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The bite of the frigid, late December air breezed past my balcony doors, gently coercing the curtains that encompassed them to billow softly, as if the year was offering me its final wave goodbye.
Tōman had clashed with the Black Dragons on Christmas day, and in celebration of their win, everyone in the gang decided to throw a party at whoever's home was willing to host. It surely wasn't anyone I knew, most everyone in Tōman I knew, was from vague association anyway. Thanks to that same vague association, I was invited to come along by a few of them.
Admittedly, I knew some of the members very well, having known them since childhood, but truly, there was only one person I had in my heart to want to see.
The party started a few hours ago, and I'd decided long before that I wouldn't go. Not because I didn't care, in fact, I cared a lot, and it likely would've been a lot of fun. No, it was because I didn't want to be bothersome to those I did know. I'd rather they enjoy their time with their friends and celebrate their successes with them. Since I wasn't around for the showdown, it's only fair I give everyone involved the space they deserved to celebrate.
Besides, I'd decided I wanted to watch the first sunrise of the new year, and getting exhausted at a party beforehand wasn't the best way to do that.
I felt my phone buzz, indicating a text message had just come in. I moved to shut my balcony doors, grabbing my phone as I shut them and closed the curtains to see who it was.
His name lit up the screen, a short, 'Where are you?' just underneath his contact. I smiled softly, taking a seat on the edge of my bed.
Sanzu Haruchiyo was the pinnacle of what I believed a guy should be. Fiercely loyal to those close to him, calm but steadfast to protect those who need it, complimented by his handsome looks that could make one weak in the knees. I'd known him since we were young, but as time aged us, it's as if I fall harder and harder for him each passing day.
Yet another (rather selfish) reason I didn't want to attend tonight's festivities — in the event of someone hanging themselves all over him.. my heart wouldn't have been able to bear it. I treasured Tōman, yes, but I treasured him more.
'Home. Wanted to finish up some schoolwork.'
My fingers tapped quickly in response, glancing at the time after hitting send, and decided I should go ahead and prepare for my own evening.
⟡
It wasn't often I got to wear one of my moms old yukatas, but when I did, I always cherished it. The one I'd picked out to begin the new year was my favorite, a soft violet with white plum blossoms embellishing the fabric. A passing thought of Sanzu seeing me in my yukata made me blush, but I quickly glossed over the idea as I started out to my local shrine. It was a bit of a distance away on foot, but I had a big portion of the evening to use how I'd liked anyway.
'Are you gonna head over here?' was his next text.
I pictured him in my head, impatiently tapping his foot, and the thought made me giggle. I bit the inside of my cheek as my fingers tapped away another reply, 'Sorry, I don't think so. I hope you have a good time though! If you need me, you know how to get a hold of me:)'
I almost felt dumb skimping out on the celebration party, and for missing out on time with Sanzu and the others, but I strongly believed in giving guys "guy time," and I was more than satisfied enjoying my own time out in my own company. If anything, Sanzu was probably relieved he didn't have to basically babysit me while around the group. It was for the best.
⟡
When I'd arrived to the shrine, it was a festival of sorts, booths and pop-up shops lining the walkways of the small park, crowds of people taking part in games, shopping, and other fun activities.
I found myself browsing the small booths of goodies that contained souvenirs and omamori charms. I'd brought some yen with me and decided on getting an omamori, as I studied the charms and their meanings despite the impatient dismay of the vendors. One in specific caught my eye, a light pink omamori with gold and white embellishments, the kanji for 'happiness' glittering in embroidered gold.
Without further hesitation, I politely asked to purchase it. "Ah, this is my last one! Lucky for you, eh?" The vendor eagerly placed the yen tray up for me to pay him. "Yes, the handiwork is gorgeous. Thank you very much," I smiled, placing the money in the tray and exchanging it for the charm, to which I bowed and thanked him for his service before continuing along my quiet evening of people watching as we all eagerly awaited for the clock to strike midnight.
