Work Text:
"I hate you! You're not even my real Daddy!" Dean's daughter screams at him.
Dean has never, ever raised his voice, but he finds himself doing so now when he yells, " Oh, yeah? Well I…" but as Dean feels a lump settle in his throat, he whispers. "I love you, Bee. Even if I'm never going to be your biological Dad. I love you. So much."
And he couldn't stay anymore. Dean doesn't even know how he got to his bedroom, but he's sitting on the edge of the bed with his face buried in his hands as his shoulders shake. He hears a tentative knock on the door, but he's in no state for his daughter to see right now.
"Bee, I'm sorry, but I just need to be alone for a second. I'll be right out, baby," Dean calls out, his voice a complete wreck even as he tried his best to sound okay for his daughter.
But she's not really, is she? She's Cas's and Dean is just the man that married her Daddy. Dean has no right, she's never going to be his. And for some reason, that hurts because he loves her like his own. He's been looking out for her for three years, loving her for three years, giving his all to her for three years, sacrificing so much because she's one of the most important people in his life along with Sammy and Cas.
But she hates him because he must have failed along the way. He failed Sammy because he couldn't make everything okay, he's still unable to fully pay for Sam's debts from college even though Sam says it's okay. He couldn't protect Sammy from their dad, couldn't do anything right.
And now he's failed the girl that he thinks of like his daughter because he will never be like Cas. And he gets that now.
Dean curls up in the bed and hugs the pillow close to him. He hears voices outside the door, but he just can't care right now. He's too useless right now.
"Dean?" Cas asks, having unlocked the door and closing it behind him. Dean realizes that he failed again.
"I'm so sorry. I left her alone, shit, I'm so sorry," Dean says, unable to look at Cas.
He hears Cas sigh and Dean's heart plummets, knowing that he's never going to be trusted with his little Bee again.
But then Cas walks to the bed. The bed dips and Dean feels warm arms encircling his waist and Cas's chest against his back, holding Dean's shivering form close. Dean feels soft lips against his neck and Dean feels unworthy of this affection. He's a failure, unworthy of Cas until he makes something of himself.
"Dean, she was just scared. I couldn't understand her and you weren't answering your phone so I came home because I was worried. What's going on, Dean?" Cad asks gently and Dean's throat clenches again, his stomach dropping in guilt.
"I'm sorry, I failed her and you. Hell, Cas, I don't even have a job. Why are you still with me? I can't even do right by her, much less you and-"
"Dean, stop," Cas commands. Dean's mouth snaps shut. Cas hates him, too, and now he's going to lose the love of his life and he's going to be homeless to complete his circle of failure.
Cas sighs and Dean clenches his eyes shut, tensing.
"Dean," Cad murmurs. "You are not a failure. You are working towards a degree because you wanted to be a good example for our daughter. You take care of her every day and she loves you. And I can see that you love her and that makes me fall more in love with you."
"She doesn't," Dean blurts. "She hates me. She...you're lying. I'm just like my Dad."
"No," Cas snaps and Dean shuts up. "No, you are kind and gentle."
"I raised my voice," Dean mutters.
"One time, Dean. I have yelled at Bee more times than that in less time than you have been around. The first time you met her, you brought her a large candy bar that had her on the biggest sugar high of her life, but you also read her books and played tea party with her without looking awkward about it. When she first went to your house without me knowing, she told you about that bully at her school that I had no clue about. She trusted you and she knew that you would know what to do after telling her stories about Sammy and how you protected him.
"And when she came out to you by saying she likes girls before she told me, you reassured her and said that you liked me. She didn't know that I liked boys, too, but the fact that you liked boys gave her courage to tell me and out you at the same time. She's the reason we got over ourselves and got together and she was so happy that we were both happy. She loves you Dean, she loves you like a Dad and whatever she just said, she doesn't mean.
"Baby, she was a mess, just repeating how sorry she was, so I got Bobby to look after her downstairs so I could take care of you because you are so important to me as well. You are not your dad. You told me about your mom, about her being kind and sweet and singing to you at night, and you do that with Beatrice. Bee loves you and you are so good for her, just like your mom was for you."
