Oh, like this? [crunching sounds]
Peter: Mm, whatever they’re munching on is harder than whatever Harry is munching on.
Harry: [mouth-full] I have celery because I hate myself.
[Ned chortling]
Peter: [amused] What do you guys want to do?
Tony: I don’t like the… the idea that something is crunching.
Bruce: Me either, but what could it be? Maybe they’re just… y’know grinding up some… bone meal, for their necromancy potions.
Tony: You think they’re necromancers?
Bruce: They were all wearing the same robes, and Jas found another set of them in that chest. They’re clearly part of a cult or something, at least.
Ned: Oh, and since we have those robes, that’s probably enough proof to show the captain that we did something in here, right?
Bruce: Well.
Ned: Oh.
Tony: He’s about to do the thing.
Harry: What thing?
Tony: That thing that Ned always did during our first campaign because his character was lawful good.
Ned: [amused] Okay, sure it’s the thing that I always did. Even after I decided that there was nothing good about my character and went completely off the rails.
Tony: You did not! The whole time, you were like, “Oh, we shouldn’t do this,” or “Oh, maybe we should do that,” and it was really annoying because you tried to argue against all the fun stuff!
Ned: I was trying to play the game the way my character would’ve wanted!
Tony: Your character sucked because you didn’t know how being a paladin worked.
Peter: Stop arguing, both of you. I think we should take a break.
Bruce: I don’t want to take a break! I want to finish clearing out this cave! There’s a big bad evil guy in here somewhere, and I want to kill him!
Peter: I think we need a break. Let’s take a break, and we’ll come back in twenty minutes or so, and you guys can make your way through the rest of the cave.
Stephen: I do need to use the bathroom. Thank you, Peter.
Peter: Yeah, and I should probably call my wife.
Harry: [mocking] “I should probably call my wife,” look at this dweeb.
Ned: You’re gonna call Dallas, aren’t you?
Harry: That’s none of your business.
Bruce: I guess I’ll call my wife, too.
Tony: Stephen! Do you need me to come with you to the bathroom?
Stephen: [distantly] Please don’t.
Tony: But I love you!
Stephen: [distantly; laughing] I love you, too, but I don’t want you coming to the bathroom with me.
Ned: [sighs] Further salt in the wound that I am, and forever will be, single.
Tony: Sometimes it isn’t all that’s it cracked up to be, Neddy my boy.
Ned: [horrified] Just because Stephen wouldn’t let you come to the bathroom with him?
Tony: This means I’m unable to make sure he doesn’t fall into the toilet, or slip on the tile. It’s terrifying.
Ned: [sighs] Never mind. Forget I said anything.
~ PAUSE IN TRANSMISSION ~