I watched countless couples and families take part in games and sweets, bringing a foreign sense of warmth to the cold evening. Clutching the omamori tightly, I found a small bench and sat, giving my feet a small break from the long walk prior to my arrival. As I gently stuffed the omamori into the sleeve of my yukata, I flipped open my phone once more, checking its contents.
I quietly sighed when there was still no response from Haruchiyo, but silently accepted that it was alright. He was having fun and that's what mattered. This night was no different than any other, truly, but I couldn't deny that even just texting with him brought me a level of peace.
I returned from my thoughts when my phone screen went dark, jumping when I saw a reflection in the screen. It took me mere moments to recognize the reflection, causing me to turn in my seat.
"Sanzu?!"
He snickered, moving a finger over his masked mouth as if to shush me. "Shh," He softly chided. "You don't have to be so loud."
I smiled, following his movements as he sat next to me. He was clad in his grey sweatshirt and ripped black jeans, a stark contrast of me and my yukata, causing me some slight embarrassment.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, rather bewildered he was here, infront of me, my heart surging at his mere handsome appearance. "Aren't you missing the party?"
He scoffed, taking the time to peruse the area around him as if to take it all in before returning his gaze to me. "Nah. Nothing to miss."
I blushed lightly at his statement for a moment, scrunching my face in an attempt to hide it, and I masked it with confusion. "How did you know to find me here?"
"Easy," He leaned against the back of the bench, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "It's the closest shrine within a few miles. Figured it was worth checking before going to your house."
"And why were you gonna go to my house, exactly?" I pressed, crossing my arms with a smirk.
"You ask a lot of questions." Sanzu sighed as he peered at me from under his lashes.
"Forget it. Here," I chuckled, backing down from giving him a hard time, a light blush resting upon my cheeks as I pulled out the omamori charm I had just purchased recently and handed it to him. "I just got this — it's for you."
"Happiness," He huffed as he read over the kanji, giving it a once-over, his rosey eyelashes kissing the tops of his cheeks as he blinked.
I blushed, looking away as to avoid his gaze. "Thanks. Why this one though?" He asked as he stuffed the charm into his pocket.
"Hmm," I stole a glance at him only to meet his teal eyes already fixated on me, making me nervous. "Because I like seeing you happy."
"Yeah? That's cheesy." Sanzu chuckled, leaning slightly forward on the bench, adjusting his position somewhat to face more towards me.
"Perhaps," I could feel my heart hammering hard in my chest, my cheeks heated with a blush that refused to go away.
"I feel bad," I continued, unsure of what to say as I'd attempted to move the conversation into more comfortable territory, "that you're here. It's important to me that you spend time with your friends."
"It's important to me to spend time with you." He responded without so much as missing a beat. "Stop troubling yourself by trying to think for me. You like seeing me happy, right?"
Touché.
I bit the inside of my cheek as my blush flared up again, and I quickly looked away, in hopes to move his attention elsewhere, but he was quicker. "Want to get some soba?"
I returned my gaze to him with a small smile. "Yeah, that sounds nice."
He was the first to stand, reaching out his hand to help me up, to which I took, albeit perhaps too eagerly. This was unlike him, I couldn't recall a time Sanzu went out of his way to hang out with me. Much less, to go so far as to refer to spending time with me being important to him. I figured I would try to shrug it off for the time being, deciding to appreciate the time I have with him for right now.
Sanzu and I placed our order, and as we waited, we noticed the small stall getting more crowded the later the evening got. We found a spot and sat together nearby the stall and ate, sharing the joys of people watching and warm soup on a cold night, and as Sanzu does, he quickly broke up the monotony.
"You look really nice." His voice was softer than usual, and I caught his cheeks blush lightly, causing me to do the same. Was he out of his mind tonight? "Ah," I stammered, waving my hand back and forth in front of my face. "Not at all, but it makes me happy to hear you think so." I looked away, only imagining how red my face must've been. If only I could've dunked my face into the broth of my soba noodles without repercussion.
