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"Christian Grey," Hardison begins once everyone has settled in, pressing a button and bringing up a candid shot of a grey eyed man in a business suit on the big screen. "CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. in Seattle."
"Not exactly catchy," Sophie muses.
"He's very pale," Parker says, staring at the picture intensely.
"Adopted son of the Grey family. Spent a semester at Harvard before dropping out and starting his own business."
"With that name and no experience?" Sophie asks. "It's a wonder his business was successful."
"Like, super pale," Parker says, looking a little worried about something. "Is no one else weirded out by him?"
"He lives in Seattle, Parker," Elliot says, brows furrowed.
"Successful is an understatement," Hardison increases his volume to try to keep the others focused. "The man is worth billions, and that's just what he's made on his own. His parents aren't doing too bad either."
"We were hired," Nate interrupts, sauntering in fashionably late, "by a friend of his new fiance, Anastasia Steele."
"Her real name," Hardison points out. "Surprisingly."
"Until recently, the man has almost never been seen in public, and when he was it was always alone. Now, he's never seen without Ms. Steele."
"Which would be fine. None of anyone's business," Sophie said. "Until our client found this."
She passes printouts of an email to each of them. They all begin skimming it. Parker makes a face and puts it to the side.
"This is, uh," Elliot starts, "It's not..."
"It's a damn sex contract, man," Hardison says. "Who does that? Seriously."
"It's weird, alright. But it's not illegal. They're adults. Consenting adults. On paper and everything. What, were we hired to invade a rich dude with a weird sex life's privacy? That doesn't sound like what we do."
"Weird?" Hardison says. "Did you read it?"
"I skimmed it-"
"Details, man. This is really messed up stuff. Did you see the part where-"
"Hardison! I don't need all the deta-"
"All I'm saying is the man has a real screwed up definition of BDSM."
"Not to mention consent," Sophie adds.
"Pale AND creepy," Parker says, slowly pushing her copy of the contract a bit further away, leaving it in front of Elliot. Elliot then pushed it back. The paper goes back and forth like that for a bit.
"That's enough," Nate stops them. "You're right. It's not what we usually do. And normally, we wouldn't. But, after Miss Cavanagh found the emails, she confronted them. She didn't like how quick they were to try to brush her off, so she did some research of her own before she came to us. Hardison?"
The screen brings up some financial information. "Ok, while our client wasn't able to find anything definite, there were a lot of rumors about Mr. Grey having a series of affairs with young women that he apparently went to great lengths to keep hidden."
"Why?" Parker asks. "Hef wasn't married, right?"
Hardison holds up the contract. "If I had to guess, they all probably got one of these. On top of that, there were a lot of sudden, large purchases in his financial history that match up with ones he made in his current relationship. Cars, apartments, clothes, jewelry. He's not exactly humble."
"Still not sure how this is our thing," Elliot says.
Nate takes over. "Our client found a few people who mentioned that he was seen with young, pale women with long brown hair. Different women on different occasions." He nods to Hardison who brings up an image of Anastasia Steele. A young, pale woman with long brown hair. "To be clear, she showed people pictures of Ms. Steele and she looked so similar to these other women her sources thought they might be the same woman."
"So he has a very particular taste in women," Sophie says.
"Yeah, like a serial killer might," Elliot says.
Everyone jumps, even Elliot who subtly tries to make it seem like he didn't, as Parker loudly claps her hands together with a gasp. "No! He's not a serial killer! Worse! He's a vampire!"
"What?"
"It all fits! I mean seriously, he's way too pale."
"Parker-"
"Oh, oh! If we stake him, can I do it?"
"Parker, you can't stake the mark."
"Sure I can. I've been watching that Buffy show with Hardison. Doesn't look that hard."
"Dammit Hardison!"
"What? It's a good show," Hardison protests. "Is it a crime to share a show I love with the lady in my life?"
"It should be."
"Parker, you can't stake the mark," Nate reiterates.
"But why not?"
"What does staking mean?"
"Well you stab him in the heart with-"
"You stab him."
Parker considers this. "Ugh. And I'm not supposed to stab the mark. I hate loopholes."
"That's not a loophole," Elliot says, teeth clenched.
"Sure it is."
"No, Parker, that's the opposite of a loophole. Do you even know what a loophole is?"
"Hardison, please," Nate says, rubbing his eyes. "Move this along."
"Right," Hardison says, changing the images on screen again. This time to a shot of Grey with his security team. "About a week ago, there was some kind of disturbance at Anastasia's apartment. It was covered up by Grey, but his head of security, the man on the far left there," he points at a man with a handkerchief in his pocket and a very finely buzzed head, "told our client that a former lover of his had some kind of breakdown and broke in."
"Ex-military," Elliot notes.
"Did the buzz cut tip you off?"
"Handkerchief."
"What?"
"It's a very distinctive hanky."
Hardison's head tilts just enough to look silly. "Ngh-ngh, no, I am not going to believe you can tell that based on an expensive tissue, no."
"The point is," Nate booms, like a father on the verge of turning the car around, "our mark has a history of keeping women, almost identical women, in secret, under a nondisclosure agreement in sexual relationships that require a contract, at least one of whom has since turned to stalking him and the woman he's currently with. Now it may be nothing. Just a bunch of weird sex stuff that's none of our business. But our client is very scared for her friend, and he'd hardly be the first rich man to take things too far because he knows he'd never get caught. So just in case something untoward is going on, we'll look into it."
Elliot shrugs. "Fine."
"What's the plan, Nate?" Hardison asks.
"Eh, well, it'll be a bit complicated," Nate stammers. "I think I should explain it on the way. But for now...let's go steal a helicopter."
Nate dramatically leaves the room, while everyone else mostly looks confused.
"I always wanted my own helicopter!" Parker declares, beaming.