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I can’t get his stupid voice out of my head. “ You’ll never be a real guy looking like that, Blaire .”
“Blaire”
Not even MCR at full volume could block out the stupid name from my head. “It was just guyliner, dumbass..” Even though I know it shouldn’t get to me, I cant get rid of the pit in my stomach. I’ve tried tons of ways to get rid of it. Music, drawing, both, nothing will get rid of it.
Except for that.
I promised Alfred I would no longer do it when he found my blades while cleaning my room. “It was a dumb hiding spot anyway, who the hell hides it under their pillow?!”, I internally screamed at myself. It wasn’t that hard stopping considering it was summer anyway. But there’s just something about school that makes me want to rip my hair out. The stares from everyone, not knowing who’s actually my friend, the endless work. I couldn’t go a month without having to unscrew a pencil sharpener and taking out the blade. Of course I was ashamed, but I got over that once I felt the sting of pain on my upper leg.
As soon as I was done with my homework, I locked myself in the bathroom and undid my jeans. I felt giddy at the thought of the blood dripping down my leg. I must admit I have obtained a slight addiction to all of this. Pressing the blade into the upper corner of my thigh, I swiped as quickly as possible.
“Oh shit.”
This one was wider than usual and didn’t bleed for a couple seconds. Of course, once it did bleed it didn’t stop. ”Good thing I shower after cutting I guess. This one is so dramatic, it wasn’t even deep!”
After showering I stared at the now clean wound. I couldn’t help but chuckle at how much it looked like a prosthetic from a horror movie. “Might as well bandage it in case it leaks in my sleep.” I drifted off to sleep and hoped that I wouldn’t wake up with stained pants.