"Would you like to watch the sunrise later?" He asked as he placed his chopsticks neatly atop his bowl and pulled his mask back up, indicating he had finished eating. "I know a good spot. It'll be just us."
Just us.
I flushed, and made all attempts to avoid eye contact as I returned to face him, and instead found myself staring down the remaining soba noodles in my bowl. "Yeah," I commented meekly, slowly raising my eyes to his turquoise ones, his beautiful, beautiful turquoise ones, "I'd like that."
"Then let's get you a change of clothes when we're finished here."
"Mmkay."
⟡
The shrine was crowded, overflowing with people ready to put this year behind them and begin anew. I wondered how everyone of Tōman was choosing to celebrate, but my thoughts didn't linger on them for too long before bringing me back to the one standing next to me as we waited in anticipation of the new year.
San!
The clock was ticking, the crowd counting down the time in unison.
Ni!
My attention was brought back to Haruchiyo, who'd idly decided to stare at me, causing my heart to pound relentlessly, a knot of anxiety tying together in my stomach.
Ichi!
"What is it?" I asked nervously, eyes on his.
Akemashite omedetou gozaimasu!
"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"
While a crowd of cheers erupted around us signifying midnight — my world was silencing the merriment, solely honed in on him and his words; his carefully crafted words, as small flurries of snow blessed the presence of the new year.
As quickly as he'd said it, he resorted back to his easygoing demeanor, grabbing my hand as he began to maneuver through the crowd. "Come on, let's go ahead and get out of here before we get stuck in traffic."
I followed behind him, tightening my grip on his hand to make sure I didn't lose him in the crowd. His hand was gentle, softer than I'd imagined. His fingers were slender, lithe; as carefully crafted as his words, wrapped around mine as if they fit perfectly. None of this felt real, but the grip of his hand on mine reminded me that it was.
He sat me up on his bike, handing me a helmet. I'd rode with him countless times, so in swift routine, I set the helmet on and buckled it as he sat in front of me. "Hang on to me," He murmured just as he turned on his bike, the loud rumble echoing around us. I eagerly wrapped my arms around him, thanking the heavens for the rare moments I can hold him so close to me.
Before I knew it, we were off. I clutched tightly onto him, pressed into him as my head lay on his back. I watched the city lights fly by us as he sped down the rather empty roadways, a peace encompassing me unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I wished I could hold him like this forever, watching all of greater Tokyo fly by us as if we were untouchable by even time itself.
Alas, we'd returned to my home in quick fashion for the time being to return my mom's yukata and get myself into something easier and warmer to watch the sunrise in.
"Your mom out of town for the holiday?" Sanzu asked as he helped me off his bike, taking the helmet and setting it down on the seat.
"Mmhm," I responded softly. "She makes the trip to see my grandparents every year." I fumbled with my keys at the door before I was able to let us inside, quickly getting the both of us out of the cold, the snow still softly easing its way downward from the skies as I shut the door. "Sorry, I'll just be a minute." I added, turning to the hall. "Make yourself at home."
"You don't go with?"
I paused my further movement, turning back to him. A simple question, really, just not one I was expecting. "Hmm," I pondered. "No. Mom doesn't ask me to. She deserves some time to herself and her parents too, I think. So it doesn't bother me."
Sanzu hummed in response, a gentle confirmation of his curiosity as I watched him gingerly slip his mask off.
I gently smiled at him, taking in the sight of a moonlit Haruchiyo, next to the window as snow dusted the ground and window sill alike. He was gorgeous standing there — rosey tresses draping past his shoulders, his gentle, downturned eyes adorned in equally rosey, elegant lashes, the diamond-shaped scars that embellished his pale skin at the corners of his lips, much like a painting.
He seemingly glowed in the midst of the dark room, but after my quick glance, I quickly turned down the hall to my room to hurry things along.
I couldn't understand how someone so beautiful, so ethereal, was here with.. me.
