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"I was thinking of having a Statue of Shadow Weaver made for the Courtyard."
It took a couple of moments for Catra to comprehend the words, but when they finally sunk in, she stared at Adora. "What? Why would you want that?"
Catra winced internally; the words came out harsher than she meant. But she wouldn't back down. What was Adora thinking? Why would she want to honor Shadow Weaver of all people? Did she just forget how Shadow Weaver treated them?
"Catra. She sacrificed herself for all of us! Why wouldn't we honor her? Yeah, she wasn't always the best, but she redeemed herself."
"That doesn't change that she was a monster, Adora!" Catra's mind reeled. Why didn't Adora understand? Adora grew up with Shadow Weaver too! And yeah, she was the favorite, so it might have been a little better, but how could she just ignore everything?
"We'd be dead if it wasn't for her! Not just us, everyone would be dead."
Catra took a breath. She didn't want to explode. She was different now; she was better. She needed to use her words. But she couldn't put her feelings into words. "Adora, I don't think I can handle seeing her everyday, even if it's just a statue. Not after what she did."
"Oh my god, Catra! This isn't just about you! She saved all of us, so we should honor her. You just don't want to because you didn't like her!"
"You wouldn't get it! You were always Shadow Weaver's favorite! And you got out! You had it better than me, and you still left! And now you're saying we should just ignore that and praise her?" Catra shouted. She knew she was supposed to control her anger, but she couldn't.
"You're just being petty. I didn't leave because of Shadow Weaver; I left because the Horde was evil! Something you clearly didn't care about. Shouldn't you be happy we're honoring her for her good deeds instead of just the bad ones! Considering everything you did!"
Catra stared at Adora. She knew she had messed up. She knew that. But comparing her to Shadow Weaver was unfair.
"Because you reminded me of myself."
Shadow Weaver had said that. And now Adora was saying it too.
"I'm leaving." Catra turned away.
"Catra, stop it. You can't just run away from your problems."
"No, Adora! You stop. I can't do this. I can't deal with you being the perfect innocent hero, and me the evil villain. I'm trying. But I can't do this again." Catra walked away. If Adora said anything after, she didn't hear it.
________
Catra lay on a tree branch in the palace garden, her tail swaying in the open air beneath her. She regretted lashing out, but she couldn't grasp why Adora didn't understand. She'd seen how Shadow Weaver treated Catra. And she still refused even to consider Catra's point of view. She still chose Shadow Weaver over her.
She knew that wasn't fair to Adora, but it was hard to ignore the hurt her words caused.
"Catra!" She tensed. The voice was still in the distance, so Catra couldn't tell who it was yet. She wrapped her tail close to the branch. If it was Adora, she didn't want to be seen. Eventually, she would go and talk to her. But not yet.
The voice drew nearer, still calling her name. Catra relaxed; it wasn't Adora.
Glimmer was now almost under the tree Catra was hiding in. Once Glimmer passed the branch she was hiding on, she spoke up.
"Hey, Sparkles."
Glimmer yelped and turned around, startled. When she didn't see anyone, she looked up. "Oh! Catra! Just who I was looking for."
"Did Adora send you?" She folded her arms across her chest.
"No, well, sort of. But not really." Glimmer started. Catra raised an eyebrow. "She told me what happened. But I came on my own. She doesn't even know I'm here."
"So why are you here? Come to try to convince me to change my mind?" Catra hopped onto a different branch, looking down at Glimmer. She really didn't want to deal with self-righteous princesses telling her how she was wrong and that they were right and perfect, even if Glimmer was technically a queen now, not a princess.
"No, I came to say I agree with you."
Catra fell out of the tree.
She got to her feet, acting like nothing had happened. "You do?"
"Yeah, I didn't know what to think at first. I mean, she did save us. But she wasn't a good person. She manipulated me when I was still grieving my mother. And from what I've heard, she was worse in the Horde. I don't want to paint a picture of her as this savior. Because she wasn't."
Catra felt some of the tension leave her shoulders. She didn't realize how much it weighed on her until Glimmer agreed. "She wasn't all bad." The words came as a shock to Catra as much as Glimmer. But they held some truth. "Don't get me wrong, she was an awful person. I hate her. But also," She paused. She didn't know how to put into words how she felt. Shadow Weaver was the source of so much of her pain and fears, and self-loathing.
But she was still the closest thing Catra had to a mother. Shadow Weaver essentially raised her. She did an awful job of it. But a small part of Catra didn't completely resent her. Part of her still wanted to make her proud, even if that would never happen. Especially now.
"But?" Glimmer prompted. Catra startled. She'd forgotten Glimmer was still standing next to her.
"I don't know!" Catra blew out a frustrated breath. "Is it possible to hate someone but also still care about them?"
"I think so. I think it's why it hurts so much." Glimmer was looking at her. She needed her to stop.
Catra turned around, so her back was facing Glimmer. "I hate Shadow Weaver. I hate her so much."
"I know."
"So why did her death hurt so much! Why does she get to hurt me even when she's not here anymore! Why did she get to treat me so awfully growing up, manipulate me into the twisted mess that I am, then die and have it rid her of any guilt?" Catra was shouting now, but she didn't care. She was tired of feeling this way. Her next words came out barely above a whisper.
"Why does she get to be seen as good when I don't?"
"Catra," Glimmer reached out to touch her, but Catra stepped further away.
"Nevermind, it's fine. Tell Adora, to build her stupid statue. I don't care."
"Catra, you are good. You've changed."
Catra sighed. She didn't know how to put her feelings into words. "Did I?"
"Of course you did. You switched sides. You helped us stop Horde Prime and fix everything."
"Yeah, but I caused most of the problems in the first place. People died because of me. Me switching sides didn't change that." Catra turned around to face Glimmer. "I see the way everyone looks at me. They still see me as a monster." She sucked in a breath. "And they're right.
Glimmer stepped forward and pulled Catra into a hug. Catra felt tears sting her eyes and blinked them away angrily. A stupid hug shouldn't make her cry. "No, they're not. You made some bad decisions, but that's not all that defines you. You were raised in that environment, but you still changed and are getting better. You're working on fixing the damage you caused, insted of just sacrificing yourself and expecting that to fix it. You are not Shadow Weaver."
Catra opened her mouth to respond, but all that came out was a sob. Glimmer held her tighter as she cried. She didn't think she'd ever cried like this, and she didn't know why it was hitting her now. Glimmer gently rubbed her back, whispering comfort to her.
Eventually, Catra's tears trailed off. She pulled back, wiping her eyes. "Sorry about that."
"Don't be sorry. You're part of the Best Friend Squad now. That means we'll be there for you no matter what. You're stuck with us." Glimmer playfully elbowed Catra. "C'mon, let's go talk to Adora."