Dean turns and buries his face into Cas's chest, finally letting himself sob as relief hits him. Maybe he's not a failure. Maybe he can do right by Bee.
"Shh, baby, you're okay. I love you," Cas whispers, knowing just what to say, what Dean needs to hear, but Dean also knows that Cas believes every word he's saying because Cas never lies because he knows about Dean's trust issues. "And Bee loves you because you're a good Dad."
As if on cue, a soft knock comes to the door.
"Is it okay if I let her in or do you need the night alone?" Cas asks, rubbing Dean's back in comfort.
"I'm okay. I need to tell her that I'm sorry for yelling," Dean says, wiping his face of the evidence that he was crying and nodding to Cas when he's done.
"Hey, Bee," Cas says, picking her up, but Bee is too focused on Dean, straining to get out of Cas's arms with her own arms stretched towards Dean.
"Dad," she whimpers and Dean moves over to take her out of Cas's hands, clutching her close to him. She called him Dad. She actually…
"I'm so sorry, Bee. It was so wrong for me to raise my voice at you. I promise to try to do better," Dean says as Bee clutches him tight.
"It's okay. I wasn't very nice and I made you mad. I didn't mean it," she whimpers and Dean pulls her back a bit, making her look him in the eye before continuing.
"I love you very much, Bee. Even if I'm mad, I shouldn't raise my voice," Dean frets.
"I forgive you, Dad. And I love you, too," Bee vows with a very serious face that reminds him so much of Cas. "And I didn't mean it, really. I don't hate you. And even if you aren't my biological Daddy, you're still my dad. Grandpa Bobby told me that family doesn't end in blood and he said that that means that even though you didn't make me, you're still my family because you raise me so good. He says it's like how he isn't your Daddy, but he still raised you and Uncle Sammy, so he's your Dad as well. And he says that it was wrong to be so upset about not going to Lily's house because you and Daddy had something planned tonight that was a surprise and I'm very sorry. I didn't know."
"That's okay, Bee. How about next time I give a better reason than 'Because I said so' so that you understand why. We both like Lily and we trust you to be over at your girlfriend's house, but even I don't know what your Daddy has planned tonight, Bee, and you know I don't like surprises," Dean explains, trying to reach a good solution. Cas's grin makes him believe that he must have done something right.
"Okay," Bee says, turning to Cas and putting her stern face on. "Now tell us the surprise because we don't like them and Dad has been upset about it all day."
Cas chuckles and sits on the bed with them. "Alright, alright. Bee, do you remember that talk we've been having about how Dean, your Dad, still isn't officially your Dad?"
"Yes," Bee says immediately. "And I said that's stupid because I say he's my dad and he's married to you, so laws are stupid."
Cas grins even wider and Dean's heart races faster because he doesn't actually mean…
"Yes, well, Dean still has to make the final decision, but if he signs these papers," Cas says, handing the papers over to Bee that he produces from his large trench coat, "then he is officially your Dad according to the law."
Bee grins and ships around to face Dean.
"You have to sign them, Dad. Please? I want you to be my real Dad because I love you and Daddy loves you," she explains and something must be in his eye because water is leaking from them, making the room blurry.
"Of course I will, Bee. I'd love to be your second official Dad."
Dean takes the pen that Cas holds out and shakily signs the dotted lines with a smile that he hasn't worn since his and Cas's wedding day.
Bee cheers and holds Dean close while Cas gently kisses Dean.
"I love you," Cas whispers and Dean feels like he must have succeeded somewhere to be where he is today.
"I love you, too, Cas," Dean whispers back, entranced once again with his husband's big blue eyes.
"Now that you idjits have worked it out, I believe I was promised a good home cooked meal for my efforts which I would appreciate soon," Bobby gruffs from the doorway, but his smile gives him away.
"Thank you," Dean mouths and Bobby nods with that fierce protective look in his eye that had saved Dean from his father multiple times.
Family doesn't end in blood. No five words have ever rung more true.