Once I'd changed into something cozier, seemingly on cue was Sanzu knocking at my bedroom door. "You can come in, I'm decent. Sorry," I spoke softly as he opened the door.
He shrugged off my apology. "You're good. Just haven't seen your room since we were kids." He shuffled around the room, hand in his pockets as he perused, the balcony doors catching his attention, if only for a moment.
I sat on my bed as he looked around, pulling my sweater cuffs over my hands so that only my fingers were visible. "There's not a lot to see," I chuckled. "I still have my old super famicom in my closet though. Mom and I still play Mario from time to time."
Sanzu chuckled, his curiosity seemingly sated for the time being as he looked back over to me. "You owe me a match in mario kart still."
"Oh god, you remember that?" I laughed. "Please, you'd win every time anyway."
"Ha," Sanzu scoffed, a half-laugh causing his smirk to widen somewhat. "You were so bad at it."
He sat next to me, causing my nerves to spike up as I'd remembered his earlier phrase. "Sanzu," I spoke with bated breath, hesitation attempting to dissuade me. "When it hit midnight at the shrine, what did you say?" I asked, wondering if he'd confirm what I'd heard. "I thought I heard you say something, but I missed it."
"Hm?" His soft, downturned eyes worked in his favor here - I wasn't able to read his expression when he looked away for a moment before returning his gaze to mine. "Did I say something then?"
I froze. Did I mishear him? Did I hear someone else in the crowd? No, it was completely unmistakable, it was his voice. I'd had known it from a mile away.
"Ah, sorry, forget it. I think I may have heard someone else thinking it was you." I quickly looked away, wondering why he'd pretended like he didn't say anything. Was it a confession? Laughable, but probably not. I was starting to think maybe I was just hearing things.
"What did you hear?"
"Nothing," Came out of my mouth faster than I could think as I flushed, his voice bringing me back from my racing thoughts, and stole another quick glance at him before looking away once more. "Sorry, I mean, don't worry yourself about it."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him lean towards me, studying me. "You're so weird sometimes." He snickered as I looked back at him, eyebrows lightly furrowed. Seeing his scarred lips curl into a small smile was always a heavenly sight — he was so beautiful. Scars and all, everything about him was charming both inside and out. I was a fool to think I could even be so much as irritated with him.
I huffed, leaning back slightly. "Yeah, guess so."
"We still have a few hours until sunrise," Sanzu spoke softly, "You should get a few hours of rest."
I leaned forward once more, parallel to him. "What about you?"
"I'll wake you up."
"No, I mean, you should get some rest too. What are you going to do while I'm sleeping?"
"I'll make us some bentos."
I scrunched my face at him, but deep down, I appreciated his thoughtfulness. "Make sure you get me up. I don't wanna miss it." I pulled out my phone anyway, going to the clock option on my phone to set an alarm.
He nodded, standing up. "You don't mind if I go through your fridge n' stuff, right?"
I shook my head. "Of course not. I said you could make yourself at home."
"Mmkay. Get some rest. I'll get you up in a bit."
I move to lay on my bed, my body more exhausted from the day than I thought. As I lay my head on my pillow, Sanzu flipped the light switch to my room, everything going dark around me. I watched him move to leave, but before completely leaving my line of sight, saw him glance back at me, eyes glittering from the reflection of the windowed doors, before heading down the hall.
The butterflies circling my stomach, the thoughts of him, his stunning teal eyes, and his midnight spoken words made it hard for me to fall asleep, my thoughts encompassing nothing but the mysterious Haruchiyo.
⟡
I searched for the incessant beeping — groggily attempting to recollect the events that led to this awful sound. I found my phone, tapping the button on the side to snooze the alarm. I felt a foreign weight around me, mind numb of my surroundings. As my thoughts were gathering and remembering the evening, I opened my eyes to allow myself some time to wake up, when I froze.
Sanzu lay next to me, arms encompassing me, eyes shut, soft rosey eyelashes resting daintily on his cheeks, his jawline more gentle than usual. I watched as he rested peacefully, envious of how pretty he was no matter what he was doing. I reached my hand upwards slowly as to not wake nor startle him, allowing the temptation of softly running my fingers over his diamond-shaped scars to take over.
It'd been at least two years. I've always remained cautious around Mikey since that day. I wasn't there to see the incident, only the after effects. They'd healed up well, but I was more curious how well he healed up, if he did at all.
Sanzu mumbled softly, adjusting his position, causing me to jump and quickly retreat my hand back to me, the speed making me smack myself square in the face. "Ow!" I angrily whispered to myself, holding where I'd smacked.
Rosey eyelashes lifted like wind carries sakura petals in spring, revealing his aqua blues that hid underneath. "Hmmm?" He hummed, sleepily staring at me.
"Sorry," I whispered, blush hot on my face.
He just mildly shook his head mumbling something about the time.
I peeked at my phone and told him what he wanted to know. He merely nodded, and tightened his hold on me. My heart was pounding so fast I thought it was going to explode — there was no way this was the same Haruchiyo that told me that tomboyish girls were troublesome, or the same one that so boldly told me to forget him as an Akashi. The 'wild horse' Mikey had brought into Tōman... there was just no way the one holding me right now was the same one.
But I indulged in the warmth that was his arms anyway, because it was where I ultimately wanted to be.
I thought back to what he told me at midnight, his perfectly - and awfully - timed statement.
"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"
I smirked softly. I could die happy.
Sanzu adjusted again, bringing me out of my head. He moved to get up, retracting his arms from me, patting my shoulder as he sat up on the edge of my bed. "Let's get up," He mumbled softly. "Don't wanna miss the first one of the year."
I nodded, following his lead as I always did.
I grabbed our bentos, a bag holding a blanket and some extra goodies just in case, and my house keys, following him out of the door and locking up while he prepared his bike. The snow had stopped falling, but it left a light, gentle dusting on the ground in its wake. A heavy fog hung in the air, as if quietly carrying the city lights across Tokyo. The city gave a soft, quiet glow that only the snow and fog could allow.
The familiar rumble of his bike's engine brought me over to him as we repeated the same actions as earlier on in the evening. I held onto him when prompted to do so after stashing the bentos and the bag in the compartment behind me, and we quickly took off.
⟡
It was a very long drive, I was surprised that Sanzu had gone to such a length to watch the sunrise, especially with how cold it was.
"I'm sorry if this is troublesome," I frowned as I handed him back his helmet, hopping off the bike. The man of rose tresses sighed, taking the helmet with the drop of his shoulders. "You don't have anything to apologize for," He placed his helmet on his bike, buckling it into its place. "Got everything?"
I nodded, my small tote and our bentos in tow. "Where are we?"
"Satomi Park in Chiba prefecture," Sanzu took the tote and motioned me to follow. "There's a perfect spot for the Hatsuhinode here. With the right weather, you'll even see Mt. Fuji behind the Tokyo cityscape."
"You.. really thought this out," I gazed at him in wonder as we continued down the park's path.
Sanzu's reply was mumbled, so I figured I'd just ask him what he said when we got to the spot. The walk was accompanied by the soft crunching of the snow under our feet and sniffles from small noses, reminding us of the cold.
Once we'd made it, we set our things down and I gazed across the cityscape. There were bushes and trees on either side of us. The fog mostly blurred it out, but I could vaguely see the Tokyo sky tree, and the buildings surrounding the monument. Fuji-san hid behind the fog, so there wasn't a guarantee we'd see him, but it felt magical all the same. "This is beautiful, Sanzu," I exhaled softly, the cold making it visible for a short few moments. I looked back at him, smiling. "Thank you for sharing this with me."
He stuffed his hands in his pockets, chuckling softly. "You can thank me by just calling me Haru, Asahi," He moved towards me, overlooking the view across the river to Tokyo.
"Sorry," I chuckled softly in response. I'd known him forever, so I could get away with calling him more casually by his first name anyway. I'd just decided long ago that out of respect for when he was around his Tōman peers, I'd refer to him how he'd liked: Sanzu.
I was sure it was an appreciated gesture, but whenever it was just us, he'd always make a comment about it. Sanzu Haruchiyo was confusing sometimes.
The dim light of the skyline reflected in the river below, revealing the sky beginning to lighten up with the coming of morning, and the first day of the new year.
"Here," He spoke gently as he pulled something out of his pocket. "I.. got you one too."
Sanzu held out his gift infront of me by a string, revealing the exact same omamori charm I had gifted him mere hours prior, the gold and white embroidery twinkling as it swayed softly. I flushed, reaching my hands out to take it. "Sanzu— I mean, Haru, I.." I tripped and stumbled over my words as if I'd never spoken before. How embarrassing. "Thank you very much," I smiled. "I'll treasure this."
Sanzu had pulled his out, dangling it next to mine. "We match now."
I gazed at him in wonderment, my heart so full and at peace just being with him like this. I thought of what he said to me at midnight, and how I'd almost let him get away with his little fib.
"I can die happy," I pulled my omamori charm ever so gently close to me, against my chest, with a small smile and a flushed face as I returned my gaze to Sanzu.
It was his turn for what I'd hoped was a similar experience to mine, but to my disappointment he didn't look phased. He'd smirked, took a few steps towards me as he stuffed his own charm back into his pocket, only to bring his newly freed hand to my cheek, brushing some stray hairs away from my face and behind my ear. "I know," was all he said as he slowly leaned down, my heart pounding faster and faster the closer his face got to my own. Before I'd known it, his soft lips were pressed onto mine, the sweet aroma of his cologne sweeping me in as a fire ignited inside of me. His kiss was so tender, but so destitute, as if he'd longed for this moment as much as I had. I pressed into him in return, his hands reaching in my hair, slender fingers lightly grasping a hold as if to keep him on the ground.
When he pulled away, he merely placed his forehead on mine, relaxing his grasp on my hair, one hand moving to my cheek to gently caress it as we shared breathy gasps of air.
I was convinced he could hear my heart pounding, a blush hot on my cheeks as I gazed into his eyes. If I never knew what to say before, I surely didn't now.
"You're shaking," He whispers, his thumb moving across my cheek in a comforting motion.
I gently chewed the inside of my lip before sighing softly with a smile. "Y-yeah. Sorry."
"You okay?"
"Mmhm. I'm happy," I breathed.
"Good," He moved slowly, keeping my head low so he could place a soft kiss on my forehead, then returned to my gaze before letting my hair lose as he pulled away from me, moving towards the tote we brought. "Let's get set up before we miss the sunrise."
I nodded, a dumb smile on my face before following him once more to prepare for the morning.
Sanzu handed me the thick picnic blanket we stuffed in the tote, and I went ahead and fluffed it out so it gingerly lay atop the snow. He brought over our bentos, and some smaller blankets to wrap around ourselves if needed. We both sat down on the blanket next to each other, watching where the sun was to rise.
I looked over to him, enough light peaking over the atmosphere to color a gorgeous profile of him - eyes, lashes, and cheeks glittering in the dawn.
When I returned my gaze to the skyline, was when I spotted the very early curvature of the sun, signifying the first daybreak of the new year.
It was a glorious sight to behold until it got too bright to safely gaze at. The rays glimmered and glistened in the sky, shining down on us below in a radiant splendor.
I lay my head on Sanzu's shoulder, cuddling under my blanket. Without hesitation, he rest his head on mine, moving his left hand to my right, grasping it softly, and so I did in return.
Without words, I knew the feeling we shared was mutual. I'd been his for a long time. I knew that, deep down, I'd never so much as looked at anyone else.
And from what it seems like, it looks like he may have been mine for a little while, too.
